Parenting Questions

[LostSoul]

Seeing as I am expecting and well, this will be my first child...I am curious to know some of the thoughts and oppinions of other mothers out there on some matters.

I have heard and come to read that breast feeding is healthier for the baby, is this true? In other words, which is healthier for the baby to breast feed or bottle feed?

Are arched bottles or straight bottles better?

What are some common problems a mother may experience with her child during the first year of life?

I am sure there are hundreds more I could ask.....but for the time these are the most pressing.

 

[heather]

Breast feeding is best. It contains proteins that are easiest to digest and it totally boasts their immune systems! So, free food, and less sick doctor visits (talk about savings!) Also, breast feeding allows a baby to form a bond with you that isn't as easily formed otherwise.

If you do decide to bottle feed (or you're going back to work and need to pump) Dr. Brown's bottles are great. They have a tube in the bottle that replaces milk with air, causing less bubbles so you have less belling aches (burping them doesn't do it all). They are straight, but because they have that tube, it doesn't really matter.

As for the problems, I would invest in the book What To Expect The First Year (or something like that). Don't forget that each child is an individual and will have different problems.

 

[Timf]

which is healthier for the baby to breast feed or bottle feed?

A child that was never breast fed is six times more likely to become obese.

You may also want to read up on the difference between schedule and demand feeding. We found schedule (with reasonable flexibility) to work best.

As the child becomes mobile, you start to consider what discipline options you will employ. We found a wooden paint stirrer was a good method for providing a corrective tap on the back of the hand. When you try it on your own hand you find that the low mass makes it impossible to cause any damage.

After about six or eight months you can begin to use sign language to communicate with your child. This does not have to be "official" sign language, and you can even make up signs for please, food, milk, etc. This gives the child some ability to communicate specific desires instead of a general crying.

When children become toddlers, you start to offer alternatives in discipline. We would offer a choice of five minutes sitting on a chair or three swats on the hand. They would almost always go for the swats in the hand because it was over quicker.

As the child grows you want to avoid the trap some parents fall into of "telling the child what to do". It is easy to use this method exclusively when the child is small and then find out a rebellious teenager does not respond well to it. The solution is to continually (as much as the child is able) deal with them in a way that makes them shoulder the responsibility for their actions. They need to be able to give an account for what they are doing.

Did you hit your sister? - Yes.
Should you have hit your sister? - No.
Why did you hit your sister? - She hit me first.
What should you have done instead of hitting your sister? - Said help please Moma.

In a way the training of a child is the establishment of a template and repeatedly holding the child accountable to conform to the template.

Is your work finished? - No.
Why isn't your work finished? - I don't know.
Did you get distracted? - Yes.
What could you do to get back on track? - Stop playing with the...

Why is there so much noise? - We were being foolish.
What do you think you could do to make less noise? - Be less foolish.
How do you think you could be less foolish? - By going to separate rooms or reading.

You might want to keep an eye out for older women whom you observe to have their children well behaved and ask her what she has done.

God offers wisdom to all who ask, you should ask. You may also want to find an older woman who clearly shows the light and love of Jesus in her life and ask her to help you know Jesus as well as she does. The most important gift you can give your child is not good behavior, self-discipline, or even a good education. The best gift is a knowledge of and close relationship with Jesus.

 

[LostSoul]

Thank you both for your answers. I appreciate all the thought that has been put into them. I will admit I am really looking to the way my mother raised me and things and trying to decide what I would have done differently. Though...I will admit I am inclined to talk to her about how she was brought up seeing as I admired my grandmother very much as a person, and a Christian.

Any more tips and suggestions would be much appreciated.

May God Bless You

Danielle

 

[Amielou]

re: the feeding question, yes, breast milk is deffinately better for bubbies, there are antibodies in the milk that will help your baby's immune system to develop and prepare the palate esophagus and gut to digest milk and food as they grow... however, if like me, you are unable to breast feed for health reasons, or just prefer the bottle (it can be easier if you are very uncomfortable about having your breasts out a lot in public) be encouraged that the formula available now is much better than the formula years ago, they keep improving it all the time and there are lactose free versions for children who are lactose intolerant...

just as a side note (some people let the following factor into their feeding choice and others don't, whether you do or not is up to you ) these points are from my experience both as a nanny and as a mummy, and from many of the mums and dads i have worked with and talked to...

* breast fed babies will usually demand to be fed far more frequently than a bottle fed baby,

* each time you pick up your baby they can smell the breast milk and will often (but not always) want to feed for comfort... you can find you are breastfeeding a lot of the time. some breast feeding mums find an unsettled baby will only comfort for them with a feed but the father or other carer will be able to settle them with just a cuddle, but a cuddle from mum is associated with feeding.

* Bottle fed babies are more likely to be full for longer and sleep for longer periods of time and also sleep through the night sooner than a breast fed baby.

* It can be convenient to have a bottle to hand to hubby or another person to feed you baby if you are unwell or unable to, (plus it's just a nice way for dads to be involved as well, my hubby loves his dinner feeds with bubby)

* many dads feel they are left out of the whole feeding process when breast fed babies spend sooo much time with their mummies

*bottle fed babies can sometimes (but far from always, ours isn't) become constipated although changing the formula to find one they take better can help.

* breast feeding can be for some women very painful and difficult, just because it is as nature intended doesn't mean it comes naturally to everyone :D if you choose to breast feed read as much as you can before hand a speak to someone you trust who has breastfed and get their advice and help.

A tip as well...

you know your baby is getting enough to eat when they are putting on weight (a baby who doesn't put on weight can become very ill) and peeing lots (5 or more really wet nappies a day). if they stop growing or start to pee less frequently there is reason to believe they need more.
on a personal note:

I was planning to breast feed but had a massive haemorrage after the birth of my daughter (i wouldn't be here today if not for 4 emergency blood transfusions a very scary time for both my husband and myself) the massive blood loss meant my body was deprived of fluids for a long time and did not produce breast milk. . . therefore i was unable to breast feed.

i am now fully formula feeding my baby with bottles and am not experiencing and trouble. she is a happy, settled and contented baby who at 8 weeks already sleeps 11 hours at night!! (7 hours at 3 weeks, 9 at 5, then 10 and now 11!!) wow she is growing well and has always gained weight and length at every check up. she is perfectly healthy. i was feeding her every 4 hours initially but now it's every 3 hours during the day as she sleeps so long at night she needs more during the day. at first i was disappointed about not being able to breast feed but am overall very happy with things how they are now and am even considering bottle feeding subsequent children regardless of whether my breasts will work or not.

i can highly reccomend "what to expect when you're expecting" and "what to expect in the 1st year" there are many many many pregnancy and baby books out there but these 2 are particularly good. Also one i read and found very extremely helpful (hubby did too) for the birth was a book called "midwife wisdom, mother love" by Sarah James

best of luck with your little one and my prayers are with you for a healthy baby and a safe and tolerable labour and delivery :D

 

[LostSoul]

re: the feeding question, yes, breast milk is deffinately better for bubbies, there are antibodies in the milk that will help your baby's immune system to develop and prepare the palate esophagus and gut to digest milk and food as they grow... however, if like me, you are unable to breast feed for health reasons, or just prefer the bottle (it can be easier if you are very uncomfortable about having your breasts out a lot in public) be encouraged that the formula available now is much better than the formula years ago, they keep improving it all the time and there are lactose free versions for children who are lactose intolerant...

just as a side note (some people let the following factor into their feeding choice and others don't, whether you do or not is up to you ) these points are from my experience both as a nanny and as a mummy, and from many of the mums and dads i have worked with and talked to...

* breast fed babies will usually demand to be fed far more frequently than a bottle fed baby,

Thank you for your insight. I am still fairly nervous about being a mother. I am afraid of screwing things up and do not want to take this blessing for granted.

* each time you pick up your baby they can smell the breast milk and will often (but not always) want to feed for comfort... you can find you are breastfeeding a lot of the time. some breast feeding mums find an unsettled baby will only comfort for them with a feed but the father or other carer will be able to settle them with just a cuddle, but a cuddle from mum is associated with feeding.

* Bottle fed babies are more likely to be full for longer and sleep for longer periods of time and also sleep through the night sooner than a breast fed baby.

* It can be convenient to have a bottle to hand to hubby or another person to feed you baby if you are unwell or unable to, (plus it's just a nice way for dads to be involved as well, my hubby loves his dinner feeds with bubby)

* many dads feel they are left out of the whole feeding process when breast fed babies spend sooo much time with their mummies

*bottle fed babies can sometimes (but far from always, ours isn't) become constipated although changing the formula to find one they take better can help.

* breast feeding can be for some women very painful and difficult, just because it is as nature intended doesn't mean it comes naturally to everyone :D if you choose to breast feed read as much as you can before hand a speak to someone you trust who has breastfed and get their advice and help.

A tip as well...

you know your baby is getting enough to eat when they are putting on weight (a baby who doesn't put on weight can become very ill) and peeing lots (5 or more really wet nappies a day). if they stop growing or start to pee less frequently there is reason to believe they need more.
on a personal note:

I was planning to breast feed but had a massive haemorrage after the birth of my daughter (i wouldn't be here today if not for 4 emergency blood transfusions a very scary time for both my husband and myself) the massive blood loss meant my body was deprived of fluids for a long time and did not produce breast milk. . . therefore i was unable to breast feed.

i am now fully formula feeding my baby with bottles and am not experiencing and trouble. she is a happy, settled and contented baby who at 8 weeks already sleeps 11 hours at night!! (7 hours at 3 weeks, 9 at 5, then 10 and now 11!!) wow she is growing well and has always gained weight and length at every check up. she is perfectly healthy. i was feeding her every 4 hours initially but now it's every 3 hours during the day as she sleeps so long at night she needs more during the day. at first i was disappointed about not being able to breast feed but am overall very happy with things how they are now and am even considering bottle feeding subsequent children regardless of whether my breasts will work or not.

i can highly reccomend "what to expect when you're expecting" and "what to expect in the 1st year" there are many many many pregnancy and baby books out there but these 2 are particularly good. Also one i read and found very extremely helpful (hubby did too) for the birth was a book called "midwife wisdom, mother love" by Sarah James

best of luck with your little one and my prayers are with you for a healthy baby and a safe and tolerable labour and delivery :D

 

[Amielou]

Thank you for your insight. I am still fairly nervous about being a mother. I am afraid of screwing things up and do not want to take this blessing for granted.

I think you'll be fine, you do the best you can with what you know. . . and what you have; it seems, is a strong desire to do right by your baby. This, combined with the love and support of bubby's daddy, your friends and family, you will do a wonderful job. Surround yourself with people you admire and trust and lean on them when you need to, ultimately your instincts are usually right and just trust in yourself and take everything you hear with a grain of salt (you will get tons of advice, some wanted, and some unwanted, often even conflicting) love your child unconditionally and seek God's guidance. I pray you will have an amazingly wonderful motherhood experience and i am always here if you need someone

 

[LostSoul]

I think you'll be fine, you do the best you can with what you know. . . and what you have; it seems, is a strong desire to do right by your baby. This, combined with the love and support of bubby's daddy, your friends and family, you will do a wonderful job. Surround yourself with people you admire and trust and lean on them when you need to, ultimately your instincts are usually right and just trust in yourself and take everything you hear with a grain of salt (you will get tons of advice, some wanted, and some unwanted, often even conflicting) love your child unconditionally and seek God's guidance. I pray you will have an amazingly wonderful motherhood experience and i am always here if you need someone

Thank you so much. I will keep that in mind.

 

[Ivy]

The best parenting advice I can give anyone is not to follow any that you don't feel 100% right about in your own heart, even if what you feel is right goes against the "books." You won't know what's right until you meet that little spirit, and then you'll be surprised how much you'll need to shut out other voices when it comes to training up that little one in the way he or she should go; it is very individual!

 

[lovely]

Thanks for bumping this Ivy, I missed it.

Breastfeeding is healthier for mother and child. The colostrom (gold sticky first milk) is very important, so even if you do not nurse for long at least try to give the baby the colostrom. It is easily digestable, very nutritious, coats the inside of your babies digestive tract to prevent harmful diseases, and even protects the baby from things that you may have been exposed to. It also washes out the meconium like a laxative. (tar looking stools will be the result) The meconium may lead to a higher risk of jaundice if not cleaned from the intestines.

Breastfeeding reduces the risk of digestive problems, allergies, ear infections, and it is also the prefect combination of everything to aid with brain development...espeically if done for a least two years. My children all weaned naturally at different times, so don't rely on the books to tell you when this will happen. My oldest weaned at 12 months, but was doing everything a lot earlier. My second child weaned about about 22 months, because my milk dried up when I became pregnant again. And my youngest at about 24 months, but then her dad died and she went back to it for about a month for comfort. The ability to comfort your child is the greatest advantage. When there are health problems, fevers, ear aches, teething, etc., nursing is what soothes them. The bond that it builds is absolutely amazing, and when all was said and done I missed it more than they did I think. My husband never felt left out, and he use to say that there was no sight more beautiful in this world than his wife nursing his child. It helps soothe the mother as well, because it causes you to relax. It also helps the uterus to contract back to normal size...though this can feel like major contractions after a few children...at least it did with me.

I would say that if you decide to breastfeed, let the hospital know in advance so that they do not give your child a water bottle. Nipple confusion is hard to overcome, and it has defeated mothers how had strong intentions to nurse. I would also suggest a dula's help to comfort you during your birth (It helps having someone experienced there), and to work as an advocate with the hospital on your behalf. Also, you may want to make arrangements to nurse right away after the birth, before they even cut the cord, if there are no problems with the baby...it is good for mother and child's bonding, and good for the mother's delivery of the placenta. I would say that I loved all the births of my children, even the hospital, but it can be a challenge to get them to listen at times. Last, I would say that Lanolin is a must for the treatment of your breasts, especially with the first child. It is pure, and edible, so it won't hurt the baby. It is a must if you nurse.

I tell you I could go on for hours about all the things related to being pregnant, nursing, and taking care of babies...I love this stuff. PM me if you have any other things you'd like to discuss.

If you can not do all the things you want to, don't beat yourself up. Just move on, because not everything is for everyone or every circumstance. I haven't met the perfect parents yet, so when you fail at child rearing be encouraged that God will use your failures too. I think Tim's post was excellent, and I would encourage you to pray for wisdom as he said. The Lord bless you.

 

[Ivy]

Thanks for bumping this Ivy, I missed it.

So that's what "bumping" means!

Also, I wanted to add, expect to feel guilty a lot. "Mom guilt" means you really care!

 

[LaMexicana]

Seeing as I am expecting and well, this will be my first child...I am curious to know some of the thoughts and oppinions of other mothers out there on some matters.

I have heard and come to read that breast feeding is healthier for the baby, is this true? In other words, which is healthier for the baby to breast feed or bottle feed?

Are arched bottles or straight bottles better?

What are some common problems a mother may experience with her child during the first year of life?

I am sure there are hundreds more I could ask.....but for the time these are the most pressing.

Breast feeding is always the best choice BUT if, for whatever reason, you can't or don't want to, don't feel bad. I'm a single mom and was only able to breast feed my daughter until she was 5 months because once I returned to work full-time, my milk dried up. So the first month I did breast milk only. By the second month, I started a combo of formula and breast milk due to exhaustion. And after 5 months it was formula only. And don't stress if it's hard to breast feed at first. My daughter latched on to one side and not the other and that hurts when you're full of milk. My mom had to take her away from me a couple times because I was getting so frustrated and angry. So just relax and keep trying, eventually the baby will latch on and you'll figure everything out.

So don't feel bad and don't let anyone make you feel bad if you can't or choose not too. Women have a tendency to judge on that and it bothers me. Anyway, my daughter is super strong, super healthy and super smart. I could probably count the times she's been sick, it is very rare.

I also would have never survived without a pacifire. Then when she hit one, I took it away and that was it. As for the bottle, I think I just used the small, straight bottle for the most part. I did use the bottles that use baggies but it got pretty pricey after a while. Honestly, the only thing you have to worry about with bottles is making sure that they're sucking milk and not air because that makes them cranky. I think got her off the bottle by the time she was two years old. I didn't have a hard time taking away either, you just do it and they forget about it in a few days.

I think God blessed me with a calm child knowing that I'd be doing it all alone so I don't remember any huge issues I had. I just made sure she was in bed by 7, at the latest 8. Keeping them on a schedule definitely reduces stress. I would say not to worry the first couple months about the whole schedule thing, do what feels right to you. Then by the third you can really start focusing on a schedule that way you can get more sleep at night. I want to say by the 3rd or 4th month my daughter was only waking up once a night. Much nicer than the 5 times in the first month! I totally thought I was going to lose it. And don't give up on the schedule thing if it doesn't work right away, it'll take a few days to a week for the baby to finally stick with it.

And with that note, make sure you take a break! Even if it's just an hour to just sit there and breathe!

And that's my experience. Good luck! You'll do great

 

[LostSoul]

Thank you ladies. Please feel free to continue to share. I am reading and really feeling enlightened by all you each have to share.