Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,722
My parents and I have...more warmth in our relationship. My dad, in particular, is being extra kind to me. I am somehow forever getting flat tires. I mean, its happened so often, I sometimes suspect someone's doing something to my tires ((in my more paranoid moments...)). I have one with a slow leak or something that I inflated, and my dad's taking me to WalMart over the weekend to get it checked out. If necessary, he'll buy a new one ((with that warranty/protection plan this time)).
I was a messed up, nasty human being for a long time. I realize now that I was suicidal in my late teens and into age 20, and that's a big part of the reason I messed up so badly. The shrinks and counselors only made things worse, which is apparently a rather common story.
So, now...I've been saved 3 years 8 months. I'm different now. Not nearly as angry, bright eyed, able to care about other people and show myself friendly, less self-centered, less...miserable, broken, varying degrees of psychotic+paranoid, etc. etc. etc. God is good!
Its crazy. I'm 32, and I don't think I'm fully grown up yet. I mean, it happens. I grew up socially isolated (sick community, not so much family's "fault"), and that can mess up anyone's maturation. My parents...who I put through so much...are willing to take care of me, protect me, shelter me, etc. They even got me that attorney when my ex-shrink tried to put me away (did I mention the miserable, broken, psychotic person I was before Christ?).
We're not 110%. I don't even know if I've been forgiven, or if they're just now able to move past everything and leave the past...in the past, as much as they can. My mother is kind to me, but sometimes they both seem a bit uneasy or something. Then again...thanks to Mental Health, Inc., I was a junkie (pills) and then a semi-zombie for over 10 years. I got saved, and then a couple years into my walk with The Lord...BAM! They call it "recovery." I think of it as restoration, maybe even transformation. Point is...
...when I was burned out, dead eyed, zombie-fied, stunted, ugly, etc., it was probably impossible to genuinely forgive and move forward. I mean...your kid is a psychiatric casualty, and he just keeps...going...what do you do?
But now, thanks to Christ...I have life and the more abundantly, in Christ. I even have good skin+hair, which sounds vain, but...premature aging is no fun. What I have now is much, much better. And I can see how even something seemingly trivial, like pretty hair, can mean so much to parents who have had to support a hopeless burn out for so long.
I've rambled. God is good, and my parents are wonderful people. I was a terrible person, and now I'm not. I'm not even the same person, which is a huge blessing for me and for my parents.
I was a messed up, nasty human being for a long time. I realize now that I was suicidal in my late teens and into age 20, and that's a big part of the reason I messed up so badly. The shrinks and counselors only made things worse, which is apparently a rather common story.
So, now...I've been saved 3 years 8 months. I'm different now. Not nearly as angry, bright eyed, able to care about other people and show myself friendly, less self-centered, less...miserable, broken, varying degrees of psychotic+paranoid, etc. etc. etc. God is good!
Its crazy. I'm 32, and I don't think I'm fully grown up yet. I mean, it happens. I grew up socially isolated (sick community, not so much family's "fault"), and that can mess up anyone's maturation. My parents...who I put through so much...are willing to take care of me, protect me, shelter me, etc. They even got me that attorney when my ex-shrink tried to put me away (did I mention the miserable, broken, psychotic person I was before Christ?).
We're not 110%. I don't even know if I've been forgiven, or if they're just now able to move past everything and leave the past...in the past, as much as they can. My mother is kind to me, but sometimes they both seem a bit uneasy or something. Then again...thanks to Mental Health, Inc., I was a junkie (pills) and then a semi-zombie for over 10 years. I got saved, and then a couple years into my walk with The Lord...BAM! They call it "recovery." I think of it as restoration, maybe even transformation. Point is...
...when I was burned out, dead eyed, zombie-fied, stunted, ugly, etc., it was probably impossible to genuinely forgive and move forward. I mean...your kid is a psychiatric casualty, and he just keeps...going...what do you do?
But now, thanks to Christ...I have life and the more abundantly, in Christ. I even have good skin+hair, which sounds vain, but...premature aging is no fun. What I have now is much, much better. And I can see how even something seemingly trivial, like pretty hair, can mean so much to parents who have had to support a hopeless burn out for so long.
I've rambled. God is good, and my parents are wonderful people. I was a terrible person, and now I'm not. I'm not even the same person, which is a huge blessing for me and for my parents.
