Parents who influence their children's marriage/choice of partner

[Classik]

It is your right to find your own partner. But our parents (who have been there) can be of great help. How about a situation where the parents kind of choose for their children - especially when the children are unconcerned or confused with whom to choose? I think it is not totally wrong if parents interfere - in attempt to help. But if something goes wrong....Guess what!!! :D

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

The only way I can see interfering in my kids' lives in that aspect is if they were to make someone who I thought was a totally wrong choice for them. But I'd only gently point out the issues I see. I wouldn't demand they stop seeing them. My kids are in the early and mid 20s ... in the end, it's really none of my business.

 

[Knotical]

The only way I can see interfering in my kids' lives in that aspect is if they were to make someone who I thought was a totally wrong choice for them. But I'd only gently point out the issues I see. I wouldn't demand they stop seeing them. My kids are in the early and mid 20s ... in the end, it's really none of my business.

I disagree. As a parent it is entirely your business. Though, I do agree with your approach. That kind of confrontation could go badly quickly. Though, this does illustrate the importance of laying the ground work very early on as to who they should be looking for in a spouse.

 

[P31Woman]

It is your right to find your own partner. But our parents (who have been there) can be of great help. How about a situation where the parents kind of choose for their children - especially when the children are unconcerned or confused with whom to choose? I think it is not totally wrong if parents interfere - in attempt to help. But if something goes wrong....Guess what!!! :D

I didn't raise children, I raised adults who are capable of making their own decisions.

 

[farouk]

I didn't raise children, I raised adults who are capable of making their own decisions.

P31Woman: This is the great thing, right? Young people born in 1995 are now officially becoming adults and the nurturing that will have taken place should equip them to make responsible decisions, we trust, in the fear of the Lord.

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

I disagree. As a parent it is entirely your business. Though, I do agree with your approach. That kind of confrontation could go badly quickly. Though, this does illustrate the importance of laying the ground work very early on as to who they should be looking for in a spouse.

My kids are adults. Telling them who to date or marry would be the ultimate interference. It isn't any of my business. I've laid a solid groundwork and I see two godly young people who are my progeny. I have absolute confidence they will make the right choices. If they don't, however, they are going to have to learn that for themselves. When they come to me and say, "Dad, I made a mistake," I'll help them figure out how to fix it. But I will not meddle.

 

[Knotical]

My kids are adults. Telling them who to date or marry would be the ultimate interference. It isn't any of my business. I've laid a solid groundwork and I see two godly young people who are my progeny. I have absolute confidence they will make the right choices. If they don't, however, they are going to have to learn that for themselves. When they come to me and say, "Dad, I made a mistake," I'll help them figure out how to fix it. But I will not meddle.

I never said anything about meddling, but whether you do or not does not remove the fact that it is still your business as it is your kids. But, I did say, as long as you have laid the groundwork (train them up in the way they should go) we should be confident in them making the right decision, yet if they show signs of doing the opposite we are duty-bound as parents to guide them back in the right direction. That is the challenge.

 

[farouk]

My kids are adults. Telling them who to date or marry would be the ultimate interference. It isn't any of my business. I've laid a solid groundwork and I see two godly young people who are my progeny. I have absolute confidence they will make the right choices. If they don't, however, they are going to have to learn that for themselves. When they come to me and say, "Dad, I made a mistake," I'll help them figure out how to fix it. But I will not meddle.

this: You know, here is where a distinction lies in some kinds of church environments; because there are some very, very conservative Fundamentalist churches where developing the individual's conscience and judgment isn't respected: it's all about obeying arbitrary rules and controlling even older adults, let alone younger people. But thankfully not all churches that would generally regard themselves as doctrinally Fundamentalist would be this way.

 

[Classik]

I didn't raise children, I raised adults who are capable of making their own decisions.

Not without a motherly add-this-to-it or subtract-that-from-it advice from you:D

 

[RachelKeeth]

My parents would never tell me who to marry but I am thankful they would offer much appreciated advice and support. I would not marry someone if they thought it was a bad idea, but that is because I trust their judgement and they would never be a parents who would say "I don't want you to marry them and don't question me", they would say something like "We have concerns with this person because of XY&Z" and I would most likely agree with them on the issues and heed their advice because it is better that than ending up in a bad marriage for life.

 

[Classik]

They shouldn't - but may. In a case where a woman has say, three guys.