[__ Praise __] perfect love casteth out fear

[Christ_empowered]

its in Scripture, so clearly...its true...and now...The Lord has willed that it play out in -my- life, as a Christian. I am thankful. I got my hair cut today, no awkward-ness, no weirdness...I even tipped well, which will probably mean the next hair cut will go even better (LOL).

its not easy, being 'Schizophrenic' in modern society. Its like...I guess other peoples's stoned or on acid is my normal, and the tranquilizer (which is a godsend, btw) only does so much....the rest...buck up, kiddo. LOL. I'm just teasing. Truth is, with a moderate 'atypcal' and the extensive support of my parents, etc....

I'm doing much better. One day, I may even get a j-o-b. God is good! I honestly think fear is part of what's kept me unemployed to date. Seriously. Fear of more office humiliation and bullying, fear losing disability, fear of stigma from my psych history and such, and just...f-e-a-r, big time, in all aspects of my life. -shudder-

but now I'm physically healthy (miracle! did I Mention AIDS?) and far, far less afraid, thanks to Christ Jesus. So I -can- do all things thru Christ who strengthens me, even become a high(er) functioning, bona fide -adult-. Hey...better late than never, am I right?

Thanks for your prayers and replies, support over the years.

 

[Tessa]

Yeah you sure are right! ☺
Always in my prayers CE

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks. its...crazy...when I realize that, really, The Lord has given me something I always wanted....to be a completely different person. oh, and who I am now--in Christ, thanks to Christ--oddly enough lines up with some of what I wanted, even when I was 12 years old or so. true story.

i always wanted to be a completely different person. i think i was always picked on, and i kinda knew i would end up having a rough life, somehow. actually...i suspected, pretty much everyone else knew. LOL.

i am now "extremely intelligent," which is a blessing, but...kind of unexpected, because I started out as "bright" or maybe "very bright," I dunno (120 IQ), then dipped to dull-normal (95 IQ), then stabilized at a shell of what I once was (115, plus obvious brain damage), and now...5 1/2 years into my Walk with The Lord...

I'm "extremely intelligent." I don't have an IQ estimate for you. Apparently, shrinks and psychologists can do a better job just estimating than those online tests can...the experts are usually within 10 points. True story. I dunno. High IQ doesn't get one a job, but it doesn't hurt, either. I think God must have some kind of plan for my life, otherwise...

He would have let me die from any number of ODs, during the lobotomy (2% fatality rate for lobotomies back in the day, up to 10% in some state hospitals....again; true story), during the blow to the head...oh, or I could have died of AIDS, cancer, etc. Or ended up in prison. Or with a felony. And so...

its kind of beginning to dawn on me that it isn't just the IQ that's different, is it? After the 1st (private, for profit) hospital got thru with me, people said I'd "never be the same." My mama was heartbroken. My dad...didn't seem to care so much, not really. He just wanted me to get a job and stop spending his $$$. And now...

well, "ye must die to be Born Again." This is off topic and all, but its beginning to seem to me...

I needed total and complete transformation, and The Lord has brought it to me, which...to me...qualifies as a miracle. My parents and I Have reconciled, which is another miracle. My dad's even kind to me, which...wow. Not that he was terrible or whatever, just...I never really measured up to whatever he was looking for, not really. So...

now I"m a decent height, I"m healthy, I'm intelligent....where to go? what to do? a j-o-b is an obvious solution, I suppose. a job in a library would be nice, too, assuming they'll have me. IF not....I'll look elsewhere, time and time again...until someone hires me, I guess (?).

I kinda wish I could just write and make enough to have some $$$, but I don't know how to make it happen. There's a couple Christian publishers....Christians need well-written, clever books, right? I dunno. rambling...

thanks for the support+prayers

 

[lisa-in-FL]

Hi CE - Glad to hear you are still looking forward! I think writing would be a good idea but you can work on that and work on finding a part-time job or volunteer situation as well. I understand the desire to write because you can spend most of your work time on your own - no office environment to deal with 5 days a week - and it could lead to some financial independence. You'll still be working closely with others though - like with your publishers. So maybe pursue both paths - writing and getting out there in the real world everyday. Maybe they lead to the same place?

And I realize as I'm writing this that I should take this advice as well. I'm always looking for God to open a door for me, but if I'm not walking down the hallway I might never find one.

 

[Christ_empowered]

hey, lisa. you seem high-functioning to me (I know..."high-functioning..." not really a compliment...I don't know a better phrase/term...).

maybe...we should both "put legs on our prayers," as verna says to me so often?

 

[lisa-in-FL]

Yes, that's a fair assessment. Its by the grace of God I get out of bed every morning. I pray for Him to carry me and you know what? He does, without fail.

Was just reading another post about the rapture (a very hot topic on this site) and someone said something about how we're supposed to be doing the Lord's work while we await his return. I think that's very true. We can pray and pray and pray, but like your friend Verna says, we have to get to work or get moving too. She sounds like a good friend to have!

 

[Christ_empowered]

hey, lisa. she is an awesome friend, solid Christian. i kinda hope the end is nigh. the world seems to be warming up, inequality is increasing, wars are never-ending...blah. but, the rapture theory is a relative newcomer to Christendom. I think the RCC and many mainline Protestants are all about the church suffering thru, along with the rest of humanity. -ugh- we shall see...

 

[lisa-in-FL]

hey, lisa. she is an awesome friend, solid Christian. i kinda hope the end is nigh. the world seems to be warming up, inequality is increasing, wars are never-ending...blah. but, the rapture theory is a relative newcomer to Christendom. I think the RCC and many mainline Protestants are all about the church suffering thru, along with the rest of humanity. -ugh- we shall see...

At the risk of turning this into yet another debate on the timing of the rapture, etc. I firmly believe that Christ is going to return for his church in what's called the rapture - although that word isn't actually used in Scripture.
The church is referred to as the bride of Christ and he is the bridegroom. Sticking to that theme I don't think it would be a healthy marriage if the groom leaves his bride to suffer 7 years of horror and tribulation before coming to her rescue.
Here is a good summary of why the rapture and 2nd coming are two distinct events - https://www.gotquestions.org/difference-Rapture-Second-Coming.html

So yeah, I hope the end is nigh too Anytime you want to take us home, Lord, I'm ready!

 

[Pegasus]

Blessings brother. I continue to pray for you! God bless. I look forward to each of your updates.

How is Verna doing?

 

[Christ_empowered]

hi. Verna's doing well, overall. her kidney problems are being treated...i mean, now there's a pill every single day, not just antibiotics when an infection pops up. so far, its holding her kidney function steady, and im thankful.

her daughter still doesn't speak to her but her son is close to her. i don't know what to make of it...just the way the world's going, I guess? anyway...

im thankful at so many levels that she and ronnie were blessed with each others' companionship for nearly 27 years. at this point, she's got the house, the pension, the excellent health coverage, and she might be able to take a bit out of the equity, just to have in an account for her own use. since she's in her mid 70s, i personally approve, wholeheartedly.

ok. verna update. its good to have a real, genuine, Christian friend I can talk to about every day, that's for sure. she's been a huge blessing.