[__ Prayer __] pleae take the past away, Lord

[Christ_empowered]

in a very real sense, He already has. I got genuinely saved (to me...Miracle!), and He's thrown all that junk into the sea of forgetfulness. I guess its like...where things are Real, I was washed+made clean, even transformed, once I got -truly- saved. These things take time to play out, here on earth...

so, its like this; God has gone above and beyond for me...and I'm -still- haunted by a past that's been electroshocked out (obviously...not all of it, lol...). I was: obviously brain damaged, never going to reconcile with my parents, physically -very- sick(ly), burned out, and...done. Done, done, done. Now, 5 1/2 years into my Walk with The Lord, I am...

surprisingly intelligent, reconciled to my parents, healthy, and...I sense a genuine new life, at all levels. So, clearly...God is good!


I'm living in the same county as my hometown. ugh. I'm labeled, at times taunted. I don't know what to make of it, honestly. it -was- bondage, oppression, control, labels, stigma...all the "dark side" of mental health, inc. (especially psychiatry), basically. shrinks do seem to help some people...they also act as a form of social control and punishment for those who don't "play by the rules." -shudder-

The Lord's made good of it, already. I get disability for 'severe mental illness.' ideal? no, but...look at the world we live in, lol. If I can just find a way to shed my past, get my mind right...I think a lot of my "severe mental illness" would improve, asap. True story.

OK. Thanks, as always.

 

[Luminous_Rose]

I will definitely pray for you!

Don't be hard on yourself for not forgetting things because even God doesn't forget - although He does forgive and extend his mercy and grace to us. It is normal that you still carry trauma from your past, and I am glad that things are improving and I pray they will continue to do so.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks. its like....my parents are frustrated, because i get stuck in the past and they had to pay for the 2 hospitalizations, both private and "well-regarded" and...involuntary (downside to having good insurance...the private places will lock you up, lol). anyway...

i was rebellious as a teenager. apparently, i wanted "to be COOL," and homely, dorky flamers who try to be cool...I guess end up electroshocked? LOL. I mean, its not -actually- funny, but because I'm now healthy, bright eyed, intelligent, and reconciled to my parents...

at least i can detach myself more and more from who i was, the sins I committed, the things that were done to me. its....well...crazy...

the 1st hospitalization, my dad was angry at me and frustrated, and i was considered a loser in high school, so they focused on making $$$ and making me more "manageable." my dad didn't -get- how bad that was for me until i applied for ssi, and the dude handling my case read some stuff from that facility off to my dad. i was 20, they made my eyes go dead, and...yeah. :-(

now, im not homely. im not a flamer. im healthy. did i mention im bright eyed? even my dad is often kind to me. i mean, im glad mama is in the picture. i think...

i was sickly and effeminate as a kid and teenager. then i got -very- sick, physically and mentally and just...all around...

then i wasn't actively sick or sickly, but easily fatigued and damaged by my own sins and things that had been done to me. broken shell of a human being, basically. and now...

'ye must die to be born again' so, the broken, confused wretch died 5 1/2 years ago...

and now, for all my flaws and such, i am whole and i am being made whole, as who i -really- am in Christ Jesus. kind of a big deal...

ugh. the taunting is rough, i think this is how mental health ppl treat 'trouble makers,' because ive pursued legal action against a 'professional,' etc. by god's grace, they dont have leverage over me, im free from -real- bondage and -real- oppression, etc., but...

being called a "P#$#$ around f#$$#$t" gets really old, really quickly. trying to talk to my (well-intentioned...) counselor and being told its some sort of 'obsessive traits' thing is...ridiculous, trust me.

seeing a former counselor....he's short, bald, 2x my age, he low-balled my IQ, over-billed the insurance, there's loads of lies in those records ("pathological liar," "oppositional defiant disorder," "slow learner..." personal fav, because i graduated hs at 16...) at the mental health place looking down at me...

the other mental health people will never police themselves. that's why i got the medical board involved. there is no real science to their stuff, just morals, values, control, etc. oh, and lies...lies, lies, lies. that, too.

anyway, its just...the only counselor ive ever had who recommended real books (ji Packer, rc sproul, etc.) and really had meaningful conversations with me, he says that psychotherapy is really just about connecting with a human being and moving on. 'meds' are just drugs to help handle intense emotions. and...

'they're far more narcissistic than you ever were.' that, too.

ugh. i pray daily, im reading Scripture, its just....its not -easy-, and by not -easy- i mean....it can be a good day, or at least a decent day, and then i hear laughter about 'oh, now he has SCHIZOPHRENIA" or 'why dont they commit that f@$#$T?," and...

its better than real poverty, jail, prison, hospital, group home...

but its not always smooth sailing.

Thanks for your prayers.

 

[lisa-in-FL]

If anyone is saying those things about you, the best response is to pray for them and pray for God to help you let the offense pass. (I like the suggestion here using the acronym COP - https://www.gotquestions.org/take-offence.html)

Also praying for you to be freed from the weight of the past!
As you're reading scripture, go to Philippians chapter 3. Paul was a "Hebrew of the Hebrews" and actively persecuted the Church, killing Christians . . until he became one.
Verse 13 - Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

 

[Christ_empowered]

wise words, as usual. thanks.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

If anyone is saying those things about you, the best response is to pray for them and pray for God to help you let the offense pass. (I like the suggestion here using the acronym COP - https://www.gotquestions.org/take-offence.html)

Also praying for you to be freed from the weight of the past!
As you're reading scripture, go to Philippians chapter 3. Paul was a "Hebrew of the Hebrews" and actively persecuted the Church, killing Christians . . until he became one.
Verse 13 - Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

That was some really good advice,.. and as somebody that was previously casted as a loser and somebody that everybody used to pick obviously back in school, I sure could have used it then. If only everybody would listen to this song and follow its wisdom. By the way Christ_empowered you will always have a friend in Jesus, as well as all of your friends on here me included. Lots of love and hugs headed your way!

 

[Christ_empowered]

its me, again. its like this...

in the 60s and 70s, political "Radicals" said: "the personal is political." So, I got to thinking about it, and...

I was labeled a "working class loser," then my parents hit the middle-middle class, so I "didn't know my place," etc. Now, even though I messed up (BIG TIME) in my younger years, my parents and I Have reconciled...

in part because of my 'severe mental illness.' God can make good of anything, it seems...

and they're now more upper middle class, which for around here="well-to-do." I'm not mentioning their social class to brag, I"m just...piecing things together, figuring out the world around me, and...

I"m labeled "Schizophrenic," which is fine, I get disability, I don't work, but I'm (barely...) tolerated, because now my "people have money," etc. Its an odd situation, from a social standpoint.

The Lord has spared me, saved me, and transformed me. I don't think I'm ready to work. I don't know if I ever will be, honestly. I'll soon be 34. I really did have cancer and all kinds of problems (admittedly, largely due to my own sins, at least...in part..."satan has a field day with weaklings..."), and now...

I'm healthy! I'm bright eyed! I'm smart! I'm not even effeminate or creepy sort of weird, just kind of off kilter. And yet...

"the world waits for no one." I dunno. I do pray for all my enemies, those who speak all matter of evil against me falsely, etc....

but lisa's suggestions are good, too, because I have to "put legs on my prayers," as they say, and take it a couple steps further.

I dunno. i made the mistake of hanging out with people from 'good families,' back when i was a teenager from a (Then...) 'rinky dink middle class' family. one young lady i used to hang out with...rumor on the street is i raped her (?), which is odd, because...

i was a weakling and a flamer back then. this happens, though. maybe its worse in the south? we're more vocal about people 'knowing their place in society' down here, y'all (LOL). to be fair, in most places id be in a state hospital, so...at least here, i ended up going thru the legal system and getting probation. Ugh...

im rambling again. i was who i was, and i am not that individual now, because of Christ. it just gets rough, when people go out of their way to vex and torment you, etc. better than it was, things seem to have simmered.

ok. thanks for the prayers, replies, support, etc.