Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,243
- 10,724
God is, in fact, good. I post here a lot about ongoing "issues" with people in my area. I mean, its definitely not fun, but...I need to count my blessings more often, so here goes...
1) I'm physically healthy. I used to look like I was just about dying of something terrible. Seriously--imagine a 20 year old so prematurely aged I looked like I was pushing 30. No longer. Physically healthy and apparently "well-preserved." I mean, I'm only 31, but apparently at 31 I'm supposed to look older or something. I dunno.
2) Surprisingly (miraculously?!) intelligent. Not a super genius, but I can achieve my goals and actually be in society, which is huge. I write surprisingly well, I do surprisingly well on quizzes for Liberty. This after: heavy drug use (Adderall and Klonopin, mixed together, plus other stuff), over-medication from shrinks, 2 rounds of electroshock, and an unfortunate blow to the head from a pipe (I think it was a botched mugging).
3) My family...loves me. This, despite everything. Miracle!
4) I'm actually in society. Most people like me aren't in society, at all. Prisons, jails, state mental hospitals, group homes, homeless shelters, you name it...anywhere but living comfortably with loving parents in a very nice house.
5) I get disability. I mean, its not ideal, but...on the few jobs I've had, I basically got pressured out. Not "cool" enough, too "weird," all that. Even low wage jobs have office politics, and I was always the loser. Plus, I now have medical coverage, so I can get my anti-crazy meds for cheap and my treatment is covered, which saves my dad $$$.
6) no addictions. I mean, I have to quit smoking and drinking so much coffee, but...I'm not popping crazy Rx pills like its 1973 or something. I don't even have cravings, which is crazy, cuz I loved me so Rx amphetamines.
7) Bright eyes. I know, sounds random. I went through a couple years dead eyed, a couple years glassy eyed, and now I"m genuinely bright eyed. I've heard people say that means you're intelligent, which is great, but...I've noticed that a lot of Christians have bright eyes, so I think its The Holy Spirit.
8) I care. I care about other people, myself, what Christ wants from me. I'm not Saintly or whatever, but I'm making progress.
9) New diagnosis. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be happy to be diagnosed Bipolar I...especially Bipolar I w/Psychotic Features (how this is different from Schizophrenia, I'm not sure...it seems to mean antipsychotic+mood regulators), but...there's hope for Bipolar I. My old diagnosis was Narcissism, and it was supposed to be severe narcissism. No hope there. Genuine crazy I can deal with...prayer, faith, my family, carefully selected pharmaceuticals...I even take tons of vitamins (Orthomolecular...may or may not help, but I've been doing it forever, so..may as well continue...).
10) I'm a different person (in a good way). New creation in Christ Jesus. New wineskins for new wine. It is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me. I cling to these verses. Oh, that and...Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. That's another favorite right now.
Anyway, I remember reading on this shrink's blog once--The Last Psychiatrist, I think--that in order to stop being Narcissistic, you'd have to become a different person. Narcissism is that deeply engrained in people. Mental Health, Inc. can't do that, but Jesus can...and He did, for me (of all people). Now...well, I'm apparently more severely mentally ill than before, but less disordered (maladjusted, personality disorders, stuff like that). Weird. The good news is that Bipolar I--even the psychotic flavor I have--generally responds well to meds and counseling.
And...that's me, counting my blessings. I praise God for His goodness and forgiveness (I've been reminding myself lately that forgiveness is the key to Christianity and something I need to extend to more people, too).
1) I'm physically healthy. I used to look like I was just about dying of something terrible. Seriously--imagine a 20 year old so prematurely aged I looked like I was pushing 30. No longer. Physically healthy and apparently "well-preserved." I mean, I'm only 31, but apparently at 31 I'm supposed to look older or something. I dunno.
2) Surprisingly (miraculously?!) intelligent. Not a super genius, but I can achieve my goals and actually be in society, which is huge. I write surprisingly well, I do surprisingly well on quizzes for Liberty. This after: heavy drug use (Adderall and Klonopin, mixed together, plus other stuff), over-medication from shrinks, 2 rounds of electroshock, and an unfortunate blow to the head from a pipe (I think it was a botched mugging).
3) My family...loves me. This, despite everything. Miracle!
4) I'm actually in society. Most people like me aren't in society, at all. Prisons, jails, state mental hospitals, group homes, homeless shelters, you name it...anywhere but living comfortably with loving parents in a very nice house.
5) I get disability. I mean, its not ideal, but...on the few jobs I've had, I basically got pressured out. Not "cool" enough, too "weird," all that. Even low wage jobs have office politics, and I was always the loser. Plus, I now have medical coverage, so I can get my anti-crazy meds for cheap and my treatment is covered, which saves my dad $$$.
6) no addictions. I mean, I have to quit smoking and drinking so much coffee, but...I'm not popping crazy Rx pills like its 1973 or something. I don't even have cravings, which is crazy, cuz I loved me so Rx amphetamines.
7) Bright eyes. I know, sounds random. I went through a couple years dead eyed, a couple years glassy eyed, and now I"m genuinely bright eyed. I've heard people say that means you're intelligent, which is great, but...I've noticed that a lot of Christians have bright eyes, so I think its The Holy Spirit.
8) I care. I care about other people, myself, what Christ wants from me. I'm not Saintly or whatever, but I'm making progress.
9) New diagnosis. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be happy to be diagnosed Bipolar I...especially Bipolar I w/Psychotic Features (how this is different from Schizophrenia, I'm not sure...it seems to mean antipsychotic+mood regulators), but...there's hope for Bipolar I. My old diagnosis was Narcissism, and it was supposed to be severe narcissism. No hope there. Genuine crazy I can deal with...prayer, faith, my family, carefully selected pharmaceuticals...I even take tons of vitamins (Orthomolecular...may or may not help, but I've been doing it forever, so..may as well continue...).
10) I'm a different person (in a good way). New creation in Christ Jesus. New wineskins for new wine. It is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me. I cling to these verses. Oh, that and...Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. That's another favorite right now.
Anyway, I remember reading on this shrink's blog once--The Last Psychiatrist, I think--that in order to stop being Narcissistic, you'd have to become a different person. Narcissism is that deeply engrained in people. Mental Health, Inc. can't do that, but Jesus can...and He did, for me (of all people). Now...well, I'm apparently more severely mentally ill than before, but less disordered (maladjusted, personality disorders, stuff like that). Weird. The good news is that Bipolar I--even the psychotic flavor I have--generally responds well to meds and counseling.
And...that's me, counting my blessings. I praise God for His goodness and forgiveness (I've been reminding myself lately that forgiveness is the key to Christianity and something I need to extend to more people, too).
