Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,722
OK. So, I messed up and got a serious (Class A) misdemeanor. I was initially charged with a felony. I didn't commit the felony, but...hey, DA's don't care, lol. My dad hired an attorney and I pled guilty to the misdmeanor (which I did commit, so that's fair).
I live in a hostile neighborhood. Long story...according to my current counselor, I had untreated very, very bad (as in...episodes of psychosis bad...) Bipolar I for a long time. Until recently, counselors and docs would pull out the Freud, put straight up lies in my records ("pathological liar," my personal favorite) and generally...made my life needlessly difficult when they were supposed to be...I dunno...treating mental illness. Oh, and I was electroshocked, involuntarily, 2x before the age of 24.
Point is...these "professionals" from back in the day mostly wanted to make money and "teach me a lesson" and "keep me in line," etc. etc. etc. Straight up the sort of stuff that fuels anti-psychiatry, I'm telling you. So, now my neighbors sometimes yell things from the old psych records at me..."malingering," "narcissist," stuff like that.
The neighbors' latest is yelling about probation violations, felonies, and a public defender. Ugh. Well...I went to see my new Probation Officer today. There's high turnover w/ POs because it doesn't pay well and its stressful. Anyway...no big shakes! He was nice enough, surprisingly polite and professional, I was in and out rather quickly. I mean...I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't even go too far above the speed limit...I go to school online, I take my meds and go to counseling, my (loving, long suffering) family keeps me with them and take good care of me, I'm on disability for right now...plus, its a misdemeanor, not a felony, so I think I'm not a super high priority/high risk case. The fee$ are paid on time, every month, so I'm not causing any trouble, that's for sure.
Point is...I was --so-- nervous. I mean, I hardly slept last night. I'm diagnosed w/ severe Bipolar I, the kind that involves psychosis, so paranoia can be an issue anyway. People are just...cruel, I'm telling you; just plain cruel.
I'm better, now. And I'm starting to appreciate all the good things The Lord has blessed me with, that's for sure. Today is another day I'm: free, safe, forgiven by God+my family, physically health, mentally in recovery, intelligent enough for my goals, comfortable, increasingly normal, doing well on probation, my mental issues are well controlled with standard meds, no drug addictions, no crazy doctors or crazy prescriptions...
And I'm blessed beyond measure. My current counselor (he's a Born Again Christian, Masters of Divinity...great guy...) has a more nuanced view of everything than the (punitive, sadistic) treatment people did back then. Severely mentally ill, I had narcissism in my teens and early 20s. That happens; some people have full on NPD and then mellow out over time. I think having a psychotic version of Bipolar I going at the same time probably complicated the situation, not to mention all the hardcore "treatment" and such.
Point is (yes, I have one)...God is good. God got me to belive upon Christ (my personal belief/opinion), and now all these things have been added unto me, less than 4 years into being genuinely saved and Born Again. Forgiveness is huge for Christians (me, in particular). So is reconciliation. Restoration. Yet another (undeserved) chance...
So, that's my praise report. I'm law abiding, normal, not deviant, remarkably lucid...and learning to brush people off better, by God's grace. I don't even have to see my PO for another 3 months (!!!!).
I live in a hostile neighborhood. Long story...according to my current counselor, I had untreated very, very bad (as in...episodes of psychosis bad...) Bipolar I for a long time. Until recently, counselors and docs would pull out the Freud, put straight up lies in my records ("pathological liar," my personal favorite) and generally...made my life needlessly difficult when they were supposed to be...I dunno...treating mental illness. Oh, and I was electroshocked, involuntarily, 2x before the age of 24.
Point is...these "professionals" from back in the day mostly wanted to make money and "teach me a lesson" and "keep me in line," etc. etc. etc. Straight up the sort of stuff that fuels anti-psychiatry, I'm telling you. So, now my neighbors sometimes yell things from the old psych records at me..."malingering," "narcissist," stuff like that.
The neighbors' latest is yelling about probation violations, felonies, and a public defender. Ugh. Well...I went to see my new Probation Officer today. There's high turnover w/ POs because it doesn't pay well and its stressful. Anyway...no big shakes! He was nice enough, surprisingly polite and professional, I was in and out rather quickly. I mean...I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't even go too far above the speed limit...I go to school online, I take my meds and go to counseling, my (loving, long suffering) family keeps me with them and take good care of me, I'm on disability for right now...plus, its a misdemeanor, not a felony, so I think I'm not a super high priority/high risk case. The fee$ are paid on time, every month, so I'm not causing any trouble, that's for sure.
Point is...I was --so-- nervous. I mean, I hardly slept last night. I'm diagnosed w/ severe Bipolar I, the kind that involves psychosis, so paranoia can be an issue anyway. People are just...cruel, I'm telling you; just plain cruel.
I'm better, now. And I'm starting to appreciate all the good things The Lord has blessed me with, that's for sure. Today is another day I'm: free, safe, forgiven by God+my family, physically health, mentally in recovery, intelligent enough for my goals, comfortable, increasingly normal, doing well on probation, my mental issues are well controlled with standard meds, no drug addictions, no crazy doctors or crazy prescriptions...
And I'm blessed beyond measure. My current counselor (he's a Born Again Christian, Masters of Divinity...great guy...) has a more nuanced view of everything than the (punitive, sadistic) treatment people did back then. Severely mentally ill, I had narcissism in my teens and early 20s. That happens; some people have full on NPD and then mellow out over time. I think having a psychotic version of Bipolar I going at the same time probably complicated the situation, not to mention all the hardcore "treatment" and such.
Point is (yes, I have one)...God is good. God got me to belive upon Christ (my personal belief/opinion), and now all these things have been added unto me, less than 4 years into being genuinely saved and Born Again. Forgiveness is huge for Christians (me, in particular). So is reconciliation. Restoration. Yet another (undeserved) chance...
So, that's my praise report. I'm law abiding, normal, not deviant, remarkably lucid...and learning to brush people off better, by God's grace. I don't even have to see my PO for another 3 months (!!!!).
