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PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers need

Hi. I could go into lots of detail abt my problematic marriage. It has been hanging on a thread 4 quite some time. Things had been bearable for abt a wk until this morning. I have a son from a previous relationship. He is 23 yrs old. He called to ask if I could drop him off @ work. We live n an area where there r few buses. Most buses lead back n2 the city, but my son had 2 go in a remote area nearby. I told him to call me back abt 1.5 hrs ltr & I could let him know. I told him that if I were still home, I would. His job is abt a 2.5 min ride in the car, however it is abt 10-12 blocks away. My husband became upset saying that he won't allow me 2 drop my son off. In no way was this an inconvience to us. We were just laying around @ home. In fact I was taking care of a child that may or may not be his grandchild 4 the past month. I didn't have 2 take my son way across town in the opp direction. I didn't cut short any outing that we were on. I didn't delay doing anything we were supposed to do.

I am all my son has. The man I'm married to has broken his spirit, telling him "Your own father didn't want you" when my son was trying to finish high school. He has accused my son & I of having sex w/1 another (sev. times). He has made him sleep n a car. A few yrs ago, I snuck him n2 our garage (where he wasn't disturbing ANY1) but he (I'll call him KC) had a FIT! He's tried 2 put him out n the middle of winter (when there was a deadly weather warning). Needless 2 say, there has been some bad blood btwn them. He even told him this morning, "You are NOT my son. You r your momma's child!" He told my son that we need to get ready to do something diff--that my son needs 2 get his own place & I need 2 get my own car (the car is in both our names). He bragged that he has the power 2 do these things & felt good abt. it. My son remained respectful, calling him "Daddy" every time he spoke 2 him & told him that God is not pleased. My son has had his own issues stemming from abandonment from his biological, the put downs from KC. & even ways I let him down. He has been far from the perfect son. He has however, maintained employment. He was trying 2 get a ride 2 work--not 2 a bar, 2 buy drugs or any other bad place. KC went so far as 2 say that he is moving out Oct 1st. He has threatened me SO MANY times over the years w/abandonment whenever I don't dance 2 his music.I couldn't even root 4 the team I wanted during the NBA championship--I wasn't showing him the "proper support" when asked who I wanted 2 win.

I'm a homeschooler. Bc I don't get paid 4 rearing/educating our children, cleaning the house, cooking, etc., he continuously throws n my face the threat of leaving. He tells me, "Let some1 else come take care of u." "Who's going 2 take care of u w/these kids?" I attempted 2 go back 2 school. I had already obtained my degree & was sev classes away from obtaining another 1. He would sabotage my efforts by taking the car & leaving the house when I had class or an exam. I missed over half my classes. I could finish out the year. I was in the process of enrolling this semester when he REFUSED 2 sign the papers 4 the fin. side 2 obtain our JOINT tax return. I could go on & on. I'm just so exhausted. He throws n my face how he took care of me & my child. I have no family (my grandmths died back2back in 96&97, my mother died in '94 and my only sibling, my brother, died in '81) & he tries 2 use that against me. The cousins I USED TO be n contact w/, I was accused of having somethg sexual w. When I was working, I was accused of the same w/any1 who befriended me--men AND women.

I have been taking care of a baby for the past month that may or may not be his grandchild. The father lives in the city but the child has been staying w/us. He threatened 2 not allow my son 2 sleep n our garage if I didn't take care of the child. He has been financially manipulative & I am SO tired of it. Pray 4 my children & me. I want 2 make a new start 4 my children & me. I know it will be VERY HARD w/no family, no job, no car, no childcare, but w/God, ALL things r possible! He told me that he refuses 2 allow me 2 have the car 2 look 4 a job. I told him that I'm the 1 w/the children & would have 2 find a school 2 enroll them n, drop them off, find a job & an after-school prog 4 our children. He told me 2 "get on the bus like other ppl do." Only God has kept me from losing my mind from being w/him.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

I will certainly pray for you and your family. That God will continue to be with you and clear the path to him for your family.

Personally I don't support the idea of loveless marriages. I don't think God does either. That's not to say God is not there, just that God can not bless where he is not welcome.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

Your husband sounds very abusive. If not physically then certainly emotionally. You should head to a head to an abused women s shelter as soon as you can. Gather as much cash as you can and head out. You can find help with getting a good attorny for a divorce. He will have to pay support for any child he has with you. Run from abuse and don't look back.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

Your husband is abusive and has done his best to keep you under his thumb by isolating you. However, you live in a world filled with people, people who can help you. Not the least of which is your son. It sounds as if he has a job and is a responsible sort of person. Perhaps the two of you can work something out in the future that will be a better living situation.

Meanwhile, your husband won't be off the hook for providing for any minor children you have, and, depending upon the laws in your state, for you as well, even if you get a divorce. Don't let him bully you into thinking that he can just walk away and not support you and the kids.

Keep in mind, I'm not necessarily saying to divorce him outright. God can work even in this marriage and even within your husband's heart. But, right now, your husband isn't providing for your needs and is being very abusive to you. A time of separation is a good idea right now. You can get with a pastor of a church for advice on what to do for your marriage, but for now, I think it's best you get out of the situation you are in.

I truly think that the best way for you to learn about your options would be at a women's shelter. They will be able to help you learn all of your options and what is available to you regarding financial help.

Meanwhile, I will certainly be in prayer for you.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

know my posts have been long, but I've been through soooooo much. I just had to find a forum where I could vent/find a compassionate ear/receive prayer. God is soooo good. No matter what this "man" has put me through, I know that God is still on my side. I know He doesn't want me to live this way. I tried holding on because I wanted to wait until my children were a bit older so things could be somewhat easier. My daughter, though she's on a 3rd grade level, just turned 5 at the end of last year. She was unable to start school until this year. She cried and cried when I told her I had to enroll her. My sons don't like it either. The schools in my area have no after-school programs, so that is another issue. What's going to happen when they get out of school? Their safety is my top priority. I wish I could've gotten an overnight job and be home during the day, but we can't always have everything we'd like. I have a degree in Criminal Justice but my experience has been in the field of Executive Assisting. I know something will work out--it has to. Before I met him, I had started a mentoring program for women. It was designed to create an atmosphere of help for one another. I wanted us to come together so we could help children from socio and economically disadvantaged communities. I still want to be used by God to help others. I know that in this situation, I can't be my best.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

ILoveGodAlways,

I worked for years for a church day-care/before-after school center. Over the years, we helped several women in your position, women who were needing to solely support their children and yet had no job, work experience, nothing.

There were several things that we would do to help out, things from the church providing food and clothing, to the day-care providing child-care, plus breakfast, lunch and snacks. For one woman, we actually hired her to be cook and cleaner for the school, allowing her to bring her children to work with her.

I bring this up because I know that we weren't at all unique. All the directors of the church operated day-cares in the area provided these kinds of services. It was just part of being a Christian day-care business, and I can't think of a one church operated day-care that didn't do it.

I know that one thing that happens a lot to women in your situation is that her husband convinces her that she has no options but to either suffer his abusiveness or starve her children in the streets. This is a lie. There are always alternatives.

I still urge you to contact a women's shelter in order to find what services are available to you and I also encourage you to call around to the churches in your area that have before/after school care programs and just talk over your situation with the pastor. If you live in an urban area, and it sounds as though you do, surely in all of the churches in your area, some will have openings in their before/after school care that they will allow your children to come.

I want to share with you one story from the day-care that I worked at. One woman and her boyfriend were druggies. Her sister brought the children, three kids, all under the age of 6 to us. She couldn't pay us. We had to keep an account (state law) but we never asked for payment. The sister paid us what she could, when she could, but it was never close to the full amount. We also had a lot of clothing for young children on hand, and we gave the kids plenty of clothing, as they used to show up wearing things like shorts and t-shirt in the middle of winter. Then, the sister came in and said they would be moving to Alaska, the next day they were gone. It broke our hearts, and the staff at the day-care, all of us, prayed and prayed for those children.

Losing her children really jolted the mother. She left the boyfriend, cleaned herself off of the drugs and went to work. She worked hard, got a lawyer and finally got her children back. She came to us and asked if she could put the kids back into our school, which we were thrilled to do so, because we LOVED those three kids like you wouldn't believe. She continued to work and guess what? Within three years of losing her children, she not only was paying the full amount of her day-care expenses out of her own wages, she also paid us back every single penny on that account. Now, we didn't want her to, and told her that she didn't need to, but her answer was that she needed to for her own sake, and if we didn't need the money, to put it in an account to use for any other children who needed day care whose parents couldn't or wouldn't pay. Which is exactly what it was used for, as there were always mothers needing day-care that couldn't afford it. The end of the story was that she married a wonderful guy who loved her children dearly, moved to a beautiful home out in the country and the kids went on to become honor students.

Sounds very Hollywood, but I was the one who kept the account, took the payments and went to the wedding. I, Dora, personally vouch for the truth of this story.

I share this story to show what happens on the other side of the "God will provide" prayer. God does indeed provide. And, He uses a variety of ways to do so. This was how He provided for the needs of that one mother and her three kids.

You are not trapped. You can go out and find out what is available to you via government services and via the churches. I exhort you to do so.

Again, I'm not advocating that you divorce your husband. Perhaps, in the future, your marriage might be able to work. But for now, you can separate, leave the abuse and get your children into a better situation.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

Praying for your situation tonight.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

I second handy's statement. You have to get out of there. God doesn't call women to submit to abuse of any kind. This article is a good resource for your situation:Abuse is not God's will

Hopefully you'll fine it helpful.
 
Re: PRAY 4 my children&me, PLEASE!!!! Still married but I NEED out! Opinions/prayers

praying for you. God sees every injustice and will lift you out it!
 
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