thank you, all of you. as a side note...
my current social situation -creeps- me out. I just ran to a local chain convenience store to get a much needed candy bar. so, some older dude...manager, maybe?...was talking about me, off to the side, mostly behind the counter up front. I mean, I've had worse...it was extra super blatant when I first moved home, nearly 10 years ago. true story: at some stores, clerks would straight up not let me buy stuff. i'd come up, card in hand, and they'd say 'oh, you're card didn't go thru' or sometimes 'sorry, your card was declined!,' and then...
check the online balance. usually, nothing. a couple times, they ran it, took money, and claimed it had been declined. one, especially bad incident...
i was paying in cash. bunch of ones, small purchase. the clerk literally took the bills, put them up to his nose, and said "this is drug money! I smell drugs!" and then refused to sell me my candy or drink or whatever. i mean...wow. wow. more recently, I tried to pay with a card at a self check out at a big chain drugstore place. tried. tried again. heard someone yelling out "he's living off our tax dollars!" and then tried a 3rd time. it went thru, like magic. ugh.
ok. so, i have moved...to another state. didn't help. i lived in an OK, not awesome but reasonably safe apt. complex. one day...i was out on my little patio area, and some neighbor dude was saying graphic stuff, and his lady friend was laughing and laughing. then, i heard some dude yelling out, as I was driving out, graphic sexual stuff. and then...
the landlord quit returning calls to renew the lease, 3 months or so ahead of the time to do it. nope, nothing doing. ended up moving back to my home area, and...
-sigh- seriously, when i was first here, it was rough. as in, one day, i was paying my cable bill at the actual cable place, and some middle aged woman looked at me with a smirk and said "yeah, somebody's gonna kill him," and then a former neighbor (he's moved, place is being rented out) at my parents' place yelled out "yup, somebody's gonna kill him."
whaaa? keep in mind, I was attacked...punched, bashed on the head with a pipe...during a 'random assault' in an urban part of the state, over 10 years ago. i was trying to go back to school. ugh.
i...don't know, i don't know. The Lord has brought me far enough, now, that I can take in stride as in -not- respond to it, -not- freak about about the content, but...
I've been here for nearly 10 years, now. the manager or whoever that was at the convenience store was talking about psych labels from 15, maybe even 20 years ago. then I have people randomly yelling about "warrants!," and...
ugh. i drove up to my parking spot, sun is shining, not many cars in the lot, and...sure enough, people saying "somebody needs to do something about him," and...
whaaa?
i dunno. I mean, I am supported by my (now, recently) well to do parents, only offspring. no drugs, no drink. i don't think many people I knew from any times I lived in this area before are even still local, and the ones who are...best I can tell, they're the people I didn't really hang out with, all that much.
its...not fun. the other day, a clerk in a convenience store made a face, and asked me to "try your card again." thankfully, it had already gone thru, but...-unease- that's what it is...
for all this talk of me being "Schizophrenic," I have a definite sense of unease, a sense of oppression, and a very real sense that things have happened and are happening around me that don't fall into the "normal" realm of things. I don't mean seeing visions or anything like that, I mean...
people keep saying "he got too old." they've been saying "he got too old" since I was 23. true story. that was before I was attacked.
now? I dunno. I have heard people --mostly male, now and then females -- say "I'll beat him" or "someone needs to beat him up," and then of course there are people yelling out about "call the police!" and "he needs to be committed!" and...and...
I don't get it. I really, really don't get this. and I had that arrest, 8 years ago...parents were able and willing to get a lawyer, bonded out, plea bargain. so, at the sentencing hearing, 7 years ago, lawyer man tells the judge "you're honor, he has severe bipolar..." and blah blah blah...
so, yeah. 3 years probation for a serious misdemeanor. now, people I don't know are forever saying "oh, yeah...he has Schizophrenia, judge took pity on him. he's on a lifetime court order..." when really...I'm -just a dude- who lives off my (loving, kind, long suffering) parents, goes into occasional appointments at a clinic, and I fill prescriptions. it really is that simple, my life is. I mean...I praise The Lord for His mercy and Love and Goodness, of course. that's -not the issue- at all.
what's an issue, here is...whaa? not to sound like I'm "paranoid," or anything, but...twice, now, creepy stuff has happened while I was on a family vacation....in other states.
the first one, some dude was yelling out at him, something about "...back in (my home state), punk!," and then in a different state, my parents had me go to the room facing the street (it was a condo). so, I'm chilling, and I hear people "it has (my home state) tags." "oh, well, they said there was something wrong with him," and...and...
blah. its...un-nerving, to put it mildly. and that's the point, isn't it? ugh. not to sound super paranoid, but...on 2 of my accounts, the security features kept prompting me to create a new password, time and time and time again. i mean, i never lost any funds, nothing triggered a full on fraud alert, so I rolled with it, but...
on the plus side, that's stopped. on the downside, I really, truly, do not know what is going on here, and I'm beginning to wonder, as in...really, truly wonder...
is 'gang stalking' a thing? as in...a real thing, that really happens, to real people? in real life? really? ugh.
ok. thanks.
