[__ Prayer __] Prayer for a tense meeting....

[handy]

My daughter had a falling out with a boy...normal teenage kid stuff...unfortunately both Viola and the boy in question didn't keep it to themselves, both gossiped to others...and the whole thing go out of control resulting in a girl who really doesn't know either of them all that well physically attacking Viola the day before yesterday.

The real root of the problem lies in that Viola talked to two girlfriends about the boy, and the boy talked to a few girls, sharing a private message I sent to his mother and telling everyone that Viola lied about things.

Again, mainly teen drama...but drama Steve and I wanted to get resolved before Viola returned to school so that both kids could do some damage control and hopefully my daughter won't be physically assaulted at school anymore...not to mention girls interupting her class times and all.

However, things got a little more serious tonight. Yesterday, I talked with the boy's mom about us getting together to get this all worked out sometime this weekend. The principle at issue here would be that if there is an issue, we are to go to the person in private and work it out in private. This boy's father is a pastor of a church, and honestly one would think between two Christian kids and four Christian parents, working it out wouldn't be all that hard.

Well, I thought it odd that the mom didn't get back to me with a time we could all meet. However, I knew that they were busy this weekend as well as us, so I asked Steve to drop by their place and see if tomorrow afternoon would work for them. So, the two dad's met...

Things didn't go so well. Steve really felt like the Dad was basically calling Viola and us all liars, that his son didn't do anything wrong, that his son most certainly didn't show my private message to his mother to kids at the school and unless we "had proof" we needed to stop saying that he did. (Which we do have "proof" btw, one the girl's he showed my message too, messaged me about it.) Then when the mom came out, this pastor said, "This is the dad of the girl that beat someone up at school" which really caused Steve to lose his temper. Steve said to forget about meeting, we would just take it up with the school and have the principal and school counselor get it all worked out and then he walked away. He was pretty mad.

Well, I guess the idea of having the school get involved wasn't what they want either, because the pastor did call back and leave a message that we could meet tomorrow to try to work things out.

Steve didn't want to talk with him, so I set the appointment for 3:00.

I'm hoping that it being after church and after some time has passed, everyone can just keep calm, and especially that we adults can be examples to the kids as to how Christians should work out problems in a way that is honoring to God. I also pray that we can get the kids to resolve this so that they can do some repair work at the school so that the whole thing just simmers down.

Also, I have a meeting with the principal on Monday to discuss the attack on Viola. From everything I've heard now, there is no evidence at all that Viola did anything other than defend herself from the girl who was attacking her. (Frankly, it sounds as if this girl has some anger issues...she's been suspended before for fighting.) Anyway, since Viola didn't actually "fight" and was only defending herself, I want the suspension expunged. It seems like a no-brainer, but I've learned from past experiences that school administrators sort of like the easy way out of things and don't really care about sorting out facts. So, prayer that the truth will come out and Viola's record can be cleared of the suspension would be appreciated as well.


Not for $1,000,000,000 would I ever want to go back to high school...2

 

[Mike]

Dora, I was thinking as I read this that parents don't always act rationally when their children are involved, but I can honestly say we're not the kind of parents that will predictably respond with, "not MY kid". In fact, we almost always error on the other side and question them.

Would you say you and Steve are the same or at least even out your responses. Nothing's worse than that parent who will never consider that their child could possibly be to blame. :gah I have the impression you don't know than much at all since he had to introduce Steve with that snide remark. It starts to get old when you're the only parents who are accepting blame for your child.

It definitely sounds like a new school will be the best thing. Hopefully, the wrong kids don't know the wrong kids at the new school and send the gossip ahead of Viola's arrival. Prayers for your meeting tomorrow.

 

[handy]

Dora, I was thinking as I read this that parents don't always act rationally when their children are involved, but I can honestly say we're not the kind of parents that will predictably respond with, "not MY kid". In fact, we almost always error on the other side and question them.

We're the same way, Mike. Our kids sort of get frustrated because we always make them own up to their side of things...generally no conflict is without some blame on both sides...even when no apology or owning up comes from the other side. I've already raked Viola over the coals for the fact that she did some gossiping as well and she is expected to give a full, true apology...no "I'm sorry but...", but an actual, "I was out of line and hope you will forgive me" me apology. Both Steve and I have been sure to point out that we aren't mad at either of the kids, that both of the kids made mistakes, that both of the kids did things they shouldn't have and that we still like the boy and just want to get things resolved.

The boy's dad really changed his tune quite a bit when I told him that we did have proof that his son showed my message to others. Since the boy already had told his mom that he didn't see the fight and was in class when it happened, and they now know that was a lie and that it happened during lunch and he was right there, and now they know that he lied about not showing my message to girls and getting the girls all angry at Viola, maybe they will show up in a more reasonable frame of mind.

As for Viola going to a new school...no, not an option. For one thing, there are only three schools she can go to, this one, the one she went to last year, which not in a million years would I ever send them back there, and a small, uncredited Christian school that is way out of our price range...and doesn't really have the sort of curriculum that would prepare the kids for further education. I've looked over their material...it's sort of a glorified Sunday School with some math thrown in.

However, all in all, Viola is happy and doing well academically this year. And, because the kids that were witness to the fight believe that Viola did nothing wrong, we've had kids calling here to make sure that Steve and I know that all Viola did was defend herself, and that she shouldn't be in trouble, which she isn't, not for the fight. Viola has some really good friends this year, and they are standing up for her.

Which is also why we want her and the boy to get things worked out between them...we don't want her going back to school tomorrow in an atmosphere of everyone taking "sides". This is part of what I want to talk about today...had the two of them kept their disagreement private, it would be all over and done with by now. Because they gossiped and dragged others into it, now it's out of control and both of them will have to do some damage control to make things right. I think if they both go to the people they talked to and make sure that they know they've worked out their disagreement...then refuse to talk about it anymore, things will die down. I hope.

 

[GojuBrian]

I hope everyone involved can try to see things from the others point of view and yes, Christians should be able to sit down and work this out.

We're going through something similar with my 14yr old stepdaughter. Hopefully it won't turn physical, but all the gossiping is hurting. Especially with the texting... We took her phone away.

Prayer sent for your meeting.

 

[Mike]

Woops! I misread, Dora. I thought you said there is no way she will be going back to that school. I was thinking myself, there can't be too many schools where Dora lives in "the middle of nowhere, Idaho".

Looking forward to a positive update. I have to believe they cooled down by the time you met with them. That along with the evidence you've talked about should be enough to soften their stance.

 

[jasoncran]

I hope everyone involved can try to see things from the others point of view and yes, Christians should be able to sit down and work this out.

We're going through something similar with my 14yr old stepdaughter. Hopefully it won't turn physical, but all the gossiping is hurting. Especially with the texting... We took her phone away.

Prayer sent for your meeting.

i need to call you on the use of mma in school.

 

[handy]

Well, it didn't go great, but it wasn't out of control either...

I truly felt bad for the mom...she was obviously trying to get her son to admit to his part. Viola had said that she was very sorry that she had said some things to one girl and that she would be talking to that particular girl and make it right...then the boy just sat on the couch...finally his mom said, "Don't you have anything to say?" and his response was "I don't know, I'm too tired." He then proceeded to take out his phone and start texting. The mom told him to put the phone away at least four times, but his dad just sat on the other said not saying a word. Steve apologized to the dad for losing his temper with him, but again, the dad (this is the pastor) just sat there and sort of looked his way, but didn't make eye contact nor did he say anything. I thought the poor mom just wanted to crawl under a rock.

However, I'm still hopeful that it will get worked out. After all, they did come, I think the mom is to be thanked for that...and she probably will continue to talk with both of them. Viola is going to talk to the one girl that she needs to make things right with, and she is also going to tell the boy once more, with no adults around that she truly is sorry...and after that, if the boy can't reconcile things with her, so be it. I was hoping that he would work towards getting things worked out, because he was right there when the fight happened and was in a better position than anyone to say whether or not Viola was throwing punches as the one teacher said she might have, but, with his track record for lying as well as his uncooperative attitude, I didn't bother bringing it up.

 

[handy]

I was able to talk with the principal today and, while we weren't able to get the suspension completely expunged, he placed it under a different category. It won't show up on her permanent record, and if there are no further discipline problems with Viola, in March it won't be visible to anyone but the principal himself. This way, it shouldn't show up at all unless there becomes a pattern of discipline issues with Viola. He agreed that most likely Viola only acted in self-defense and that she didn't throw any punches. However, there were enough discrepancies between what she told him and what she told me to make it not 100% clear about the hair-pulling. I figured that he met us half-way and he was really nice about the whole thing. He said that he had a counselor working with the other girl and also told me that if we wanted a no-contact rule (sort of like an in-school restraining order) for the girl, or if Viola was harassed by anyone else, just to let him know. I said that we'll see how today goes and hopefully today is going well.