Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,239
- 10,721
Me, yet again.
I wanted to thank y'all for reading so many of my posts and the patience you have shown me. At this point, it seems that I really --am-- in the process of what the experts call "recovery from severe mental illness."
I don't know what to make of it all, honestly. Focus on the good things The Lord has done in my life...probably a very good, very basic first step. I'm living with my parents. We seem to have reconciled, despite who I was and the things I did in years past. I need them; they clearly do not need me, and yet...by God's grace, I'm living here, in peace and comfort and safety. God is good!
I don't know where to go from here. Maybe part of my "recovery" from all the madness of years past is realizing that I probably won't have jobs like my parents? I --am-- blessed to be on disability. The health coverage, in particular, is a major blessing. My psych drug treatments are now all generic, but...still: those lucidity pills don't come cheap.
Recovery is...interesting, I guess. Somewhat complicated, maybe. My parents are amazingly kind to me these days. I do my best to let The Lord's light shine thru me...I think Jesus has made all the difference in the world for my parents and for me, too.
But...yeah...I was once a hopelessly brain damaged, burned out, homely flamer, etc. etc. etc....one of "society's rejects," basically. Now? I'm healthy, somehow more aesthetically pleasing, not a flamer. Brain damage? I...don't know, honestly. I was estimated to have a 95 IQ, then a brain scan showed so much massive damage that, in the words of one nurse at the last hospital I was in, "you really should be a vegetable." Nice, huh?
So...with that much brain damage, the best my psychiatrist could come up with was some kind of "transcendent intelligence," simply meaning...at that point, I didn't have enough brain cells even for the lower IQ I had back then. Now, my IQ estimate is up, I don't have the tics, the dead eyes, the...everything that sin, satan, self, death, and the world had left me with.
and...with my now-"well-to-do" parents behind me and such, I get more "breathing room" than many (most?) "mental patients" in America. I hear that in most parts of the country, I'd be in a state hospital, sippin' on Thorazine punch. God is good!
My life isn't easy, but its easier than I can claim to deserve or...anything. I consider The Lord's work in my life to be one big miracle, playing out in my life, in a (very) Fallen World.
"Recovery." What does it mean, anyway? I dunno. I'm blessed beyond measure, that's for certain. Will I always and forever be one of the "severely, chronically mentally ill," the mad in America? Odds are looking that way, but...it is what it is.
God spared me, even when I was deep in sin and darkness. My current counselor suspects that I was, in fact, mentally ill from a young age, and this is about as "stable" as I've ever been. Maybe all that shock treatment wasn't so terrible, now that The Lord has moved so mightily in my life? I mean...if its true, that I was "sick"--whatever "sick" really means, in this context--from a very young age...why be burdened by memories of all that, anyway?
Oh well. Put aside what is behind and press forward. Take up your plow and push forward. Don't look back. Forgive 70x7. LOVE your enemies (caps are for me, lol). These are things I reflect upon and pray on now and then.
Thanks again.
I wanted to thank y'all for reading so many of my posts and the patience you have shown me. At this point, it seems that I really --am-- in the process of what the experts call "recovery from severe mental illness."
I don't know what to make of it all, honestly. Focus on the good things The Lord has done in my life...probably a very good, very basic first step. I'm living with my parents. We seem to have reconciled, despite who I was and the things I did in years past. I need them; they clearly do not need me, and yet...by God's grace, I'm living here, in peace and comfort and safety. God is good!
I don't know where to go from here. Maybe part of my "recovery" from all the madness of years past is realizing that I probably won't have jobs like my parents? I --am-- blessed to be on disability. The health coverage, in particular, is a major blessing. My psych drug treatments are now all generic, but...still: those lucidity pills don't come cheap.
Recovery is...interesting, I guess. Somewhat complicated, maybe. My parents are amazingly kind to me these days. I do my best to let The Lord's light shine thru me...I think Jesus has made all the difference in the world for my parents and for me, too.
But...yeah...I was once a hopelessly brain damaged, burned out, homely flamer, etc. etc. etc....one of "society's rejects," basically. Now? I'm healthy, somehow more aesthetically pleasing, not a flamer. Brain damage? I...don't know, honestly. I was estimated to have a 95 IQ, then a brain scan showed so much massive damage that, in the words of one nurse at the last hospital I was in, "you really should be a vegetable." Nice, huh?
So...with that much brain damage, the best my psychiatrist could come up with was some kind of "transcendent intelligence," simply meaning...at that point, I didn't have enough brain cells even for the lower IQ I had back then. Now, my IQ estimate is up, I don't have the tics, the dead eyes, the...everything that sin, satan, self, death, and the world had left me with.
and...with my now-"well-to-do" parents behind me and such, I get more "breathing room" than many (most?) "mental patients" in America. I hear that in most parts of the country, I'd be in a state hospital, sippin' on Thorazine punch. God is good!
My life isn't easy, but its easier than I can claim to deserve or...anything. I consider The Lord's work in my life to be one big miracle, playing out in my life, in a (very) Fallen World.
"Recovery." What does it mean, anyway? I dunno. I'm blessed beyond measure, that's for certain. Will I always and forever be one of the "severely, chronically mentally ill," the mad in America? Odds are looking that way, but...it is what it is.
God spared me, even when I was deep in sin and darkness. My current counselor suspects that I was, in fact, mentally ill from a young age, and this is about as "stable" as I've ever been. Maybe all that shock treatment wasn't so terrible, now that The Lord has moved so mightily in my life? I mean...if its true, that I was "sick"--whatever "sick" really means, in this context--from a very young age...why be burdened by memories of all that, anyway?
Oh well. Put aside what is behind and press forward. Take up your plow and push forward. Don't look back. Forgive 70x7. LOVE your enemies (caps are for me, lol). These are things I reflect upon and pray on now and then.
Thanks again.
Php 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do,