Christ_empowered
Member
I apparently have severe Bipolar I w/psychotic features. That particular form of Bipolar I is the point at which Bipolar overlaps with Schizophrenia.
Anyway, I'm now officially, finally, after all these years "in recovery," as the mental health people put it. I'm one of the most stigmatized people in my community. Former pill head, "mental patient," former sodomite, unemployed (I'm supported by disability+my newly affluent parents) "schizophrenic" (my diagnosis is Bipolar, but the community has declared me "schizophrenic"). I encounter rudeness and such daily. My neighbors regularly talk of "warrants," "prison," etc.
At one point, I emailed an ex-shrink, and she pressed charges. I didn't threaten her or anything, but that's no the point...when you're a "mental patient," you're supposed to know your place. I "got uppity," so she filed charges. My parents had to pay $$$ for bond and for a good attorney. I now have a misdemeanor conviction and am on misdemeanor probation.
Its crazy. I go to Public Health, which is different from seeing a private practice doc in a lot of (for me) good ways. No controlled substances. They try to minimize your use of the shrink, preferring instead to have your counselor/case manager do the heavy lifting and then a shrink sees you once every 8-12 weeks for meds and some chit chat. Not bad at all. My counselor is a Born Again Christian--he has an M. Divinity--and he actually cares.
It took a miracle just for me to survive what I did to myself and what I was subjected to. Low on the totem pole...subjected to involuntary electroshock...etc. etc. I'm living with my parents now because I feel safe here, and they're kind enough to help me recover and become normal, possibly for the first time ever (I had mental problem from childhood on).
People around here blame me for my problems, and I can't blame them. I was wretched, now I'm a mentally ill Christian. Unlike when I was younger, my meds are fairly minimal and they work beautifully. What's unfortunate is that psychiatry is the least advanced of all the medical specialties. Basically, if you're severely mentally ill, all they can offer is tranquilizers/antipsychotics and support. The only real difference between the old drugs (say, Thorazine) and the new ones (say, Seroquel) is price (usually) and tolerabillity. They do basically the same things in the brain.
So...yeah...I get to think again, dream again, live again. Scratch that: thanks to Christ Jesus, I'm alive for the very first time, and its a wonderful feeling.
So, I was praise God for His work in my life. I may very well always require medication and that's fine, but I get to recover, and that's huge...and it was never supposed to happen. I've been utter and complete destruction simply because Jesus loves me and saw fit to do otherwise with my life.
This is also yet another prayer request. People around here don't want me to recover. I'm expected to know my place (shrinks aren't the only people who try to keep "mental patients" in line, especially in the south). A lot of my confidential info has been shared with people because I dared to file a medical board complaint against the same doc I later emailed. She got me hooked on Ambien and Klonopin as a teenager, but...hey...I"m the patient, she's the doc, right? Just deal with it, crazy--that's how society treats the mentally ill.
So, yeah...praise God, and please pray that I can stay free, stay safe, recover, and have as normal a life as possible, given the circumstances.
Anyway, I'm now officially, finally, after all these years "in recovery," as the mental health people put it. I'm one of the most stigmatized people in my community. Former pill head, "mental patient," former sodomite, unemployed (I'm supported by disability+my newly affluent parents) "schizophrenic" (my diagnosis is Bipolar, but the community has declared me "schizophrenic"). I encounter rudeness and such daily. My neighbors regularly talk of "warrants," "prison," etc.
At one point, I emailed an ex-shrink, and she pressed charges. I didn't threaten her or anything, but that's no the point...when you're a "mental patient," you're supposed to know your place. I "got uppity," so she filed charges. My parents had to pay $$$ for bond and for a good attorney. I now have a misdemeanor conviction and am on misdemeanor probation.
Its crazy. I go to Public Health, which is different from seeing a private practice doc in a lot of (for me) good ways. No controlled substances. They try to minimize your use of the shrink, preferring instead to have your counselor/case manager do the heavy lifting and then a shrink sees you once every 8-12 weeks for meds and some chit chat. Not bad at all. My counselor is a Born Again Christian--he has an M. Divinity--and he actually cares.
It took a miracle just for me to survive what I did to myself and what I was subjected to. Low on the totem pole...subjected to involuntary electroshock...etc. etc. I'm living with my parents now because I feel safe here, and they're kind enough to help me recover and become normal, possibly for the first time ever (I had mental problem from childhood on).
People around here blame me for my problems, and I can't blame them. I was wretched, now I'm a mentally ill Christian. Unlike when I was younger, my meds are fairly minimal and they work beautifully. What's unfortunate is that psychiatry is the least advanced of all the medical specialties. Basically, if you're severely mentally ill, all they can offer is tranquilizers/antipsychotics and support. The only real difference between the old drugs (say, Thorazine) and the new ones (say, Seroquel) is price (usually) and tolerabillity. They do basically the same things in the brain.
So...yeah...I get to think again, dream again, live again. Scratch that: thanks to Christ Jesus, I'm alive for the very first time, and its a wonderful feeling.
So, I was praise God for His work in my life. I may very well always require medication and that's fine, but I get to recover, and that's huge...and it was never supposed to happen. I've been utter and complete destruction simply because Jesus loves me and saw fit to do otherwise with my life.
This is also yet another prayer request. People around here don't want me to recover. I'm expected to know my place (shrinks aren't the only people who try to keep "mental patients" in line, especially in the south). A lot of my confidential info has been shared with people because I dared to file a medical board complaint against the same doc I later emailed. She got me hooked on Ambien and Klonopin as a teenager, but...hey...I"m the patient, she's the doc, right? Just deal with it, crazy--that's how society treats the mentally ill.
So, yeah...praise God, and please pray that I can stay free, stay safe, recover, and have as normal a life as possible, given the circumstances.