Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,239
- 10,721
Yes, yes; me....yet again. LOL.
So, today...I was thinking about going to McDonald's for a sausge McGriddle. --not-- good for you, but...oh so delicious. Then, I checked the fridge, and sho nuff; there were 2 packs of pre-cut sausage patties. I asked my mother if I could cook some up, or if she had plans for them.
She seemed...pleasantly surprised that I'd ask, rather than just cooking 'em up ((did I mention that I -was- ridiculously bratty, in my younger years, especially before "The Crackup" ?)). Mama said I could have 4 patties, which is...generous of her. And then...
...I thought I'd cook them, no big thing. She got out a skillet, measured out a bit of oil for the pan ((and warned me about dropping oil straight out of the bottle--no need to waste so much oil...)), set the heat on the burner, and went into some of the finer points of cooking breakfast sausage patties. Oh, and she had me take out the trash and re-line the kitchen trash can ((done and done, LOL)).
See...my parents are now kinda sorta..."well-to-do," I believe is the term my last psychiatrist at the clinic used to refer to them ((he's now off in private practice, thank goodness....that's a different topic, entirely...)). I...was bratty, diagnosed w/ narcissism, blah blah blah. I worse than wasted my life, along with a good bit of their fund$, back when they were more ((to borrow a phrase from a counselor at a private, for profit hospital where I was placed, electroshocked, and destroyed, age 20)) "rinky dink middle-class." Ugh. Welcome to Mental Health, Inc.: you get about as much compassion as you (or your parents/family...) can afford.
OK. So, now, I'm 33, healthy (that's a miracle...untreated HIV, cancer, severe malnutrition from not eating right during protracted psychosis....), surprisingly intelligent, and....
...I'm beginning to think+believe that (as usual...) Verna's on to something: "You've been redeemed."
God is good! There was -so- much bitterness, frustration, animosity in my family, all around. Not now. I am now labeled/diagnosed w/ either "Bipolar I w/psychotic features" -or- the manic flavor of Schizoaffective. Either way...mood issues, psychosis now and then, not -as- disabling as what the 'experts' consider "Schizophrenia."
I receive disability, complete with health coverage. I am...genuinely, truly thankful. I've been living with my parents for going on 5 years now. I live downstairs, in what was the guest bedroom. My dad got me a solid, reliable, used car. Lately, they've been getting me quality clothes, shoes (its The South...the absolute 1st thing anyone, everyone looks at when they 'size you up...' the shoes, of course...).
Rambling. Point is...The Lord has made (and, I pray, -is- making...) a way forward, for my family and for me, too. A couple months ago, we went on a lil family vacation further down south. Fun times. I was released from (thankfully, -misdemeanor-) probation a good bit early, so I was able (at long last...) to leave the state, no probs.
God is good! I'm definitely a work-in-progress, but...at the same time, I'm a firm believer in "it is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me." Or I guess I should say...increasingly, because of The Lord's work in my life, I'm able to believe Scripture, in general.
I don't know where to go, what to do, from here. If it hadn't been for all the heavy, involuntary shock "treatments," untreated HIV, cancer, etc....I'd be in prison, no joke. As is, I have a serious ("Class A") misdemeanor on my record, and I was released from probation after 3 years instead of the full 5 ('round here, Class A misdemeanors are handled like low-level felonies in other states...).
I saw my counselor a couple days ago. He's suggessted getting into some volunteer work and then seeing about transitioning into a part-time job. I'm not sure how that works w/ disability...I'm thinking/assuming (hoping?) I'd keep health coverage, but not receive fund$ for my own use from disability...but point is...
...I was expected to be dead about 10 years ago. I'm now healthy, intelligent, bright eyed, living at peace with my (loving, supportive, generous, kind, gracious) parents, and...
God is good! "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." I pushed things way, way, way too far, before I got (genuinely, truly, miraculously) saved, but...no matter. 'twas grace that saved a wretch like me. I'm beginning to see...understand...miracle -do- happen, even in 21st century America.
Thanks for reading, the prayers, support, etc.
So, today...I was thinking about going to McDonald's for a sausge McGriddle. --not-- good for you, but...oh so delicious. Then, I checked the fridge, and sho nuff; there were 2 packs of pre-cut sausage patties. I asked my mother if I could cook some up, or if she had plans for them.
She seemed...pleasantly surprised that I'd ask, rather than just cooking 'em up ((did I mention that I -was- ridiculously bratty, in my younger years, especially before "The Crackup" ?)). Mama said I could have 4 patties, which is...generous of her. And then...
...I thought I'd cook them, no big thing. She got out a skillet, measured out a bit of oil for the pan ((and warned me about dropping oil straight out of the bottle--no need to waste so much oil...)), set the heat on the burner, and went into some of the finer points of cooking breakfast sausage patties. Oh, and she had me take out the trash and re-line the kitchen trash can ((done and done, LOL)).
See...my parents are now kinda sorta..."well-to-do," I believe is the term my last psychiatrist at the clinic used to refer to them ((he's now off in private practice, thank goodness....that's a different topic, entirely...)). I...was bratty, diagnosed w/ narcissism, blah blah blah. I worse than wasted my life, along with a good bit of their fund$, back when they were more ((to borrow a phrase from a counselor at a private, for profit hospital where I was placed, electroshocked, and destroyed, age 20)) "rinky dink middle-class." Ugh. Welcome to Mental Health, Inc.: you get about as much compassion as you (or your parents/family...) can afford.
OK. So, now, I'm 33, healthy (that's a miracle...untreated HIV, cancer, severe malnutrition from not eating right during protracted psychosis....), surprisingly intelligent, and....
...I'm beginning to think+believe that (as usual...) Verna's on to something: "You've been redeemed."
God is good! There was -so- much bitterness, frustration, animosity in my family, all around. Not now. I am now labeled/diagnosed w/ either "Bipolar I w/psychotic features" -or- the manic flavor of Schizoaffective. Either way...mood issues, psychosis now and then, not -as- disabling as what the 'experts' consider "Schizophrenia."
I receive disability, complete with health coverage. I am...genuinely, truly thankful. I've been living with my parents for going on 5 years now. I live downstairs, in what was the guest bedroom. My dad got me a solid, reliable, used car. Lately, they've been getting me quality clothes, shoes (its The South...the absolute 1st thing anyone, everyone looks at when they 'size you up...' the shoes, of course...).
Rambling. Point is...The Lord has made (and, I pray, -is- making...) a way forward, for my family and for me, too. A couple months ago, we went on a lil family vacation further down south. Fun times. I was released from (thankfully, -misdemeanor-) probation a good bit early, so I was able (at long last...) to leave the state, no probs.
God is good! I'm definitely a work-in-progress, but...at the same time, I'm a firm believer in "it is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me." Or I guess I should say...increasingly, because of The Lord's work in my life, I'm able to believe Scripture, in general.
I don't know where to go, what to do, from here. If it hadn't been for all the heavy, involuntary shock "treatments," untreated HIV, cancer, etc....I'd be in prison, no joke. As is, I have a serious ("Class A") misdemeanor on my record, and I was released from probation after 3 years instead of the full 5 ('round here, Class A misdemeanors are handled like low-level felonies in other states...).
I saw my counselor a couple days ago. He's suggessted getting into some volunteer work and then seeing about transitioning into a part-time job. I'm not sure how that works w/ disability...I'm thinking/assuming (hoping?) I'd keep health coverage, but not receive fund$ for my own use from disability...but point is...
...I was expected to be dead about 10 years ago. I'm now healthy, intelligent, bright eyed, living at peace with my (loving, supportive, generous, kind, gracious) parents, and...
God is good! "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." I pushed things way, way, way too far, before I got (genuinely, truly, miraculously) saved, but...no matter. 'twas grace that saved a wretch like me. I'm beginning to see...understand...miracle -do- happen, even in 21st century America.
Thanks for reading, the prayers, support, etc.