Regrets

[Angel]

Anyone here regret something they did or didn't do in life? Did you do something about it, or has the time for it passed?

Just trying to find some wisdom and advice and examples so I don't have anymore regrets.

One regret I have is trading my family over for drugs and for "friends" who beat me and raped me and got me high. I am closer with my Mother but not my Dad. I love my Dad so much, its just awkward because of past mistakes. I know if I don't talk to him and reconnect I will regret it when he's gone. Any suggestions on how to mend our relationship?

 

[Corn Pop]

Life is like a game of cards.

 

[Wrg1405]

Amazing, I was about to start a post exactly the same as this one.

I do look back at things I did or didn't do and think to myself "what an idiot"
Sometimes I do it without realising it.

 

[Kidron]

The worst type of regret is the one where you had a choice.

 

[Hospes]

I do not think there is a way to avoid regret, but for those redeemed by God through Christ, there is hope for redemption of regrettable decisions and actions. In this case I mean Jesus can take the very thing that is regrettable and use it to bring about something wonderfully good. What you and I did for evil, God can turn it to good. This is one of the incredibly good parts of the "Good News."

Angel, have you tried to tell your parents in writing of your feelings of loss and regret? I suggest writing because of it gets to be very difficult to verbalize things just right when there is deep emotion.

 

[Wrg1405]

I know if I don't talk to him and reconnect I will regret it when he's gone. Any suggestions on how to mend our relationship?

My relationship with my mum was completely broken for 20 years. Thanks to God we now have a fully restored relationship.

The first thing I had to do was forgive her. I came before God one day and I wrote everything down on paper, boy there was a lot. I prayed for hours then I burnt the paper. Then God asked me to ask him how he felt about my mother, so I asked and something happened that still amazes me. A heaviness came over me. God poured a small part of the pain and hurt he feels about my mother. I cried all afternoon and night. That was the beginning of the start of repairing our relationship, at least on my side.

Having forgiven her and allowing God to heal my pain he was able to start replacing hate with love.
I apologised for stuff that I did but never asked her to apologise and never harped on about things of the past.

I'm sure that released my mum more than me talking about stuff I felt and asking her to apologise.

I'm not saying that you need to forgive your dad but search your heart and if anything comes to mind then deal with it. God is good, if there is something you need to deal with he will reveal it and take you through it.

Hospes's idea is a good one. Writing stuff down focuses only on what you have written. Emotions do get in the way but they do need to be dealt with. God can heal your emotions and replace hurt with joy, anxiety with peace.

I want to encourage you. God is in the business of restoring broken relationships, healing broken emotions.

Allow God to deal with you and give your dad up to him and ask God to work in your dad.

Father we lift Angel up to you. We thank you so much that you restore broken relationships, you did it with us.
We thank you that Angel realises that something needs to be done, that she wants a closer relationship with her dad. We pray for your wisdom to be upon her, thank you that you are with her in this, may she know that she is not alone. We ask this in Jesus name.

 

[Wrg1405]

I know if I don't talk to him and reconnect I will regret it when he's gone. Any suggestions on how to mend our relationship?

My relationship with my mum was completely broken for 20 years. Thanks to God we now have a fully restored relationship.

The first thing I had to do was forgive her. I came before God one day and I wrote everything down on paper, boy there was a lot. I prayed for hours then I burnt the paper. Then God asked me to ask him how he felt about my mother, so I asked and something happened that still amazes me. A heaviness came over me. God poured a small part of the pain and hurt he feels about my mother. I cried all afternoon and night. That was the beginning of the start of repairing our relationship, at least on my side.

Having forgiven her and allowing God to heal my pain he was able to start replacing hate with love.
I apologised for stuff that I did but never asked her to apologise and never harped on about things of the past.

I'm sure that released my mum more than me talking about stuff I felt and asking her to apologise.

I'm not saying that you need to forgive your dad but search your heart and if anything comes to mind then deal with it. God is good, if there is something you need to deal with he will reveal it and take you through it.

Hospes's idea is a good one. Writing stuff down focuses only on what you have written. Emotions do get in the way but they do need to be dealt with. God can heal your emotions and replace hurt with joy, anxiety with peace.

I want to encourage you. God is in the business of restoring broken relationships, healing broken emotions.

Allow God to deal with you and give your dad up to him and ask God to work in your dad.

Father we lift Angel up to you. We thank you so much that you restore broken relationships, you did it with us.
We thank you that Angel realises that something needs to be done, that she wants a closer relationship with her dad. We pray for your wisdom to be upon her, thank you that you are with her in this, may she know that she is not alone. We ask this in Jesus name.

 

[Wrg1405]

Sorry about double post not sure how that happened

 

[JohnDB]

Most people have a difficult time determining who actually has their best interests at heart.

Especially when we are looking left and miss seeing that charging rhinoceros coming from the right.

At a dinner party the other night this became a topic of discussion.

People not doing the assigned tasks that they were expected to and the subject of those tasks not doing as expected.
IOW parents not parenting and children rebelling.

Apologies are refreshing. They ARE renewing. Don't underestimate the power of a sincere apology... especially when you are the one in the wrong. Your pride got in the way of things being right and good to begin with, don't let it destroy all opportunities for the good to be destroyed that your parents tried to instill into you.

They need to know that your failures weren't all their fault. And it has to come from you. Sure they may have some culpability but...not important or relevant when a good relationship can be had with a good person who really loves you.

 

[Hospes]

My relationship with my mum was completely broken for 20 years. Thanks to God we now have a fully restored relationship.

The first thing I had to do was forgive her. I came before God one day and I wrote everything down on paper, boy there was a lot. I prayed for hours then I burnt the paper. Then God asked me to ask him how he felt about my mother, so I asked and something happened that still amazes me. A heaviness came over me. God poured a small part of the pain and hurt he feels about my mother. I cried all afternoon and night. That was the beginning of the start of repairing our relationship, at least on my side.

Having forgiven her and allowing God to heal my pain he was able to start replacing hate with love.
I apologised for stuff that I did but never asked her to apologise and never harped on about things of the past.

I'm sure that released my mum more than me talking about stuff I felt and asking her to apologise.

I'm not saying that you need to forgive your dad but search your heart and if anything comes to mind then deal with it. God is good, if there is something you need to deal with he will reveal it and take you through it.

Hospes's idea is a good one. Writing stuff down focuses only on what you have written. Emotions do get in the way but they do need to be dealt with. God can heal your emotions and replace hurt with joy, anxiety with peace.

I want to encourage you. God is in the business of restoring broken relationships, healing broken emotions.

Allow God to deal with you and give your dad up to him and ask God to work in your dad.

Father we lift Angel up to you. We thank you so much that you restore broken relationships, you did it with us.
We thank you that Angel realises that something needs to be done, that she wants a closer relationship with her dad. We pray for your wisdom to be upon her, thank you that you are with her in this, may she know that she is not alone. We ask this in Jesus name.

Wrg,
Reading your post stirs a joy to praise my Lord's glorious grace. Thank you.

 

[KevinK]

I regret never making it to medical school, though it wasn't a possibility anyway. My chronic fatigue syndrome was going full-blast by the time I finished my undergraduate courses, so grad school wasn't even an option. I didn't even apply. I regret never serving my country in the military, again with the same reason. I did stay with martial arts, though it took a long time. So, 1 out of 3.

 

[Edward]

Anyone here regret something they did or didn't do in life? Did you do something about it, or has the time for it passed?

Just trying to find some wisdom and advice and examples so I don't have anymore regrets.

One regret I have is trading my family over for drugs and for "friends" who beat me and raped me and got me high. I am closer with my Mother but not my Dad. I love my Dad so much, its just awkward because of past mistakes. I know if I don't talk to him and reconnect I will regret it when he's gone. Any suggestions on how to mend our relationship?

We were all younger, and knew everything then...we all did and said stuff that we now know was wrong...now that we're older and have learned that we don't know it all.

I think you're doing ok with it. Be there, planting seeds of love. Over time, you'll build a resume of trust with him. Be patient...and pray.

 

[Wrg1405]

I think the thing we need to remember is that we are not the same person as we were then.
The things I regret I would endeavour never to do again with the help of God.

And as Hospes says. What we did for evil can work good in it.

 

[Angel]

I really appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you.

 

[for_his_glory]

We have all probably had our share of regrets and to me the most important thing is that when we dwell on them we are not moving forward in our life. If there is a chance to repair some then never waste time to do so for tomorrow may never come. I think one of my greatest regret was my two failed marriages, but I also learned from them how to trust in God and His perfect timing for Him to put the right man in my life and we have been married for 18 years now and still in as much love as the day we married.

My worst regret was my father as he was never close to any of us eight kids growing up as it was better to not be seen or heard. We were very close to our mother. He was a mean man who abused us, but that came from all the pain he was in from a failed back surgery that left him disabled and his body racked in pain, but yet no excuse for the abuse. He was always self employed from that time on until he died and I did learn a lot of useful things from him at a distance, but I do regret I never told him I loved him as I use to hate him so much and it wasn't until I came to Christ that I truly learned what love was. It's to late to tell him, but at least I learned to love and forgive him.

 

[stovebolts]

I have no regrets... Just life lessons.

When people get addicted to drugs, often it is the drug that controls the person. Get a person clean, and all that behavior changes for the good.

Not to make excuse, but you weren't you when you were doing all them drugs, and I hope your Dad can understand that. Sure, you probably did some pretty bad stuff when you were high, but that was the drug using your body and motivating your thoughts.

Your lesson learned should be that drugs cause you to do some pretty destructive things... Things that hurt other people.

You hurt your Dad, and Dads can be protective of their feelings.

Let him know you made the mistake of letting drugs control your life, but now your clean and you plan on staying that way. Walk the walk and you'll earn your Dads trust back, but know you never left his heart, even when you disappointed and hurt him.

Chin up and no regrets... Just life lessons.

 

[Angel]

I have no regrets... Just life lessons.

When people get addicted to drugs, often it is the drug that controls the person. Get a person clean, and all that behavior changes for the good.

Not to make excuse, but you weren't you when you were doing all them drugs, and I hope your Dad can understand that. Sure, you probably did some pretty bad stuff when you were high, but that was the drug using your body and motivating your thoughts.

Your lesson learned should be that drugs cause you to do some pretty destructive things... Things that hurt other people.

You hurt your Dad, and Dads can be protective of their feelings.

Let him know you made the mistake of letting drugs control your life, but now your clean and you plan on staying that way. Walk the walk and you'll earn your Dads trust back, but know you never left his heart, even when you disappointed and hurt him.

Chin up and no regrets... Just life lessons.

Thanks StoveBolts.

 

[stovebolts]

Thanks StoveBolts.

Your welcome.
Don't get too discouraged with your Dad when he doesn't respond the way you want him too.

My Dad is 81 and it's just been this year that he tells me he loves me and that he appreciates my calls. If I didn't call him, we wouldn't talk.

I didn't understand it years ago, but he needed me to call him. Like yourself, I was a wild child and put my Dad through hell....

Don't ever stop talking to him. Be persistent and every once in awhile let him know you look up to him and you need his approval. You'll be surprised.

Take care

 

[Wrg1405]

We have all probably had our share of regrets and to me the most important thing is that when we dwell on them we are not moving forward in our life. If there is a chance to repair some then never waste time to do so for tomorrow may never come. I think one of my greatest regret was my two failed marriages, but I also learned from them how to trust in God and His perfect timing for Him to put the right man in my life and we have been married for 18 years now and still in as much love as the day we married.

My worst regret was my father as he was never close to any of us eight kids growing up as it was better to not be seen or heard. We were very close to our mother. He was a mean man who abused us, but that came from all the pain he was in from a failed back surgery that left him disabled and his body racked in pain, but yet no excuse for the abuse. He was always self employed from that time on until he died and I did learn a lot of useful things from him at a distance, but I do regret I never told him I loved him as I use to hate him so much and it wasn't until I came to Christ that I truly learned what love was. It's to late to tell him, but at least I learned to love and forgive him.

Even with the regrets amazing testimony. Thanks for sharing it.

I think the thing also is that with regrets there is pain/embarrassment.
From my experience when I look back and to be honest you can't have regrets without looking back. Anyway my experience when looking back or recalling regrets I feel foolish, shameful an idiot. Even when I have been able to try and put it right and it has been made right, I even find myself saying such things to myself such as you idiot, did you really do that and I find myself saying "Oh Jesus how could I have done that?

I said above that I was amazed that this post was started because I was struggling whether to start the same post.

I think the reason I struggled with it because sometimes I can feel that I am the only one struggling with stuff and other people don't or seem not or don't admit it.

As I said in an earlier post we need realise that we are not the same person we were in those situations that we now regret. If we have repented and do not want to be that person then we lose more of that person we once were.

I think we need to take it a bit further. There is no condemnation for those in Christ. If our thoughts of regret condemn us then we then we need to claim that promise, if those emotions that accompany persist we need to ask God to heal those emotions that go with it and if we have those negatives we need to realise that they are not from God. Therefore we need to rebuke them.

I don't think God uses regrets to sanctify us, he uses revelation by telling us what we have done wrong, tells us we are not condemned, we are forgiven, asks us to put it right and then asks us to trust him to change us.

My heart is lifted that you have been married for 18 years and are still as much in love and that you have forgiven your dad and came to love him.

My thoughts.

 

[Wrg1405]

Your welcome.
Don't get too discouraged with your Dad when he doesn't respond the way you want him too.

My Dad is 81 and it's just been this year that he tells me he loves me and that he appreciates my calls. If I didn't call him, we wouldn't talk.

I didn't understand it years ago, but he needed me to call him. Like yourself, I was a wild child and put my Dad through hell....

Don't ever stop talking to him. Be persistent and every once in awhile let him know you look up to him and you need his approval. You'll be surprised.

Take care

I posted earlier about my relationship with my mother and how God restored it.
I had to realise that some of things I did upset my mum because she felt she had failed me. Yes she had but my responses were my choices even though I though I had no other choice. Anyway I think what I'm trying to say is that our parents can feel bad about how we have turned out because of the way they parented us. Though I'm not saying necessarily we should be telling them that. We need to forgive them full stop