Relationship between a believer and non believer ?!?

[Pebeto]

I am an Atheist and I met some times ago a woman who I would say is passionately Christian. We have developed very strong feelings towards each other. But she says that she cannot consider a relationship with me because I am not Christian. I actually have no intention to argue with her and try to change her mind and I am sadly respecting her choice. But I am really committed to understand her choice through the Scriptures. I read and (modestly) study the bible to find some answers and I would to invite you to help me understand or at least give me some insights. Again, I would like to understand through the Scriptures and I am using the KJB version below for my citations.

First, it does not seem to me that in the bible, the concept of a marriage between a believer and a nonbeliever is ruled out. This possibility exists.

1 Corinthians 7:12-13

• 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away .
• 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

But at the same time, it does not seem to be recommended

2 Corinthians 6:14

• 14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

However, the nonbeliever may be changed, but I understand that might be a burden for the believer to live with this hope, a burden that he might not accept to take on,

1 Peter 3:1-2

• 1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
• 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Second, I understand that marriage is a sacred vow and there are many verses related to it as well as the role of the husband and the wife. I have not read anything that I am not ready to commit to with all my heart. Of course, as a nonbeliever, the only thing I would not be able to provide is spiritual guidance but maybe the more fundamental problem is that as a nonbeliever, I cannot have Christ as role model and therefore any vow I could commit to would have no value?

Ephesians 5:24-25

• 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
• 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Finally, believers and nonbelievers have not been given the same heart? And is it naive to think that love is what is the drive?

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

• 1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
• 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
• 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
• 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
• 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
• 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
• 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
• 8 Charity never faileth: but whetherthere beprophecies, they shall fail; whetherthere betongues, they shall cease; whetherthere beknowledge, it shall vanish away.
• 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
• 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
• 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
• 12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
• 13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity

Thank you

 

[TOG]

First, it does not seem to me that in the bible, the concept of a marriage between a believer and a nonbeliever is ruled out. This possibility exists.

1 Corinthians 7:12-13

• 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away .
• 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

I don't believe this is saying that it is okay for a believer to marry an unbeliever, but is addressing a different situation. Imagine two Atheists who get married. The wife later becomes a Christian, which causes conflicts between them. The husband no longer wants to be with her and asks for a divorce. Then you have the exact situation that Paul describes, but without there ever having been a wedding between a believer and an unbeliever.

I have seen a number of marriages between Christians and non-Christians. I've never seen those marriages end well. A Christian's faith is such a big part of his/her life, that being in an intimate relationship with a person that doesn't share that faith is not likely to ever work. You'd be asking her to share every part of her life with you, except the part that's most important to her. Is that really what you want?

The TOG​

 

[jasonc]

I am an Atheist and I met some times ago a woman who I would say is passionately Christian. We have developed very strong feelings towards each other. But she says that she cannot consider a relationship with me because I am not Christian. I actually have no intention to argue with her and try to change her mind and I am sadly respecting her choice. But I am really committed to understand her choice through the Scriptures. I read and (modestly) study the bible to find some answers and I would to invite you to help me understand or at least give me some insights. Again, I would like to understand through the Scriptures and I am using the KJB version below for my citations.

First, it does not seem to me that in the bible, the concept of a marriage between a believer and a nonbeliever is ruled out. This possibility exists.

1 Corinthians 7:12-13

• 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away .
• 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

But at the same time, it does not seem to be recommended

2 Corinthians 6:14

• 14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

However, the nonbeliever may be changed, but I understand that might be a burden for the believer to live with this hope, a burden that he might not accept to take on,

1 Peter 3:1-2

• 1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
• 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Second, I understand that marriage is a sacred vow and there are many verses related to it as well as the role of the husband and the wife. I have not read anything that I am not ready to commit to with all my heart. Of course, as a nonbeliever, the only thing I would not be able to provide is spiritual guidance but maybe the more fundamental problem is that as a nonbeliever, I cannot have Christ as role model and therefore any vow I could commit to would have no value?

Ephesians 5:24-25

• 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
• 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Finally, believers and nonbelievers have not been given the same heart? And is it naive to think that love is what is the drive?

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

• 1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
• 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
• 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
• 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
• 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
• 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
• 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
• 8 Charity never faileth: but whetherthere beprophecies, they shall fail; whetherthere betongues, they shall cease; whetherthere beknowledge, it shall vanish away.
• 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
• 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
• 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
• 12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
• 13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity

Thank you

since I have a non-believing wife. I wouldn't marry an non believer if I know that would be like what I am in now. not that im perfect or haven't been the best husband. its just that its not blessed by God and also one is better to avoid the problem then to start it then ask god to heal it or fix it.

 

[Willie T]

I know it's not what anyone in love wants to hear. I sure wouldn't. But this really is not a good idea.
And some churches make it even more difficult. When I first met my wife, though I considered myself to be a Christian, I did not belong to the same denomination she did. One time she even mentioned that I "wasn't a Christian."

I think Atheists are absolutely correct in feeling our "religiosity" is all messed up, because, for the most part, it is. But, it is still going to eventually come between you. Might I be so bold as to suggest, as a start, that you begin trying to understand a belief in the man Jesus Christ, rather than trying to see any reality in the particular "religion" she belongs to?

That's about the best I can offer in the way of a path to continue with this.

 

[reba]

since I have a non-believing wife. I wouldn't marry an non believer if I know that would be like what I am in now. not that im perfect or haven't been the best husband. its just that its not blessed by God and also one is better to avoid the problem then to start it then ask god to heal it or fix it.

Yep but backwards..

 

[Malachi]

I am an Atheist and I met some times ago a woman who I would say is passionately Christian. We have developed very strong feelings towards each other. But she says that she cannot consider a relationship with me because I am not Christian.

Pebeto,
You seem to be missing the point, or to put it another way, you can't see the forest for the trees. You obviously have the right Bible version and you seem to know what passages apply to your "relationship".

But the whole point of the Bible is to show you that (1) God loves you, (2) you are hopelessly lost and face eternal damnation without Christ and (3) you must be born again.

All this pertains to the eternal wellbeing of your soul. You would be wise to spend time reading and thinking about what is written in John chapter 3. Everything else will fall into place once you believe what God has said about His Son and His salvation, and your need.

As to anyone choosing to be an "atheist", that is not even a reasonable choice. If there is a marvelous creation, there has to be an even more marvelous Creator. You can study any branch of true science and you will come to that conclusion. Even Einstein could not escape that (quotations from Einstein below):

“Behind all the discernible concatenations, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force is my religion. To that extent, I am in point of fact, religious.”

“Every scientist becomes convinced that the laws of nature manifest the existence of a spirit vastly superior to that of men.”

“Everyone who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the universe – a spirit vastly superior to that of man.”

“The divine reveals itself in the physical world.”

“My God created laws… His universe is not ruled by wishful thinking but by immutable laws.”

 

[jack K]

Hi Pebeto

I feel if two people really do care about one another they will make it work regardless of the obstacles they face.
Sometimes we are to set in our ways to want to adjust and take the time to learns things.
Maybe you should have a open conversation and ask her if you can go to church with her just to feel what it's like or ask her questions about God which you don't understand. Try reading up inspirational stores about God or testimonials.

 

[WIP]

We are imperfect humans. The perfect life partner is a rare jewel indeed therefore, part of being in a relationship with another person is that we must look past some of the minor differences that separate us. In many cases, these differences are what attract us to each other or they can often complement each other.

But, I think in most cases the kind of differences I’m talking about are minor characteristic nuances. The differences between an atheist and a “passionaate Christian” are anything but minor. A habit of leaving the toilet seat up or the occasional dirty sock on the floor are minor nuances but to look past the basic core of a person’s being is to look past the person as a whole.

For an atheist to temporarily close a blind eye to the the core beliefs of a Christian or vise versa during courtship is one thing but to be able to do it 24/7/365 in a committed marriage relationship is an entirely different matter. The atheist by definition sees the beliefs of a Christian as unnecessary and foolish whereas the “passionate Christian” should be compelled to convert the atheist to see the error in his ways as it is a matter of life and death. In a marriage of this nature, I can’t imagine how it would lead to anything but turmoil.

If children are part of the equation, things get even more heated up as the Christian will be duty bound to teach them about Jesus, which would again be in conflict with the atheist’s philosophy toward life. This would ultimately put one parent against the other.

Just some food for thought.

 

[Mike S]

The issue of Christianity aside, the girl is saying there is something so important to her that she's not willing to compromise. Respect it.

 

[Deborah13]

WIP, brought up one of my biggest concerns. Children need two parents on the same page. How confusing for them this type of situation would be. No belief in God vs life immersed in God.

 

[Je'di-Benjamin]

since I have a non-believing wife. I wouldn't marry an non believer if I know that would be like what I am in now. not that im perfect or haven't been the best husband. its just that its not blessed by God and also one is better to avoid the problem then to start it then ask god to heal it or fix it.

PRAY, I have been in a similar relationship just now, I asked God to show us the way and we naturally grew closer together. I had to change and Yahweh Yeshua opened her eyes to see him. reach out and pray with her perhaps to. love and support bro

 

[Je'di-Benjamin]

I am an Atheist and

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

• 1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
• 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
• 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
• 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
• 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
• 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
• 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
• 8 Charity never faileth: but whetherthere beprophecies, they shall fail; whetherthere betongues, they shall cease; whetherthere beknowledge, it shall vanish away.
• 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
• 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
• 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
• 12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
• 13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity

Thank you

I have been almost everything under the sun but never knew anything, i was consistently hungry hangry weepy and shallow. never knew God never new my name, slave is what i was FREE IS WHAT I AM NOW, simple thought can not express his undienig love for US. hethans saints deranged or humble HE LOVES US, Be healed and blessed because HIS sun shines, Look back to Moses time. There was NO BOOK, THERE IS GOD. Yahweh "I Am that I Am".

 

[Tony Hyman]

Pebeto I don't know why you are an Athiest , but that is your choice and I respect that.But I somehow think you are far from being an "Athiest" which you somehow believe you are.Why I come to this conclustion is because a real Athiest to my mind would not worry about matters such as this.Simply because He rejects God and dose not have a "little voice" ie conscience speaking to His or Her soul as in your case here where you quote Bible passages like a seasoned believer would.
Now Im no mind reader but it you have been a Athiest all your life that is one thing , but if you have had a bad Christian experience , or what ever reason keeps you from believing that there is a God, now is the time to take advantage of this little test and chance God is putting before you.If you really love this woman then I recommend that you return to God though Christ(as Will also suggests) and that you study Luke 15 espesially verse 17 where the Prodigal son "came to his senses".Its never too late Christ forgives no matter what anybody tells you.Just repent and come home.

 

[muddyservant]

I agree with Mike S's comments. My thoughts, exactly. A loving relationship involves a mutual agreement between two people. I feel that is really the crux of the issue.

Some Christian friends of mine have married non Christians, and some like myself, have been very sure (through experiences ) to want to marry a Christian, like the girl you know. The Bible, the New Testament is not a set of rules... It is God's loving instruction to us to help us live the best lives we can with the least trouble and hardship. We can choose how to follow. Having said that, God can turn all things out for good, even our wrong choices, if we follow and trust in Him.

 

[Je'di-Benjamin]

Light and dark do not mix

 

[Chopper]

Hello Pebeto. Boy, you're head must be swimming with all the advice that you're getting. Just so that you know, I've been a Baptist Pastor for four decades, and a Christian Psychologist for three decades. I'd like to give you some information for you to mull over in your mind.

First of all, there is an enemy to all that Almighty God establishes as Truth. That enemy is called Satan. In order to keep you from discovering the absolute love of Jesus Christ, he invented a word for people who would forever reject anything that has to do with Christianity, and that is, to be an Atheist. The supernatural is hidden from the Atheist, no real love, no real peace, no "joy of the Lord", and no one to charter a course of life that would eventually lead that person to a new Heaven and Earth where life as we know it now will change to be more than we can imagine as fantastic.

You my new friend have been deceived in your mind by this enemy of the God, Who wants you to become His child so that He can become responsible for your life now and where you will spent eternity.

You don't have to become a Christian so that you can marry this wonderful lady, you do need to have a new spiritual birth for yourself. You were born some years ago into this world thru your Mother. I'm asking you to have another birth, it's a Spiritual birth, we call it being "Born Again" Now, this is what I'd like you to do to prove to you that being an atheist has no advantage what-so-ever. I believe that if you want to, to the best that you can, ask God to prove to you that He loves you and can make you into a new man. In 1974 I did that. I was an atheist so to speak, some friends told me about Jesus but I refused to hear any more about it. That stayed in my mind until I looked up at the sky and said, "God? If you are really up there and want something from me, prove it."

Several months went by and I decided to go to church because my wife wanted me to go with her. We went, I heard the Gospel for the first time in my 34 years of living and I thought, "what do I have to loose? If nothing happens, this is just some kind of fable. If I become "born again" that will be very good. So, I asked God to forgive all my sins because I heard that Jesus died on the cross to save me from my sin. I then said,"Jesus, come into my life and save me. I will do my best to follow You, amen." My wife did the same and she experienced the same spiritual birth.

Know what? He did! Right off I could feel the difference. That was many years ago, and I would not ever go back and change my decision the ask Jesus to become the Master Owner of my life.

Pebeto, Jesus is asking you thru me to give your life to Him. He will give you a brand new life. All your past sins will be gone. It will be like you have just stepped into a new life with Jesus guiding you thru life. Don't do it for your Lady, do it for yourself. This Lady might not be the one for you to spend the rest of your life with, God may have someone else in mind for you who would love you much more....Make your decision NOW, tomorrow may be to late. I love you already Pebeto, and what's more, Jesus loves you, just wait until you ask Him to save you, you ain't seen anything yet!

 

[Deborah13]

since I have a non-believing wife. I wouldn't marry an non believer if I know that would be like what I am in now. not that im perfect or haven't been the best husband. its just that its not blessed by God and also one is better to avoid the problem then to start it then ask god to heal it or fix it.

I agree with what you have said, But Paul said that your marriage is made holy (sanctified) because you are a Christian. I believe God will bless you and your marriage because of your faith.