Religious conflict in a marriage

[sarah.1179]

This is my first post so my apologies for only seeking out this forum when I already have a problem. Actually relgious conflict makes it sound rather dramatic. I don't know what you could call it though.

I've been married for nearly two years. My husbands an athiest, and quite a committed one. This was something he told me when we first met and I never had a problem with it.

I always enjoyed going to church on Sunday, my family isn't especially relgious but I like the tradition the ceromony the whole thing felt right to me. Relgions never been a big part of my life but it was a part. (I'm c of e by the way if that's relevant)

Anywho up untill I got married I was in the army, which I left to basically become a housewife as my staying in the army wouldn't have worked financially there's no requirement to for me to work so I stay at home help hubby as best I can and volunteer in the community.

We got married in a registery office which didn't bother me though it did bother my parents. Our local vicar came as a a guest though and he was involved quite a bit in smoothing out a lot of the problems and he and my husband actually got on quite well.

Anywho to shoot ahead, up till recently I still went to church by myself, but it's gotten to the stage that as my husband has become more involved in various activities which I support and help him with, well my going to church and supporting my husband came into conflict, my going to church started to undermine what he was trying to achieve.

I stopped going to church a few weeks ago which hubby never asked me to do but really appreciated, and I just don't know,, I keep thinking about it and whether I did the right thing or not...

 

[Nick]

Hi, and welcome to the forums!


I really don't want to judge, and no-one is perfect, but I will come out straight and say this: that I think it is not a good idea to get involved in a relationship with a non-Christian. Too much conflict of beliefs, as you have just proved.

All I can say is that remember God has a plan, and it will work out. But stay strong, and do not give up going to church and serving Christ. That is the most important thing. This sounds harsh, but God is more important than your husband.

I have a now Christian friend, but he used to be muslim, and his family were also muslims. He then started coming to my church, but it didn't make his relationship with his mother in particular very good. We asked the ministor at our church about that if my friend kept coming to church, then his mother would possibly disconnect herself from him. But the minister said that my firend's salvation was more important.
It sounds harsh, but that's the truth. If you can show your husband the glory of Christ, then that would be fantastic but it may not happen.

I wish I could offer you more confort, sorry.

I will be praying for you and your husband.

In Christ;
Nick.

 

[Carol Lowery]

Nick.........out of the mouth of babes.....you serve Christ well young one. Continue to give HIM glory for the wisdom HE has given you sweetie. You make us proud to serve with you.

And pretty much Nick has covered it by being unevenly yoke. But as of now there's no mercy and grace covering you. Get back in church, rededicate your life to Jesus, then your husband shares your umbrella of grace that Christ covers you with. This is a powerful thing of God, and believe me HE will use the opportunity to minister to him by your mere example of loving Jesus.....he'll eventually will want what you have. But honey, obviously your husband don't have it in him right now to love you as he is to love the Lord....to love your soul....looking forward to eternity with you.

Take charge of your soul, is your husband worth going to hell over by you denying Christ? You're at peace in church with God, don't let the devil steal that peace by using your husband to take it. Anoint the house and everything he touches without him knowing, and cover it with prayer from one end of your house to the other. Anoint all thresholds entering and exiting your home, the toilet seat, golf clubs, tools, frig handle, door knobs, car/truck door handles, his favorite chair, the remote control, his food, and have your pastor give you a prayer cloth [where the pastor and his prayer partners anoint it and pray over it], and slide it under the fitted sheet, right under his head. Then sit back and watch the Lord work. Every inch the Lord brings your way......grab it for the sake of your husbands soul.

But I would like to remind you that Jesus Christ the Son of God holds the keys to heaven and hell, not your husband. Love him to Christ by being that biblical wife, obedience to God first, then him.

 

[JoJo]

I always enjoyed going to church on Sunday, my family isn't especially relgious but I like the tradition the ceromony the whole thing felt right to me. Relgions never been a big part of my life but it was a part. (I'm c of e by the way if that's relevant)

Can I ask you a personal question? Aside from the tradition and ceremony of attending church, do you have a personal love relationship with Jesus?

 

[Blazin Bones]

JoJo has a good question that would influence some of my reply. However, if you beleive what you hear every Sunday then my guess is that you already feel this is wrong.

 

[sarah.1179]

Can I ask you a personal question? Aside from the tradition and ceremony of attending church, do you have a personal love relationship with Jesus?

I'm not actually sure what you mean by the question. Up untill I met my husband I always believed that there was a god and that going to church is a way to acknowledge that.

My husband is the most decent and moral man I've ever met, the fact that he's an atheist did make me question my beliefs to a certain extend, but to be honest religion has never been an issue untill recently.

We had a registery wedding mainly because his family wouldn't have been happy with a religious one, and it didn't really bother me. My parish priest came as a guest so I felt quite happy.

Like I said my husband never made an issue of my going to church, It's just that recently my going has started to become a little bit of an issue with other people. And as far as I'm concerned I won't do anything to undermine my husband.

Also could we not use language like going to hell because I don't really thing God sees things in such an absolute way,

 

[Nick]

What JoJo means, is that do you have a love for Christ? Do you put your faith in HIm and trust that he will save you from your sins, by dying and rising from the dead? If so, then you are a Christian.

Going to church or being a good person does not make you a Christan.

 

[PeterAU]

I've been happily married for over 10 years and I can say, from personal experience at least, that marriage involves a little give and take and some tolerance and respect for your partner's differing viewpoints as they develop over time. If your husband doesn't want you to attend church even one day a week then he really does not seem to respect your own needs and deeply held beliefs. I'm no marriage counselor so maybe someone else on this forum can suggest the best way for you to discuss your needs with your husband in a way that will help him understand.

I think if you can continue to attend church and have faith, leading by example with joy and compassion, your husband will come back to Christ eventually. He sounds like a good man who is lost. Many have been there and many have returned to their faith after time in the wilderness.

 

[sarah.1179]

I've been happily married for over 10 years and I can say, from personal experience at least, that marriage involves a little give and take and some tolerance and respect for your partner's differing viewpoints as they develop over time. If your husband doesn't want you to attend church even one day a week then he really does not seem to respect your own needs and deeply held beliefs. I'm no marriage counselor so maybe someone else on this forum can suggest the best way for you to discuss your needs with your husband in a way that will help him understand.

I think if you can continue to attend church and have faith, leading by example with joy and compassion, your husband will come back to Christ eventually. He sounds like a good man who is lost. Many have been there and many have returned to their faith after time in the wilderness.

Of course marraige involves give and take, I should reiterate that he never asked me not to go to church. But my going made it harder to support him on some of the activities he's involved in. It would be hypocritical of me to go to church and then help him with a fundraiser for a humanist group.

I'm his wife and whatever about religion I have to support my husband and hope that God can judge my intentions.

He was very upfront about his beliefs when I met him and I can't really change the rules now. He put up with several years of grief while I was in the army so it's the least I can do.

 

[JoJo]

Can I ask you a personal question? Aside from the tradition and ceremony of attending church, do you have a personal love relationship with Jesus?

I'm not actually sure what you mean by the question. Up untill I met my husband I always believed that there was a god and that going to church is a way to acknowledge that...

I mean, do you know and love Jesus? Unless I missed something in your post, you don't claim to be a Christian. Perhaps this will help:

"How Do I Become a Christian?"

http://www.intouch.org/site/apps/nlnet/ ... ct=6702017

 

[lovely]

Sarah,

The Bible tells you to submit to your husband, because you are his helpmeet. By submitting to your husband, you are submitting to God and honoring Him. I would encourage you to get our your Bible and see what it says to wives. I agree with Nick, we should not become unequally yoked with unbelievers, but you are already and so that's really a non-issue at this point. God wants you to love and honor your husband, and to be the face of Christ before Him. If he is willing to be married to a believer, then you are to stay and be the best wife you can be. 1 Peter 3:1 tells us that our husbands can be won to the Lord by our conduct, 'without a word'. If you are a believer, then you should be concerned that his soul is lost, and you should be living in a way that promotes faith before him...sometimes this will mean laying your life down for him, and sometimes it will mean standing alone on the Rock of Christ. While you don't have to be in church every Sunday, you should still be spending free time with the Lord in prayer and in His Word when you miss. God can use your submission not only as a witness to your husband, but as a way to draw you closer to Christ and build your faith. There are many sisters who have been in the exact same spot as you, and have decided to follow God's plan for families. When there is a conflict, submit to your husband, unless he tells you to do something that would offend God, then submit to God...in either case, ask the Holy Spirit to be your guide. The Lord bless you.

 

[sarah.1179]

Well I do consider myself a Christian. I've been baptised I believe in God but I've never felt the need to make an issue of it with other people.

Like I said I knew my husband was an atheist when I married him (well he's actually gone from being agnostic to atheist) and seeing as how he had to put up with so much hassle from my life it didn't really seem much to bear.

As I've said he's never made an issue out of my going to church it's just I know for a fact it's made things easier for him since I stopped. So as far as I'm concerned supporting hubby has to take priority over my sunday afternoon.

It's just I don't really know what to do with myself now...

Anywho thanks to everyone that's responded even trying to put down my situation in words has been a big outlet for me.

 

[destiny]

When I got saved my husband was still an unbeliever. At first he was really jealous of the church and my having Christian friends. He would be standing on the front porch fuming mad when I would get home from Church, hurling accusations because the services always went past 12pm.
I always tried to reassure him but it was the genuine change in me that finally got him. Eventually he started coming with me to church and his first Sunday there was the first service that didn't go overtime. LOL

It hasn't always been an easy road but I wouldn't go back to my life before Jesus for anybody. He has been the very thing that saved my marriage and delivered my family from the curse.

 

[JoJo]

When I got saved my husband was still an unbeliever. At first he was really jealous of the church and my having Christian friends. He would be standing on the front porch fuming mad when I would get home from Church, hurling accusations because the services always went past 12pm.
I always tried to reassure him but it was the genuine change in me that finally got him. Eventually he started coming with me to church and his first Sunday there was the first service that didn't go overtime. LOL

It hasn't always been an easy road but I wouldn't go back to my life before Jesus for anybody. He has been the very thing that saved my marriage and delivered my family from the curse.

Thank you for sharing this testimony of faith and perseverence and God's power to heal and save! :amen

Well I do consider myself a Christian. I've been baptised I believe in God but I've never felt the need to make an issue of it with other people.

So you do enjoy a personal relationship with Christ? If so, does His Holy Spirit guide you in your marriage?

 

[Nick]

Baptism itself doesn't make you a Christian and bring you closer to God (I'm talking about the water baptism). It's the motive behind baptism that matters. But baptism is a symbol of your faith; a statement or public declaration.

 

[handy]

Hi Sarah, after reading through the thread and all the various responses, I've this to share:

No where are we commanded to "go to church". We are exhorted not to neglect fellowship with other believers, and worship is vital to the soul, but we are not commanded to "go to church" every Sunday.

We, as wives, are commanded to submit to our husbands. As has been mentioned, wifely submission can go a long way towards bringing a beloved husband to the Lord. No promises here, but nonetheless, it happens.

As I understand your posts, your husband has in no way asked that you not go to church, but you feel that your going to church takes away important time with your husband. I would say that, as long as your husband is OK with you going to church, then by all means go. Touch bases with him and keep in dialog with him that he really is OK with it, and as long as he says yes, then go. Church is important because church is when we, as a body, can worship together and build up one another. Church isn't the only place this can be done, but it's one of the best places it can be done. It's good for your spiritual health to be in fellowship with a body.

However, if you are gaining insight that even if your husband hasn't said he wishes you wouldn't go to church, but would by far rather you stay by his side as he is involved in other things, then it's best that you listen to this prompting. Keep praying for him, and find other avenues to fellowship and grow in the Lord. Perhaps your church has a weekly bible study you can attend while your husband is at work? I will plug this internet forum as an excellent place to learn and be encouraged in the Lord! Make time to pray and study God's word on a daily basis. And be the best wife to your husband that you can be, even if it means forgoing church.

You will also need some insight, via prayer and perhaps asking godly advice of others, which things you should submit and support your husband in, and which you really cannot be a party to. I'm not sure if the humanist organization that your husband belongs to is something that you can, in good conscience, attend. However, it just might be.

It sounds as though you like church and religious things, but that you don't have a deeply personal faith in God. Forgive me if I'm wrong about this and by all means correct me if I am. I just gain an impression that you are very much in the same place my husband was when I married him. To me, my walk with God was the single most vital thing in my life. To my husband, not so much. He liked church well enough, but it was more because he liked the tradition and the liturgy. When I convinced him to come to a church that was far more Spirit filled, he was totally turned off. It wasn't that he wasn't a Christian, he was baptized, he believed in God, he prayed, he acknowledged his sin, he just wasn't all that "gung-ho".

However, having that close walk with God, having that deeply personal relationship with Christ is even more vital to Christians than 'church' is. Perhaps, you can seek out this personal relationship with Christ as you leave off going to church. I think that if you do, the chances are that you will eventually return to church with your husband gladly at your side.

 

[spiritlead]

often times we do not look at the BIG picture for our lifes. It is not about going to church it is about a relationship with God and Jesus. You need to be with other believers. that encougage you. You may be the only Jesus your husband see's. read your bible daily get alone with God. It sounds like to me your husband is all about what his needs are what about your needs. It is not selfish to think about your self and your needs. alot of the times as women we put every body first and end up empyt. I have been there and when you hit bottom it is not pretty. To thy own self be true. if you are not true to yourself you can not be true to anyone else. just like if you do not love yourself you can not love others.
Please think about what you are doing. It is life and death

 

[chelseaeryn]

The Bible calls for husbands and wives to honor each-other, and I believe that means they must both be submissive when called for. Pray about it, read your Bible, and continue to open your heart to Christ so he can work in your marriage.
Your faith is important, and while helping your hubby is also important I think that it is dishonoring to God to feel guilty about spending time in His house. You are NOT responsible for making your hubby happy. You are responsible to serve God and keep Him as a focal point in your life. I am still learning this as I am with a non-believer as well and continually struggle (arg, lol.)