[__ Prayer __] schizophrenia, yet again

[Christ_empowered]

yet again...ugh. its not all about how I feel (or how anyone feels...) with Christ. True, that. Schizophrenia isn't so much about feeling (although...I get some hardcore low points, like a lot of people with Schizophrenia...shrinks just don't talk about the mood stuff these days...), its about perception, too. And...the voices, etc. etc. etc.

So, my parents just had their phones on quiet, dad left his at the house while they were out. I called 3.30 ish, to say hey. no response. voicemail. called now and then...

mama texted, she's handling it well, i played it off cool. i thought they might be angry at me, that id be arrested and no one would come get me, that id end up evicted and homeless...i even thought about calling my far away aunt (she's dad's sister)...

and this is -on a tranquilizer- . mama invited me to the house tomorrow. i'll definitely go and chill and keep my crazy to mahself (LOL), but...

wow. just...wow.

 

[Christ_empowered]

me again. another day, another Abilify tablet. LOL.

seriously, though...I -am- blessed. especially at the public/community mental health clinic I go to, they often put people on high doses of psych drugs, multiple psych drugs, plus...a lot of people end up getting health problems as they get older, so they've got prescribed drugs for those in the mix, too...and...

me? By the grace of God, its Abilify at a reasonable dose and a bunch of vitamins. Seriously. No health problems, not even hypertension...and I -had- borderline hypertension until maybe 1 year ago, if that. High dose antioxidants can help, but...I think its more along the lines of God making me healthy so I can eventually go forth and do stuff.

other than that, I'm blessed beyond measure to have my parents. I was such an angry, bitter, broken human being until The Lord moved mightily in all aspects of my life. "Ye must die to be Born Again." I have normal emotions, normal reactions, normal personality....

I just also have some kind of mental affliction that responds to a tranquilizer. Everybody's got something...

anyway, hopefully, I'll be headed over to my parents' house today, for some visiting time, maybe see the pets, etc. no big thing, but...really, it is...something of a miracle, for me.

 

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again. with the vitamins on board, i don't really notice the tranquilizer as much. plus, its Abilify. no, im not advertising for them, but...compared to a lot of other tranquilizers, abilify is less toxic. a shrink told me that, and then i fact checked him and he's correct...fewer twitches and such, less weight gain, less drug induced depression, less...drug induced nastiness, overall. and now its generic.

i guess im saying...I can do OK with Abilify, long term. its not like having to take a ton of Seroquel or some other heavy sedatives. I've been taking it...8, 9 years now...no facial tics (tardive dyskinesia...more common with old ones, but happens with all the tranquilizers), no major problems...i've even gotten some IQ points back from the shock 'treatments,' plus it seems a lil extra, too. Or maybe I really was sick and in need of compassion and treatment from a young age? that would explain shrinks under-estimating my IQ back in the day....

ugh. tranquilizers aren't terrible...psychiatry can be, though. and...individually, "mental health professionals" can be some of the most mediocre, power hungry human beings -ever-. True story.

I mention that because my records were not kept confidential. i see now...that's pretty much how they keep people -in line-, blah blah blah...nothing personal...but it did help me get a plea bargain (long story), so...not -all- bad, LOL.

i kinda wish i could just go to a family doctor. i mean, I take abilify. its not as if i take fabulous controlled substances or some crazy, complicated cocktail. its Abilify, which...frighteningly enough, is a best seller in America. do I really need the clinic?

 

[ezra]

me, yet again. with the vitamins on board, i don't really notice the tranquilizer as much. plus, its Abilify. no, im not advertising for them, but...compared to a lot of other tranquilizers, abilify is less toxic. a shrink told me that, and then i fact checked him and he's correct...fewer twitches and such, less weight gain, less drug induced depression, less...drug induced nastiness, overall. and now its generic.

i guess im saying...I can do OK with Abilify, long term. its not like having to take a ton of Seroquel or some other heavy sedatives. I've been taking it...8, 9 years now...no facial tics (tardive dyskinesia...more common with old ones, but happens with all the tranquilizers), no major problems...i've even gotten some IQ points back from the shock 'treatments,' plus it seems a lil extra, too. Or maybe I really was sick and in need of compassion and treatment from a young age? that would explain shrinks under-estimating my IQ back in the day....

ugh. tranquilizers aren't terrible...psychiatry can be, though. and...individually, "mental health professionals" can be some of the most mediocre, power hungry human beings -ever-. True story.

I mention that because my records were not kept confidential. i see now...that's pretty much how they keep people -in line-, blah blah blah...nothing personal...but it did help me get a plea bargain (long story), so...not -all- bad, LOL.

i kinda wish i could just go to a family doctor. i mean, I take abilify. its not as if i take fabulous controlled substances or some crazy, complicated cocktail. its Abilify, which...frighteningly enough, is a best seller in America. do I really need the clinic?

you need weaned off that crap .its turning you in to a zombie

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah...to be honest, im kind of wondering if "severe mental illness" is even real. if the drugs help...why are online forums for the mentally ill filled with stories of miserable people who just -stay- "sick" and miserable, no matter the pills, shocks, etc.?

there may not even be such a thing. I was picked on, low status, terrorized, even...and The Lord has taken it from me, but my mind hasn't accepted it 110% yet. While I was at my parents' house, people routinely tormented me. its not as bad here, but here I also don't have the comfort of living in their (rather nice) house, so there's been a transition. and...

ugh. i was willing to believe in mental illness, but now I'm thinking -other- people need it. my parents need it so they can have a valid reason to forgive me and support me. mental health people need it for an income and power. after a certain point, a lot of patients need it because the labels provide direction, guidance, and...disabilty (ouch).

tranquilizers aren't that safe. the newer ones are less toxic in some ways, more toxic in others. brain imaging studies show definite signs of brain damage with treatment...its worse with the older drugs, but it happens with the new ones, too. not good...

and the clinic...is just 1 clinic of many clinics, all over America. come in troubled, walk out labeled and drugged. Next!

blah. the more im labeled with stuff, the more i sense i act it out...im not big on "subconscious," blah blah blah...but I do think being told, time and time again that you're crazy...not conducive to good citizens, let's put it that way. im thinking a slow and steady taper might at least be worth trying...especially since im looking to get a j-o-b, and those require concentration, obviously.

 

[ezra]

my wife g mother was all doped up she talked slow hardly ever moved around she lived in ohio the doctors had her on a pill for a pill . her husband and took a trip to California .she got sick dehydrated almost died . the doctors took her off most of her meds. when she came to mo she was a different woman alert and every thing. find you a doctor to get you off them meds.. you might need a light something /nerve pill to help you. you have been convinced your a wacko and need all the meds.

you get on here tell your story of all your meds . i can read you like a book find you a christian counselor find you a doctor that will help you. not right more scripts my wife sister takes pills thinks she is depressed . pain meds and depression pills ==downers = zombie

 

[Tessa]

Hi CE.I have told my daughter's psychiatrist to stop asking her is she still hearing voices, is she still talking to people who are not there, is she still having hallucinations, does she still think someone is trying to poison her etc. etc. He makes her relive all the past and it makes her ill and sets it all off again when she has been ok for 6 months before seeing him. He agreed and since then she hasn't been afraid of seeing him.

Reliving the past is a killer. Your parents have forgiven You, God has forgiven you. Now all that's left is for you to forgive yourself. Try not to relive it all. Present time is important every day.

 

[Michael74]

While I was at my parents' house, people routinely tormented me. its not as bad here...

Many unsaved people are cruel. Hopefully they will repent, before they wind up in punishment for all eternity. Only people who love each other will be in heaven. The Lord will not permit the unsaved to torment His children forever.

They don't know what is coming. Judgement day.

It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Hebrews 10:31 KJV

Resist the temptation to hate them. Be sobered by what is going to happen to them soon if they don't repent.

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Romans 12:19 KJV

I hope they come to their senses before it is too late, and learn to love you.

 

[Papa Zoom]

Mental illness is real and I think quite complicated. I had a Christian counselor that helped me immensely when I was deep in depression. My neighbor's daughter hung herself due to depression that wouldn't leave her alone. It's a serious thing.

My counselor recommended a psychiatrist and she's did more for me than any doctor before. She took my family history into account, listened to my story. She's my lifeline. I'm on Prozac. Actually a generic of that but I can't spell the name (lol).

I went off the meds after retirement to see how I'd do. Not a good idea. It took a while but eventually I was back with full blown depression/anxiety/panic attacks.

Half my family is on the same drug. I'll never go off it again. I don't care about the side effects any longer. They are minimal anyway.

I can function fine without the drug - until I can't. Without the drug I cycle through deep depressions. Ups, then downs. This is the place where people take their own lives. The lows are bad. One gets irrational, anxious, desperate, and everything is a catastrophe. Small problems are big. You can run, but you can't hide.

I have heart disease. I see my doctor regularly. I eat right and exercise and take my heart meds which helps to stabalize my blood pressure and other issues related to heart health.

In the same way, I see my psychiatrist every six months where we review how things are going for me. In the beginning I saw her every two to three months. If I have a problem in the meantime, I can text her. And I have. She texts me back within minutes each time. My last episode took 6 weeks or more to get through. I had to readjust to the medication.

I'm blessed to have had such good mental health practitioners that cared about my difficulties. There was a time I couldn't sit in the back seat of a car, on the inside of a booth at a restaurant, or in a meeting room at school if the door was closed. There was a time I'd just break down an cry and it got so bad I had to take time off work.

I'm normal now. I don't have those issues any longer. BUT, if I go off my meds, the problems will return. I can live a normal life without that dark cloud that had followed me everywhere.

Never go off any medication without a doctor's approval and even then, be sure to stay connected. My doctor gave me permission to try going off the drug. It didn't work. Had I stayed off the drug, and the problems continued, I couldn't function in life. I'd have to wait for the cycle to end. And eventually, I'd be at risk for taking my own life as a way to escape. It's serious stuff. I've seen it in others and I've lived it (and am still living it). It's to be taken seriously just like any other illness.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah...i dunno...

my diagnoses have been all over the map. the way things usually go, i wouldn't be alive. The Good Lord spared me, and I"m thankful.

the tranquilizers are -not- a class of drugs anyone should take unless there's serious stuff going on. having said that...i seem to do well with it, for now, but...

ugh. the long term data on this is not so great. people relapse with drugs. the brain changes from the tranquilizers might actually make things worse, over the long haul. and that's if you can avoid the facial tics (tardive dyskinesia) which, it turns out, are common even with the new 'atypicals.'

it also looks like suicide rates, unemployment rates have gone up with drug treatment, and life expectancy (even when one excludes the suicides) has gone down...so has full recovery, remission, etc. basically...for most people on the tranquilizers, it looks a lot like they buy some peace for a while, but the long term effects are -not- good, at all. blah.

the "bipolar" people aren't doing much better. Bipolar I used to be considered a fairly rare disorder with a good prognosis. its now considered far more common, and the long term prognosis is not so great. lots and lots of "bipolar I" people on disability -after- extensive "treatment."

depression was not always commonly treated with antidepressants. as needed stimulants, sedatives...the idea was that most people who required pills just needed a band aid until the episode was over. depression in the age of psychopharmacology is now more common, less responsive to treatment, and more likely to end up being labeled "treatment resistant," possibly because of prior exposure to psych drugs. and yet...

some people do better on psych drugs than off. its been that way since thorazine and the other 1st round of modern psych drugs came around. so, on the group level, it looks like all these pills are making things worse...worse for people, worse for families, worse for communities, and --here's the real kick-- worse for the tax payers, because --lots-- of people are on disability for mental maladies of some sort, the numbers of have kind of sky rocketed over the past 20 years or so. but...

"Individual results may vary." ugh. I'll pray more earnestly for God's will in -all- aspects of my life, this psych stuff included.

 

[Tessa]

The meds are important. If my daughter missed 2 days she would become very ill and it takes months for her to recover. No way would I want her to come off them.
But yes everyone reacts differently.
Any kind of mental illness is a cruel burden. But if the meds are working why stop. If they don't work then it is time to talk to the doctor. Or if the side affects are horrendous time to talk again.

 

[ezra]

yeah...i dunno...

my diagnoses have been all over the map. the way things usually go, i wouldn't be alive. The Good Lord spared me, and I"m thankful.

the tranquilizers are -not- a class of drugs anyone should take unless there's serious stuff going on. having said that...i seem to do well with it, for now, but...

ugh. the long term data on this is not so great. people relapse with drugs. the brain changes from the tranquilizers might actually make things worse, over the long haul. and that's if you can avoid the facial tics (tardive dyskinesia) which, it turns out, are common even with the new 'atypicals.'

it also looks like suicide rates, unemployment rates have gone up with drug treatment, and life expectancy (even when one excludes the suicides) has gone down...so has full recovery, remission, etc. basically...for most people on the tranquilizers, it looks a lot like they buy some peace for a while, but the long term effects are -not- good, at all. blah.

the "bipolar" people aren't doing much better. Bipolar I used to be considered a fairly rare disorder with a good prognosis. its now considered far more common, and the long term prognosis is not so great. lots and lots of "bipolar I" people on disability -after- extensive "treatment."

depression was not always commonly treated with antidepressants. as needed stimulants, sedatives...the idea was that most people who required pills just needed a band aid until the episode was over. depression in the age of psychopharmacology is now more common, less responsive to treatment, and more likely to end up being labeled "treatment resistant," possibly because of prior exposure to psych drugs. and yet...

some people do better on psych drugs than off. its been that way since thorazine and the other 1st round of modern psych drugs came around. so, on the group level, it looks like all these pills are making things worse...worse for people, worse for families, worse for communities, and --here's the real kick-- worse for the tax payers, because --lots-- of people are on disability for mental maladies of some sort, the numbers of have kind of sky rocketed over the past 20 years or so. but...

"Individual results may vary." ugh. I'll pray more earnestly for God's will in -all- aspects of my life, this psych stuff included.

look i am still a anti drug person i still believe to many are over medicated . i seem to have rattled some cages over my remark here is my advice find a christian counselor that will take you in for your best interest find you a M.D that look out for your best interest .what meds you need what you dont need . what is best what is not discuss your issues .but dont take a new script on top of your other scripts ... meds are needed in some cases MAKE SURE you need yours . each person is different .by they way i am solely responsible for my post not the forum or any one else