lost brother
Member
I have been a christian for about 20 years. Never was one to "wild out" etc. NEVER been drunk, nor have any desire for it. I will admit that the desire to have sex freely has always been on my mind. I am married now... I have been married three other times too. Each time, they want to be close etc. But after I say, "I DO"... the sex stops, then I find out they are cheating. As for me, I'm average, work out, college grad, great career, etc. excellent with kids. The marriage I am in I have been in for almost 4 years. 3 years basically no Sex. we went to couseling etc. found out it wasn't from her surgery she didn't want to have sex, but in away to control me. To get me to become a different person. What's so confusing, I was always "touchy feely"... I have been shut down so many times, i have grown the desire not to be around her. We have different views... for example, I love using the diswasher, she loves washing by hand. She sees me as being lazy because I like using the dishwasher. So I said, I could say the same for her...she likes using the washing machine to wash clothes, maybe I perfer her to wash by hand.... do you guys feel me? But other than little things like that, I think she should be greatful to have me. I don't have women calling, I don't even have a facebook account. I have a desire to want to go places and do things with her. But she tells me no, she's tired, etc. And I stay home with her. But now I get thrown in my face that "we don't do anything". She expects me to be talkitive and communicate more, I do what I can and try. But it was also explain to her that... women need communication like men need sex. She trieds to down play my attention for sex because how i grew up. This is starting to make me look else where. I don't want to go down that path, but I feel like I'm being forced to.
but adding everything together... I'm so tired...failed marriages, relationships, even feeling seperated at chruch... I wonder... maybe I shouldn't be a Christian. maybe its a sign for me to step down. as another example, I use to love going to church, studying, etc. I made the choice to attend a christian college, learn a lot... but failed at everything? Basically, the school let me go, basically saying "this isn't the place for you". I could never figure it out. I can go to a tech school and even now a medical school and do well... but at a Christian school, where I had more of a deisre to complete, I totally failed at? I had several pastors to read my work and they loved it, some used it for their messages... I'm just so tired to doing. I'm dealing with depression and sucide now. I have seeked help.. and it only last for so long... trust me, I feel bad and I have my numbers to call, but its just not enough. My selfworth has diminished so much. I don't wnat to make this into a abook. Feel free to respond.
So, with failed marriages, suffering in one and not being able to feel comfortble at any church... do you all think I'm just "damn"?
but adding everything together... I'm so tired...failed marriages, relationships, even feeling seperated at chruch... I wonder... maybe I shouldn't be a Christian. maybe its a sign for me to step down. as another example, I use to love going to church, studying, etc. I made the choice to attend a christian college, learn a lot... but failed at everything? Basically, the school let me go, basically saying "this isn't the place for you". I could never figure it out. I can go to a tech school and even now a medical school and do well... but at a Christian school, where I had more of a deisre to complete, I totally failed at? I had several pastors to read my work and they loved it, some used it for their messages... I'm just so tired to doing. I'm dealing with depression and sucide now. I have seeked help.. and it only last for so long... trust me, I feel bad and I have my numbers to call, but its just not enough. My selfworth has diminished so much. I don't wnat to make this into a abook. Feel free to respond.
So, with failed marriages, suffering in one and not being able to feel comfortble at any church... do you all think I'm just "damn"?