Sex and morals

[mrcountryboy]

Howdy Y'all!

I firmly believe in traditional Christan Morals, and for this reason I am still a virgin.
I believe in waiting until marriage or at least only having sex with someone that I deeply love.

However, the people where I live are really lacking in any basic morals or values, this includes the people that I work with, go to school with and socialize with.
Everyone is over-sexed! I remember when I was in grade school people were already loosing their virginity, out of all the people I know in Australia (including girls), most of them would have lost their virginity by the time they were 14.
And even now they continue to have sex on a regular basis with people they don't love let alone barely know (one night stands).

Pretty much the culture is that if you're a guy aged 15+ and you're a virgin then there's something seriously weird about you (in other words you have no manliness).
And the awful thing is that girls/women around here agree with this!

I'm now 17, secretly a virgin and secretly proud! but I am also ashamed because I have lied about my virginity all throughout my teenage years, just so I could fit in.
I am always very outward, very loud and proud about all my beliefs. I always stand my ground... accept for with this, because I guess I was peer-pressured into lying.
And it always works because I'm competent with women so naturally everyone assumes I'm not a virgin.

 

[Eugene]

Hey mrcountryboy and welcome to CF.net. Your stand for righteous morals is indeed becoming rare in our present society, and I commend you for it. I would add that same peer pressure that causes you to deny it is not much different than that which causes some other young person to yield up their morals.

I once read the story of a young man that came home on leave from the Army, went to church and received the Lord as his Savior, and then returned to his unit. Later he again returned home on leave and his pastor asked what his Army buddies thought of him becoming a Christian. His answer: "They never guessed it."

The gift you have been given is a light that many need to hear, and if you allow God to, He will open the doors that you perceive to be closed. Not only young women need to hear the stand you are making, but many young men's lives might be affected by your strength to come out as it were and glorify God too in all manner of testimony of what God is doing in their lives.

Philippians 1:14 "And many of the brethren in the Lord, waxing confident by my bonds, are much more bold to speak the word without fear." Your professed fear of peer pressure if given might also free many to wax confident and speak the word without fear.

Blessings in Christ Jesus.

 

[iLOVE]

Howdy Y'all!

I firmly believe in traditional Christan Morals, and for this reason I am still a virgin.
I believe in waiting until marriage or at least only having sex with someone that I deeply love.

However, the people where I live are really lacking in any basic morals or values, this includes the people that I work with, go to school with and socialize with.
Everyone is over-sexed! I remember when I was in grade school people were already loosing their virginity, out of all the people I know in Australia (including girls), most of them would have lost their virginity by the time they were 14.
And even now they continue to have sex on a regular basis with people they don't love let alone barely know (one night stands).

Pretty much the culture is that if you're a guy aged 15+ and you're a virgin then there's something seriously weird about you (in other words you have no manliness).
And the awful thing is that girls/women around here agree with this!

I'm now 17, secretly a virgin and secretly proud! but I am also ashamed because I have lied about my virginity all throughout my teenage years, just so I could fit in.
I am always very outward, very loud and proud about all my beliefs. I always stand my ground... accept for with this, because I guess I was peer-pressured into lying.
And it always works because I'm competent with women so naturally everyone assumes I'm not a virgin.

Hello,

Do not allow Satan to enter with the "I believe in waiting until marriage or at least only having sex with someone that I deeply love". Let Christ and the Cross be your focus forever!

 

[Eugene]

or at least only having sex with someone that I deeply love

Good catch iLOVE; somehow I did not see that.

 

[Nicholas Cid]

at least only having sex with someone that I deeply love.

This is sexually immoral.

When I was in school I told people(including girls) I was a virgin. People always looked at me and were surprised when I told them. Even now I am still a virgin going on 25yrs and I'm a happy camper! Some times people ask me why are you still a virgin? I tell them 1. I'm non-sexual 2. I like being single 3. I need no one else, just God! 4. I highly doubt their are any virgin Christian women out there. 5. There is no Christian woman out there for me. 6. I'd rather not have kids of my own, but prefer adoption, because there are too many orphans starving and dying. 7. I find it much easier to help others and giving alot of my attention to others, not focusing alot of my attention on my family if I were to have one. I consider the whole world my family and devote my life to serving God and the Church.

 

[mrcountryboy]

Thank you very much for your words of inspiration!
I pledge to stand firm with these beliefs, I will also make an effort to make it clear where I stand in regards to people asking me.

God bless!

 

[mrcountryboy]

You're right, I don't believe in compromise and this ain't an exception!

 

[providence]

Elijah, in his closing days, felt he was the only one, soon to be wiped out, who did not bow unto Baal. But God said there were seven thousand left (1 Kings 19:1-18). See, even in those more dire times, the light of God (John 1:5) still shined in the darkness, and know that this light is still greater than the darkness: "Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4 (ESV)

Be careful not to make compromises from your environment, as happened to Lot. Paul said that sexual immorality should not even be named among us (Ephesians 5:3). "You shall be holy, for I am holy" (Leviticus 11:44, 1 Peter 1:16).

You may already know all that, and your burden is instead about timidity. Though I don't feel such pressure to misrepresent my own virginity, and I am quite a bit older than you, I am timid in other ways such as sharing the gospel. The fact is that those peoples' concept of manliness is wrong. A "man" is faithful to his wife or future wife or other peoples' future wives and to his offspring and God, and that is a badge of honor. A day shall come, as in the days of old (Isaiah 30:22), when they will no longer be proud but ashamed of their works, and what they thought was gain would be counted a loss (Philippians 3:7-11). Eugene points out that a few other people in the darkness are probably hungry to be shown that light (Matthew 5:16), that living water shown gracefully to the Samaritan (John 4:7-42).

 

[Sparkey]

It's probably no secret that I like words. One word that I like is "troth," as in "pledge one's troth," or "betrothed".

This speaks of fidelity. It speaks of 'truth'.

Merriam Webster: Definition of TROTH

1 : loyal or pledged faithfulness : fidelity <pledged my troth>
2 : one's pledged word <I don't remember the details or, by my troth, even the gist — Stanley Elkin>; also : betrothal

See troth defined for kids »
Function: noun
1 : loyal or pledged faithfulness : FIDELITY
2 : one's pledged word; also : BETROTHAL​

Examples of TROTH

>by my troth, I will not trespass on your precious property<
>solemnly announced their troth before the church's congregation<

Origin of TROTH

Middle English trouth, from Old English trēowth — more at truth
First Known Use: 12th century

Question: How may one pledge what is no longer theirs to give?

 

[BeTheLightTees]

I would like to add that you should find a church that can support you and encourage you. I was a virgin when I got married at 26 and it wasn't easy. Sounds weird to say that, but you will be tempted many times. I am sure you already know that though. It is impossible to be 17 and not be. I had my brothers to look up to, who encouraged me and also my church friends. Make things a little easier on yourself by keeping good company .

 

[Sparkey]

The troth (or if you'd rather, one's personal fidelity to the truth) comes from God.

I would say that by keeping God first and dedicating the relationship to God and making Him the primary focus of the relationship. To seek God together, as one.

And yes, our troth is ultimately directed toward God. Keeping oneself spotless while in the world is another way of keeping fidelity to the truth that we are His possession, created by Him. There may be some cultural, "Huh?" reaction to being owned but we are His, none-the-less. Pledging one's troth now-a-days is often a moot point. There is no troth to pledge. Not in all cases but for many. My thought is that as we confess sin and are sin-cleansed this fidelity, this faithfulness begins to grow and may be regained through Christ our Lord. Another word might be righteousness or up-rightness.

 

[Jim Smith]

I was blessed in that peer pressure was never an issue for me for a couple of reasons:

• I was the top athlete, and always got top grades, so I was confident enough not to care about my peers - focus on your studies, not what your friends think!
• I used to hang around with geeky friends who were all virgins, even though some were not Christian - find the right group of friends!

However, much to my regret, I lost my virginity in my mid 20s. I thought I was "deeply in love". I was not. My current girlfriend is a virgin. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met, and I am so ashamed and sorry that my virginity is not something I can give her were we to marry. However, at the very least I can guard hers. I am deeply in love with her, this time I'm certain, however I will not make the same mistake twice.

A few things you should remember:

• A relationship centred around God will bring you much more happiness than sex
• You are not missing out. Trust me, you are not. A cuddle and a kiss with the right girl in a relationship that is right with God and whom you hope to one day marry literally feels better than sex with the wrong girl
• If she's not your wife, then she is the wrong girl

 

[Eugene]

I am so ashamed and sorry that my virginity is not something I can give her were we to marry.

Maybe you should just give up due to sorrow and never marry, spend the remainder of your life with geek unbelievers preaching to them of your worthless condition, and you could then consider the following scripture as pertaining especially to you.

1 Corinthians 7:7 I would that all men were even as I myself.

1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

1 Corinthians 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Wait, there is other scripture! 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I sure hope you never break a speed law and consider never driving a car again, and then take up riding horses that I have to attempt getting around in traffic; bike riders are near as bad. Hey man, Psalms 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Brother, if God has removed your sin, you need to move forward and not remember it any longer.
Blessings in Christ Jesus. :waving

 

[Jim Smith]

Maybe you should just give up due to sorrow and never marry, spend the remainder of your life with geek unbelievers preaching to them of your worthless condition

That sounds rather grim.

Thank you. But what I meant by not making the same mistake twice was that I intend never again to have sex before marriage.

 

[Claudya]

I think people should respect virginity more. Seeing how many virgins a guy can get is treated as a sort of badge of accomplishment for boys.That young girl is someones future Wife and I liken it to theft to take them. The young girls don't hardly know any better. They just want to be accepted and fit in. It's the boys responsibility to leave her alone.

*cough* So you think young girls are not capable to make moral decisions, so the boys have to take responsibility for them?
The way you are speaking about women and their virginity and theft from their future husbands you seem to be looking at women as if they were objects of male sexuality rather than actively choosing and acting.

 

[farouk]

I think people should respect virginity more. Seeing how many virgins a guy can get is treated as a sort of badge of accomplishment for boys.That young girl is someones future Wife and I liken it to theft to take them. The young girls don't hardly know any better. They just want to be accepted and fit in. It's the boys responsibility to leave her alone.

*cough* So you think young girls are not capable to make moral decisions, so the boys have to take responsibility for them?
The way you are speaking about women and their virginity and theft from their future husbands you seem to be looking at women as if they were objects of male sexuality rather than actively choosing and acting.

On the one hand, women indeed choose as well as men.

On the other, men and women who are believers need to act in accordance with: 'Ye are bought with a price, therefore, glorify God in your spirit and in your body, which are God's' (1 Corinthians 6.20).

 

[Claudya]

On the other, men and women who are believers need to act in accordance with: 'Ye are bought with a price, therefore, glorify God in your spirit and in your body, which are God's'

Yeah sure, and that goes for both genders. So female virginity isn't more or less valuable than male virginity. If you want to value virginity, then girls are also responsible not to "steal" the virginity of a young man from his future wife.
Because the way Edward worded it it sounds like women are passive objects of sex and their virginity is like a bargain chip in a men's game.

 

[Matthew G]

I believe in waiting until marriage or at least only having sex with someone that I deeply love.

I know this has already been addressed, but I just want to echo it. This is not correct. Sex is for a man and a woman within the confines of marriage. Period.

I'm now 17, secretly a virgin and secretly proud! but I am also ashamed because I have lied about my virginity all throughout my teenage years, just so I could fit in.

Betraying your beliefs so you can "fit in" is no way to honor God. Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't walk around with a megaphone yelling "I'm a virgin and I'm proud of it!" But yes, if someone asks, that's exactly what you should say.

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." - Romans 12:2 (emphasis added)

 

[Sparkey]

What is wrong with fidelity toward God? That seems to be the issue here. Disguising it within "gender relations" takes it out of the truth and makes it subjective. You love him? Love God more. You love her? Love God more. Love yourself? By now you know what I will say...

Where is the inequity there?

 

[mrcountryboy]

I believe in waiting until marriage or at least only having sex with someone that I deeply love.

I know this has already been addressed, but I just want to echo it. This is not correct. Sex is for a man and a woman within the confines of marriage. Period.

I'm now 17, secretly a virgin and secretly proud! but I am also ashamed because I have lied about my virginity all throughout my teenage years, just so I could fit in.

Betraying your beliefs so you can "fit in" is no way to honor God. Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't walk around with a megaphone yelling "I'm a virgin and I'm proud of it!" But yes, if someone asks, that's exactly what you should say.

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." - Romans 12:2 (emphasis added)

Yeah let me just confirm that I do indeed believe that marriage is between one man and one woman and that waiting til marriage is of utmust importance!