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Should a wife control or manage her husband's bank account?

My two ex-wives had a saying: "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine."

I thought they were just being cute...
.
 
Kathi said:
When a couple are married they should have joint bank accounts.What is his is hers and visa versa.Why hide anything?Why try to control anything in a marriage?Share and share alike or I would question the marriage.
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Actually, in my case the opposite would be true for I am surely convinced that if my wife and I shared our bank accounts, we would not be married today. We have completely different ways of managing our finances. I believe my purpose is to provide for my family as best I can and that includes setting some money aside for emergency expenses that might otherwise leave us in financial ruin. From my observations her idea is to live as well as possible even to the point of going beyond our means.

We agreed to take responsibility for certain expenses based on our income and I created a spreadsheet that I use to adjust those responsibilities on occasion. Recently I have taken on more responsibility because her income dropped. Whatever is left over is ours to manage as we wish and it has worked out fairly well....I think. We still disagree but because we run separate accounts there's little each can say or do about how the other does it. My only concern, as you will see in the following paragraphs, is that her spending habits could come back to haunt me if she went to the Lord before me whereas she on the other hand will suddenly find herself in pretty good financial shape which I'm sure she will squander fairly quickly.

My wife is very laid back and in my opinion too loose with her finances and very prone to borrowing money for what I believe are unnecessary reasons. She is quick to use credit cards. I believe they are not necessary at all since we both have credit/debit cards from our banks. And she is totally incapable of saving money (my observation). Left up to her I am convinced that despite our mid to upper middle class family income we would be barely living paycheck to paycheck.

I on the other hand developed and maintain a budget. I can open the file and tell you exactly how much money we spend on required expenses each month, how much we spend on non-required expenses each month, where the money is spent, the average of each expenditure, how much income we have, and the average of it all per month. I am now considering adding a chart to the spreadsheet to show trends. I hope this information will be handy when I start to use retirement calculators to determine if it is time to make that choice.

I set money aside each payday to cover the cost of those large bills we all hate like heating fuel, property taxes, homeowner's insurance, automobile insurance, etc. so I am not struggling when those bills come due. This makes it possible to save about 15% on our auto insurance because when the bill comes due I have the cash already budgeted and can pay for 6 months in advance. I have built up a savings so that I can be somewhat prepared to cover large expenses that inevitably will come up such as the $8,000.00 I had to pay to put in a new well two years ago. I also know that our roof ($10K - $15K), septic system ($5K - $10K), siding ($10K - $15K), etc. will eventually require replacing and when that day comes, I plan to have the money on hand to take care of it. My practices have also made it possible for me to be totally debt-free.

My wife on the other hand continues to pay for credit card debt despite the fact that I have paid it off for her three times over the years. The last time I told her I was done. She just can't seem to throw them away and stay away from them. I have also managed to save enough money in a 529 account for each of our two girls to be able to pay for most of their college expenses. I don't even think my wife has a savings account.

Should a wife be in charge of the finances. This depends on the couple. I know of some men that are out in left field when it comes to handling finances and likewise I know women that are extremely good with finances.
 
allenwynne said:
In America, where I was brought up (Boston), Jewish woman would stay home and raise the family and control the finances.
The man would work and provide the finances.
Though they made decisions together, she held control of the money, taking away the chance that the husband would do something foolish with it and the family would no longer be provided for.
Sounds like a good system to me, each with their own responsibilities, yet working together.
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In America?Your parents came over from another country?That is the way I was brought up.My mother did not work outside the home.My dad did pay the bills.He always was very generous with my mom and gave her money.As much as she needed.My father was a wonderful provider.He would give me anything I asked for so I learned to respect his generosity and not take advantage of it.
 
Willie T said:
Wow ! Have you REALLY read your choice of words here?
"Some believe wives can be trusted with" (Awk !!!.... Flag, flag, flag, RED FLAG !)
"OUR women" ???????
"squander on unnecessary luxury"

Because I have spent so many years listening to men who have issues with women, talk about women, it has become second-nature to hear attitudes. There are a few more "tells" in this post that would take too long to explain. But, suffice it to say, you might want to sit down and have some long, open discussions with the women in your life.

Just something to consider.

I haven't checked, but I will bet you dollars to donuts that if you haven't written it here, then you have said words similar to this in conversation somewhere... "Should wives (or, "women") be allowed to........."
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Being a Media person, doing editing work, PAing for conferences and seminars etc...

We hear and read a lot of things.
 
Claudya said:
Like everyone said... if you have a joined bank account you should both manage it, or agree on putting one of you in charge of it. It's up to you who should do it. Either the one who is better at it, or the one who's not as good at it as the other so he/she has a learning opportunity. Gender isn't so important. And if both have their own bank accounts each of them is in charge of their own (otherwise what good would there be in having your own?)

Having seperate bank acounts instead of, or in addition to, a joint one, can be an individual choice and it may have benefits for a marriage. Both retain some personal freedom to spend money on their own projects and hobbies or simply on their fun without straining the family budget.
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If a husband has a private account is he justified to spend the money however he wants? How about a woman with a private account? Cant the husband say: No. That is not right?

The best math to solve is 1 + 1 = 1. God is right :lol
 
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It is usually interesting to hear perpectives from people who have 'been there'. Thank you WIP. Thank you Kathi.

Good posts:
 
I think I remember reading somewhere that a husband and wife are one. It seems logical to me that they should both have a say in the way finances are managed. I know a couple where the husband won't even let his wife know what his salary is or what he has in the bank, and it's a constant source of conflict between them.

The TOG​
 
TOG said:
I think I remember reading somewhere that a husband and wife are one. It seems logical to me that they should both have a say in the way finances are managed. I know a couple where the husband won't even let his wife know what his salary is or what he has in the bank, and it's a constant source of conflict between them.

The TOG​
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Yep....been there.
 
reba said:
We have 2 joint accounts. A lessen learned when he was working out of town 2 check books one account is really dumb :shame.
Because of different locations the accounts ended up in different banks...
I pay the bills it just works out for us ... He is the spender ... We call the accounts mine and yours...they are joint...

each marriage is unique what is the good balance for one may not be for the other...
I pick out paint colors he has chosen the furniture .
I do small electric and plumbing repairs , now that he is retired he does most his own laundry... marriage is a balance between the 2 people involved ...

He worked full time i was blessed to be able to take care of our kids full time... in those days he was pretty much waited on... later when i worked outside the home stuff got divided up by abilities not by gender....

Yet i absolutely believe in being the submissive wife...
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We would have had the same issues with one account. He had to have a credit card for staying in different motels anyway so he put everything on that card. It makes it easier at tax time too.
 
Classik said:
If a husband has a private account is he justified to spend the money however he wants?
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Well basically yes. That's what a private account would be for. There are some limits though. Spending his money on something dangerous or something that is bad for his marriage or his values should be beyond his individual liberty(and then the wife would have the duty and the right to speak up), but then this should go without saying.

How about a woman with a private account? Cant the husband say: No. That is not right?
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Sure he can say that if he feels that his wife is doing something harmful or bad with her money. I'd certainly take a loved one's criticism seriously (which doesn't mean I'll automatically submit to it, but I'd seriously contemplate whether they might be right or not).

The best math to solve is 1 + 1 = 1. God is right :lol
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That's mostly right, but a strong love needs two strong lovers... giving up individuality completely is not gonna lead to a healthy relationship. Imo it's crucial that both partners keep some personal life of their own, e.g. having some hobby of their own, personal goals in life (that don't conflict with the partner's goals or the marriage), personal recreation time, and some friends that aren't entirely mutual. From past relationship experience I can tell you that doing everything together and sharing everything for a prolonged time is incredibly annoying, even if you deeply love the other person.
 
Obadiah said:
If I remember right in another post he said he was German, Claudya. I think we'll let you be in charge of him from here on out. You don't mind, do you? :lol
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Well that would confirm my idea that he's from a backward culture. :lol

Not sure my social-pedagogical skills are sufficient for managing such a difficult case though.
 
images
poor classik
 
Claudya said:
Yeah he (I think it's a he) keeps posting that kind of threads. Either he's from a somewhat backward culture, or he's doing this for his personal entertainment. He's probably too young to have actual women issues.
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some being under the age of 30 had issues with women. I fit that category.
 
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