Should the Bible give clearer instructions on how to find a spouse?

[D-D-W]

Lately, I've been thinking that it would be quite helpful for some of us if the Bible addressed the topic of finding a spouse in more detail. When it comes to romantic relationships between men and women, the commandments given in the Bible are many, but are there enough instructions about how to obey them?

Don't divorce, don't lust, find a partner if you don't want to burn with desire, keep the marriage bed pure, don't deprive each other of sexual intercourse except through mutual consent for short periods of time etc. - just to paraphrase some of the verses in Scripture. These are all good pieces of advice, but shouldn't Scripture also offer us some advice about what to do if someone is very ugly, disabled or in some other way socially unable to find a romantic partner or to sustain a marriage?

What are your thoughts on the matter?

I realize this is a zombie thread started over 4 years ago.

But the reason it is not a subject ever addressed in scripture is the concept of picking out your own marriage partner well after puberty was totally alien to their way of thinking.

In first century Judea, mates were selected by the parents about age 7 to 9. At puberty (now called bar/bat mitzvah age ) a marriage contract was signed by all parties (called a ketubah) at which point the couple was legally married. The boy would build a home (under the supervision of his father) and about a year later would bring his bride back to consummate the marriage. That would be about age 13 or 14.

There are many references to this process in our Lord's various teachings.

 

[daninthelionsden]

Lately, I've been thinking that it would be quite helpful for some of us if the Bible addressed the topic of finding a spouse in more detail. When it comes to romantic relationships between men and women, the commandments given in the Bible are many, but are there enough instructions about how to obey them?

Don't divorce, don't lust, find a partner if you don't want to burn with desire, keep the marriage bed pure, don't deprive each other of sexual intercourse except through mutual consent for short periods of time etc. - just to paraphrase some of the verses in Scripture. These are all good pieces of advice, but shouldn't Scripture also offer us some advice about what to do if someone is very ugly, disabled or in some other way socially unable to find a romantic partner or to sustain a marriage?

What are your thoughts on the matter?

I'm old and will celebrate our 40th anniversary this year, but if I were to ever find myself single and wanted to get in a relationship, I would first learn my personality type and look for a match. I am a creative introvert. Extroverts wear me out. I wouldn't want one as a spouse. I would do a thorough background check. Make her take a surprize honesty test. Take another test to determine narcissism. I would be so verycareful. Long courtship and engagement. Must never have been molested. God speed you single people. I do not envy you. Much much prayer before venturing into any o it.

 

[Welshlady38]

A thorough background check?? . I think that would be enough to scare someone away.

To the OP, I don’t think the bible needs to give advice on such things. Just relax, be yourself, there is someone for everyone and they will probably come along eventually and you will know if it’s right.

I'm old and will celebrate our 40th anniversary this year, but if I were to ever find myself single and wanted to get in a relationship, I would first learn my personality type and look for a match. I am a creative introvert. Extroverts wear me out. I wouldn't want one as a spouse. I would do a thorough background check. Make her take a surprize honesty test. Take another test to determine narcissism. I would be so verycareful. Long courtship and engagement. Must never have been molested. God speed you single people. I do not envy you. Much much prayer before venturing into any o it.

 

[Tenchi]

Lately, I've been thinking that it would be quite helpful for some of us if the Bible addressed the topic of finding a spouse in more detail. When it comes to romantic relationships between men and women, the commandments given in the Bible are many, but are there enough instructions about how to obey them?

Don't divorce, don't lust, find a partner if you don't want to burn with desire, keep the marriage bed pure, don't deprive each other of sexual intercourse except through mutual consent for short periods of time etc. - just to paraphrase some of the verses in Scripture. These are all good pieces of advice, but shouldn't Scripture also offer us some advice about what to do if someone is very ugly, disabled or in some other way socially unable to find a romantic partner or to sustain a marriage?

What are your thoughts on the matter?

Be like Christ. Find someone who is also like Christ. Two people who are expressing Christ to one another in marriage will have the very best experience of marriage that's possible. Marriage is, after all, God's institution and is what it should be only when He is at its center, ordering the relationship as He wills.

A man who finds a godly, Christ-loving woman has found a very precious - and, sadly, very rare - thing. You can be sure that such an excellent woman is not going to find a man who is not godly and Christ-loving at all attractive. And God won't be leading her to such a man. So, if your goal is to marry such a woman, be like Christ, loving and serving God with your whole being. A man (or woman) who is not so, makes marriage a troubled, painful thing.

A woman (or man) who loves God deeply will be looking past the surface of a person to their heart. Finding the beauty of Christ there in another person compensates powerfully for their lack of physical beauty, or disability. Part of what makes them beautiful inwardly is that, being centered upon, and thus fulfilled by, God, they aren't desperately seeking fulfillment in another person in marriage. A person who is, who thinks that they must be married or they can't be happy and fulfilled, is a person you'll want to stay very far away from romantically. But a person who is anchored deeply in God and content with Him, brings balance, stability and wisdom to marriage that makes it the great blessing God intends it should be.

 

[Deidr]

Lately, I've been thinking that it would be quite helpful for some of us if the Bible addressed the topic of finding a spouse in more detail. When it comes to romantic relationships between men and women, the commandments given in the Bible are many, but are there enough instructions about how to obey them?

Don't divorce, don't lust, find a partner if you don't want to burn with desire, keep the marriage bed pure, don't deprive each other of sexual intercourse except through mutual consent for short periods of time etc. - just to paraphrase some of the verses in Scripture. These are all good pieces of advice, but shouldn't Scripture also offer us some advice about what to do if someone is very ugly, disabled or in some other way socially unable to find a romantic partner or to sustain a marriage?

What are your thoughts on the matter?

Does everyone desire a spouse?

 

[Angelical]

It’s possible that we might end up in a kind of Situations where Countries are going around taking Cities, killing the Men and keeping the Women as Wives and things like that. I hope it doesn’t get there, but the Bible talks about stuff like that, so if we do get there, it covers it.