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Should the Bible give clearer instructions on how to find a spouse?

Lucian Hodoboc said:
I'm sorry, but I think there's a bit of misunderstanding in our discussion. I didn't say that the verse in question refers to people with disabilities. You said that "if someone is not able to sustain a marriage then it would probably be better if they stayed single". The apostle Paul says that it is better to find a spouse than to burn with desire. If we try to reconcile the two statements, we can conclude that the only thing left for disabled people who cannot find a spouse is... to burn with desire. What third option would there be?
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Hi Lucian,
I think I understand what you are saying.
Please don't think I am being mean with my description. What I'm about to say is not " nice" and we often avoid talking about people this way.

I have known this man for many years and we chat almost every Wed at church. This man is obese and has very poor hygiene. He sat behind us last Wed and my wife and I did not want to insult him by moving. His body is not only not appealing to look at, but it is failing him as well and it is getting difficult for him to walk.
His car is full of his stuff and the women of our church have cleaned his apartment twice only for it to fall back to its previous state, which looks much like this man.

He has an eye for women, and he has expressed to me his desires for a woman. And it is from this experience that I think I understand your question.

I don't really have an answer. He is mentally challenged but functions at a high level. He is smart and a nice guy. I would like to say women are repelled from him due to his poor hygiene, but this is something he can control, yet neglects. It works against his burning desire for sexual contact. But I have to assume it also protects him from the heartache of rejection I am sure he has experienced most of his life. I'm sure it's deep, and that means in his mind, its complicated.

I don't have an answer, none that isn't shallow or judgmental anyway, but I'm sure Gods grace is in there somewhere.
 
wondering said:
LOVE IS BLIND!
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No that is the excuse fools use to explain why they married people who are not Christian, or untrustworthy, or unwilling to work, known abusers/sexual preditors and generally not the sort that should be married.

Harsh words, but who is it that suffers?

Always the Children. If people really loved Children and not just there own pleasure, they would take great care in desiding who they married.
 
StoveBolts said:
Hi Lucian,
I think I understand what you are saying.
Please don't think I am being mean with my description. What I'm about to say is not " nice" and we often avoid talking about people this way.

I have known this man for many years and we chat almost every Wed at church. This man is obese and has very poor hygiene. He sat behind us last Wed and my wife and I did not want to insult him by moving. His body is not only not appealing to look at, but it is failing him as well and it is getting difficult for him to walk.
His car is full of his stuff and the women of our church have cleaned his apartment twice only for it to fall back to its previous state, which looks much like this man.

He has an eye for women, and he has expressed to me his desires for a woman. And it is from this experience that I think I understand your question.

I don't really have an answer. He is mentally challenged but functions at a high level. He is smart and a nice guy. I would like to say women are repelled from him due to his poor hygiene, but this is something he can control, yet neglects. It works against his burning desire for sexual contact. But I have to assume it also protects him from the heartache of rejection I am sure he has experienced most of his life. I'm sure it's deep, and that means in his mind, its complicated.

I don't have an answer, none that isn't shallow or judgmental anyway, but I'm sure Gods grace is in there somewhere.
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As my brother once said regarding a similar case:
"Imagine what he'd be like WITHOUT God!"
 
Who Me said:
No that is the excuse fools use to explain why they married people who are not Christian, or untrustworthy, or unwilling to work, known abusers/sexual preditors and generally not the sort that should be married.

Harsh words, but who is it that suffers?

Always the Children. If people really loved Children and not just there own pleasure, they would take great care in desiding who they married.
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Agreed.
JK.
 
wondering said:
LOVE IS BLIND!
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This is true. I learned as a young man that girls have sweet spirits and are magnetic in that way. The appeal of a sweet spirit and character is on a deeper level than a, skin deep one, shall we say? That is looking to the inside and that was is what scripture tells us to do also.
 
I counsel those who are considering marriage to, know the other person well enough to know if he or she is OBEDIENT to walk on the "narrow road" The Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 2Co 2:9 "For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything."

Communication. Get to know the other person. I mean, really get to know the other person. Courting is the best way. Premarital sex is not a good idea because it introduces a lust factor and most of all, it retards the communication process by introducing an emotional attachment that hampers the "courting" testing to discover what's good and bad about the other person.

I know that my advise is old fashion, BUT it's true.
 
Chopper said:
Premarital sex is not a good idea because it introduces a lust factor and most of all, it retards the communication process by introducing an emotional attachment that hampers the "courting" testing to discover what's good and bad about the other person.
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There are many scientific reasons why sex before marriage is bad for you.
Use the link I've posted to wintery knight to read them.
I'll give one non-scientific reason why sex before marriage is bad.
Why should a boy who is getting sex, without any need to make a commitment, make a commitment to a girl guilable enough to give him what he wants?
 
Lucian Hodoboc said:
Lately, I've been thinking that it would be quite helpful for some of us if the Bible addressed the topic of finding a spouse in more detail. When it comes to romantic relationships between men and women, the commandments given in the Bible are many, but are there enough instructions about how to obey them?

Don't divorce, don't lust, find a partner if you don't want to burn with desire, keep the marriage bed pure, don't deprive each other of sexual intercourse except through mutual consent for short periods of time etc. - just to paraphrase some of the verses in Scripture. These are all good pieces of advice, but shouldn't Scripture also offer us some advice about what to do if someone is very ugly, disabled or in some other way socially unable to find a romantic partner or to sustain a marriage?

What are your thoughts on the matter? :oops2
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In the first place the bible cannot be added too. What is written is written. So we need to search the scriptures for answers to your question. Find what is already there and there is plenty there. Start with I Corinthians 13 ...where Paul writes all about what love it.
 
Lucian Hodoboc said:
I reread Corinthians 13 and concluded that I don't experience the feeling that Paul describes as "love" in said chapter. What do I have to do to experience it?
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I know you asked sunflower but you need to understand the word charity in those verses mean love. Try rereading it using the word love instead of charity and see if it makes better sense to you.
 
Lucian , love is a gift, so ask for it. It's not just a feeling, it's active.
Jesus told the apostles to love each other ad He had loved them. He prayed for them, taugjt them and provided for them.
Love them as you love your self. What ever you would wish for your self wish and pray for them.
Help them if they need it and you are able to do it.
Pray for the love and it will be given to you.
 
Lucian Hodoboc said:
Lately, I've been thinking that it would be quite helpful for some of us if the Bible addressed the topic of finding a spouse in more detail. When it comes to romantic relationships between men and women, the commandments given in the Bible are many, but are there enough instructions about how to obey them?

Don't divorce, don't lust, find a partner if you don't want to burn with desire, keep the marriage bed pure, don't deprive each other of sexual intercourse except through mutual consent for short periods of time etc. - just to paraphrase some of the verses in Scripture. These are all good pieces of advice, but shouldn't Scripture also offer us some advice about what to do if someone is very ugly, disabled or in some other way socially unable to find a romantic partner or to sustain a marriage?

What are your thoughts on the matter? :oops2
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What kind of advice would you be looking for?
I think we have enough.
Islam teaches everything down to the minute detail.
But we're Christian and are persons that live by the spirit,,,,
not by the law. The law doesn't work.

Persons are human and will always make mistakes...no amount of good advice seems to help anyone.

What would YOU recommend for the ugly, disabled or others that socially are unable to find a romantic partner? Does everyone NEED a romantic partner? MUST everyone have someone? Do you think everyone COULD or SHOULD be married? Would a person die if they had no one in a romantic capacity? Then do we get into the idea of age of commencement?

Let nature take its course.
 
Who Me said:
There are many scientific reasons why sex before marriage is bad for you.
Use the link I've posted to wintery knight to read them.
I'll give one non-scientific reason why sex before marriage is bad.
Why should a boy who is getting sex, without any need to make a commitment, make a commitment to a girl guilable enough to give him what he wants?
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So guys take advantage of gullible girls?
 
wondering said:
What would YOU recommend for the ugly, disabled or others that socially are unable to find a romantic partner?
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I have no recommendations, for I am that way myself and have not found any solutions to my situation so far.

wondering said:
Does everyone NEED a romantic partner?
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No, of course not, but some do. The apostle Paul acknowledges that celibacy is not for everyone.

wondering said:
Would a person die if they had no one in a romantic capacity?
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Not necessarily, but they would (to quote The Bible) "burn".

wondering said:
Then do we get into the idea of age of commencement?
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I don't know what that means. Sorry.
 
Lucian Hodoboc said:
I have no recommendations, for I am that way myself and have not found any solutions to my situation so far.


No, of course not, but some do. The apostle Paul acknowledges that celibacy is not for everyone.


Not necessarily, but they would (to quote The Bible) "burn".


I don't know what that means. Sorry.
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Hi LH,

You're not ugly...so it must be the other condition you mentioned.

I don't speak from ignorance...I have a 19 year old granddaughter that is on the autism spectrum. She could function pretty well now, but now normally.

There are activities she could join with others like her, but they're so far worse that it's not good for her. Normal also isn't good for her - so she's stuck in the middle.

We kind of have to accept what God has given us and how we're born. Everybody loves her because she's very well-mannered and sweet and loving toward everyone; and that's about how it'll remain.

She loves God and feels fulfilled.

There is no real solution. Life will bring what it brings. If only things could be perfect, I'd make my donation! But they can't be.

We should just concentrate on being the best we can and then get involved in some different activities and let life take its course.

I pray for you.
 
Reformed05 said:
W
Yes they do! (I know it was a rhetorical (sic) question.) New question. Who is the Bad guy in that post by WhoMe?
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The boy, of course!

The girl might be gullible and might make a mistake,,,,
but why should the boy take advantage of her?

When I was growing up...the girl was always blamed for anything that happened. I agree that she is the one to suffer the consequences and thus should be smart with her life....but men have to take part in the responsibility too.
 
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