Should women continue the job after marraige?

[faeriecat]

My gentleman and I were sort of discussing this recently. We're dating but its turning serious. Anyway, I was asking what his thoughts were on this very topic and he liked the fact that his mom stayed home with the children. But for us, there will be no children -- I'm already 42 -- and we're both OK with this. So we agreed we both stay working and splitting the duties at home (I like to cook, he can't; he doesn't mind doing dishes, I don't like doing dishes ... that sort of thing).

Each couple needs to weigh all the factors for themselves really.

I know one couple with two small children ... 2 and 5 now if I remember right ... where the right decision for them was the wife worked and the husband stayed home with the kids. She's high strung and is very good with finances ... he's a bit more layed back and likes to be creative (I think he's taken some wfh art gigs here and there to supplement). For them, it works. He'd be miserable in corporate america, and she'd have melted down by now trying to corral two active cutie-pies. And they still have the benefit of one of the parents there, rather than the day care system.

Anyway, just my two cents ;)

 

[reba]

What is right for one couple may not be right for the next.... Well said Faeriecat

 

[Claudya]

I want variety of opinion about this question, should a woman continue her job after marraige? I am not yet getting married or even close to it , but i will really appreciate your answers and opinion . This will help me in case for future reference

Yep, she should, especially if she loves her job and the job is what makes her "herself". Because by giving it up she would no longer be the same woman the man fell in love with.
Also, humans need a task or a purpose outside of themselves (no, household chores aren't a purpose) in order to be happy. They need human contact and a sense of achievement and competence.
Being a stay at home mom may be great if you have baby kids at home, but while not yet having kids staying at home would most likely underchallenge and frustrate most modern educated women and men (look at how depressed unemployed people are). And frustrated women will be unhappy lovers and wives. So the marriage would suffer.

 

[farouk]

I want variety of opinion about this question, should a woman continue her job after marraige? I am not yet getting married or even close to it , but i will really appreciate your answers and opinion . This will help me in case for future reference

Yep, she should, especially if she loves her job and the job is what makes her "herself". Because by giving it up she would no longer be the same woman the man fell in love with.
Also, humans need a task or a purpose outside of themselves (no, household chores aren't a purpose) in order to be happy. They need human contact and a sense of achievement and competence.
Being a stay at home mom may be great if you have baby kids at home, but while not yet having kids staying at home would most likely underchallenge and frustrate most modern educated women and men (look at how depressed unemployed people are). And frustrated women will be unhappy lovers and wives. So the marriage would suffer.

Claudya:

I think that these days sheer necessity plays a big part in decisions for married women to go out to work. Though I would be the first to emphasize the great value of the home and motherhood roles of women.

Of course also, these days, with all sorts of computer work, the opportunity for women to work from the home is increased.

 

[reba]

Nothing 'mousey' about a woman of God...
Pro 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Pro 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
Pro 31:14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
Pro 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
Pro 31:16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Pro 31:17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
Pro 31:18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
Pro 31:19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
Pro 31:20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
Pro 31:21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
Pro 31:22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Pro 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
Pro 31:24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Pro 31:25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Pro 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Pro 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Pro 31:29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Pro 31:30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Pro 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

 

[Claudya]

Why does noone ever ask whether a husband should stay at home after marriage?
Why are stay at home dads not discussed here?

But sadly our economy makes it more impossible than ever for husbands to be able to comfortably provide for a stay-at-home mom, and if a mom works a job, the husband is often looked down on by other Christians as "dead beats"

Those people thinking of you like that would be uncaring judgemental sexists. Because they judge you for something your wife does; disregarding not only the economical situation, but also your wife's personal repsonbility for her own life and your family life (because in a non sexist world they'd judge her for working, not her husband for "making her work". Of course in a perfect world noone would judge you or her at all....)
Their opinion should be ignored. I know it's impossible to ignore them when they judge you like that because it hurts. But they *should* be ignored.

 

[Claudya]

Claudya:

I think that these days sheer necessity plays a big part in decisions for married women to go out to work. Though I would be the first to emphasize the great value of the home and motherhood roles of women.

Of course also, these days, with all sorts of computer work, the opportunity for women to work from the home is increased.

Of course parenting is very valuable work.
But what about the gender stereotypes and roles children inherit from their parents? Wouldn't they also benefit from being proud on, say, a scientist mother?

Also, people are very individual, there are women that just love their work, and men that would love to stay at home. If two people of that kind would get married they should both do what God has written in their hearts and let the wife provide for them with the husband doing the stay at home job.
I would really love to accept the provider and protector role and make it possible for my husband to stay at home with the kids if he wishes to (there are several families in my church that lived like that for a certain time, or idefinitely). I would be horribly frustrated to stay at home myself, because with my mental health problems it's such a terrible fight to start a carreer at all, I'd hate to abandon it.

Working from home is, of course, an awesome opportunity. It's just not working with all professions.

 

[farouk]

Claudya:

I guess my point was basically, times are difficult in so many ways that there is often no choice but for the married woman to work.

If she enjoys her work, more power to her...

 

[Claudya]

Claudya:

I guess my point was basically, times are difficult in so many ways that there is often no choice but for the married woman to work.

If she enjoys her work, more power to her...

Yeah it's really economically hard for most couples to get by with only one income. Though I know a bunch of examples.
People (men and women) have the right to some parental leave time here (I think 2 years), and depending on state and job they may get support money during that time. Not sure about he details, because sadly I have no kids.

 

[farouk]

Claudya:

I guess my point was basically, times are difficult in so many ways that there is often no choice but for the married woman to work.

If she enjoys her work, more power to her...

Yeah it's really economically hard for most couples to get by with only one income. Though I know a bunch of examples.
People (men and women) have the right to some parental leave time here (I think 2 years), and depending on state and job they may get support money during that time. Not sure about he details, because sadly I have no kids.

Well, the situation varies enormously from one jurisdiction to another.

Here in North America there is a very strong, cost conscious business culture, anyway.