Should women continue the job after marraige?

[andyboylester]

I don't know if there's a "right" answer, but my wife kept her job when we got married, then when the kids came along she quit and stayed at home. She's been a housewife for 18 years now, and since our youngest is only nearly one, she has the prospect of another four years at home before even thinking about a part-time job. She is quite happy with the arrangement, and God has used her circumstances to work in other peoples lives on more than a few occasions. Happily for us, finance is not an issue, as we live in rather unique circumstances, but I know that many people struggle to make ends meet, even with double incomes and few luxuries, so there is no judgement in what I say.

I feel sorry for the single mothers and fathers out there with no support who have no choice but to give their kids what they know to be less than the best, even though it is the best they can do. They might be our societies version of "orphans and widows" that James speaks about.

 

[Classik]

I feel for them.

 

[pcunite]

I want variety of opinion about this question, should a woman continue her job after marraige? I am not yet getting married or even close to it , but i will really appreciate your answers and opinion . This will help me in case for future reference;).

Yes, she should continue working after marriage ... but not for her original purpose. The first thing a married couple should do (before marriage really) is to set some prayerfully created goals. Use her income for those goals, don't use it to meet temporary wants ... this perpetuates the " keeping up with the joneses" problem.

Have a plan in place for when children do come. Which, unless you have a very supportive family, means one of you must quit their job and raise the children.

Children are a sacrifice so plan for them. Use the woman's income (save every penny of it) so that the two of you can navigate those 18 to 20 years of time easier.

 

[SMOOCH]

ITS SOMETING THAT SHOULD BE DISCUSSED PRIOR TO MARRIAGE BECAUSE IF YALL COME TO A FORK IN THE ROAD YOU NEED TO HAVE THINGS LIKE THIS SORTED... WIL I STAY HOME INDEFINATELY OR JUST UNTIL THEY START SCHOOL OR DAYCARE.... ITS DEFINATELY WORTH TALKING ABOUT.

 

[Jman96]

ITS SOMETING THAT SHOULD BE DISCUSSED PRIOR TO MARRIAGE BECAUSE IF YALL COME TO A FORK IN THE ROAD YOU NEED TO HAVE THINGS LIKE THIS SORTED... WIL I STAY HOME INDEFINATELY OR JUST UNTIL THEY START SCHOOL OR DAYCARE.... ITS DEFINATELY WORTH TALKING ABOUT.

Hello, just trying to ask if you could lower your 'CAPS' it's seen as shouting online mostly and difficult to deal with threads that have it.

 

[Classik]

ITS SOMETING THAT .

its something that should be discussed prior to marriage because if yall come to a fork in the road you need to have things like this sorted...will i stay home indefinitely or just until they start school or daycare....its definitely worth talking about

 

[Jman96]

its something that should be discussed prior to marriage because if yall come to a fork in the road you need to have things like this sorted...will i stay home indefinitely or just until they start school or daycare....its definitely worth talking about

Lol, nice try.

 

[Classik]

How about writing in small letters? :D

 

[farouk]

If the couple can afford for the wife not to work, fine.

Also, it assumes that the wife is not a professional who maybe earns more than the husband.

It also assumes that the couple is of an age when children are a likely possibility.

All sorts of assumptions, there.

I wouldn't moralize about women who are in situations not of their choosing, as to whether they 'ought' not to go out to work, though.

 

[handy]

farouk,

It takes more than just "if the couple can afford for the wife not to work"....

It takes real planning and budgeting to make it a reality. Unless a man is makeing a huge salary, there is no way the couple is going to "afford" the wife staying home, unless it is determined to be a budgetary priority and all decisions are based upon that priority. This is true if it makes more sense for the husband to stay home rather than the wife.

The fact is, our cost-of-living is more or less set with the idea that each household is a two income household... Mortgages, car payments, rates... all reflect this cultural norm...

In order to go against it, and have a one income household... that takes a lot of financial planning and sacrifice... unless that one income is a really good one!

 

[farouk]

handy:

I see what you mean. Of course the supposed 'norm' behind some of the contributions to the thread seems also to assume: being in the US; the existence of children to look after; the relatively young age at which the couple married; etc. Actually, among households there are hugely variant variables, and so I appreciate what you say, but also I don't feel inclined to moralize in favor of one option only, because people's circumstances vary so enormously.

God bless your family.

 

[Mike]

Farouk, I quickly globbed on to the premise that children were involved, because I frankly don't see any dilemma if they have no children. Hopefully, they will have had that conversation before they get married.

It's been my experience that a married couple can have all those conversations they want before they have children, but it might well not matter when a child is born. I couldn't have foreseen the change in EVERYTHING with the birth of our first child.

So, I'll revert to what I've been saying all along. Whether a married mother should stay home with their children is a personal decision. I would highly advise that she does if someone asked me, but no one has asked me for that advice yet. ;) You say "circumstances vary". For every one of those you chip in, I'll see your ante with one of these: Circumstances will virtually always allow for it IF IF IF IF this is a priority that outweighs the sacrifices they will need to make. Most people don't make enough money to lose one household income and not have to make changes. Some will have small necessary changes, and some will have great ones. They will need to weigh the changes that are necessary for them with the value of having their child's mother home with them and not do the day-care shuffle every morning at 7:00am. That's their choice.

 

[farouk]

Farouk, I quickly globbed on to the premise that children were involved, because I frankly don't see any dilemma if they have no children. Hopefully, they will have had that conversation before they get married.

It's been my experience that a married couple can have all those conversations they want before they have children, but it might well not matter when a child is born. I couldn't have foreseen the change in EVERYTHING with the birth of our first child.

So, I'll revert to what I've been saying all along. Whether a married mother should stay home with their children is a personal decision. I would highly advise that she does if someone asked me, but no one has asked me for that advice yet. ;) You say "circumstances vary". For every one of those you chip in, I'll see your ante with one of these: Circumstances will virtually always allow for it IF IF IF IF this is a priority that outweighs the sacrifices they will need to make. Most people don't make enough money to lose one household income and not have to make changes. Some will have small necessary changes, and some will have great ones. They will need to weigh the changes that are necessary for them with the value of having their child's mother home with them and not do the day-care shuffle every morning at 7:00am. That's their choice.

Mike:

Yes, what you say sounds good to me.

Blessings.

 

[handy]

As I may have mentioned before, my rather strong opinions come from logging so many years in the day care business and seeing it from that POV...

Also, I might be comming off as judgemental towards any family that chooses for the wife to continue working after children come.

Nobody's choice is my business....

Where I'm coming from on this is my many, many first hand experiences of women who more or less decided to continue working after the baby was born... only to have that little, soft bundle placed in her arms and her to desire nothing more than to stay home and devote her life to raising that child and her husband being protective and not feeling comfortable with any but his wife to care for the bundle of joy.... Only to find that they DON'T have that choice... because they didn't budget for it and didn't plan and they are now locked into a lifestyle in which both of them MUST work.

This happens far more than anyone might think. I can't tell you how many times I stood in a parking lot with a mom who was leaving her child with us... comforting her as she cried and cried and cried because she didn't want to do it. This isn't always just during the first week either... many mothers feel trapped into working when they do want to stay home.

Again... I want to be clear... I'm not speaking of a woman who truly wants to continue working after children come.... But, as Mike said, many couples do not foresee all the changes once that baby is born.

It's better to plan on the idea that maybe, just maybe the wife will want to stay home. If she decides not to... OK... But if she suddenly realizes there's no way she wants to leave her baby, she really will have the choice to do so.

It's hard, but it can be done... It just takes a lot of advance planning and to especially never begin to use the wife's paycheck to cover mortages, car payments and bills.

 

[farouk]

As I may have mentioned before, my rather strong opinions come from logging so many years in the day care business and seeing it from that POV...

Also, I might be comming off as judgemental towards any family that chooses for the wife to continue working after children come.

Nobody's choice is my business....

Where I'm coming from on this is my many, many first hand experiences of women who more or less decided to continue working after the baby was born... only to have that little, soft bundle placed in her arms and her to desire nothing more than to stay home and devote her life to raising that child and her husband being protective and not feeling comfortable with any but his wife to care for the bundle of joy.... Only to find that they DON'T have that choice... because they didn't budget for it and didn't plan and they are now locked into a lifestyle in which both of them MUST work.

This happens far more than anyone might think. I can't tell you how many times I stood in a parking lot with a mom who was leaving her child with us... comforting her as she cried and cried and cried because she didn't want to do it. This isn't always just during the first week either... many mothers feel trapped into working when they do want to stay home.

Again... I want to be clear... I'm not speaking of a woman who truly wants to continue working after children come.... But, as Mike said, many couples do not foresee all the changes once that baby is born.

It's better to plan on the idea that maybe, just maybe the wife will want to stay home. If she decides not to... OK... But if she suddenly realizes there's no way she wants to leave her baby, she really will have the choice to do so.

It's hard, but it can be done... It just takes a lot of advance planning and to especially never begin to use the wife's paycheck to cover mortages, car payments and bills.

handy:

Yes, I can fully understand this. Sounds good to me, too.

Blessings.

 

[Pard]

OK, curve ball, what if the mother makes more money then the father?

Just curious, this has always been the case in my household, I am aware that it is not the case in all/most households.

 

[Mike]

OK, curve ball, what if the mother makes more money then the father?

Just curious, this has always been the case in my household, I am aware that it is not the case in all/most households.

My two cents...

Generally, I lean toward the mother staying home with the children because of the maternal instincts that God has placed in the hearts of mothers toward their children. Especially when they are very young, I believe there is a special bond between mother and child.

But the important thing, IMHO, is that a parent is home with the children, and they don't have to be whisked off to daycare and placed in the hands of someone else. A child's natural sleep/nap cycle is forced to adapt to the schedule of the daycare and transporting him/her there. There is also the guilt factor many mothers have, as Dora pointed out. IMHO, the father is a very close second to a mother in this situation and (almost) perfectly suited to take her place at home. Again, this has to be a decision they both make on behalf of the best interests of the family.

 

[jasoncran]

farouk,

It takes more than just "if the couple can afford for the wife not to work"....

It takes real planning and budgeting to make it a reality. Unless a man is makeing a huge salary, there is no way the couple is going to "afford" the wife staying home, unless it is determined to be a budgetary priority and all decisions are based upon that priority. This is true if it makes more sense for the husband to stay home rather than the wife.

The fact is, our cost-of-living is more or less set with the idea that each household is a two income household... Mortgages, car payments, rates... all reflect this cultural norm...

In order to go against it, and have a one income household... that takes a lot of financial planning and sacrifice... unless that one income is a really good one!

true, even with monica in my home she still sends jaci to the church day care as she wants to give my wife a break from her.but those reasons are another topic.

 

[jahjahwarrior]

We live in an environment where Christians demand that wives become stay-at-home moms once they start having kids. Maybe it is biblical. But sadly our economy makes it more impossible than ever for husbands to be able to comfortably provide for a stay-at-home mom, and if a mom works a job, the husband is often looked down on by other Christians as "dead beats". Bad sadly, not all good loving Christian husbands who do have a desire to love and care for their families in a God honoring way are blessed with a PHD and $60K+ a year income. Unless you make $40K or more a year, you will likely live in poverty if the wife stays at home, even if you're not loaded with debt.

 

[farouk]

Let me just tell you sth from my experience: A guy, who retired from a bank on a good pension, then took a job at the company where I was, and moralized against co-workers (who were fathers of children) because their wives worked.

Easy for him to talk, right?