Christ_empowered
Member
my dad's always regarded me as rebellious, as a "loser," as a slacker. I don't get it, honestly. Today, we were talking about my college situation, and he asked me "have you completed ANY of your online classes?," and...I'm actually fairly close to finishing the degree.
Ugh. I'm trying not to get all hypersensitive about it, of course. I -did- mess up as a teenager. I -did- do drugs. Its just...
I just get the sense that my dad's perception of me has always been far worse than I actually was, and its more of an issue now that The Lord has forgiven me and seen fit to bless me w/ some of the desires of my heart (physical healing, higher IQ, different personality, etc....big, big stuff, clearly).
Ugh. Family dynamics. Not always fun times.
I -do- love my dad and my mama. I really, really do. Its just...stuff like this brings up memories that I don't particularly care for, and makes me wonder: what gives? I mean, think about it...if you're always treated like either a "loser" or a "loser" in the making ("pre-loser," if you will), doesn't that kind of set a person up for big time failure? My dad regarded me as a "loser" until after I got saved, Jesus moved mightily in my life, etc., and now...on a good day, he regards me as "severely mentally ill."
Honestly, I think a lot of it was just that I was short and homely as a teenager. My dad's tall and conventionally handsome. Plus, I"m queer (not actively, now that I'm saved). By God's grace, I"m somehow taller (not tall, but in the average height range) and not homely (get this; by some miracle, I even have high cheek bones now, lol) . So, basically, I"m thinking part of God's work in my life has been to bless me with things I wanted and needed...like a couple extra inches in height so my dad would treat me better. True story.
OK. I Praise God for His unending mercy, compasion, love and goodness. I also pray for a smoother relationship with my parents, especially my dad.
Thanks.
Ugh. I'm trying not to get all hypersensitive about it, of course. I -did- mess up as a teenager. I -did- do drugs. Its just...
I just get the sense that my dad's perception of me has always been far worse than I actually was, and its more of an issue now that The Lord has forgiven me and seen fit to bless me w/ some of the desires of my heart (physical healing, higher IQ, different personality, etc....big, big stuff, clearly).
Ugh. Family dynamics. Not always fun times.
I -do- love my dad and my mama. I really, really do. Its just...stuff like this brings up memories that I don't particularly care for, and makes me wonder: what gives? I mean, think about it...if you're always treated like either a "loser" or a "loser" in the making ("pre-loser," if you will), doesn't that kind of set a person up for big time failure? My dad regarded me as a "loser" until after I got saved, Jesus moved mightily in my life, etc., and now...on a good day, he regards me as "severely mentally ill."
Honestly, I think a lot of it was just that I was short and homely as a teenager. My dad's tall and conventionally handsome. Plus, I"m queer (not actively, now that I'm saved). By God's grace, I"m somehow taller (not tall, but in the average height range) and not homely (get this; by some miracle, I even have high cheek bones now, lol) . So, basically, I"m thinking part of God's work in my life has been to bless me with things I wanted and needed...like a couple extra inches in height so my dad would treat me better. True story.
OK. I Praise God for His unending mercy, compasion, love and goodness. I also pray for a smoother relationship with my parents, especially my dad.
Thanks.