manimal,
I have known someone who was in a similar situation. He searched for God in everything that he tried to do, because he felt this ache for completion. He totally pursued it the wrong way, and enjoyed the way he pursued it (ie. lavish living, drinking, sex, fights, racing, all the daredevil stuff that is SUPPOSED to make you feel "good") Then he met this girl with soulful eyes. He grew to love her incredibly, but she wouldn't return his love, because she served God, and God says to not be unequally yoked (in non-christianese, married or committed to some one who doesn't love God like you do) He was heart broken, and also very angry with this "god of hers" He couldn't understand why she would turn down his love, a love she could touch and hold and find physical solace in, for this untouchable, unsee-able God that couldn't hold her or touch her. Only until she was taken out of his life could he get close to God, because rather than worshiping God, he worshipped her. My warning to you, don't allow your pursuit of this girl, who I am sure is very loveable, to consume you. Rather than focusing on the hurt that her rejection has given you, seek God. He says He will reveal Himself to those who diligently seek Him. He's always been faithful, to everyone i have talked to, and I know He'll be faithful to you. one thing that I know of that separates people from God is unconfessed sin. Confessing it doesn't mean you have to go to some priest, it just means acknowledging the fact that you want to get to know God, and you can't because of the sin, and that you want it out. Sin is falling short of God's standards. The only way of knowing these standards is to read what they are. The great thing about God is, we don't have to keep these standards all the time every time. We just have to try, and when we fail, ask for forgiveness. So i suggest, stop pursuing the gal, essentially give up on her right now, and keep seeking God. make sure you don't have any sin, and I know He'll be faithful
pax, I'm praying for you
cat
