[ Testimony ] so...I may not be Narcissistic anymore...

[Christ_empowered]

...and that's a blessing. See, people misunderstand narcissism. They act like "Oh, you're prideful and incredibly self-absorbed by choice! Boo!"

If you read the literature--I've just skimmed it--you see that narcissism can develop by many paths, but it often involves neglect and abuse in early childhood. Intense pain, maladaptive reactions=maybe narcissism.

Shrinks treat it like its leprosy. Not curable, pills, pills, pills. In my case, there were/are additional issues that seem to be much more responsive to medication now. In my case, I think pain plus not really mattering much to people led me to retreat into something of a deluded fantasy world in which I did matter, if that makes sense.

I used to have everything you look for in a narcissist early on in life. One little known fact about narcissism: it often responds well to empathy, compassion, and boundary-setting, and not just in a therapeutic environment. I received only punishment and pain, especially from mental health professionals.

Now, I apparently have schizoaffective or some kinda severe bipolar I (there's a lot of overlap, and the treatments are very similar, if not identical). I take meds, do orthomolecular, that's great. No serious problems.

I've learned empathy by being shown empathy. I've learned compassion by being shown compassion. I've learned boundaries by having them kindly, sometimes lovingly, shown to me. Mostly, its been Christians (including many on this forum) and Jesus Himself doing these things for me.

So...that's my testimony, for now. I'm just now realizing how wretched I was--prideful, hating life and God, all that--and how prone to sin I still am, how much I need forgiveness and grace. Good stuff. I've known *about* Jesus for a while, but I'm just now getting to know Him (I've heard this referred to as "head knowledge versus heart knowledge," which seems about right...).

Positions on the prognosis for NPD change over time in mental health. Used to be they encouraged compassion and empathy. I was put through Hell on earth by self-righteous hypocrites in the name of "corrective life experiences." Now, the official line is swinging back towards empathy.

The mental health industry destroyed and victimized me, and Christ and His people saved me.

 

[Kathi]

That is what Christ is for,to save you

 

[rthom7]

My brother I am known narcissism too in the past, so I feel for you...it can be hard for love to overflow from our own cup if it has a big hole in it, and that flowing inward is not a result of narcissism per se, but something wrong with our family concept of love...Satan knows that if we upset families we can destroy souls abilities to love themselves, and thus others....

 

[Eugene]

.I've learned empathy by being shown empathy. I've learned compassion by being shown compassion. I've learned boundaries by having them kindly, sometimes lovingly, shown to me. Mostly, its been Christians (including many on this forum) and Jesus Himself doing these things for me

You have in effect stated a most precious concept of God.
2 Cor 1:3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
2 Cor 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

Blessings brother in Jesus.

 

[Danus]

...and that's a blessing. See, people misunderstand narcissism. They act like "Oh, you're prideful and incredibly self-absorbed by choice! Boo!"

If you read the literature--I've just skimmed it--you see that narcissism can develop by many paths, but it often involves neglect and abuse in early childhood. Intense pain, maladaptive reactions=maybe narcissism.

Shrinks treat it like its leprosy. Not curable, pills, pills, pills. In my case, there were/are additional issues that seem to be much more responsive to medication now. In my case, I think pain plus not really mattering much to people led me to retreat into something of a deluded fantasy world in which I did matter, if that makes sense.

I used to have everything you look for in a narcissist early on in life. One little known fact about narcissism: it often responds well to empathy, compassion, and boundary-setting, and not just in a therapeutic environment. I received only punishment and pain, especially from mental health professionals.

Now, I apparently have schizoaffective or some kinda severe bipolar I (there's a lot of overlap, and the treatments are very similar, if not identical). I take meds, do orthomolecular, that's great. No serious problems.

I've learned empathy by being shown empathy. I've learned compassion by being shown compassion. I've learned boundaries by having them kindly, sometimes lovingly, shown to me. Mostly, its been Christians (including many on this forum) and Jesus Himself doing these things for me.

So...that's my testimony, for now. I'm just now realizing how wretched I was--prideful, hating life and God, all that--and how prone to sin I still am, how much I need forgiveness and grace. Good stuff. I've known *about* Jesus for a while, but I'm just now getting to know Him (I've heard this referred to as "head knowledge versus heart knowledge," which seems about right...).

Positions on the prognosis for NPD change over time in mental health. Used to be they encouraged compassion and empathy. I was put through Hell on earth by self-righteous hypocrites in the name of "corrective life experiences." Now, the official line is swinging back towards empathy.

The mental health industry destroyed and victimized me, and Christ and His people saved me.

Christ_empowered, I often enjoy reading your post, particularly when it reenforces my thoughts on the subject of mental health, in relation to the Christian life.

I feel like I've seen you experience sanctification, growth in Christ Jesus, over the time I've known you on this forum. It comes out in your words.

I know that regardless of any "diagnosis" by the mental health industry, we can all relate to a lot of what you have experienced; both in your trials shared and in your sense of healing through Christ. Our stories, though slightly different, are really very much the same, and it is comforting to share those, because we can all relate in some way. That's what makes Christian fellowship such a strong and edifying experience. It is essential to the Christian life.

Interestingly, as I have grown in Christ, I've found that less people actually care about me then I used to believe. I should say, that the people I thought cared for me, really didn't. Rather, they cared for themselves and I was often just a "prop" for their own concerns; someone who could perhaps "do something" for them. Truth is, I believe we are all sort of that to the world.

Some times It get's me a little down, but this verse picks me up. Galatians 1:10

10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

That last part is very important. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, everyone.

I no longer think of it as Narcissism. Narcissism is derived from the pagan story of Echo and Narcissisus, the greek youth who fell in love with his reflection. I think of it as excessive self-love, sort of pre-conditioned by situations beyond my control.

Anyway...compassion goes a long way. Teen Challenge was good. Direct, divine intervention was even better. Love from my now functional family has been really, really important.

The thing about it is that when I was deep in my NPD mess, the secular mental health people sought only to harm me. Jesus knows me better than they do, better than I know myself, and He's seen fit to show me a lot of compassion, maybe even pity. That's huge.

 

[jasonc]

Christ_empowered, I often enjoy reading your post, particularly when it reenforces my thoughts on the subject of mental health, in relation to the Christian life.

I feel like I've seen you experience sanctification, growth in Christ Jesus, over the time I've known you on this forum. It comes out in your words.

I know that regardless of any "diagnosis" by the mental health industry, we can all relate to a lot of what you have experienced; both in your trials shared and in your sense of healing through Christ. Our stories, though slightly different, are really very much the same, and it is comforting to share those, because we can all relate in some way. That's what makes Christian fellowship such a strong and edifying experience. It is essential to the Christian life.

Interestingly, as I have grown in Christ, I've found that less people actually care about me then I used to believe. I should say, that the people I thought cared for me, really didn't. Rather, they cared for themselves and I was often just a "prop" for their own concerns; someone who could perhaps "do something" for them. Truth is, I believe we are all sort of that to the world.

Some times It get's me a little down, but this verse picks me up. Galatians 1:10

10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

That last part is very important. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

one need to look at how we in America tend to deal with the poor. but yes ce is a blessing.

 

[Edward]

That is huge brother. You have a wonderful testimony which speaks of much growth and blessing from our Lord Jesus.

rthom7's post is very profound and spoke deeply to me. This is about Love. Learning what it really is and the power of it. Love is so much more than just a feel good emotion that takes place between a man and a woman. You seem to be learning this. (I'm learning it also at the same time, aren't we all?)

The renewal and regeneration which takes place within us after we are born again is about obtaining the mind of Christ, and God is Love. So in effect, we...are...becoming...Love.
I am starting to understand that Love is the most powerful force in the universe.

 

[Christ_empowered]

jasonc is also right. In my own right, I'm poor. After the ECT and everything, I was incapable of even holding a basic job, until recently. Now, I'm the pariah of my area, because powerful people have gone nuclear on my reputation...

...still, The Lord is with me. My parents gladly support me. I get disability. I'm doing the Liberty Online thing, which is challenging and rewarding (who knew that I'd one day take microeconomics?).

I question the narcissism diagnosis. I mean, yes; pride, self-love, etc. OK. But I was also an easy target for people in general, particularly wealthy people, in this area. After I filed a medical board complaint against a former shrink (she got me hooked up Klonopin as a teenager), all Hell broke lose. When my people weren't so obviously behind me, I was the most hated person around. Poor AND uppity, lol. In the South, lol.

Now, I live comfortably and safely with my parents. My intelligence seems to have been restored (I can actually handle 200- and 300-level college classes fairly well). I have an attorney. Good stuff.

 

[Edward]

I think all these people turning on you is an indicator flag that you're on the right track with the Lord. Jesus said it would happen to you, that the world would despise you. It happened to me too, from a lot of people.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah...its like, when I was stupid and ugly and "knew my place," everyone could laugh at me. Christ intervened. Now, I'm healthy, not ugly, smart enough for college level work...and everybody except my family seems to be against me. I "don't know my place," apparently. At first, I thought of it in terms of sociological issues, like...even though I wasn't ever as poor as people said I was, I still wasn't affluent, so maybe its all social class issues. Then I realized...oppression of the poor IS demonic. Oppression in general IS demonic. On the surface, it may look like there's a worldly explanation, but when you dig deeper...its just stigma and oppression, both of which are satanic in origin.

In my case, people around here hate The Lord's work in my life. My people are more affluent now and they're taking care of me and protecting me. I'm celibate, so the whole sodomy issue is not an issue anymore. I don't require mental hospitals or heavy meds. I'm physically healthy. I'm apparently "too well preserved," which probably means: "why is that ugly little flamer so healthy looking?" LOL.

I apparently "don't know my place" because I'm close to my family and I live "too comfortably." Ugh! I mean, I lean on The Lord and His people, you know? But still...its frustrating.

 

[Eugene]

yeah...its like, when I was stupid and ugly and "knew my place," everyone could laugh at me. Christ intervened. Now, I'm healthy, not ugly, smart enough for college level work.

I don't know, looking at your picture above, it appears you retained your former looks and characteristics you describe, but you do sport a new golden crown.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Me again...

...I've been emailing this Pentecostal pastor, off of allexperts.com. He's in the UK. He told me that a) Self was getting in the way and b) Christ gives us a whole new life, not a patched up old life.

So true. I've become and am becoming an entirely new person, in and through Christ Jesus. I don't think the same, talk the same, act the same. In my case, I don't even look the same (growth spurt at 25 and my facial features recently masculinized).

So...yeah...transformation. The core "crazy"--the diagnosis is Bipolar I, but I suspect its "moody schizophrenia"--remains, but no matter. There are surprisingly successful schizophrenics out there, and there are plenty of people who aren't so successful but still have meaningful lives, despite everything (and thanks to Christ). Hopefully, my studies at Liberty will enable me to one day support myself, mental issues and all.

As for narcissism...it was a nightmare. I mean, couple self-love with psychosis, you have a hellish existence. Now, I can empathize, show compassion, people don't despise me as much, so on and so forth. Its good stuff. I may always suffer from mental illness, but I've been released from the prison of Self. Schizophrenia can be managed fairly well; extreme self-absorption, narcissism...only Christ can set you free.

 

[jasonc]

LORD, heal this man as you see fit, let him be a light shining the darkness of his town,

 

[Christ_empowered]

ohhh...yeah...speaking of my town...people aren't happy about God's work in my life. I guess "burned out little flamers" are supposed to just shut up and die or something. I dunno.

Its kinda scary. I was just out back, smoking a cigarette (bad, I know, and yes, I plan on quitting), and some people living behind my parents were screaming about me. Seriously?!?! This town is a big part of the reason I had mental illness in the first place....now, God's stepped in, and everybody's obsessed with letting me know "how they feel about me," and I don't wanna hear it!

Ugh. Sorry. Just venting, lol.

 

[Eugene]

ohhh...yeah...speaking of my town...people aren't happy about God's work in my life. I guess "burned out little flamers" are supposed to just shut up and die or something. I dunno.

Its kinda scary. I was just out back, smoking a cigarette (bad, I know, and yes, I plan on quitting), and some people living behind my parents were screaming about me. Seriously?!?! This town is a big part of the reason I had mental illness in the first place....now, God's stepped in, and everybody's obsessed with letting me know "how they feel about me," and I don't wanna hear it!

Ugh. Sorry. Just venting, lol.

Record the ranting against you that you hear even on a cell phone if it's legal where you live. You need to ascertain that your schizophrenia is not controlling your life, as I have known some to openly argue with a TV program they thought was talking about them; it's a terribly deceptive illness that needs treatment. When you determine something is wrong, you can move forward with the solution determined by your doctor to controlling its symptoms afflicting you, Side effects of prescribed thought organization medications on many patients are minimal compared to their benefit; extra sleep required and some weight gain that can be alleviated with a proper exercise program.

I pray you find all truth for your edification in spiritual growth through knowledge of the word of God, and that you are led to find the answers to your mental peace with the medical treatment God is allowing in your life. I just recently had a cast on my left arm removed after twelve weeks due to nine broken bones in my wrist. I reckon I could have sit, prayed, and waited to move until God may or may not have healed it in its crooked position but after three days from the date of the break I finally went to the doctor; it was not getting better. I have a dear brother in the Lord I took to the doctor today that I was relating a problem of another Christian brother I know of that is presently broken in spirit as it were. He said something I don't think I had ever heard before and that was that he is not yet broken before the Lord, but defeated. Don't be defeated. Blessings in Christ Jesus.

 

[Tony Hyman]

Yes it's a dog eat dog world down here with all kinds of "mind power" and "you are the Universe" and all other anti -loser junk that we get exposed to daily and also creeping into some sermons I notice in order that all religions may be accomodated in the nameof "love and peace".Thank goodness the is only one "I Am" and that is the God theTrinity as laid down by Gods Holy Word.Outside of Christlikeness as explained under the fruits of the Spirit in Gal 5:22
where we see the attitude to strive for. The general tendancy is in most cases ,is to demand perfection from others while we expect to be treated with mercy for our short comings.Some control freaks are have just got it real bad, while some others have mastered the art of manipulation under the in more disguised ways.You just got to hang in there and check yourself , to see that you are always in line with Christ.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah...big fish eat the little fish and then blame the little fish, lol. Seriously: when I was poor--and my poverty wasn't bad, only because my people were behind me--people projected ALL their issues on to me. He's lazy, he's stupid, he's "poor white trash" (hey, its the south!), he needs to pick himself up by his boot straps, etc. The world is such a terrible place, you know?

Docs fried my brain out with ECT, ruined my reputation (releasing confidential information and such) and expected me to "pick myself up by my boot straps." I get it, its America, we're a very individualistic country. We also apparently HATE poor people. And flamers. And poor flamers...wow, watch yourself.

I'm like Scarlett O'Hara "I will never go hungry again!" LOL. If only because God has blessed my people and they're now protecting me. Its a tough world, especially when you're a "trouble maker" schizophrenic. Ugh.

Thanks for the posts.

 

[follower]

you might go hungry some day. and be put in prison/jail/arrested for holding fast to your faith in Yeshua. and lose your home/domicile/place to stay and family.
according to Scripture >
today, don't worry.
tomorrow, don't worry.
after that, don't worry.
but realize that everything is , well, temporary, and all those things happened in Scripture, and throughout history - more people lost their life to the church in the name of god than to any other cause or country or politic, so deceptive is the world.

we might have a season, maybe even a few years, of peace and provision, whether subsistence, below subsistence, or more.

maybe for another day still. maybe not. maybe for quite a while still. maybe not.