Strange Christmas

[daninthelionsden]

We bought our son a couple of video games. One was a VR game. My wife and I agreed to not exchange gifts this year due to cost and the fact that every square inch of this tiny apartment is taken up and there's just no space. We didn't mind at all. Strangest thing is that my Brother-in-law somehow found our number and told me my mom died on or about Christmas Day. I was surprised to hear from him. I had no idea whether he was alive or dead. He told me he had divorced my sister back in 2010....so I guess that makes him my ex Brother-in-law. He is with someone new and I am happy for him. He taught me how to shoot, ride a horse, drive a tractor, fish, hunt and many life lessons. He asked if I would be attending the funeral. I said no. I don't feel bad about my mom's death....just relieved. She can no longer hurt me. May God have mercy on her soul.

 

[Tessa]

I don't know what to say to you Dan, ad I don't know the entire picture. Glad you can ask for mercy for your mom.
Hop the rest 9f your Christmas was a good one.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Your "mother" wasn't your mother at all actually. She's just a woman that raised you.

 

[daninthelionsden]

I don't know what to say to you Dan, ad I don't know the entire picture. Glad you can ask for mercy for your mom.
Hop the rest 9f your Christmas was a good one.

It's OK Tess. I don't even know how to feel.

 

[daninthelionsden]

Your "mother" wasn't your mother at all actually. She's just a woman that raised you.

Yes. I agree. She was hurting me and my wife even up to the last words she spoke to me years ago.

 

[Tessa]

Yes. I agree. She was hurting me and my wife even up to the last words she spoke to me years ago.

 

[stovebolts]

Yes. I agree. She was hurting me and my wife even up to the last words she spoke to me years ago.

I'm really sorry to hear this. Mothers should nurture their children, not inflict hurt.
As you know, my childhood wasn't the best either, although I never was abused by my mother. But I struggled with the commandment to honor my Mother and Father because neither of them was worthy of my honor. It's strange because, in the 10 commandments, the first group is how to treat God, the second group is how you treat those around you and honoring your parents is the transitional commandment that bridges how to treat God and how to treat people.

The Sages teach that how one honors their parents is a reflection of how they honor the Lord.

This commandment then becomes very difficult to keep when your parents are abusive, mean or even flat out evil. So how does one keep this commandment?

We honor our parents for the gift of life for without them, we would not exist. In your case, had you not been born you would not know God's love, mercy, and grace. It is the knowing and the receiving of the richness of God's love, mercy, and grace that has been lavishly poured over you by our LORD, that should spill over in honor of your mother.

May the peace from our Lord find you well.

 

[GodsGrace]

We bought our son a couple of video games. One was a VR game. My wife and I agreed to not exchange gifts this year due to cost and the fact that every square inch of this tiny apartment is taken up and there's just no space. We didn't mind at all. Strangest thing is that my Brother-in-law somehow found our number and told me my mom died on or about Christmas Day. I was surprised to hear from him. I had no idea whether he was alive or dead. He told me he had divorced my sister back in 2010....so I guess that makes him my ex Brother-in-law. He is with someone new and I am happy for him. He taught me how to shoot, ride a horse, drive a tractor, fish, hunt and many life lessons. He asked if I would be attending the funeral. I said no. I don't feel bad about my mom's death....just relieved. She can no longer hurt me. May God have mercy on her soul.

Hi Dan,,,
I agree with HeIsRisen2018 and I agree with StoveBolts ...
Parenting well is a big job and not all know how to do this and many bring their evil ways into raising their children and cause much harm to them.

I feel that we need to forgive our parents even if they've hurt us emotionally and/or physically. We don't need to love them...we just need to forgive so that we could heal and go on with our lives. I pray you can do this through the strength Jesus can give. I know that this can be done.

May God's power and strength be with you and allow you to forget what needs forgetting so that you may have peace in this regard.

Your friend in Christ,

 

[daninthelionsden]

Hi Dan,,,
I agree with HeIsRisen2018 and I agree with StoveBolts ...
Parenting well is a big job and not all know how to do this and many bring their evil ways into raising their children and cause much harm to them.

I feel that we need to forgive our parents even if they've hurt us emotionally and/or physically. We don't need to love them...we just need to forgive so that we could heal and go on with our lives. I pray you can do this through the strength Jesus can give. I know that this can be done.

May God's power and strength be with you and allow you to forget what needs forgetting so that you may have peace in this regard.

Your friend in Christ,

When my "Dad" died back in 92', I was furious. I was left out of the will and even out of the list of survivors at the funeral (my half-sister the priestess snickered as my name was verbally omitted in front of everyone). I even got into a road rage fist fight about it....I lost.
But with my mother's death.....I feel nothing. When my ex-brother-in-law called, he seemed to be expecting some emotional response from me,but I was just glad to hear from him and spent my time remembering childhood events and catching up.
All I feel is the removal of the deep dark cloud of cover up and deceit lifted. Her slander of me and reminding me that I represented her shame.....is gone. Maybe later I'll have some sort of "Oh no , mommy dearest is gone...boo hoo hoo. But, I just feel relief right now. Maybe it's because I figured she was already dead...I dunno.

 

[Shekinahglory]

Paul taught that we fill up in our own bodies those things lacking in the Lord’s suffering and we should count it sheer joy to suffer with Him. Here we run head first into the ideal and the reality and what realities these hurts usually are to come to grips with like those tortured in the recent past in South America, Middle East and many others. Wounds of this type are the deepest and rob us as humans in the inner most parts of us. We need to find a way out of where these things have torn us down to and the truth is being a Christian is the only way out. Mike’s father should never have been a father and was not father matierial. Mike could not spell ‘straight’ when the homework was to learn how to do so. His dad took exception to his working with Mike not being the cure. It was fairly late at night and he drove him to this park and told him to go to the building and tell them he was a bad kid and they would send him down astute to a home for rotten kids. Mental and physical abuse were always on the menu in heaping helpings. Years later it was destroying Mike and he was led after reading Scripture to forgive his dad and in doing so Mike was free from the prison he had spent in his mind over the abuse for decades. He forgave even though his dad never apologized and it no longer matter. We know your pain seems insurmountable but with your desire to be freed and healed you are almost at the top of the mountain and freedom. Your mom and all she did to you still has you suffering from the abuse she did and the key to open your cell door hangs on the same side you find yourself locked into with your ability to take the key open the door and to come out because when the Son sets us free we are free indeed. You do not belong locked away by those things and we all stand with you. My prayers are with you and for you.

‘what is the Lord’s call for you? It begins with praying for those spiteful and hurtfully use and harm us. The next step on the journey the Lord will direct until you find the way of escape. You are so close to being free. Praying for your healing from this plague of hurt. God bless

 

[Shekinahglory]

We bought our son a couple of video games. One was a VR game. My wife and I agreed to not exchange gifts this year due to cost and the fact that every square inch of this tiny apartment is taken up and there's just no space. We didn't mind at all. Strangest thing is that my Brother-in-law somehow found our number and told me my mom died on or about Christmas Day. I was surprised to hear from him. I had no idea whether he was alive or dead. He told me he had divorced my sister back in 2010....so I guess that makes him my ex Brother-in-law. He is with someone new and I am happy for him. He taught me how to shoot, ride a horse, drive a tractor, fish, hunt and many life lessons. He asked if I would be attending the funeral. I said no. I don't feel bad about my mom's death....just relieved. She can no longer hurt me. May God have mercy on her soul.

I meant to include some books that Mike and I find helpful.

Holy Sweat by Tim Hansel
Where is God when it hurts by Phil Yancy
Disappointment with God by Phil Yancy

hope they might help. God bless

 

[GodsGrace]

When my "Dad" died back in 92', I was furious. I was left out of the will and even out of the list of survivors at the funeral (my half-sister the priestess snickered as my name was verbally omitted in front of everyone). I even got into a road rage fist fight about it....I lost.
But with my mother's death.....I feel nothing. When my ex-brother-in-law called, he seemed to be expecting some emotional response from me,but I was just glad to hear from him and spent my time remembering childhood events and catching up.
All I feel is the removal of the deep dark cloud of cover up and deceit lifted. Her slander of me and reminding me that I represented her shame.....is gone. Maybe later I'll have some sort of "Oh no , mommy dearest is gone...boo hoo hoo. But, I just feel relief right now. Maybe it's because I figured she was already dead...I dunno.

Dan, I'd say that there was a very big improvement in your feelings from the time your father died (he was no "dad") and the time your mother died.

From your feelings, I'd say the forgiveness part is done..whether you even realize it or not. I'm happy that you felt nothing when you were told she passed away. I don't think there'll be any "later" as you stated above. I think this is the end of it all,,,except for some memories that might come to mind now and then, but that's all they'll be --- memories.

 

[for_his_glory]

daninthelionsden

Forgiveness is hard when it's layered with years of anger and hate that is hard to let go of as the memory is always with you and also eats away at you. You just can't get rid of the thoughts of the abuse that you have gone through. There may be some relief when the abuser dies, but have you truly forgiven those who abused you? I hope so.

I speak from experience with my own father who abused us kids (nothing like what you went through) who passed away many years ago, plus an ex husband who is still living that even went as far as trying to kill me. There was no sorrow when my father died nor could I forgive him or my ex-husband when I left and divorced him. It took me many years living with so much anger that caused great agony that caused me to have thoughts of suicide.

One verse in Deuteronomy 28:13 that I heard a Pastor read helped me to begin to gain back my self esteem, but I still had the issue with forgiveness. There was just to much hurt and anger that I could not let go of. It actually took the Holy Spirit to show me Mark 11:23-26 during a Sunday service as the Pastor was teaching on forgiveness. (I love how God works) I ask God how do I let go of everything and there I finally humbled myself before Him and poured out my heart as I finally submitted all of me to Him. In return for me truly forgiving my father and ex-husband God gave me peace of mind and His love filled my heart as He gave me back my joy after releasing my anger and hurt.

 

[daninthelionsden]

daninthelionsden

Forgiveness is hard when it's layered with years of anger and hate that is hard to let go of as the memory is always with you and also eats away at you. You just can't get rid of the thoughts of the abuse that you have gone through. There may be some relief when the abuser dies, but have you truly forgiven those who abused you? I hope so.

I speak from experience with my own father who abused us kids (nothing like what you went through) who passed away many years ago, plus an ex husband who is still living that even went as far as trying to kill me. There was no sorrow when my father died nor could I forgive him or my ex-husband when I left and divorced him. It took me many years living with so much anger that caused great agony that caused me to have thoughts of suicide.

One verse in Deuteronomy 28:13 that I heard a Pastor read helped me to begin to gain back my self esteem, but I still had the issue with forgiveness. There was just to much hurt and anger that I could not let go of. It actually took the Holy Spirit to show me Mark 11:23-26 during a Sunday service as the Pastor was teaching on forgiveness. (I love how God works) I ask God how do I let go of everything and there I finally humbled myself before Him and poured out my heart as I finally submitted all of me to Him. In return for me truly forgiving my father and ex-husband God gave me peace of mind and His love filled my heart as He gave me back my joy after releasing my anger and hurt.

Yes. We must sincerely forgive and learn to have empathy for whatever drove them to be that way. We never know what transpired in the last minutes of their lives. We may be faced with them again in the Kingdom. We had better have found forgiveness by then. This is much easier said than done, but I know what is at stake. It is truly my goal.

 

[jasonc]

I cant shoot my mother in law? whom my wife in many ways feel this way.my could relate to this. they have a strange relationship.

 

[Corn Pop]

That's why Jesus said "don't call anyone Father", and "these are my mother and brothers" ,not referring to Mary.

Jesus was explaining family is God and the true Church, God is your Father and the true Church is your Mother and Brothers.

Believers who have a great relationship with there mum, dad, brothers or sisters know that, and people who don't have a good relationship with there mum, dad, brothers or sisters also know that. Jesus set up a unbreakable foundation.