Teen that needs "dating" advice.

[Aidan Martinho]

Hi all,
So I've liked this girl for the better part of 2 years now (I'm 16) and just found out she's liked me back the whole time. We've been best friends for about 7 years and both of us though there was no way we liked each other. Turns out we did obviously and we tried to go into it way too quickly at first and it didnt work out. A few months later we tried again, and it's been going since then (about 6 months now). We're both Christians and both out parents are too, however, my parents are okay with me having a relationship with her and hers dont want her in a relationship with me even though her parents really like me. What should I do about this? I know theres only a year and a half left until we can date in college, but that's a long time. I should also note that we've done things like hold hands, and through that, I've never felt any overwhelming lust towards her or anything. Am I making the right choice in being with her? I cant ever see myself leaving her no matter how long I have to wait for her parents approval.

 

[Hospes]

Hi Aidan.

Not even sure if I am allowed to weigh in with advice, but I'll take my chances and see if I get the beat-down from the moderators.

By God's grace, I raised three sons and they all grew into good men with wives that I am privileged to call my daughters. So maybe this gives me a bit of cred, even though as far as you know, I could be a lonely 35-year-old living in my mom's basement!

Here's a question for you to ponder: what goal is there in dating that you can't achieve by you and her growing to be the closest of friends? Close friends share dreams, enjoy activities together, comfort and strengthen one another, etc. What more are you after?

BTW, if you don't want advice from an old guy like me, I get it. Feel free to not answer. No harm, no foul.

 

[Who Me]

hers dont want her in a relationship with me

Two suggestions.
Take things very very slow. Arrange to see her in church youth activities, or at church etc or in after school events where you can be with her, but only in the company of others.
Ask her to find out why her parents don't want her in a relationship?
I suspect because her grades will drop.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Hi all,
So I've liked this girl for the better part of 2 years now (I'm 16) and just found out she's liked me back the whole time. We've been best friends for about 7 years and both of us though there was no way we liked each other. Turns out we did obviously and we tried to go into it way too quickly at first and it didnt work out. A few months later we tried again, and it's been going since then (about 6 months now). We're both Christians and both out parents are too, however, my parents are okay with me having a relationship with her and hers dont want her in a relationship with me even though her parents really like me. What should I do about this? I know theres only a year and a half left until we can date in college, but that's a long time. I should also note that we've done things like hold hands, and through that, I've never felt any overwhelming lust towards her or anything. Am I making the right choice in being with her? I cant ever see myself leaving her no matter how long I have to wait for her parents approval.

Hello Aidan, welcome to the forums. It sure is nice to have another youngster around here. Anyways, I'm not very good at with giving advice but I'll try. For now you have to remember that as a Christian as well and setting a good example that she must honor thy mother and they father. However, if it really is true love then it'll be worth the wait. I currently have a fiancee behind bars so trust me,.. I know. :yes

 

[GodsGrace]

Hi all,
So I've liked this girl for the better part of 2 years now (I'm 16) and just found out she's liked me back the whole time. We've been best friends for about 7 years and both of us though there was no way we liked each other. Turns out we did obviously and we tried to go into it way too quickly at first and it didnt work out. A few months later we tried again, and it's been going since then (about 6 months now). We're both Christians and both out parents are too, however, my parents are okay with me having a relationship with her and hers dont want her in a relationship with me even though her parents really like me. What should I do about this? I know theres only a year and a half left until we can date in college, but that's a long time. I should also note that we've done things like hold hands, and through that, I've never felt any overwhelming lust towards her or anything. Am I making the right choice in being with her? I cant ever see myself leaving her no matter how long I have to wait for her parents approval.

I'm a girl.
From what you've said above...just keep doing what you're doing.
Parents tend to be more protective of a girl...this is why her parents are less liberal than yours. Girls have more to lose.
It's nice that you respect her enough to NOT feel lust right now. This is a good sign. Lust is lust and love is love.

So, that's my humble advice.
Girls know some stuff too !

 

[Not_Now.Soon]

Hi all,
So I've liked this girl for the better part of 2 years now (I'm 16) and just found out she's liked me back the whole time. We've been best friends for about 7 years and both of us though there was no way we liked each other. Turns out we did obviously and we tried to go into it way too quickly at first and it didnt work out. A few months later we tried again, and it's been going since then (about 6 months now). We're both Christians and both out parents are too, however, my parents are okay with me having a relationship with her and hers dont want her in a relationship with me even though her parents really like me. What should I do about this? I know theres only a year and a half left until we can date in college, but that's a long time. I should also note that we've done things like hold hands, and through that, I've never felt any overwhelming lust towards her or anything. Am I making the right choice in being with her? I cant ever see myself leaving her no matter how long I have to wait for her parents approval.

Love can be pretty blinding, expecially when you're in highschool. Just speaking from my own observations and experiences back then, a slow approach to a dating relationship will help with being more mature when you do date, and not make as many mistakes and heartaches.

As for her parents, let them be protective and give them time. They may have seen how she was after the first time you guys tried too fast. They have a responsibility to look after their daughter.

 

[Not_Now.Soon]

Also pay attention to the relationships around you. Not just for wanting to have a girlfriend, but also to learn from the missteps everyone usually takes when they date. I've learned a lot from some of my friend's relationships. Unfortunately most of those things I was also learning the hard way from making simular decisions at the same time they did, and by assuming simular things that my friends assumed before they learned otherwise.

Going at a slower pace isn't exciting, but it is rewarding in not having the heartache or causing the heartache.

 

[SeamusDelion]

You need to break up and only be friends.

here are some reasons:

1) Biblical dating is only for the soul propose of marriage, (anything other then that is will lead to Lust and Sin) I doubt this will happen with you because of your age (marriage).

2) Her parents do not want you with her. She needs to honour that because they are adults and you two are not. Maybe in the future if you guys are to be married, by the grace of God, then this will change with her parents. However for now you need to respect their choice in that matter.

3) You have studies to finish, and having a relationship that has caused you to come to a forum and post about whether it is right or not should be a clear sign to you that it's not a good time for this, and due to your age I suggest you reconsider this distinction.
4) Holding hands right now might not bring you lust, but I can promise you that it will eventually lead to that, also, how do you know she isn't lusting after you? ..

5) Kids your age will eventually want to experience, and then it starts with holding hands, and cuddling, then kissing, and sex. Which in turn, is sin. These things are not pure and if you do these things with this young girl then you might lose her altogether.

My further suggestion is that you pay no attention to those who are telling you its child's play and innocent and to continue doing it. Stay pure brother and take heed to this very important advice! If this is the girl whom God had intended for you, then not even the roaring waves shall separate you. Waiting is key, stay friends, don't hold hands and to the contextual dating things kids like you usually do. I promise you it will only lead to hurt and shame. Wait until you are older and ready for marriage, then find a wife, not a girlfriend.

God Bless!

 

[brian100]

Like and being in love are two different things. Being in love comes from God.. Liking the outside appearance.. come from just being a guy. As you have seen when you tried to make it work= stop liking each other. With true love you can't stop liking. Then you know God gave you real love.

What's heaven like?

Mark 10:6-9
1 John 4:7
Matthew 22:2

 

[jerry63935]

Hi all,
So I've liked this girl for the better part of 2 years now (I'm 16) and just found out she's liked me back the whole time. We've been best friends for about 7 years and both of us though there was no way we liked each other. Turns out we did obviously and we tried to go into it way too quickly at first and it didnt work out. A few months later we tried again, and it's been going since then (about 6 months now). We're both Christians and both out parents are too, however, my parents are okay with me having a relationship with her and hers dont want her in a relationship with me even though her parents really like me. What should I do about this? I know theres only a year and a half left until we can date in college, but that's a long time. I should also note that we've done things like hold hands, and through that, I've never felt any overwhelming lust towards her or anything. Am I making the right choice in being with her? I cant ever see myself leaving her no matter how long I have to wait for her parents approval.

how old are you and her?

 

[Prycejosh1987]

Am I making the right choice in being with her?

Sounds good to me, i wish you all the best.