Thank You Notes

[VegasGeorge]

My wife is all upset because we haven't received a thank you note from our granddaughter. We bought her a car for her high school graduation in June. We were there with her at the auto dealership when she got the car. She thanked us profusely at that time. But my wife seems to think a further written gesture of appreciation is required.

I was raised in a family that didn't do thank you notes when a face to face thank you was offered. My wife was raised in the opposite tradition where thank you notes were regularly sent out regardless of spoken thanks. What do all of you think about this issue? Was I raised by wolves, or was my wife's family a bit over the top on this?

Oh, and by the way, "Thanks for your replies!"

 

[Mike]

I don't know if it's a generational thing that's fading out (right or wrong), but I see "thank you notes" as well as greeting cards for occasions fading out as well. I'm 43, and we rarely send cards or include them with gifts for Christmas. We'll have our kids make home made cards, but we don't buy them or make them on the computer on behalf of my wife and I. My parents don't appreciate our stance. But, I see our presence as more important than a card from Hallmark.

We write Thank You notes for big ticket items sometimes, so I suppose I might agree on the card to them, but even in that case, I tend to feel like a verbal "thank you" is just as meaningful, and I can put more emotion into my voice than I can on paper.

Out of courtesy to my parents, we'll comply, and have our children receive gifts from their aunt for a birthday present. Again, not out of any personal need we feel, but out of "obligation" to my mother.

 

[Caroline H]

I feel that a verbal "thank you" is more personal than a written one. If your granddaughter thanked you both profusely at the dealership, then there really should be no reason to feel like she is ungrateful if she doesn't send a "thank you " card. I have always thought of thank you cards as a good substitute if you can't personally thank the person soon enough, like when you get married, or when it's too emotional, as with a funeral.

 

[PouringRain]

I think thank you cards are something that is fading out or even gone in this generation. My mom is shocked that she recieves baby anouncements and death notices via facebook. LOL I was raised to write thank you cards, and my mom insists that my children always write them to others. To me, even though thank you cards are a HUGE deal to my mom and to her generation, in my own generation they haven't been, and in my children's generation they seem to be a thing of the past. I do not get hung up on getting thank you cards. I am fine with a verbal thank you. The only time I feel my gift is unappreciated is if the person does one of those shrugs, scowls, and "eh" as was the case recently when I gave my brother some items I saw he needed when I was in his home last. :yes Otherwise, I look at it as I am giving the person a gift. I should not expect something in return. I am not giving them a gift with strings attached expecting even a than you. Clearly, if the person is ungreatful, then I may or may not give them anything in the future since the gifts are not welcome. But if they are welcome and appreciated, then that is enough for me.


Wow, a car! I'll send you a thank you card for a gift like that. :eyebrow I've never had anyone buy me a car before. I'll send you a thank you card every month for the rest of my life. (Just kidding. I don't need charity.... well....... maybe. :D )

 

[Nick]

I feel that a verbal "thank you" is more personal than a written one. If your granddaughter thanked you both profusely at the dealership, then there really should be no reason to feel like she is ungrateful if she doesn't send a "thank you " card. I have always thought of thank you cards as a good substitute if you can't personally thank the person soon enough, like when you get married, or when it's too emotional, as with a funeral.

My sentiments exactly.

Notes like that are definately fading out. It's definately a generational thing. I've got my 18th birthday party for the family next Saturday, and my grandma sent an RSVP card in the mail even though she'd told us in person that she would be coming. I don't mind, but in person (or even a facebook message) is fine IMO.

If I was in your situation, if she has in person thankyou you and your wife, I see no reason for her to send a written note. However, I'm sure she knows your wife likes thankyou notes. Perhaps she should send one anyway, out of respect? .

 

[jasoncran]

i have done both, card and told them to some.

 

[handy]

We don't do cards per se. If we receive any kind of gift via mail, even if it's a birthday card, a handwritten note on nice stationary, thanking the sender for their thoughtfulness is always sent in return. We do live a long ways away from family and loved ones, the ones who send birthday and christmas gifts and I know that the folks back east or down in Arizona, or even Grandma in Nampa, appreciate it when especially my kids send a handwritten thank-you note in response to a gift. It's only good manners.

If the giver is present at the time the gift is recieved, then the personal thanks are always given with a big hug. I really don't see the need to send along a thank-you note if the giver was thanked personally. The important thing is that any gift or sign of thoughtfulness be gratefully acknowledged. The only exception I can think of is Christmas cards. I truly don't expect thanks for a Christmas card nor do I send a thank you note for one.

I guess a good rule of thumb is to return thanks the way the gift is sent. If the gift is given in person, thanks must be given right then and there. If a gift is sent via mail, then a nice note should be mailed in return as soon as one can grab the stationary and pen.

What I don't appreciate is what appears to be a current trend: The mass generic "Thank You" for wedding gifts. A cousin recently married. I was a little taken aback when, inside the invitation, we also recieved a card stating that the couple would appreciate only monetary gifts that they could spend towards their honeymoon. As this was at the time that the storm blew the roof off of the house, we had no extra cash. I was struggling hard enough to finance my groceries, much less my cousin's honeymoon, so I wound up not sending them a gift at all. But, even though we didn't send any cash, (which I was planning to as soon as we could afford to) we recieved a printed generic Thank You card with their names printed, not signed, on it. That's all it was too, a small card with Thank You printed on the cover, "We appreciate your thoughtfulness" and their names printed inside. Nothing more. Frankly, I sort of washed my hands of the whole tacky mess and haven't sent along any gift. Their combined incomes far exceed what Steve brings home, and I know that they already went on their honeymoon. As I wouldn't want to clutter their house with unwanted junk, which apparently they would think a gift that didn't include cash would be, then I'm sure they're just as happy.