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The Age Gap

Pard

Pard

Member
I am curious, is there such thing as dating/marrying someone who is too old/young for you? If so, what is that age difference that is just too much?

I don't think anyone here would object to dating/marrying someone who is only three years younger. However, when I was in High School my parents forbid me to date this girl who was only a year younger than me and since then I have just kind of assumed I have to date people the same age. The problem is the girl I like is three years younger than me and I don't know what to tell my parents, because I feel they will object to it and I want them to be happy and OK with the things I do.

Is it wrong of me to like a girl who is in her Junior year of High school when I am a Freshman in college? I've known her almost my entire life. I've known her since she was three years old. In the last two or three years we have slowly grown closer together and moved from being friends to flirting and now she wants me to go on dates with her and take her to prom (I was rather against that notion, I am not the party/dancing/prom kind of guy. I went to a prom once... it was terrible, but maybe if I went with someone I liked instead of someone I pitied.).
 
legally yes, remember the parents of that girl could jail you in some states. here the age of consent is 18, but the state min is 16, and the age of the older one cant be over 23.i have heard of a recent arrest of a teen 16 with a 14 yrd. he was charge with statutorary rape. even though he isnt an adult its being taken to court. and if she's not 18 but over 16 and you 19. the parents can still call the law in.
 
jasoncran said:
legally yes, remember the parents of that girl could jail you in some states. here the age of consent is 18, but the state min is 16, and the age of the older one cant be over 23.i have heard of a recent arrest of a teen 16 with a 14 yrd. he was charge with statutorary rape. even though he isnt an adult its being taken to court. and if she's not 18 but over 16 and you 19. the parents can still call the law in.
Click to expand...

I think the law can only be called in if they are having sex, statutory rape is about sex...and Pard, you better NOT have sex with any girl, I don't care HOW old, until you marry her and make an honest woman of her! Mama Dora will thump you one if you do!:rollingpin

As to your query, ...heck, Pard, three years is nothin'...you probably remember my daughter and her 'grocery boy', there are 7 years difference for them. Which means they can't date now, but hey, as soon as she's 18, they can. Meanwhile, they can be friends, no problems.

Honestly, if there were only three years difference between them, and Viola were 16, I wouldn't have a problem with them dating now. As a matter of fact, my best friend's daughter is 16 and is semi-officially engaged (promise ring, no date) to her Army dude who is now 20.

When Viola turns 16 or 17, if 'grocery boy' wants to discuss with us a change in their status, he can...and we'll take it from there.

Here's what you should do...talk with her and her parents. Just sit down with them, and talk things over...the fact that she wants you to take her to her prom gives a nice opening subject. See how her parents feel about the two of you dating. Promise that you won't date her without their OK, and that you'll abide by any rules that they have for the two of you.

If they are OK with it all, then let your parents know that you've talked things over with them and that you do want to date her...no sex, just date...and that she and her parents are OK with it. Tell them that, you realize at 19 you don't exactly need their permission anymore, but you do want to be open and aboveboard with your relationship and you want everyone to be able to get along and ask if you can have her over to their house so everyone can have the opportunity to see each other in a new light.

If your parents are adamantly opposed to your dating her...listen, listen carefully to their objections and sort out whether or not they are valid. Again, at 19, you don't need their permission anymore, but nonetheless, if they have valid reasons why you shouldn't date her...you shouldn't discount their wisdom.

And yes, if the parents are OK with it...I think you should take her to her prom...and make it special for her. She knows you well enough to know you won't be pulling the Saturday Night Live moves, but she wants to go with you anyway...so by all means, do so!
 
legally yes ,but as soon to be cop, the fact that he can get charged though it wouldnt hold could kill his aspirations.

you would be suprised at what the angencies dig up and ask and determine if you can work. i wouldnt even be alone with her, the reason some may say he there were together and did this and the parents good take that badly. just saying.
 
I doubt her parents would call the police on me. I've known them just as long and they are like a second family to me. Heck I got a key to their house. Her mother and my mother are always a chit-chatting and my sister told me, just tonight, that her mother wants me to hurry up and date the girl before she bursts a blood vessel.

Still, that is one of my worries. I'd be quick to get a ring on her finger if I do end up dating her before she turns 18. In CT an engagement ring nullifies any rights the parents have, as it establishes that the minor has made a decision fitting that of an adult. The problem is that she would be considered an adult for all intents and purposes.

And Dora, don't you worry. My father told me if I ever had premarital sex he'd disown my you-know-what. I take what that man says VERY seriously.

I still feel kind of funny about the whole idea, though...
 
well i will speak from the reverse on this as my wife is thirteen(almost 14) yrs my senior, if i was eighteen,she would be 31, and if i younger well that wouldnt fly. so i do know the ackwardness, i was 28 when i married and my wife 42.

when we talk the 70's she can eleborate way better then i can as she was in highschool and me in my diapers.lol

yes tmi but if you get to date someone with that much of a gap that will happen and her kids are near my age lol.
 
Do as handy suggest!


I took some AJ classes loved it.... Had to drop out my daughter became ill and being mom was first on my list....
 
A friend of mine got married when he was 55. His bride was 37. They've been married for 9 years now, and things are great. But even though an age difference of 18 years can work, it's obvious that a 20 year old can't marry a 2 year old. The age difference isn't the only factor. The actual ages of the people in question also makes a difference. Three years isn't a big difference, but when the younger one is still a minor, it does become a problem. Once she' turns 18, that problem disapears.
 
(Quietly Creeps in for a post...)

I really like handy's advise. On the one hand, you are already very close to this young woman and her family so upsetting people is much harder to swallow. On the other hand, sometimes these life long friendships can be God's way of grooming a very close knit marraige.

Again. Handy's got some good advise. I'd add on one more thought, though. PRAY About It! Be honest with yourself and with God. I know most people like to think that casual dating is no big deal, but there is no such thing as a simple emotional attachment. Once a relationship starts, feelings are made that are very fragile, but very special. If you are still looking at dating as a just a fun or romantic thing, and not the ground work for possible future commitment, I'd consider waiting.

I went into each relationship ready for the idea of marraige one day, even at age 14. For a Christian, I think this needs to be more of the norm. You are free to follow where God leads you, but understand it's not just your life you are impacting with a dating relationship.
 
Blazing,

Thanks. And I'd only ever consider dating a woman who I'd also consider marrying, thus why I have never dated anyone before.

Sure praying on it! That's what it takes to get anything done, especially something like this.
 
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