The birds and the bees

[Jesusfreak97]

So obviously girls and boys are differnt and I am not talking about girls have this and guys have that. I got that talk by my parents and I really don't want to have it again thank you very much. Anyway so what I am talking about is girls being more emotional and guys...just not... I wanna start this and see where it goes.

So some stuff to think about:

-why do girls get more "attached" than boys
-if we are supposed to wait until marriage then how can the guys physical needs be met?
-for boys: would you rather be loved or respected?
-for girls: have you turned yourself off to the idea of ever finding someone? do you think the isolation is the only way to live without getting hurt?

k. start thinkin'! then start typin'! :D

 

[The Unbeliever]

I think it would be better to avoid generalities and focus on specific individuals, even when the generalities do hold up. The reason for this is that while a generality may be true, specific individuals often operate in more complex and indirect means and so can confound our reliance on generalities. However, I think it is safe to at least talk about what I know, which is myself and to a certain extent my wife.

I know that for us, I am not less attached than my wife. In fact, I very well could be more attached. But it is certain that we express this in different ways. My need for my wife doesn't always entail the need to directly interact with her. Often, I just need her presence.

On the question of love or respect, it is difficult, as I would be quite loathe to do without either. But in my other relationships, respect is certainly higher than love.

Finally, regarding how physical needs can be met, that is a controversial topic, at least within Christianity, and so I would probably best serve you by acquiescing to the views of others.

 

[Jesusfreak97]

The one about the physical needs being met, why can't Christians talk about this stuff? I put "attached" in quotes because i couldn't think of a better word. I didn't want to say clingy or needy, wanting more attention. I was trying to phrase it better. I have found that from talking to many of my friends they have felt more needy than him. Maybe that's because girls have more emotional needs and in their cases those guys weren't meeting them. I dunno but that's why I wanted to talk about this, because I have felt that way to 100% of the time whenever I am in a relationship.

 

[The Unbeliever]

The one about the physical needs being met, why can't Christians talk about this stuff?

I didn't say Christians couldn't talk about it. I just said it was controversial and that it would probably be best for me to leave off commenting on that subject since I am not a Christian.

I put "attached" in quotes because i couldn't think of a better word. I didn't want to say clingy or needy, wanting more attention. I was trying to phrase it better. I have found that from talking to many of my friends they have felt more needy than him. Maybe that's because girls have more emotional needs and in their cases those guys weren't meeting them. I dunno but that's why I wanted to talk about this, because I have felt that way to 100% of the time whenever I am in a relationship.

I believe I understood what you meant by this. My perspective is that this is more of an individual personality issue than it is based on anything innate in gender. As I said, I suspect that I am more "attached" to my wife than she is to me, and that this has held true of my other relationships as well. Of course that is difficult to actually quantify, but it is my impression.

 

[Blazin Bones]

Unbeliever, I appreciate not commenting on the "Physical Need " topic. I image you do have a different take, and one that would indeed stand a chance of getting a negative response from me.

Question #1: Attachment - I believe that Unbeliever is correct that the expressions are different. I am very attached to my wife, but I simply express it differently. I know this because there are times when I feel like I have been showing my affections plenty, but the message is not getting through. I suggest looking into the "Five Love Languages" for some guidance on this.

Question #2: The Physical Need - Since when did a male need physical intercourse to live? As a man I am well aware of how powerful the urge is, but since when did every desire have to be fulfilled? I may want a new car, and while the desire is not fueled by internal hormones, it is still a desire not a need. Christians and Unbelievers will differ on this issue because Christians recognize that God has called us to lay aside our desires in submission to God's will. Unbelievers are not looking to please God, but rather some person, either themselves or another. In either situation, someone's desire will be met. For Christians the desire of God will be met, and we will receive just compensation and eternal Joy. For unbelievers, someone's desire will be met, and the only reward is less tension and possibly more immediate joy. Does this make sense? Unbeliever, please feel free to PM me to further discuss this point if you would like or if you feel I've given you something to address, but you expect I would not permit on the open board.

Question #3:Loved or Respected? - Loved!!!!! 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, "Love is patient, Love is Kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, love is not easily anger, love keeps no record of wrong, love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails." I can be respected and not receive patience or kindness. I can be respected and still suffer from a boast rude, proud or envious spirit. I can be respected, but that does not stop a grudge or a selfish heart. If I am loved, I get all of the above, and even when I do not, I am not wrong for hoping for the better times to come!

 

[AirDancer]

After giving some thought to your questions, as they deserve, I'm ready now to address the issues.

-why do girls get more "attached" than boys

Beyond the emotional levels females have, as a girl matures, that ol' 'nesting instinct' kicks in. Women want to have a home, with a husband and family. The desire for these are typically not fully in the total awareness level; it's generally after they've been achieved when a level of inner peace & contentment are noticeable.

-if we are supposed to wait until marriage then how can the guys physical needs be met?

Turn this question around: how can a woman's physical needs be met if we're supposed to wait until marriage. Through prayer & keeping busy can a woman's needs be contained before marriage.

Since this world is primarily a male-dominated one, mens needs are the ones generally addressed. However, women's needs exist as well. Those good ol' hormones can play havoc equally with male & female. If one is a Christian, abstinence is the way of it. Without a marriage, sex would be merely fornication; the guy 'wins' the point, the gal wins a tarnished reputation. Even today with the acceptance of 'free love', the female loses. She shares herself on an emotional level each time; a casual sexual relationship eats away at her self-confidence and self-esteem.

-for girls: have you turned yourself off to the idea of ever finding someone? do you think the isolation is the only way to live without getting hurt?

The right person is out there for each of us. It just takes time - it can't be rushed. And more importantly, no one should ever 'settle'. That's disrespectful for the other person; it diminishes the settler. Not exactly the recipe for a healthy & genuinely happy life together.

Isolation is never acceptable. We humans are social critters; we must have interaction, otherwise we become hard & brittle. And trying to hide away from being hurt? Sorry, even if you are alone, you can still be hurt. The loneliness is worse than the disappointments of relationships, whether with family or friends; loneliness can kill, pain usually doesn't. The heart is a fairly resilient muscle; it can withstand the occasional hurt, even if at the time it feels as tho it's struggling to maintain a steady beat.

 

[jasoncran]

while im no longer single.if i may. i have seen to been more abused and used by women then the opposite. women then want sex just as much as men do.

 

[Igloo]

I think the only reason that women tend to appear more emotional than men is because men are raised differently than women are. If culture treated and raised both men and women the same, we would see a lot more balance in their personalities.

As for women getting attached, look at culture- women are raised on barbie and disney movies. They are raised that "finding the one" is like an ultimate goal, and so they focus in that direction. As for the men, I think a mix of being raised to care less, doing more sports (which means more competition and aggression), as well as the music they listen to ('bleep that hoe', etc) puts them in a position to be more willing to pursue sex without relationship.

As for "physical needs," guys don't have physical needs. Sex isn't a need; it's a want. A guy won't die if he doesn't get sex. There are men out there who haven't ever had an orgasm, and they are walking just fine in God. That said, if a girl wants to help out her man in the need department, then stop having make-out sessions. Less desire aroused = Less need. If you have a guy telling you he will go crazy if he doesn't get some sex, then drop him and find another man. All that said, I will say it does look much more like a physical need when the world we live in has so much sexuality being flaunted around and so little other activities helping to bring a sense of happiness to people.

I can't really comment on the love vs respect deal. You can't really fully separate the two, because certain acts of respect are acts of love and are necessary for any successful relationship, and certain acts of love (like not eating the last piece of pie that the other person already claimed) show respect for the other person.

I think another thing to take into consideration is that guys aren't worrying about getting pregnant. A young woman often is concerned that if she has sex she might get pregnant, but I guy has no worries about 9 months of crazy stuff happening, and so he is more willing to take the risk- which also means less concern about relationship vs just sex.

 

[evesforeva]

-why do girls get more "attached" than boys

They don't. That's a myth.

-if we are supposed to wait until marriage then how can the guys physical needs be met?

Firstly, women have physical needs too. This is an issue for them just as much as it is an issue for guys.

-for boys: would you rather be loved or respected?

Lemme ask you a similar question: Would you rather be married or have a spouse?

-for girls: have you turned yourself off to the idea of ever finding someone? do you think the isolation is the only way to live without getting hurt?

I'm assuming you mean finding someone to marry, in which case I have turned myself off to that idea. At this point, I believe a legally binding contract to make a lifelong commitment to someone is not something I'm interested in. It doesn't meet my needs. On a marginally unrelated point, I like cats but I don't want to own any. (Don't get it twisted.)

There is no way to live without getting hurt. In addition, there's no way to completely isolate yourself. Even the guy who lived alone in a pitch-black cave for a month thought about what he would say to people when he got out and rehearsed it with a spider. (He might have gone insane.) You cannot escape the human desire to be social.

 

[doubleheman]

Lol this is funny, I'm actually battling with this, I've been offered sex by a girl and I have turned it down but I'm so tempted to go and do it.

 

[evesforeva]

Lol this is funny, I'm actually battling with this, I've been offered sex by a girl and I have turned it down but I'm so tempted to go and do it.

Sex is never good if it's at odds with your deeply held moral convictions.

 

[DeaneRenata]

Yes there is debate whether or not guy brains and girl brains are different.

 

[DeaneRenata]

Oh, so that's why whenever a guy has asked me to have sex I have not gone through with it, I guess it's my deeply held moral convictions.