Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,237
- 10,721
OK. I have a "severe mental illness" label. My counselor and shrink call "it" Bipolar I, and I'm given 2 moderately dosed psych drugs to keep it under control. Everybody else...calls it "Schizophrenia." Ugh.
I -still- use the MP3 function on my phone to listen to music while outside. I -have- truly, really been taunted...and I also have a lil psychosis problem, at times. My life, before Jesus...
was miserable. It wasn't even a life, not really. I had a rough existence, then Jesus saved me (is saving me, I pray will save me, now and in the world to come...), and...yeah. Its like the Pentecostals taught me; Jesus didn't die for your sins, He died for you. I get it, now, thanks to Christ.
I -do- have a conviction on my record. It started as a felony, I ended up with the most serious class of misdemeanor ('Class A,' where I live) instead of the initial charge. I was given a suspended sentence, probation. I came off probation a good bit early, because of "compliance credits" (read: I stayed out of trouble and paid the $$$ in a timely fashion). That was nearly one and a half years ago.
So...I'm forever hearing people talking about "warrants," "jail," prison," "work detail," etc. Ugh. It doesn't help that i was a wretch and weakling, in a small, southern town. Oh, and I'm not heterosexual. But...
God is good! The flamboyantly gay weakling got saved 5 1/2 years ago...and now, its...me, lol. Seriously. Not flaming, not even sexually active, no drugs, no drinking, remarkably healthy, bright eyes, surprisingly intelligent, and...
rambling, per usual. The obvious answer is "Take your meds!" Thing is...tranquilizers, in particular, are a difficult class of drugs. Take too much, the whole brain basically shuts down. Too little...why bother? I'm blessed to be on disability. The health coverage part covers Abilify, which is the -1- tranquilizer I've been able to tolerate reasonably well at an effective dose. The other psych drug is Lamictal, which is a seizure drug used in a number of psych conditions, especially where there's been lots of episodes of depression. It isnt ideal, but...beat electroshock, operations, etc. (been there, done that, LOL).
I just...its odd, how now I am remarkably physically healthy, I'm even a bit taller, I write much better, I have a much better (and...completely different...) personality, I've largely reconciled to my (loving, kind, generous, long suffering) parents, and...
the...errr...."affliction" is more pronounced than when I was younger. When I first started psych treatment, I'd heard vague whispers, had agitation, low mood, etc., but...whoa. Now...
after 2 rounds of involuntary shock, a lobotomy (no, not voluntary), and all kinds of pills (uppers, downers, "antidepressants..." and everything in between...), I have a "high(er) IQ" than the 120 I started with. That's a blessing. I have also been healed of signs of obvious brain damage, such as tics (tardive dyskinesia...it was from the tranquilizers....), dead eyes, etc. And yet...
The "Schizophrenia" or "Bipolar I" is, in fact, a problem to contend with, and I don't seem able to escape it. My parents have really been kind to me, through it all, and I do love and appreciate them. I think....I think now, because The Lord has changed me so much, and blessed me (and them, too) with so much, the "Schizophrenia" or...whatever...is easier for them to deal with. I'm thankful.
Oh, and...even though my mama -hates- it, I take massive doses of antioxidants and b-vitamins, to help with the madness. Its called Orthomolecular. It -definitely- seems to help with mood and anxiety, plus I tolerate the Abilify much, much better (I had some stiffness going, before the vitamins....its gone now, thank goodness....and the tics of yester year have not come back, either...).
OK. Pretty much...if you're reading this, you probably have read my posts before (thank you, I mean that), and I"m thankful. I'd like very much to be healed of my affliction. I find it hard to believe that psychiatry holds much in terms of a long term solution, and...now that The Lord has willed to make me healthy and everything, I'd very much like to avoid taking a tranquilizer every.single.day.
So...thanks, everyone.
I -still- use the MP3 function on my phone to listen to music while outside. I -have- truly, really been taunted...and I also have a lil psychosis problem, at times. My life, before Jesus...
was miserable. It wasn't even a life, not really. I had a rough existence, then Jesus saved me (is saving me, I pray will save me, now and in the world to come...), and...yeah. Its like the Pentecostals taught me; Jesus didn't die for your sins, He died for you. I get it, now, thanks to Christ.
I -do- have a conviction on my record. It started as a felony, I ended up with the most serious class of misdemeanor ('Class A,' where I live) instead of the initial charge. I was given a suspended sentence, probation. I came off probation a good bit early, because of "compliance credits" (read: I stayed out of trouble and paid the $$$ in a timely fashion). That was nearly one and a half years ago.
So...I'm forever hearing people talking about "warrants," "jail," prison," "work detail," etc. Ugh. It doesn't help that i was a wretch and weakling, in a small, southern town. Oh, and I'm not heterosexual. But...
God is good! The flamboyantly gay weakling got saved 5 1/2 years ago...and now, its...me, lol. Seriously. Not flaming, not even sexually active, no drugs, no drinking, remarkably healthy, bright eyes, surprisingly intelligent, and...
rambling, per usual. The obvious answer is "Take your meds!" Thing is...tranquilizers, in particular, are a difficult class of drugs. Take too much, the whole brain basically shuts down. Too little...why bother? I'm blessed to be on disability. The health coverage part covers Abilify, which is the -1- tranquilizer I've been able to tolerate reasonably well at an effective dose. The other psych drug is Lamictal, which is a seizure drug used in a number of psych conditions, especially where there's been lots of episodes of depression. It isnt ideal, but...beat electroshock, operations, etc. (been there, done that, LOL).
I just...its odd, how now I am remarkably physically healthy, I'm even a bit taller, I write much better, I have a much better (and...completely different...) personality, I've largely reconciled to my (loving, kind, generous, long suffering) parents, and...
the...errr...."affliction" is more pronounced than when I was younger. When I first started psych treatment, I'd heard vague whispers, had agitation, low mood, etc., but...whoa. Now...
after 2 rounds of involuntary shock, a lobotomy (no, not voluntary), and all kinds of pills (uppers, downers, "antidepressants..." and everything in between...), I have a "high(er) IQ" than the 120 I started with. That's a blessing. I have also been healed of signs of obvious brain damage, such as tics (tardive dyskinesia...it was from the tranquilizers....), dead eyes, etc. And yet...
The "Schizophrenia" or "Bipolar I" is, in fact, a problem to contend with, and I don't seem able to escape it. My parents have really been kind to me, through it all, and I do love and appreciate them. I think....I think now, because The Lord has changed me so much, and blessed me (and them, too) with so much, the "Schizophrenia" or...whatever...is easier for them to deal with. I'm thankful.
Oh, and...even though my mama -hates- it, I take massive doses of antioxidants and b-vitamins, to help with the madness. Its called Orthomolecular. It -definitely- seems to help with mood and anxiety, plus I tolerate the Abilify much, much better (I had some stiffness going, before the vitamins....its gone now, thank goodness....and the tics of yester year have not come back, either...).
OK. Pretty much...if you're reading this, you probably have read my posts before (thank you, I mean that), and I"m thankful. I'd like very much to be healed of my affliction. I find it hard to believe that psychiatry holds much in terms of a long term solution, and...now that The Lord has willed to make me healthy and everything, I'd very much like to avoid taking a tranquilizer every.single.day.
So...thanks, everyone.
