theology of sexual unhappiness in marrage?

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

Those pre-marital counseling sessions work! Kidding, but only partially.

If you have a heart to hear what the pastor has to say, they do have value information for both.

And thanks for the compliments, AirD and Reba, but I'm the lucky one in this relationship.

 

[JCitoL]

The vast majority of unhappiness sexually, particularly in a Christian marriage, lies with the those who seek their own satisfaction. Typically, though not always, this is the male in the relationship.

If a wife is not "interested" as often as the husband is, he needs to find out why. Nine times out of ten, he will find that it is his own insensitivity and selfishness in this aspect of the marriage. If one is engaged in sacrificial love, uncaring for one's own "satisfaction" but instead making certain that the other partner is not only understood, but cherished, loved, valued and trusted, if one throws out all one's own "needs" and focuses instead on those of the partner, I can guarantee you, there will never be any complaint about frequency, quality or intensity.

yes, this definitely is so, but till now there were also defilements against the sex which the system of spiritual/religious iniquity brought, and thus its glory which the true God has at the beginning put into it was even heretofore overshadowed/obscured/shaded, that's why so many people suffered as all sorts of sexual victims, because there were also people with the Innate gift of God not to restrain themselves therein, as Saint Paul has testified:

1 Corinthians 7:7 "For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that."

and so the system of human(666) spirituality/religion taking advantage of this fact succeeded to affect/defile/afflict many people so far making them sexually ruined

Blessings

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

Uh ...

 

[John 8:32]

Remember that marriage is the union of two fallen people.

This is a falacious premise...

Gen 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Gen 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

God designed marriage and gave it to man as a wonderful gift. Christ will marry the church, it is by His design. This fallen nature idea is off base. Yes, we sin, but that does not besmirch or sully marriage.

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

This is a falacious premise...

Are we not the product of Adam and Eve? Are we not sinful by nature, saved only by the shed blood of Jesus Christ? The statement is accurate.

 

[John 8:32]

Theologically speaking, it is better for a man not to be married and to be a eunuch unto God. Our God is a jealous God and rightly wants and deserves to be first in mans life. I do not believe that the Holy Spirit goes around lifting up mans sexuality for this reason. I believe that he will if indeed the couple has God first in their life. But that is so uncommon, perhaps nigh impossible for most that he wont because man would put the Wife above God. If they do have God truly first in their lives, then all these things will be added unto you.

I'm not speaking for any of the ladies on the board, but from what I have seen of women that I know and have met, they want to be first in the mans life and sometimes even have resentment towards the man if he has faith in God and some have even been contentious about it. So why should God lift them up for their earthly pleasures when they do not put Him first? IOW, sexuality many times becomes a stumbling block between man and God. If a man can not control himself, then it is better for him to get married than to sin. But to be able to find a woman that will truly be submissive unto her husband and God in marriage is almost impossible.

Or so it seems to me.

Where do you guys get these heretical ideas?

Mat 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
Mat 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Mat 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Heb 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

There is no sense in quoting all the passages, these give you the instruction. God created marriage and intended it for man from the beginning...

Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Some other translations of Gen 2:18...


New International Version (©1984)
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

New Living Translation (©2007)
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."

English Standard Version (©2001)
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."

Holman Christian Standard Bible (©2009)
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement."

International Standard Version (©2012)
Later, the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make the woman to be an authority corresponding to him."

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him."

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.

American King James Version
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

American Standard Version
And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.

Douay-Rheims Bible
And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone: let us make him a help like unto himself.

Darby Bible Translation
And Jehovah Elohim said, It is not good that Man should be alone; I will make him a helpmate, his like.

English Revised Version
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Webster's Bible Translation
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a help meet for him.

World English Bible
Yahweh God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."

Young's Literal Translation
And Jehovah God saith, 'Not good for the man to be alone, I do make to him an helper -- as his counterpart.'


Gen 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
Gen 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

God took the time to bring all the animals to Adam to show that they were not suitable for him. He was not designed to live alone with only pets for companionship.

Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Gen 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

The marriage relationship is perfect and honorable and holy and good in every aspect.

 

[John 8:32]

Are we not the product of Adam and Eve? Are we not sinful by nature, saved only by the shed blood of Jesus Christ? The statement is accurate.

We are not sinful by nature, we are sinful due to Satan's influence and our tuning in to it...

Eph 2:2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
Eph 2:3 Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.

What caused the first sin?

Gen 3:1 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
Gen 3:2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
Gen 3:3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
Gen 3:4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
Gen 3:5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
Gen 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

Gen 3:13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
Gen 3:14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:
Gen 3:15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

We are not sinful by nature, we are sinful due to Satan's influence and our tuning in to it...

"The devil made me do it"? No, he didn't. Most kids age eight or nine figure out this is a completely invalid excuse. It's our choice to sin. Satan can tempt, but we don't have to give in.

We are born in Adam's sin, incapable of righteousness. Only through Christ are we made righteous.

 

[President]

Looking over the threads in this forum, it is obvious that many married couples are not happy with sexual issues in their relationship. How is this explained biblically?
It seems to me that if God is able to work in our hears thru the Holy Spirit He could fine tune our hearts to make us more compatible. But he chooses not to in many cases, it seems. Are these possible explanations?

1) This is something that God does not care about. He created sexuality for the propagation of the species and whether we are happy about it or not simply does not appear on His radar screen.

2) He leaves us unhappy in this regard so we know what it is to suffer. Christ was a man of suffering and tears, and part of being Christlike is suffering. If our lives were a bed of roses we would not share in Christ's experience.

Any other ideas?

How about this:

1) God cares about people getting their sexual needs met in marriage.
2) God does not always judge unrighteousness immediately. He has set aside a day of judgment for wickedness.
3) God works in believers to will and to do that which is good.

There are couples who have experienced God changing their partner's heart on a wide variety of issues, including sex. Not everyone will stand up and give a testimony about this topic on testimony night at church, though.

 

[Mike]

[MENTION=88954]John 8:32[/MENTION], we're going to go along with this discussion with the Biblical Truth of original sin, which is a core tenet of Christianity. If you have come to disagree with this doctrine, okay, but it is inflammatory to call others out on them as heretical.

Take care, brother.

 

[dinoguy]

I can guarantee you, there will never be any complaint about frequency, quality or intensity.

As a surgeon I can tell patients that based on my experience doing a certain operation the chances of success are 98%. But I cannot GUARANTEE them it will be successful.
Do you base your guarantee on personal experience in a long-term marriage (>25yrs) or because you have been a professional marriage counselor for many years?
Just curious.

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

As a surgeon I can tell patients that based on my experience doing a certain operation the chances of success are 98%. But I cannot GUARANTEE them it will be successful.
Do you base your guarantee on personal experience in a long-term marriage (>25yrs) or because you have been a professional marriage counselor for many years?
Just curious.

Experience, observation and yes, I'm a counselor, though in addictions, not marriage & family. However, I am qualified in three states in that discipline.

 

[dinoguy]

If you made an effort to really love your wife, like you did when you first met, you would be amazed at how well this teaching plays out for you

At the risk of nitpicking, don't you mean "loved your wife like you did when you were first married"? When people first meet they are infatuated or in romantic love. I think real, mature love comes later and hopefully grows throughout the marriage.

 

[farouk]

At the risk of nitpicking, don't you mean "loved your wife like you did when you were first married"? When people first meet they are infatuated or in romantic love. I think real, mature love comes later and hopefully grows throughout the marriage.

landsurveyor:

You have a point, I'm sure; I don't quite understand what your basic premise in the OP is, though. (Maybe it's because I'm not fully awake, or something.)

 

[dinoguy]

landsurveyor:

You have a point, I'm sure; I don't quite understand what your basic premise in the OP is, though. (Maybe it's because I'm not fully awake, or something.)

I was just wondering which answer people thought was the right one, or if there was some other answer that is correct.

 

[reba]

At the risk of nitpicking, don't you mean "loved your wife like you did when you were first married"? When people first meet they are infatuated or in romantic love. I think real, mature love comes later and hopefully grows throughout the marriage.

It is nice when those 'high school' feelings show up through out the years... along with the mature love

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

It is nice when those 'high school' feelings show up through out the years... along with the mature love

Agreed. I didn't know I could still feel like a 16-year-old. LOL!!

 

[farouk]

Umm, this thread is getting a bit strange...

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

I was just wondering which answer people thought was the right one, or if there was some other answer that is correct.

I think you're going to have to figure that one out for yourself. We don't know the relationship dynamics. We live our own lives according to how our relationships work. You will have to do the same. But we have given you some solid information upon which to build.

 

[abide]

The subject is kind of broad, and narrowed to God caring or not. Obviously God cares, but it's difficult to know to what extent when it comes to a couples sexual satisfaction.

Part of the problem we face today is the unnatural world we live in today. We are inundated with sexual messages in our man-made culture. We have developed control methods which have freed people to see sex as more of a sport for pleasure and limit it's natural functionality. So in that, when we consider what all we've done to minimize sex, why should God care, because most of the concern we voice (I think) centers around and idea of false "needs", in the name of "just because we can".



If we lived back in the day, for example, We would not make near the complaints about sex they make today. We would understand the value of marriage more, and how exactly it relate to sex.

Danus you have made some pertinent points.