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They're Outta the Woods, They're Outta the Dark, They're Outta the Night....

handy

handy

Member
Well, today was the last day of school.

Whew. What a year.

For Thomas, the year wasn't bad at all. He's an A student, got on OK...His biggest challenge was facing racism for the first time. The racist was his bus driver...the bus was total chaos and the only kid getting in trouble on a regular basis is the black one who maintained a class ethics and discipline score of "5" (top score) every week for the entire year, except for the one week he got a 4.5 for turning in some home work late? Yeeaahhhh...

...and the girls in his class were pretty cold to him, which was perplexing to him because usually he's a self-proclaimed, self-promoting "babe magnet". Frankly, I'm glad the girls did take him down a peg or two... But, all in all, he made a couple of buddies, loved his teacher and had a pretty OK year.

Viola however, my gosh what that poor kid was put through...people yelling at her, calling her "horse". It was so frustrating because when they were saying "horse" they made it clear it was really "whore"...:nono2

The "back of the bus"...the group of high school girls who just saw to it that there was going to be no possible way for her to fit in there harassed her pretty much daily. One of their favorite ploys was to shout "Viola, shut up" over and over and over and over, trying to get a reaction out of her. They used this tactic on others. Most kids just folded. One kid, kept telling them to leave him alone and when they kept it up, he told them to "F**k off", for which he got suspended and upon returning, an assigned seat. (Nothing happened to the girls of course.) Probably about two or three times a week, this happened to Viola, but she just ignored them. After a while, they would stop for the day...but then start it up again a day or so later.

Then there was the "unofficial" class journal which everybody wrote in...when Viola returned to school after being sick for a few days, she found that someone had either ripped out, or scratched out everything she wrote in it.

This kind of meanness was kept up all year long, up to and including what was supposed to be her class graduation "celebration" at which one of the girls came up and screamed at her in front of everyone. Since that was a non-mandatory function, we just left.

Oh yeah, I brought it all to the attention of the administrators down there...plenty of times. The only time any real changes were made was when one of the "back of the bus" high-school girls walked the length of the bus, while it was in transit, to slap a 4th grade girl.

All in all, this was Viola's "annus horribilis".

And, she made it! She was telling me Monday night that there were so many times that she just wanted to quit, but we kept encouraging her to remain for the year. Mainly because we pulled her out of school last year, due to illnesses and didn't want her to leave school mid-way through two years in a row. Also, because academically, this was her best year yet. In spite of everything, she pulled herself up to a solid "C" average, and it would have been higher except that she still doesn't test well. Although the testing will pull her grades down, she knows the stuff, so well and good. And the "C" average was without any kind of special education, IEP, interventions or skills classes. She was right in there with the rest of the class, doing everything they were doing and getting a lot of A's and B's on the class work. For the challenges her learning disability presented her, she did an excellent job!

So, she kept with it, and learned that she can weather truly bad stuff and come out ahead. Not a bad lesson to learn.

Now, onward and upward. Today we shook the dust of that mean-spirited, dark and nasty school from our feet. They have a glorious summer to look forward to. After that, back to the schools in the town we go to church in. There they have good friends, true friends...the kind they can hang with...even fight with and it be OK. Both of the kids are really excited to go to school next year, and for that I'm really thankful.

The thing is...and here is the purpose of this thread...that dark and foreboding town is a "Christian" town. The girls at the back of the bus...every single one of them "church" girls. Each time I would talk with the principal and the superintendent (both Christians, the supe a pastor of a church), about the one true ring-leader in all of this...it was brought up over and over again what a nice Christian family this girl was from. I know, I've known her family for years. We've had them over, the girl used to spend the nights here and she and Viola would dress Thomas up in dresses and put make up on him (long before his "babe magnet" days). I was sitting at a choral and band recital, Viola was in the chorus, and the Superintendent came out and started the recital by praying, in the name of Jesus Christ, for the choir director and the students...and yet somehow he couldn't stop the systematic bullying in his school.

Viola does not dress skanky. Modern fashions aside, I won't allow it...and her make-up this year...OK, sometimes she would get it on a bit too heavy around the eyes, but this was more a matter of inexperience and, I think, the hit to her self-esteem. She does strive to keep it light. But, all-in-all, she is a tall, beautiful, vivacious, out-going girl who looks to be 18, dresses fashionably, wears make-up and was (horrors) allowed to have a boyfriend (chaperoned, but that most likely didn't get spread) and it did get around that she has this thing for a 21 year old. (I know exactly how, and yes, this too leads back to the same "ring leader".)

Somehow, she became the school "slut".

The boy who told the girls at the back of the bus to "F**k" off...he's a wiccan.

The kids at the school who faced the worst of the bullying were the kids who either were non-Christian or not the right "type" of Christian (we're not exactly Baptists).

Now, my daughter is a solid Christian. It was her faith that kept her going this year and she grew spiritually by leaps and bounds. Our pastor, who is no slouch as a biblical scholar, has been blown away at her insights at times. But, our faith is built very much on really learning and following God's word. We really aren't into "experience" based Christianity. There is a Christian youth fellowship that meets on Wednesday evenings, and I took Viola there last year...but she dropped out because she said they didn't study the bible at all, they just played "rip off rock" (her term for Christian rock music) and then sat around in a darkened room to pray and feel the Spirit. Since we wouldn't get home until well after 9:00 and since Viola really wasn't "feelin the Spirit" anyway, she quit.

Most of the worst offenders of the bullying were part of that group.

I think the kids were being what human kids are if left unchecked. I don't really blame the kids, I just think that they need some strong discipline in real manners and respect. Not that they're going to get it.

But, the adults in the town...the staff at the school who are all members of the few churches in the town...some in leadership positions. Seriously, I do believe that they truly, perhaps unconsciously, were engaged in a subtle and sometimes not so subtle form of judging. I can't believe all the times this year, when I would follow protocol and call the principle or counselor about the harassment, somehow it would always come back to what Viola needed to do...she needed to not answer back if things were said to her...she needed to not try to sit too far towards the back of the bus...she needed to not playfully smack one of her oldest friends, (again, a kid who has spent many nights at our house, he's Thomas' best friend) and tell him "Shaddup!" I asked the Principal what discipline the girl who kept yelling at Viola "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP" over and over for about 5 minutes right after Viola smacked Matt was going to face and she said that she was not going to tell me what discipline any student would receive but that she would handle it. She also said that she would personally go on the bus and talk to the kids. She did not go on the bus, nor did the girl receive any discipline...believe me, the kids always know who gets lunch detention or suspensions.

The message I got this year was...if you're not a fundamental, evangelical Christian in a place where they truly hold a firm majority...well, you get what you deserve.

And, perhaps it's the same if you're a non-Lutheran in Minnesota, or a Protestant in San Ysidro. But, if we are all Christians, and we are all to love one another, why do we have these kinds of judgmental attitudes and even bigotries in areas where there is one "flavor" that is a clear majority? How is this being different from the world?
 
Dora, I have to hand it to you, you handled those situations better than I ever could I will tell you that. Because I would have been more forceful, that's just me. And that color thing I would not have tolerated that, from the door to the pulpit, because I am so sick of it. But you and the children did well and I am proud of you, but I would have went to jail.
 
Thanks Lewis, it was indeed a very long 9 1/2 months.

The thing is, here is another tactic...and I think the world plays this game as well as Christians, but Christians shouldn't be playing it in the first place and we do:

That game is....push, push, push, push people until they do or say something out of anger or frustration, then focus on that angry or frustrated response as a way to dismiss the person and the issues the person is trying to focus on.

This is what happened when the principal tried to equate Viola playing smacking one of her best friends and saying "Shaddup" to what the girls on the back of the bus were doing and I got angry. It was the only time during the 9 1/2 months that I truly lost my temper but I yelled at the principal.

And, that was that. She had told me that there would be discipline and that she would speak to the bus...and she did neither. It took the incident of the high school girl slapping the little girl before anything concrete was done about the bus. Since I lost my temper, and since it was clear that the school just didn't think what was happening was all that big of a deal...it was very easy to dismiss me.

I've seen this in the church many times over the years. Issues will crop up...they always do don't they...and in trying to resolve it tempers get exacerbated and if so, if someone responds in out of anger or frustration...then response is used to dismiss the person and their issues, no matter how legitimate the issue is.
 
No, Viola is white. And, one of the girls at the school (who does not ride the bus) who joined in the picking on her is black, so I don't think that the kids were racially motivated.

It might seem odd Lewis but, although I'm not glad or happy that Thomas experienced racism for the first time, I can also see that it is something that the Lord can use for the good for him.

Living in the small little community we do, he has never experienced racism. I'll say this for the little town we live in, people are accepted here. There have been a couple of instances of racism when we've been away from home, but those instances were kind of subtle and Thomas really didn't pick up on it.

The whole thing with the bus driver has been the first time he's really had to deal with someone who was treating him differently and negatively because he's black. And, although it's wrong, we've talked Thomas through as to how to handle this kind of crap, because once he grows up and moves away, he's going to have to deal with it a lot more than he ever has. We've tried to teach him about racism and the kinds of things he can expect being a black man in a white dominated culture, but since he never experienced anything like it, it was hard for him to understand what he might face. Now he does. It's truly sad, but it's can be worked for good if he can gain a little knowledge on how to handle it now, rather than be blindsided when he gets older.

The end result of the whole thing with the bus driver was this: This little girl on the bus that was slapped by a high school girl went to the same elementary school here in our town that my kid's went to. Both of my kids were really angry and upset for her. So, Steve called her dad to ask how she was and let him know that the troubles on the bus were of long standing and his daughter getting slapped wasn't an "isolated incident". Now, her Dad isn't the type to mince around things, and he used to work with the principal of the school so he called down there and set up a meeting for him and I with the principal and the superintendent.

Meanwhile, even prior to the slap, Steve had sent a letter to the superintendent about the racism on the part of the bus driver...one that hadn't been acknowledged.

At the meeting, the superintendent brought up Steve's letter, and seemed to do so in a way that was sort of dismissive. He turns to me and said, "I understand you believe that Thomas is being treated unfairly?" It wasn't so much what he said, just the tone of it.

Before I could answer though, Robert, the other parent, jumped in and said, "Treated "unfairly"? Bull****! I talked with almost all the kids that ride that bus before coming down here and the one thing they ALL agree on was that (the bus driver) picked on Thomas all the time. Now, I've known Thomas since he was yay big and I know that he's a good kid and has never caused any problems, so what the **** is up with that?"

Well, that stopped the dismissive attitude and I was very thankful that it was the other parent that said that. I had called down there and sent letters so many times during the year, they were dismissing me, but it was a lot harder to schluff this off when another parent corroborated it.

The end result was that the bus driver took the rest of the year off (for a knee surgery) and they had a substitute bus driver until school ended. Things really didn't get that much easier for Viola and kids still yelled on the bus, but Thomas didn't have any problems. I don't know if the bus driver will return next year or not. If we were going back and if she did, we would see to it that she got a different route. But, no way are we ever going back there.

Believe me, we thought about suing the lot of them, but the thing is Lewis, bad behavior or not, these people are all Christians and the Bible is very clear that we cannot be dragging brothers and sisters in the Lord to court.
 
Handy your faith and strength have brought this song to mind...For I see in you the glory of my king



I love You with the love of the Lord
I love You with the love of the Lord
For I see in you the glory of my king
and I love you with the love of the Lord
 
well dora, thats a shame that we christian bite each other like that. i know by what you say that when i was in the sin bi-sexuality i wouldnt have to come to christ in that town. when i was in new llano,la and living that way. that is the stuff i got, sneers and gossip from the christians. never to my face but i heard it through the sinners who would ask me if it was true.

all the while i was going to church.:nono2 but that church didnt do that to me.
 
Thanks Reba! :)


Jason, yeah I don't think someone struggling with bi- or homosexuality would make it in that town. The little town I live in, yeah...there are several lesbian couples here and although one couple pretty much keep to themselves, the other other are very active in community events and are accepted by everyone. Not everyone condones the union, I don't myself, but both are very nice ladies and good neighbors.

It's really the gossip more than anything else that get's to me. Yes, the racism, the bullying...all bad.

But, I think if it weren't for the gossip Viola could have pulled it off. She's a very vivacious and outgoing girl and very friendly. You know the old thing, the best way to make a friend is to be a friend and Viola is a very good friend, the type that is "there" for her girlfriends. But, every time she tried to make friends at that school, the "ring leader" girls (there were about four of them) would move right in as soon as Viola would stop talking and Viola would see them pointing at her and telling some kind of tale.

:gah Once, Viola told me, "You know Mom, I wish I knew just what reputation I do have down there...That Vi has got to be a lot more interesting than I am."

Anyway, she did make three friends there, none in her grade and only one a Christian, but one of the girls is the same age as her, just a year behind her in school...as a matter of fact I think they are planning a big birthday bash, as their birthdays are just one day apart.

But, yeah, gossip is such a sin and in my mind every bit as bad as saying the dreaded "F dash dash dash" word, yet some how we Christians just blow gossip off as if it's nothing.
 
Dora I am so proud of the way that you are raising those kids, their temperament and just all around great demeanor is better than mine. God has blessed you with 2 great kids and they have great parents in you and their dad. I love you in the name of Jesus Dora.
 
First if the people act like that, no matter what they claim, they're NOT Christians. And you're waaaayy more Christian and tolerant than I am. I have been known to spank other peoples children-nephews acting out in my house-right in front of their mother. I also have had to seriously restrain myself in public from going after somebody's kids. I think the main problem is with the parents. They don't teach their kids manners anymore, they think it's the job of the schools. Too many parents use the TV and VCR as babysitters, and the kids only imitate what they see on TV.
 
mcmurry said:
First if the people act like that, no matter what they claim, they're NOT Christians. And you're waaaayy more Christian and tolerant than I am. I have been known to spank other peoples children-nephews acting out in my house-right in front of their mother. I also have had to seriously restrain myself in public from going after somebody's kids. I think the main problem is with the parents. They don't teach their kids manners anymore, they think it's the job of the schools. Too many parents use the TV and VCR as babysitters, and the kids only imitate what they see on TV.
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off topic nice siggy.

and i know where you get that from.
 
Better parent than I'd be. Shoot I'd teach my kid how to whoop some butt and than have her take a go at them you-know-whats. Worked for me! No one messed with me after I busted some kids jaw in 6th grade, before that I got bullied, but after that I'd instilled just enough fear in their hearts and minds to make them forget about ever saying any ill words to me or about me.

So yeah, you probably did a much better job than I'd have done. :lol

On the you-know-whats at the back of the bus. Did you consider leveling a law suit against the school? Nothing makes the school administration (who, on the whole are a bunch of incompetent wannabe teachers) work harder and faster than the threat of a law suit. We threatened to sue the local BOE because they refused to allow my sister to be homeschooled and not only did they quickly drop the issue, they fired the pain in the butt assistant super who was giving us the grief and they gave us a waiver to cover some of her school fees!
 
I wish i had Handy's heart! Some of these things need to be changed in mans (snot girls) hearts. I to often feel the fastest way to the heart is with a good 2by4 to the head!
 
reba said:
I wish i had Handy's heart! Some of these things need to be changed in mans (snot girls) hearts. I to often feel the fastest way to the heart is with a good 2by4 to the head!
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shoot if that is the case i have some knuckle heads in california to bust open.
 
Oh I'll call up my cousin. He used to work at one of the nuke silos out in Montana. He was a button pusher... I told my mom I should have that job. :D
 
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