Hello, I am a twenty-one year old male. I was raised in the church and went until I was seventeen (I quit going due when I started to work). I was always forced to go, and although I believed the stories, I never really felt a strong conviction in them and did not really give myself to God. From seventeen to twenty, I went to church maybe twice, and God was never really a part of my life; I would read some scripture occasionally, but it never really touched me.
After growing as a person, I have realized how important it is to have God on my side, as I want to go to Heaven when I die, not to a lake of fire. Here is my problem: Even though I am acting better (in terms of what God wants), I feel so inferior to other Christians.
Here are some examples:
1: I do not curse nearly as much as I used to (I still do occasionally, but not very much), but I still think curses. When I think of Christians who never curse and rarely even think curses, I feel inferior to them.
2: I do not drink as much as I used to (I still get drunk sometimes, but not as frequently). When I think of Christians who never (or just occasionally drink), I feel inferior to them.
3: I do not go to church that much (mainly due to a bad work schedule), so when I think of folks who go to church weekly, I feel inferior to them.
4: I still indulge in "things of the world" (the profane music, movies, etc.), so when I think of Christians who try to abstain from those things, I feel inferior to them.
5: Despite my best efforts, I am finding it very hard to make it a habit to pray daily, so when I think about Christians who pray daily, I feel inferior to them.
I know that the principle of Christianity is that once you accept the fact that Jesus died on the cross for your sins and that without his grace, you are a helpless sinner, you are forgiven and get to spend eternity in heaven when your time on Earth ends. But I think about when God goes to judge me and judges my deeds, compared to people that are very religious, God is going to judge me far less favorably than them.
When I told the main person that has been helping me find God again, somebody that I work with, about this worry of mine, he gave me a Bible verse that was something like "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." He used that to show that even the "best" Christian is a filthy sinner without God's grace, so it is not even worth trying to be "perfect", because it is impossible. I see his point, but I still feel badly about sharing my faith with so many people that I perceive as better Christians than me.
I really want to become a committed Christian and let Jesus completely into my heart (I am trying, but it has not quite happened yet). I just feel such shame in going into a church and worshiping God, knowing that I still sometimes curse, drink, look at women with lust, etc. I know that we are all sinners and it is impossible for us to even come close to God's glory, but I know that I have such a long way to go, it is hard to completely let Jesus into my heart, just because I feel unworthy of such love (even though the scripture says completely to the contrary).
How can I accept the fact that I am farther away from where God wants me than other people?
After growing as a person, I have realized how important it is to have God on my side, as I want to go to Heaven when I die, not to a lake of fire. Here is my problem: Even though I am acting better (in terms of what God wants), I feel so inferior to other Christians.
Here are some examples:
1: I do not curse nearly as much as I used to (I still do occasionally, but not very much), but I still think curses. When I think of Christians who never curse and rarely even think curses, I feel inferior to them.
2: I do not drink as much as I used to (I still get drunk sometimes, but not as frequently). When I think of Christians who never (or just occasionally drink), I feel inferior to them.
3: I do not go to church that much (mainly due to a bad work schedule), so when I think of folks who go to church weekly, I feel inferior to them.
4: I still indulge in "things of the world" (the profane music, movies, etc.), so when I think of Christians who try to abstain from those things, I feel inferior to them.
5: Despite my best efforts, I am finding it very hard to make it a habit to pray daily, so when I think about Christians who pray daily, I feel inferior to them.
I know that the principle of Christianity is that once you accept the fact that Jesus died on the cross for your sins and that without his grace, you are a helpless sinner, you are forgiven and get to spend eternity in heaven when your time on Earth ends. But I think about when God goes to judge me and judges my deeds, compared to people that are very religious, God is going to judge me far less favorably than them.
When I told the main person that has been helping me find God again, somebody that I work with, about this worry of mine, he gave me a Bible verse that was something like "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." He used that to show that even the "best" Christian is a filthy sinner without God's grace, so it is not even worth trying to be "perfect", because it is impossible. I see his point, but I still feel badly about sharing my faith with so many people that I perceive as better Christians than me.
I really want to become a committed Christian and let Jesus completely into my heart (I am trying, but it has not quite happened yet). I just feel such shame in going into a church and worshiping God, knowing that I still sometimes curse, drink, look at women with lust, etc. I know that we are all sinners and it is impossible for us to even come close to God's glory, but I know that I have such a long way to go, it is hard to completely let Jesus into my heart, just because I feel unworthy of such love (even though the scripture says completely to the contrary).
How can I accept the fact that I am farther away from where God wants me than other people?
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