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[__ Prayer __] victim of a small, southern town

Christ_empowered

Christ_empowered

Member
It just now dawned on me...that explains a lot of my life, before Christ intervened. My parents are victims of this place, too, or they were before Christ intervened. Its weird...now they're higher on the totem pole, so I guess they may as well stay here (?). Me...I dunno. I'm 30 and people despise me. I don't know what God's will for my life is. I feel so ashamed, all the years I fell for the psychobabble and I blamed my family when really it was the community (and the shrinks, lol) who made me nuts.

My diagnosis now is Bipolar I of the more severe persuasion. No matter. This little town has voted me schizophrenic. Don't get me wrong--schizophrenia is a problem--its also the most stigmatizing diagnosis imaginable. See what I'm saying? And the neighbors keep messing with me. People in this (respectable) neighborhood just don't want me around...but I have no where else to go. Lame.

Lots of people are victims of bad environments. I'm not saying there's no such thing as personal responsibilty, but I mean...change the conditions=change the person, a lot of the time. I'm "in recovery" from everything because my people moved up in the world (God's grace) and they're protecting me (God's grace) and they seem to love me (God's grace). Mentally ill people don't get better on the streets, in prison, in jail, in most state mental hospitals. Few people do, actually.

Its crazy. Like, I was really pretty as a child. My parents had to use daycare because both of them were just starting their "real jobs", post-grad school. I wasn't treated right for being too pretty and because my parents weren't important as the other faculty at the local college. Then in school I was picked on for being too girly, but it was also reinforced by the teachers and the kids. Too girly=make fun of him, but if I got too aggressive/assertive, I was punished double. See what I'm saying?

Low status people aren't supposed to be smart, either. I think that's one reason shrinks doped me up so hardcore. Loser since middle school, too smart, family's not all that important=you get loads of Klonopin! Stuff set in motion by my small southern town. If I'd been smarter back then (and a Christian), I would have worked out, gone to a good dermatologist, and gone to a tech school kinda far, but not too far, away. Oh well...

...I dunno. Jesus has returned enough memories to me that I see that, like a lot of people (probably more poor people), my life was stolen from me, until He intervened. Not that I'm sinless or whatever, just that I never really lived before. Constantly stressed out, constantly socially isolated, too girly, then punished for being too masculine, etc. etc. etc.

I think I gotta move. Small southern towns are rough in this day and age. Nothing too charming or quaint about them. Somehow, my town retains the worst of southern culture--the machismo, the hypocrisy, the hollow religiosity. But I think I'm here for the next couple years, barring some kind of miracle.

a
 
Not necessarily.... most of the time, it's our own perceptions and responses that are to blame.
********

An old man sat quietly rocking on his front porch when a young couple approached him.
“Sir”, the husband said, “We’re thinking of moving to this town, and wondered if you could give us an idea of what the people are like here.”
“Well”, the old man replied, “What were they like where you came from?”
Both the husband and wife enthusiastically answered that they were friendly, outgoing, and always ready to lend a helping hand.
“Yeah, they’re pretty much the same way here.”, said the old gent.
A few hours later another young couple drove up and they too asked the same question of the elderly man.
“Sir”, the husband said, “We’re thinking of moving to this town, and wondered if you could give us an idea of what the people are like here.”
“Well”, the old man replied, “What were they like where you came from?”
Both the husband and wife snapped back that “those people” were very unfriendly, secretive and reclusive, and never seemed to care a thing about anyone but themselves.
“Yeah, they’re pretty much the same way here.”, replied the old gent.
 
yeah...i was up for a while when I wrote that. Truth is...I just gotta get my act together. I should be dead, lol. I'm just sick of people around here always wanting to punish me. Can't blame them, can I? I'm not a member of this community....
 
You are a member of whatever community you find yourself in..... but, of course, you, yourself, can choose NOT to be........ thereby living your own fantasy.
 
I've been ostracized and stigmatized. Loads of social class issues. Now that my people are behind me, I can make some progress forward.
 
Well, at least you're beginning to sound like you're formulating a realistic plan to follow.
 
The key is to surround yourself with positive people and a positive influence in your life.

I have learnt that people who bad mouth, criticize, call people names, etc. are really just unhappy people and that is how they deal with it by looking at faults in someone else and it makes them feel better about themselves. They really do just have a low self esteem.

You deserve better for yourself, one day when you have a family would you like your family to grow up in a community like that? You really do not have to be a victim.
 
You say you feel your life was stolen from you. I feel like that sometimes, and I take great comfort in Joel 2:25 - "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten"

Is that not awesome? God himself will pay you for those lost years - can you imagine the blessings that are in store for you when He does that? Good things are coming to you; just stay faithful to our Lord.
 
Please excuse me, but what do you expect from non-believers, of course the don't/won't get along with you, ...you have a different Father, ...you're looking for love in all the wrong places.

Do you attend church?

If not have you asked Father to place you in the church He has waiting for you?

And while you are looking or waiting may I suggest you do some kind of volunteer work in your small town, I seriously doubt those you are helping will hate you, that has not been my experience with volunteer work, why not start showing the love of Jesus to them, you might be surprised what doors Father will open for you.
 
I can't blame the townies for despising me too much. As Karl pointed out, we're playing for different teams. I'm not the world's best Christian--in fact, I often feel that I'm just now, 2 years into my Born Again experience, years after Teen Challenge--actually, truly, bona fide Christian. And a fallible and highly imperfect one, at that.

In the eyes of the world, I don't count for much. Scratch that. I make people angry in the world. Shady backstory, intelligent, mental patient, supportive affluent family, blah blah blah...

...God's work is always met with opposition, especially when God is working in the life of a former narcissist, drug abusing, flamer wretch. In The Bible Belt. Its funny...I tried my hand at sociology as a major. Glad I didn't get the degree. The one word that explains a lot of why I "bring out the demon in people" ? STIGMA!

Jesus loves the outcast, the pariah, the wretch. I mean, Jesus loves everyone, but it seems that the poor, wretched, oppressed, those most in need of salvation and then some (and presumably, hopefully, thankful for the forgiveness shown them/us) are particularly important to Him. "Blessed are the poor in spirit...," etc.

I'm just now becoming grateful. I'm just now cognizant of my sin patterns. I think I thought that because I suffered so, I was morally superior. Wrong. All good in me comes from Christ. One problem is self-isolation and self-centeredness (OK, that's 2 problems...they seem to be inter-related). People like me aren't usually in mainstream society. In a lot of states, I'd be in a state mental hospital, or at least a group home, even t hough I function better now than I have...ever. That's the thing about mental health, especially psychiatry...they do help legitimate problems, but a lot of what they do is work to enforce norms and conventions. I keep hearing that I "don't matter," and its true. Low on the totem pole, and God keeps blessing me. People can't stand me. I hear that I'm "too old." I'm 30. Basically, this is how poor women are treated in the south....and I'm just some dude from a newly affluent semi-hippy family.

I'm blessed that Christ saw me through everything. Nobody deserves salvation, miracles, etc. I've received these things despite my sins, past and present. The townies...not so happy. Oh well. Even some Christians...weirdly enough, a lot of the Christians from the more mainline denominations....not pleased.

Then again...Christ clearly wasn't Mr.Popular. I mean, people just like us, just like me--just like who I used to be, anyway--crucified Him. That's one thing I've been praying on, lately, to get off my high horse. A) my sins helped kill Jesus and b) before I was Born Again, I would have called for his death just like a lot of people did back then. Human nature rearing its ugly head, I suppose.

Anyway, Christ wasn't popular, really isn't popular, isn't all that palatable for most people, and His Word and His works are despised by the world...so are His people. In a way, I'm blessed that people in this town have always despised me for one reason or another. I've been prepared for all this, I suppose.

:)
 
You're over thinking it, from what you said the town people are seeing you as who you were, reach out and help someone and their thinking will change, now please don't become upset, I don't say this to debate or argue, but psychiatry can't help anyone, it can diagnosis the problem, but only the Creator of your soul can cure the soul, it isn't a physical problem but rather soulish, .......you really need to take that to heart, in what I've been reading you are arguing against Jesus, which comes down to how big is your God, can He cure your soul, since He is it's Creator or does He need some kind of human help, I truly wish and hope you could see that, ...one brother to another.

I know what I'm talking about, diagnosed schizophrenic, paranoid, depressive, the Lord and ONLY the Lord healed me and that was before I was born again, I couldn't walk and talk at the same, you don't seem to be near that bad if you are attending college.

Here is a promise given to us,

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7

We have been given a sound mind, and the root word for sound mind is the word safe, our minds are safe, Jesus has stated our minds are safe. Then we add to that,

And He (Jesus) is before all things, and by Him all things consist. Col 1:17

Do you see that, Jesus, your Jesus, is holding it all together, ...that's a double promise, He gave you a safe mind, a sound mind and He is the One keeping it that way, my dear brother, do you see why I said you are arguing against Jesus, He has given us these promises, but we have to receive them and appropriate them into our lives.

Blessings
 
Like I have shown you from the Word, it can't, so now the question is do you want to be healed, can you take these two verses to heart, believe them in your soul and step out in faith and believe you have a sound mind and it's your Jesus that's doing all of it, ...all we have to do is receive, ...this is your Red Sea, this is your stepping out of the boat and walking on water, ...little brother, ...the just live by faith Hab 2:4 and faith comes from hearing and hearing from the Word of God, do you have the ears to hear? Then step out in what little faith you have, trembling even, ...Jesus won't let you down if He has promised it, and He has!
 
Christ_empowered said:
It just now dawned on me...that explains a lot of my life, before Christ intervened. My parents are victims of this place, too, or they were before Christ intervened. Its weird...now they're higher on the totem pole, so I guess they may as well stay here (?). Me...I dunno. I'm 30 and people despise me. I don't know what God's will for my life is. I feel so ashamed, all the years I fell for the psychobabble and I blamed my family when really it was the community (and the shrinks, lol) who made me nuts.

My diagnosis now is Bipolar I of the more severe persuasion. No matter. This little town has voted me schizophrenic. Don't get me wrong--schizophrenia is a problem--its also the most stigmatizing diagnosis imaginable. See what I'm saying? And the neighbors keep messing with me. People in this (respectable) neighborhood just don't want me around...but I have no where else to go. Lame.

Lots of people are victims of bad environments. I'm not saying there's no such thing as personal responsibilty, but I mean...change the conditions=change the person, a lot of the time. I'm "in recovery" from everything because my people moved up in the world (God's grace) and they're protecting me (God's grace) and they seem to love me (God's grace). Mentally ill people don't get better on the streets, in prison, in jail, in most state mental hospitals. Few people do, actually.

Its crazy. Like, I was really pretty as a child. My parents had to use daycare because both of them were just starting their "real jobs", post-grad school. I wasn't treated right for being too pretty and because my parents weren't important as the other faculty at the local college. Then in school I was picked on for being too girly, but it was also reinforced by the teachers and the kids. Too girly=make fun of him, but if I got too aggressive/assertive, I was punished double. See what I'm saying?

Low status people aren't supposed to be smart, either. I think that's one reason shrinks doped me up so hardcore. Loser since middle school, too smart, family's not all that important=you get loads of Klonopin! Stuff set in motion by my small southern town. If I'd been smarter back then (and a Christian), I would have worked out, gone to a good dermatologist, and gone to a tech school kinda far, but not too far, away. Oh well...

...I dunno. Jesus has returned enough memories to me that I see that, like a lot of people (probably more poor people), my life was stolen from me, until He intervened. Not that I'm sinless or whatever, just that I never really lived before. Constantly stressed out, constantly socially isolated, too girly, then punished for being too masculine, etc. etc. etc.

I think I gotta move. Small southern towns are rough in this day and age. Nothing too charming or quaint about them. Somehow, my town retains the worst of southern culture--the machismo, the hypocrisy, the hollow religiosity. But I think I'm here for the next couple years, barring some kind of miracle.

a
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Keep your faith up friend.
 
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