Was losing custody of my son a punishment from God?

[Chloe2023]

Hello, I'm Chloe, 36, a Christian, female from London UK. I have a 6-year-old son called Liam. When Liam's dad and I split up I was a single mother for a while but 3 months ago his dad applied for custody in the family court and he was granted sole custody. I only get to see my boy at weekends. Over the past few months, I've felt very depressed and find it hard to come to terms with why I lost Liam, I was not a bad parent. When I first got notified that his father was applying for custody I got on my knees and prayed to God to let me keep Liam but I was not granted this request. After I lost Liam I felt angry at God and wanted to know why this happened. But now I am finally beginning to wonder if this has happened to me as a punishment.
You see, although I am a Christian, after I had Liam I started to let my attention to God slip a bit, I still prayed and went to church and worshipped but not as often. Also one day I thought that I loved Liam more than the Lord and I know that God demands us to love him above all others even our kids. As soon as I thought about it I felt bad about it but I still felt it. Now I am thinking that God had to somehow punish me and bring me back to him. Yesterday I went to church and knelt down and asked God if he punished me by giving custody of my son to his father and I just felt that God was angry with me so I asked for forgiveness. Now, losing Liam still hurts so much, but I am starting to understand that I deserved this for taking my attention away from God and loving my son more. Now I am preparing for a future without my son, his dad has custody and I have to accept it so that I can focus on God again.
Do you guys think that God punished me? I don't see any other reason for it. Another thing that makes me think God punished me is that Liam's father applied for custody out of the blue literally 2 days after I was thinking I love Liam more than God. Surely that's no coincidence? God heard my thought, got angry that I stopped loving him mpre, and took my boy from me as punishment?
Knowing this only makes me determined to worship God harder from now on to avoid any further punishments and to make him happy.
I'm also reminded that God has the power to sentence me to eternal punishment on judgment day. Maybe this is a warning, I may think losing my boy is hard but it's nothing compared to eternal punishment.

 

[Luminous_Rose]

From what you're saying, I don't know your situation 100%, I'm not you, nor can I provide an accurate judgement of character.

What I can say from what I read here is:

No, you're not being punished by God. (Many people will resort to that when they have fallen on hard times). You are the victim of the unfair justice system in a broken world. Bad things can still happen to people that try their best.

As Robin Williams said on Mrs. Doubtfire, "Your Honor, in the past two months, I've secured a residence, I've refurbished that residence and made it "an environment fit for children". Those are your words. I'm also holding down a job as a shipping clerk. So I believe I met your requirements. Ahead of schedule. In regards to my behavior... I can only plead insanity. Because, ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them, I was crazy about them. Once I held them, I was hooked. I'm addicted to my children, sir. I love them with all my heart, and the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, I can't see them everyday... It's like someone saying I can't have air. I can't live without air and I can't live without them. Listen, I would do anything. I just want to be with them. You know, I know I need that, sir. We have a history. And I just... They mean everything to me. And they need me as much as I need them. So, please, don't take my kids away from me. Thank you."

I can't imagine going through what you're going through. I have had friends go through child custody issues and hearings and really, it tears them apart further emotionally...at the seams.

The system is broken, it always has been. Some judges are biased and believe a girl should live with mom and a boy should live with dad. Some judges are reviewing who is best able to provide from their perspective. Some parents give it everything and fulfill all court requirements and are still denied to see their kids. It's...not fair.

Your options seem to be to make the best you possibly can of it, possibly make an appeal to the court, or curl up in total defeat.

I'm also not sure of UK laws. I do know in the USA that once a child turns, I think it was 14 or so that they are able to decide which parent they want to live with - given that their parents aren't of course criminals or something. That gives some parents hope and sometimes it doesn't. I've had friends who got their kids back when their children decided for themselves. I've also seen parents lose their kids to the other parent because they weren't the chosen ones. It can be a good thing sometimes and other times not. I know someone who didn't consider themselves Christian. She has a lot of kids, many have different fathers. She eventually settled down with a Christian man and devoted her life to God. Although, they have had two teenage girls decide they didn't like their rules because they are strict and went to live with the ungodly parents, but it does happen.

There are times, though, that even Satan may have some control over a situation. When we pray to God that things go a certain way, get better, etc. there are times Satan will challenge that. Satan makes sure to keep that wild card in his back pocket. Right when you have hope, he plays the wild card to make you fold. Although, sometimes this is the devil's absolute last extreme card he had. Satan's power is limited.

So, don't lose hope. Keep praying. There's nothing wrong with loving your child and in the midst of parenthood...we can all slip on God's radar...it happens. We are human and we forget and get caught in life and sometimes only need to redirect our focus, perhaps rearrange our schedule to add God in there each day, etc. It can happen to the best of us.

 

[Chloe2023]

Thank you for your reply. Liam's father was granted custody based on something so ridiculous I can't even talk about it without almost laughing because it's so stupid. Basically, he is 2 years older than me, just 2 years. The judge said, when he made his decision, that while he believed me to be a loving mother he felt that Liam would be better off with his dad because he has ''a lot more years life experience than me'' (2 years is a lot more really?) but we're talking just 2 years. That's what the judge granted him custody on, 2 years, it's so ridiculous. It's almost like the judge just wanted to punish me and had to come up with a reason to justify it so he came up with the two years age difference. I lose my son because of a 2-year age difference?! It's cruel but it's also just crazy. I actually have to laugh because if I didn't I'd never stop crying.
He has custody until Liam is 18, that's 12 years I have to get through separated from my boy. 12 years of punishment for having a 2-year age difference.

 

[Who Me]

That is un just.
All I can advise is to do all you can to demonstrate that you are a fit person to look after your child.
To play the game, documenting your visits with Liam, his emotional state, physical state, how he relates to you and to his father.
Use every method, loophole etc that enables you to contact and communicate with him.

You are looking for reasons to challenge the courts decision and for that you have to show that you can provide for him and care for him better than his father.

Try to build a relationship with his social worker etc.

 

[Chloe2023]

I'm allowed contact with him once every week on Saturday mornings for 3 hours (the judge said it would be 4 hours at the original hearing but changed his mind afterward and cut an hour off for no apparent reason) It's not much but at least it's something. I can try to make the most of the time I get to spend with him each week. It's not long enough to do much, by the time we get to the park or the shops we can only do something for an hour or so, and then I have to drive him back to his dad's.
I'm back before the judge (I'm assigned to the same judge, he can also call me in for discipline if I ever break the rules of the contact order) in 2 weeks to decide how much child support I'll be ordered to pay. I am thinking when I see the judge again I might have the chance to ask about an appeal or more contact or something.

 

[for_his_glory]

First I want to say that no, God is not punishing you, but like Luminous_Rose said the system is broken and doesn't always play fair, plus sometimes we will never know why bad things happen to good people, but yet we have to trust God in all things and never lose our faith or doubt God.

Since we do not know all the particulars of why your ex has gotten custody there is not to much to say other than keep God first above all else, let your son know how much you love him and once he turns 18 the two of you can be together again. You are still his mother and always will be and he knows that and loves you. When you are with him try to teach him about Jesus maybe buying him a child's Bible and reading it to him, but keep it at your place if his father has any problems with that. If you only have a few hours with him the two of you don't necessarily have to go anywhere special all the time, but to just spend quality time with your son. If you are allowed to call your son then do that often to stay in touch with him, but to know that his father will probably monitor the phone call.

Keep praying and seeking God and never give up hope that this situation will change as that is ridiculous about his father being two years older than you having more experience in life, but does not give him more experience as being a parent. See if you can appeal this with another judge that is not prejudice against your case. You are in my prayers

 

[Luminous_Rose]

Thank you for your reply. Liam's father was granted custody based on something so ridiculous I can't even talk about it without almost laughing because it's so stupid. Basically, he is 2 years older than me, just 2 years. The judge said, when he made his decision, that while he believed me to be a loving mother he felt that Liam would be better off with his dad because he has ''a lot more years life experience than me'' (2 years is a lot more really?) but we're talking just 2 years. That's what the judge granted him custody on, 2 years, it's so ridiculous. It's almost like the judge just wanted to punish me and had to come up with a reason to justify it so he came up with the two years age difference. I lose my son because of a 2-year age difference?! It's cruel but it's also just crazy. I actually have to laugh because if I didn't I'd never stop crying.
He has custody until Liam is 18, that's 12 years I have to get through separated from my boy. 12 years of punishment for having a 2-year age difference.

That's so heavily biased, it's ridiculous. If you can appeal, I would definitely try to appeal that....that could be seen as age discrimination in the USA and could more than likely be appealed. Look into the UK laws and see what you can find?

 

[journeyman]

Hello Chloe2023.
It sounds like you love your son the way God loves his Son.
The devil works through people to hurt us, but our sweet Savior wants us to,

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Mt.5:44

This is how our God is, toward those who hurt his Son, beating and crucifying him without mercy,

That ye may be the children of your Father which is inheaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, Mt.5:45

And as we learn about how our Father is, please never forget,

he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye. Zec.2:8

May God bless bless you and through you the people who do not love you.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

Hello, I'm Chloe, 36, a Christian, female from London UK. I have a 6-year-old son called Liam. When Liam's dad and I split up I was a single mother for a while but 3 months ago his dad applied for custody in the family court and he was granted sole custody. I only get to see my boy at weekends. Over the past few months, I've felt very depressed and find it hard to come to terms with why I lost Liam, I was not a bad parent. When I first got notified that his father was applying for custody I got on my knees and prayed to God to let me keep Liam but I was not granted this request. After I lost Liam I felt angry at God and wanted to know why this happened. But now I am finally beginning to wonder if this has happened to me as a punishment.
You see, although I am a Christian, after I had Liam I started to let my attention to God slip a bit, I still prayed and went to church and worshipped but not as often. Also one day I thought that I loved Liam more than the Lord and I know that God demands us to love him above all others even our kids. As soon as I thought about it I felt bad about it but I still felt it. Now I am thinking that God had to somehow punish me and bring me back to him. Yesterday I went to church and knelt down and asked God if he punished me by giving custody of my son to his father and I just felt that God was angry with me so I asked for forgiveness. Now, losing Liam still hurts so much, but I am starting to understand that I deserved this for taking my attention away from God and loving my son more. Now I am preparing for a future without my son, his dad has custody and I have to accept it so that I can focus on God again.
Do you guys think that God punished me? I don't see any other reason for it. Another thing that makes me think God punished me is that Liam's father applied for custody out of the blue literally 2 days after I was thinking I love Liam more than God. Surely that's no coincidence? God heard my thought, got angry that I stopped loving him mpre, and took my boy from me as punishment?
Knowing this only makes me determined to worship God harder from now on to avoid any further punishments and to make him happy.
I'm also reminded that God has the power to sentence me to eternal punishment on judgment day. Maybe this is a warning, I may think losing my boy is hard but it's nothing compared to eternal punishment.

We don’t really know enough from what you’ve shared. Why did the father apply for custody? On what basis did the court grant it? Did he tell you why he was applying for sole custody? Before we decide if God had anything to do with the matter, what were the man controlled reasons for the change?