Hello, I'm Chloe, 36, a Christian, female from London UK. I have a 6-year-old son called Liam. When Liam's dad and I split up I was a single mother for a while but 3 months ago his dad applied for custody in the family court and he was granted sole custody. I only get to see my boy at weekends. Over the past few months, I've felt very depressed and find it hard to come to terms with why I lost Liam, I was not a bad parent. When I first got notified that his father was applying for custody I got on my knees and prayed to God to let me keep Liam but I was not granted this request. After I lost Liam I felt angry at God and wanted to know why this happened. But now I am finally beginning to wonder if this has happened to me as a punishment.
You see, although I am a Christian, after I had Liam I started to let my attention to God slip a bit, I still prayed and went to church and worshipped but not as often. Also one day I thought that I loved Liam more than the Lord and I know that God demands us to love him above all others even our kids. As soon as I thought about it I felt bad about it but I still felt it. Now I am thinking that God had to somehow punish me and bring me back to him. Yesterday I went to church and knelt down and asked God if he punished me by giving custody of my son to his father and I just felt that God was angry with me so I asked for forgiveness. Now, losing Liam still hurts so much, but I am starting to understand that I deserved this for taking my attention away from God and loving my son more. Now I am preparing for a future without my son, his dad has custody and I have to accept it so that I can focus on God again.
Do you guys think that God punished me? I don't see any other reason for it. Another thing that makes me think God punished me is that Liam's father applied for custody out of the blue literally 2 days after I was thinking I love Liam more than God. Surely that's no coincidence? God heard my thought, got angry that I stopped loving him mpre, and took my boy from me as punishment?
Knowing this only makes me determined to worship God harder from now on to avoid any further punishments and to make him happy.
I'm also reminded that God has the power to sentence me to eternal punishment on judgment day. Maybe this is a warning, I may think losing my boy is hard but it's nothing compared to eternal punishment.
You see, although I am a Christian, after I had Liam I started to let my attention to God slip a bit, I still prayed and went to church and worshipped but not as often. Also one day I thought that I loved Liam more than the Lord and I know that God demands us to love him above all others even our kids. As soon as I thought about it I felt bad about it but I still felt it. Now I am thinking that God had to somehow punish me and bring me back to him. Yesterday I went to church and knelt down and asked God if he punished me by giving custody of my son to his father and I just felt that God was angry with me so I asked for forgiveness. Now, losing Liam still hurts so much, but I am starting to understand that I deserved this for taking my attention away from God and loving my son more. Now I am preparing for a future without my son, his dad has custody and I have to accept it so that I can focus on God again.
Do you guys think that God punished me? I don't see any other reason for it. Another thing that makes me think God punished me is that Liam's father applied for custody out of the blue literally 2 days after I was thinking I love Liam more than God. Surely that's no coincidence? God heard my thought, got angry that I stopped loving him mpre, and took my boy from me as punishment?
Knowing this only makes me determined to worship God harder from now on to avoid any further punishments and to make him happy.
I'm also reminded that God has the power to sentence me to eternal punishment on judgment day. Maybe this is a warning, I may think losing my boy is hard but it's nothing compared to eternal punishment.