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What is the cure for external hemeroids?

D

Dave Slayer

Guest
What is the cure for external hemeroids? The past few days, I have experienced great pain down below after a bowel movement. It feels like a burning sensation. I have had really bad diareah the past few days so perhaps it is something I am eating. But I haven't eaten anything out of the ordinary, so what could be causing the diareah and the external hemeroids? It hurts to even wipe and also hurts when I am sitting down. Are there any type of medications I can take to treat these things?
 
Dave's Custom cure for external hemeroids...

Hemorrhoids Definition By Mayo Clinic staff

The above Healthcare answers from MayoClinc <brought to you by Sparrow>

Custom alternative treatment (for you only, Dave):
Replace your toilet paper with steel wool. :toofunny


____________________________
DISCLAIMER: Be sure to consult medical professionals before implementing custom health-care advice given here by little birds calling themselves Sparrowhawke or any other name, real or imagined.
 
The cure for external hemorrhoids is a pair of scissors and some sand paper, then further smoothed out with a pumice stone, then 2 coats of poly urethane, then blow dried with a 15000 BTU heater blower, then cooled down with a blast of liquid oxygen 3 degrees, negative centigrade, make sure that you don't bump into nothing, because your butt will shatter, then you stick your behind out the window to be air dried for 2 days, and then you pull your pants up and enjoy your day, and you will be just fine Dave, this method, works every time. :D
 
Lewis, get in line! :chair

Dave, you might just get some hemorrhoid cream from the store. And also some medicated wipes for use after going to the bathroom. Both of those should help. :yes
 
Lewis W said:
The cure for external hemorrhoids is a pair of scissors and some sand paper, then further smoothed out with a pumice stone, then 2 coats of poly urethane, then blow dried with a 15000 BTU heater blower, then cooled down with a blast of liquid oxygen 3 degrees, negative centigrade, make sure that you don't bump into nothing, because your butt will shatter, then you stick your behind out the window to be air dried for 2 days, and then you pull your pants up and enjoy your day, and you will be just fine Dave, this method, works every time. :D
Click to expand...


:hysterical :toofunny :rolling :biglaugh :biglol :lol :toofunny :rolling :lol :biglol :hysterical
 
use ye old preparation h, or go the ye old doctor and have him or her lance that spincter vein for you, yes i'm dead serious.

jason
 
jasoncran said:
use ye old preparation h, or go the ye old doctor and have him or her lance that spincter vein for you, yes i'm dead serious.

jason
Click to expand...
Or use the new and improved Preparation H, premixed with Tabasco Sauce and if any is left over you can put it on your steak, and it will shrink it down, and you won't be so full, thereby cutting down on you going to the bathroom, ain't I a genius :yes
 
Lewis W said:
The cure for external hemorrhoids is a pair of scissors and some sand paper, then further smoothed out with a pumice stone, then 2 coats of poly urethane, then blow dried with a 15000 BTU heater blower, then cooled down with a blast of liquid oxygen 3 degrees, negative centigrade, make sure that you don't bump into nothing, because your butt will shatter, then you stick your behind out the window to be air dried for 2 days, and then you pull your pants up and enjoy your day, and you will be just fine Dave, this method, works every time. :D
Click to expand...

:toofunny

Dave will be .... :onfire

You still alive ? ? ....... :poke


:biglol
 
Good news everyone! The hemeroids have dissapeared! The diareah is also gone! :D
 
Dave Slayer said:
Good news everyone! The hemeroids have dissapeared! :D
Click to expand...
Hemorrhoids don't 'disappear' on their own, Dave. They may say, "This is my last appearance," but we know better, don't we?

~Sparrow
 
Sparrowhawke said:
Dave Slayer said:
Good news everyone! The hemeroids have dissapeared! :D
Click to expand...
Hemorrhoids don't 'disappear' on their own, Dave. They may say, "This is my last appearance," but we know better, don't we?

~Sparrow
Click to expand...

Well whatever the case, I don't feel any pain in that area. It no longer hurts when I wipe and the diareah is gone. :)
 
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