Which “Jesus†do you worship?
March 14, 2010 by The Pilgrim
False idols of who Jesus is come in all shades and styles, but there’s nothing that’s created more false idols of who Jesus is than man’s own heart.
Unfortunately, most people have created a “Jesus†of their own liking, fashioned in the recesses of their carnal minds (or created by some religious leader that they’ve submitted their lives and entrusted their souls to) and that’s the “Jesus†they serve and worship. Ironically, these false idols of “Jesus†bear a striking resemblance to those who created them (and their desires), but very little–if any–resemblance to the Jesus of the Bible.
Since there are so many versions of “Jesus†circulating out there I’ve decided to create this easy to use (but non-exhaustive) resource as a way to help you know which “Jesus†you worship based solely upon what you believe about Him.
If your Jesus . . .
. . . is the sibling of Satan; born from a sexual encounter between God the Father who was once a man (Adam to be exact) and God’s own daughter Mary; who was crucified because he practiced polygamy; who did not pay for the sins of the world on the cross but in the Garden of Gethsemane, whose sacrifice was insufficient since you still have to work your way to heaven and in some cases your own blood must be spilled to redeem yourself; and who could not maintain his church but had to commission a lying, swindling, occult-dabbling, womanizing, pedophiliac, adulterer, Freemason, con-artist who was known for telling tall tales (whose own account of the first vision changed several times), to “translate†an ancient and “inspired†book that needed almost 4,000 corrections, changes, and alterations since it’s first publication, and to “restore†the church that your Jesus couldn’t keep together . . .
. . . then you worship the Mormon Jesus.
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is a created being (Michael the Archangel to be exact); who is not God but a god (thus making you a polytheist); who will condemn you for celebrating your birthday or giving your child a life saving blood transfusion; who did not die on a cross but on an upright stake; whose body is unaccounted for and still missing today because he did not physically rise from the dead but only raised “spiritually;†whose sacrifice was insufficient because you still have to earn your own salvation; and who–in spite of accepting worship from those around him–does not want you to worship him . . .
. . . then you worship give obeisance to the Jehovah’s Witness Jesus
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is most commonly depicted as a helpless infant or dead upon a cross; who is bound to take orders from his mortal mom who he created (the Creator subjecting himself to the creation); who has to share his glory with the mortal human Mary; who is our mediator between his earthly, kindhearted, and loving mother and his angry, vindictive father; who is sacrificed again and again every week (in spite of the Bible saying He was sacrificed once and for all, never to be sacrificed again) because mortal human priests have incredible power to call him down from heaven and magically turn him into a cracker and wine (again being subject to his creation instead of the other way around); and whose sacrifice was insufficient because you still have to merit your own salvation . . .
. . . then you worship the Roman Catholic Jesus
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is a hippie-like figure who no longer considers the Bible as a final authority but questions the very Scriptures and their perspicuity, even going as far as to justify such sins as homosexuality; who no longer differentiates between sheep and goats, wheat and tares, truth and error, light and darkness, the broad road and the narrow path, but now warmly accepts Roman Catholicism, Lecto Divina, and other false religious traditions and mystical practices (it would be judgmental not to); and whose motto is “come as you are and you can stay that way too because only Pharisees would tell you otherwise,†. . .
. . . then you worship the Emergent Jesus.
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . wears an Armani suit while driving a Lexus; whose sole purpose for existence is to show you by example how to line your pockets with greenbacks if you simply sow a financial seed of faith; who confirms your salvation by such outward expressions as being slain in the spirit and speaking in tongues; and who says that if you don’t accept these strange doctrines then you’re just not anointed enough . . .
. . . then you worship the Charismatic Word of Faith Jesus.
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is a registered Republican; wrapped in the American flag; whose purpose for coming to earth was to show us that the gospel is salvation through legislation; who wants us to set up God’s kingdom on earth by our efforts and political action; who exists to help your son win the football game and your daughter win the dance recital; and who doesn’t mind sitting on the shelf till you’re ready to pull him out at Christmas, Easter, weddings, funerals, national tragedies, or whenever you want to feel good about yourself . . .
. . . then you worship American Jesus.
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . never mentions your sinfulness or his holiness, but instead emphasizes having a good time in church with a rockin’ praise band; boasts of a fun atmosphere for kids; has a relevant message from the latest Hollywood movie; and offers free coffee and donuts in the lounge . . .
. . . then you worship the Laodicean Jesus (see also Mega-Church Jesus below).
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is a Hawaiian shirt-wearing, big-teeth smiling, latte-drinking-while-preaching, motivational speaker peddling the message that God’s greatest hope for mankind is that they reach their full potential by finding their purpose in this life and living that best life now . . .
. . . then you worship Mega-Church Jesus
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . considers praise music and CCM to be the two sacraments of the church; considers a membership in a Christian CD music club to be evidence of sanctification; emphasizes the church praise band’s practice sessions over that of church Bible study, prayer, evangelism, and holiness; suggests that the church is a place to showcase one’s talent for rockin’ a guitar for God; and who believes that music “reaches people†in a way that the gospel can’t . . .
. . . then you worship Musician Jesus (aka Golden Calf Jesus).
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . believes public school teachers, Christian psychologists, the church, the lead pastor, and especially the “youth pastor†are all responsible for your child’s biblical and spiritual upbringing, development, nourishment, and maturity (everyone but their own parents); who teaches that peers of the same age group (and often the opposite sex) are the best mentors and role models for your children; whose “youth ministries†are most commonly identified by lock-ins, pizza parties, bowling nights, and lots of drama (both kinds); and who considers that those best qualified to pressure your child/teen into repeating a “sinner’s prayer†are the twenty-something hip dude who’s never raised any children of his own, has way too much gel in his hair, and knows more about MTV and U2 than theology and his Bible . . .
. . . then you worship Youth Pastor Jesus.
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is an ascended master (one of many); who does not believe in sin, holiness, or redemption; and is accepting of all religions because he himself is just one of many paths to enlightenment . . .
. . . then you worship New Age Jesus (a.k.a. Oprah Jesus, not to be confused with the Robert Schuller Jesus or The Shack Jesus).
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is ok with the use of profanity, the twisting of parts of the Bible to promote masturbation and other parts of Scripture to create mandates for wives to commit certain sexual acts with their husbands; who winks at the copious amount of vulgarity, sexual innuendos, double entendres, and all things worldly; enjoys being depicted as a disc jokey on t-shirts; and whose premier preacher makes fun of “fundamentalists†(those who take the Bible seriously), mocks those who take responsibility for the education of their own children (because they take the Bible seriously), and considers Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, and Robert Schuller his spiritual brothers . . .
. . . then you worship the Mark Driscoll Jesus
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If your Jesus . . .
. . . is the sovereign, mighty, holy, King of kings, Lord of lords, chief cornerstone; the Alpha and Omega; the First and Last; the Son of God; God in the flesh; a completely sufficient Savior; eternally existent; Creator of all things; who is, who was, who is to come; who became flesh; subject to no human; reigns over all; was born of a virgin; who shed His priceless Blood for His elect; who laid His life down upon a rugged cross, took that life up again–body and all–on the third day, snatched the keys of Hades, and removed the sting from death; who is the Prince of Peace, the Great Physician, Immanuel, God with us; whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light; who is a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, who is the faultless, sinless, unblemished, Lamb of God; the only mediator between God and man; the narrow gate; the way, the truth, the life; the only way to the Father; and who is worthy to receive glory, and honor, and power forever and ever, Amen!. . .
. . . then you worship the Jesus of the Bible.
