You Learn Something New Every Day

[jasonc]

A lot of people live in a sheltered little box we call life and they hate what they don't understand. Start talking about some real stuff and it frightens them.... And they never look at you the same... There are a lot of ignorant people in this world, and sometimes its best to leave them in that state.

that I think is why we click. while I cant say I can understand the world you have lived in fully. I do understand that suffering is real and different for each of us and at different levels.

 

[Willie T]

the army calls that icebergs, every has them.

I assume you're talking about MRT. Well, I'm thinking of something a little different.

 

[stovebolts]

This is why I said earlier that knowing our beliefs (I'm not talking about religious stuff, here) is primary and paramount...... understanding your reactive thoughts (perceptions) about yourself, the other person or people, and the situation.

Oh yeah, triggers and all... But should the responsibility fall solely upon one person?

Example: my 23 yr old daughter likes to dress up as a princess. Should she conform to conventional dress standards when going out? Or, should people be more accepting to her dress code when going out?

 

[stovebolts]

that I think is why we click. while I cant say I can understand the world you have lived in fully. I do understand that suffering is real and different for each of us and at different levels.

Yeah... And its time for me to get out of here now.
Depression sucks... But God is good, so we never stop believing the world we live in is full of potential to be good. We never loose hope, even when our thoughts of hope shift from things of this world to things in the world to come, we know its Gods will that we would have life more abundant.

Take care.

 

[jasonc]

I assume you're talking about MRT. Well, I'm thinking of something a little different.

no as I don't know MRT is, its more about how to cope with others at work and also different cultures and applies to dealing with ptsd.

 

[Willie T]

Oh yeah, triggers and all... But should the responsibility fall solely upon one person?

Example: my 23 yr old daughter likes to dress up as a princess. Should she conform to conventional dress standards when going out? Or, should people be more accepting to her dress code when going out?

Not quite there yet. What I am talking about (in the case you've introduced) is YOUR thinking about what you assume others are thinking when they see your daughter... and your reaction to what you have convinced yourself is their attitude.

When, in reality, you don't know WHAT they are thinking. They might have had a child in the very same institution your daughter went through, and thoroughly empathize......... yet, perhaps, you have already assigned negative motives to the smile you saw on their face.

 

[stovebolts]

Not quite there yet. What I am talking about (in the case you've introduced) is YOUR thinking about what you assume others are thinking when they see your daughter... and your reaction to what you have convinced yourself is their attitude.

When, in reality, you don't know WHAT they are thinking. They might have had a child in the very same institution your daughter went through, and thoroughly empathize......... yet, perhaps, you have already assigned negative motives to the smile you saw on their face.

What you say has some truth, and I have seen empathy, but the numbers don't line up and the odds are not in your favor. People fear what they don't understand.... People can be mean... More than they can empathise. There are more smirks than smiles.

 

[Willie T]

What you say has dome truth, and I have seen empathy, but the numbers don't line up and the odds are not in your favor. People fear what they don't understand.... People can be mean... More than they can empathise.

Isn't this exactly where "stereotyping" comes from?

 

[jasonc]

What you say has some truth, and I have seen empathy, but the numbers don't line up and the odds are not in your favor. People fear what they don't understand.... People can be mean... More than they can empathise. There are more smirks than smiles.

yes, they can, I have.

 

[stovebolts]

Isn't this exactly where "stereotyping" comes from?

From who?

 

[Willie T]

From who?

I see you are thinking..... Yes, you know exactly who I was saying was "stereotyping". THEIR problem with stereotyping is not something you can do anything about.... HOWEVER, you do have control over your own stereotyping.

Actually you CAN do something about people's stereotyping, but it requires that you step out of your comfort zone, and gently help them deal with it. No, I'm not talking about confrontation, but rather "enlistment", giving them the opportunity to be the decent person most people are.

 

[jasonc]

I see you are thinking..... Yes, you know exactly who I was saying was "stereotyping". THEIR problem with stereotyping is not something you can do anything about.... HOWEVER, you do have control over your own stereotyping.

Actually you CAN do something about people's stereotyping, but it requires that you step out of your comfort zone, and gently help them deal with it. No, I'm not talking about confrontation, but rather "enlistment", giving them the opportunity to be the decent person most people are.

ok given this did happen

about two weeks a meter reader name larry was walking down his normal reading for the day and was confronted by a couple whom yelled at him and thought he was a thief , he got smart with them and continued walking and the cops were called in on him. he wasn't a suspect.

I have read that same area and if that was me. nothing would have been said. larry shrugged it off but he knows it was because he was black.

 

[Willie T]

ok given this did happen I have read that same area and if that was me. nothing would have been said. larry shrugged it off but he knows it was because he was black.

And had he stepped up, and walked over to them, explaining who he was and offering to quickly show them how to help them read their own meter, he might have made two friends with nothing more than swallowing his pride, and being friendly.... thereby disarming them of their animosity, and diffusing the situation.

But the other thing we are talking about is easily handled too.... just differently.

 

[jasonc]

And had he stepped up, and walked over to them, explaining who he was and offering to quickly show them how to help them read their own meter, he might have made two friends with nothing more than swallowing his pride, and being friendly.... thereby disarming them of their animosity, and diffusing the situation.

But the other thing we are talking is easily handled too.... just differently.

sure he could have handled it better, but the fact is if it was me. it would have never happened. he told them you know me, I have read this are four times and they said yea, we did see you. he was in work uniform. we all must wear it. city policy.my town on the barrier island is prejudicial to blacks and has been for some time. a black person walking the same streets on the sidewalks lawfully will be looked at and watched by people. whereas if I did it.i wont be treated as bad.

 

[Willie T]

sure he could have handled it better, but the fact is if it was me. it would have never happened. he told them you know me, I have read this are four times and they said yea, we did see you. he was in work uniform. we all must wear it. city policy.my town on the barrier island is prejudicial to blacks and has been for some time. a black person walking the same streets on the sidewalks lawfully will be looked at and watched by people. whereas if I did it.i wont be treated as bad.

And........ ? The world is what it is. But you do have the choice, and often the opportunity, to help do a little about the bad parts almost every day. But we have to be willing to choose to do it... and not always on the ideal terms we would like.

 

[stovebolts]

Yeah... I am thinking, and I'm very familiar with your terms and tact. Thank you for the affirmation.

I believe there is good in every situation, sometimes you just have to look at things differently to see it.

My x wife got caught up in prostitution and meth. She's now bipolar. My sane daughter worried for years that her mom would die and we wouldn't know. Through the death of her sister, we were able to locate her and it was the first time I've seen her in almost 20 years and we were united as a family for the funeral. This was good and wounds started healing. However, the x was pushy and pushes our oldest to her limits.

I saw them all again last weekend, and my daughter noticed the way I dealt with her mother and is now in repentance.

But I don't have that luxurary with strangers that smirk or stereotype... So I just don't care what they think.... Why would I?

 

[Willie T]

Yeah... I am thinking, and I'm very familiar with your terms and tact. Thank you for the affirmation.

I believe there is good in every situation, sometimes you just have to look at things differently to see it.

My x wife got caught up in prostitution and meth. She's now bipolar. My sane daughter worried for years that her mom would die and we wouldn't know. Through the death of her sister, we were able to locate her and it was the first time I've seen her in almost 20 years and we were united as a family for the funeral. This was good and wounds started healing. However, the x was pushy and pushes our oldest to her limits.

I saw them all again last weekend, and my daughter noticed the way I dealt with her mother and is now in repentance.

But I don't have that luxurary with strangers that smirk or stereotype... So I just don't care what they think.... Why would I?

May I tell you something I used to do all the time when I would be out with either a group of clients or even just one charge? As you know, strangers almost always stare and gawk. But, it you are sensitive enough to choose the right one to approach, you can go over to them and ask for their assistance for just a few minutes. Most people won't just flatly refuse. You can invent whatever reason you want to use to say that you need to let the patient interact a little with a regular citizen (use that word!). Make sure you that they understand that you see them as the kind of person who understands the importance of such interactive exchange to someone uncomfortable in social settings, and assure them it will only be a minute or two.

Now, assuming you successfully sold this, what have you done? First of all, you have actually helped in your patient's development. Secondly, you have eased, and maybe eliminated, the stranger's fear. And third, you have reinforced the positive side of the person you enlisted.

This was very short, but you are smart enough to know how to put together an approach that will work..... and in so doing, you will have removed one more person who will ever stare again. You owe this to your charge (daughter, in your case)

Sure, you are going to encounter some resistance, and some downright refusal, but ya know what? A month from now, what you did will still have them thinking... AND they just might give it a try one day.

 

[stovebolts]

I actually like that idea...

 

[Willie T]

I actually like that idea...

It often works..... and it clears your own thinking, too.

Like when we pray for others to change... it's usually US who changes the most.

 

[stovebolts]

It often works..... and it clears your own thinking, too.

Like when we pray for others to change... it's usually US who changes the most.

I agree. But there is a time for everything, and sometimes grace is both the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others.

Honestly, I shouldn't be posting, but you've actually helped... I'm in a dark valley full of death and mourning. Thank you for the ray of light.