[__ Prayer __] yup. a bit frightened, yet again

[Christ_empowered]

loud bullying, again. "he consented...now he has Schizophrenia" (I don't know what I supposedly consented to, but...OK...), and something about beating me up, he'll be in jail, he should be in jail, why isn't he in jail? , who is paying for all this stuff, I don't care if his parents got promoted, they were supposed to be fired from (), "manipulative punk got probation," on and on and on...

i dunno. I"m not straight up -scared- , only because of His work in my life. I'm in a modest, comfortable place. My parents are healthy, I"m healthy, and I'm...wow, OK, now that I think about it...I was supposed to be dead about 12-13 years ago (no, really). I'm all of 36, now.

there is no place to move. by the grace of God, my parents were able to get a good deal on this place, they own it outright. I'm not bragging, I mean...it makes me feel better, about the situation, knowing they didn't have to get a mortgage (they paid off their own mortgage not too long ago, which...was and is a massive blessing, thank God). thing is...

the level of sheer and unadulterated -cruelty- that my southern corner of the world has dished out on me, on my parents (a lot of that I'm not fully aware of, probably for the best...but I do know that people have tried, now and then, to derail their careers...) is just...ugh. ugh. God is Good. People? ha!

I don't know...what to do, honestly. I -get- that persecution might be a part of this, and...yeah, that actually makes sense. I live in "The Bible Belt" ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), where no one will come out and say: I hate that dude because he's a Christian. Having said that...

only by the grace of God, I -am- a Christian, and now I'm hated, because...well, I'm healthy, alive at all, my parents are now upper middle class maybe well to do, I apparently have a high(ish) IQ estimate (I know this because my psych info was never kept confidential, probably never will be, no matter where I go...), and...

I hear the loud man's voice out there, again. I'm getting really sick of this, I really, truly am. Not angry sick of this, just...sick of this, you know.

Please pray for me. Thanks.

 

[Tessa]

The Lord is with you CE. Hang on there.
Praying for you

 

[Truthfrees]

loud bullying, again. "he consented...now he has Schizophrenia" (I don't know what I supposedly consented to, but...OK...), and something about beating me up, he'll be in jail, he should be in jail, why isn't he in jail? , who is paying for all this stuff, I don't care if his parents got promoted, they were supposed to be fired from (), "manipulative punk got probation," on and on and on...

i dunno. I"m not straight up -scared- , only because of His work in my life. I'm in a modest, comfortable place. My parents are healthy, I"m healthy, and I'm...wow, OK, now that I think about it...I was supposed to be dead about 12-13 years ago (no, really). I'm all of 36, now.

there is no place to move. by the grace of God, my parents were able to get a good deal on this place, they own it outright. I'm not bragging, I mean...it makes me feel better, about the situation, knowing they didn't have to get a mortgage (they paid off their own mortgage not too long ago, which...was and is a massive blessing, thank God). thing is...

the level of sheer and unadulterated -cruelty- that my southern corner of the world has dished out on me, on my parents (a lot of that I'm not fully aware of, probably for the best...but I do know that people have tried, now and then, to derail their careers...) is just...ugh. ugh. God is Good. People? ha!

I don't know...what to do, honestly. I -get- that persecution might be a part of this, and...yeah, that actually makes sense. I live in "The Bible Belt" ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), where no one will come out and say: I hate that dude because he's a Christian. Having said that...

only by the grace of God, I -am- a Christian, and now I'm hated, because...well, I'm healthy, alive at all, my parents are now upper middle class maybe well to do, I apparently have a high(ish) IQ estimate (I know this because my psych info was never kept confidential, probably never will be, no matter where I go...), and...

I hear the loud man's voice out there, again. I'm getting really sick of this, I really, truly am. Not angry sick of this, just...sick of this, you know.

Please pray for me. Thanks.

praying

 

[Christ_empowered]

hey hey hey...me, yet again .

thanks for the support, prayers, and replies. i think maybe things are simmering down? I mean...no one really talks to me, and no one ever says anything to me about -this- hot mess of a social situation, so...I dunno, really...but, thru it all...

God is Good. The Lord is, thankfully, merciful. My parents are good to me, too, which is His work in our lives.

I was mixed up teenager, I messed up, all downhill from there, and now...The Lord has moved mightily in my life. I am increasingly thankful. Honestly, I think my gratitude is growing the more and more I "recover," which...OK, what does "recovery" mean, anyway? In my case, a lot of it is actually The Lord at work healing me from my own sins (big, big, big show of forgiveness, there) and also things that were done to me, such as the involuntary shock treatments and the mystery brain operation (no, really...just...stay out of mental hospitals, if you can...). and so...

-sigh- "...speak all matter of evil against you, falsely..." not just me, I see that now. If I was in a group home, it'd be 100x worse. State hospital? ugh. From what very little I've heard about the state hospital, it isn't a fun place (read: high dose antipsychotics, I think they're big on shock treatments, too). And...I'm not living large by anybody's standards, but this is not real, live poverty...I'm thankful for my quiet, modest, surprisingly comfortable life (I get excited when I can do my own laundry, right here at my place...and cook my own meals on a stove that -works- , etc.). and...and...

I guess a lot of the taunting and such is just the broad road, letting me know "how we feel about you," etc. Not that I'm amazingly special because Jesus had mercy on me and saved me (is saving me, will save me), but I do believe my conversion and faith to be genuine, in Christ, so...

that's a "big deal," so to speak, in my own life, in my parents' lives. The fact that, in my case, there are angry mental health 'professionals' involved is...ugh. it is what it is, its the nature of my own situation, 'trouble maker' and all that jibber jabber.

the physical changes (read: looks an awful lot like healing, as part of salvation...much needed deliverance, amen) kind of snuck up on me. its funny, I guess. I didn't now, when I was 17, that I already looked 20, and I wasn't even into hard drugs, yet. now? Word 'round town is that I got a "deep chemical peel" and I'm a "vacuous poseur, gets expensive highlights," etc. ugh. Now that I'm more -of sound mind- and such, I see...

that's just how the world works, in my situation. I try to remember: "God's work in this world is -always- met with opposition," and I'm also trying to be more genuinely grateful, for my freedom and my health and my parents and my faith and for being 'washed and made clean,' even physically. and yet...

I'm only human. the taunts and yelling and trash talking is...vexing, at times. Especially when its loud and the obvious "point" is to intimidate me, to make me fearful and such. ugh.

Thanks for the replies, prayers (again).

 

[Marianne333]

Praying for your peace of mind and quality of life. Your whole attitude of gratefulness and appreciation of what God has done in your life will get you far. Stay strong.