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Struggling at new church

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Testing

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Hi all. I've been out of fellowship for the best part of 20 years but have recently been regularly going to a new church for about 4 months now.

The church is theologically sound, the pastor is energetic and passionate, the church has community programs plus youth group, children's ministry etc.

When I first started fellowship, the senior pastor introduced himself to me and we spoke a little bit. He seemed genuine and interested in me as a person. After that, I noticed he never engaged with me anymore. A couple of times I've said hello and he's said hello and how are you? in return with no further conversation. His wife I have never spoken to at all.

I had a nice conversation in the beginning with the youth pastor. And same thing. No more conversations afterwards. I tried to engage with him recently and he just mumbled a few words and then walked away. I could clearly see by his facial expressions he was not interested in any dialogue with me. Ditto for the senior pastor. Whenever I say hello I see he's not interested in conversing with me and he just is being polite.

I am greatly discouraged and disheartened. The church is solid in every way but I have no engagement whatsoever with the pastors. Even worse I feel ignored. This is the first Sunday coming up that I want to have a break and not attend. I don't feel I'm of any value and am now considering trying another church fellowship. There is no way I consider these pastors shepherds to me in any way as I have no interactions with them. There are pastors to their church, but not a shepherd or influence to me personally.

I was hoping to get other people's thoughts and opinions. Thank you.
 
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Testing said:
But getting back to my question, I suppose I just have to accept that this church culture is different for me personally with no meaningful interactions with the pastors. I just can't justify that in 4 months, that I haven't had a single even brief chat with the pastor's wife and only a couple of chats with the pastor, considering I see that they chat with the same group of people after church, week after week.

And I don't see any leader talking to the group of elderly people I sit near every week.

Just accept I suppose and move on.
Click to expand...

Something's wrong, and whether you're Pentecostal or not you might have to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you if you're really wanting to know. :)
 
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Want2care said:
Thank you for the welcome, found you through a search for Christian forums because I really don't want to engage with anything secular. Look forward to being a part of this thank you.
Click to expand...

You're welcome. :)

If you wish to introduce yourself formally, you can start an Intro thread in this forum here:
https://christianforums.net/forums/newbie/

Otherwise, let us know if we can be any help. We try to welcome new members and make them feel at home. :thumb
 
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Josef said:
Hey All,
Testing, Sunday is probably the busiest day of the week for the pastor. You don't say how large the church is. Let's be conservative and say 100 adult parishioners. He gave you 3 minutes. If he did that for every adult that would be 300 minutes, or 5 hours. If the church is larger, then obviously the number of minutes increase. Also a lot of churches have multiple services on Sunday. If your's does, that is another time constraint.

I am sure your pastor maintains office hours. If it is something personal, you should be able to make an appointment. If you have questions or concerns you could address them face to face.

If you just want to chat with him, try attending a mid week service, usually called prayer meetings. Generally, the mid week service is smaller than Sundays. Less people, more time for each one. You could also invite him (and his wife if married) over for dinner. That is another way for some casual face to face time.

Finally, if you have tried all of this, and the pastor is still not responsive to your need, talk to a church elder. Explain to them your situation. The elders are your advocate and supposed to keep both parishioners and the pastor accountable. So there are ways to resolve your situation Testing. I hope you find one.
Keep walking everybody. May God bless,
Taz
Click to expand...
There is no way I'm inviting the pastor and his wife to dinner when they don't speak to me. Surely, when you're the pastor of a church, the onus is on you to introduce yourself and engage with your community. I'm not saying the pastor can never come over to my home. But the pastor should be the first to initiate.
 
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Testing said:
Hi all. I've been out of fellowship for the best part of 20 years but have recently been regularly going to a new church for about 4 months now.

The church is theologically sound, the pastor is energetic and passionate, the church has community programs plus youth group, children's ministry etc.

When I first started fellowship, the senior pastor introduced himself to me and we spoke a little bit. He seemed genuine and interested in me as a person. After that, I noticed he never engaged with me anymore. A couple of times I've said hello and he's said hello and how are you? in return with no further conversation. His wife I have never spoken to at all.

I had a nice conversation in the beginning with the youth pastor. And same thing. No more conversations afterwards. I tried to engage with him recently and he just mumbled a few words and then walked away. I could clearly see by his facial expressions he was not interested in any dialogue with me. Ditto for the senior pastor. Whenever I say hello I see he's not interested in conversing with me and he just is being polite.

I am greatly discouraged and disheartened. The church is solid in every way but I have no engagement whatsoever with the pastors. Even worse I feel ignored. This is the first Sunday coming up that I want to have a break and not attend. I don't feel I'm of any value and am now considering trying another church fellowship. There is no way I consider these pastors shepherds to me in any way as I have no interactions with them. There are pastors to their church, but not a shepherd or influence to me personally.

I was hoping to get other people's thoughts and opinions. Thank you.
Click to expand...
Out of fellowship with who?
And why?
 
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Testing said:
Ummm ..... Please don't dictate to me terms and conditions in my own thread.
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Doctors for decades have been trying to find a cure for cancer. We have treatments that are able to address the symptoms, but the cancer remains and will eventually kill the people that have cancer.
If you are sincere in wanting an answer to your problem, you can deal with the cause or just address the symptom and the cause remains and any answer provided here will miss the mark unless you are first honest with yourself and honest with me.
 
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Testing said:
Hi all. I've been out of fellowship for the best part of 20 years but have recently been regularly going to a new church for about 4 months now.

The church is theologically sound, the pastor is energetic and passionate, the church has community programs plus youth group, children's ministry etc.

When I first started fellowship, the senior pastor introduced himself to me and we spoke a little bit. He seemed genuine and interested in me as a person. After that, I noticed he never engaged with me anymore. A couple of times I've said hello and he's said hello and how are you? in return with no further conversation. His wife I have never spoken to at all.

I had a nice conversation in the beginning with the youth pastor. And same thing. No more conversations afterwards. I tried to engage with him recently and he just mumbled a few words and then walked away. I could clearly see by his facial expressions he was not interested in any dialogue with me. Ditto for the senior pastor. Whenever I say hello I see he's not interested in conversing with me and he just is being polite.

I am greatly discouraged and disheartened. The church is solid in every way but I have no engagement whatsoever with the pastors. Even worse I feel ignored. This is the first Sunday coming up that I want to have a break and not attend. I don't feel I'm of any value and am now considering trying another church fellowship. There is no way I consider these pastors shepherds to me in any way as I have no interactions with them. There are pastors to their church, but not a shepherd or influence to me personally.

I was hoping to get other people's thoughts and opinions. Thank you.
Click to expand...
Not all registered as pastors, are pastors at heart. Hopefully they’re sincere Christians, who might even slog their guts out for their church, though lacking people skills. These you’ve mentioned might not be naturally able to go beyond first base, and might even be shy: you don’t say how you might come across; it takes two to tango. But whatever personality types are the ‘pastors’, each church, ideally, will have organic members who are people-people. These are the folk you should link up with to help with your local church life.

Perhaps don’t be bothered about whether you have ‘value’—that’s a strange fish, and ultimately to God we have no value at all; though we are deeply precious to him, he needs us not. To play a valuable part within a church, however, is good, and we all have parts to play, though we aren’t always allowed to do so.

Some church-shopping can be good, but there is a danger of becoming reviewers instead of participants. They who find a good church, find a good thing. I wish you well
 
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Want2care said:
This is some really good interaction for Somebody new here I'm Pretty impressed with you folks and Look forward to reading future posts.👍
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Welcome aboard.

Getting us to shut up may be a problem here.

2 Corinthians 4:7 kjv
7. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

Meaning?
We are not yet what we shall be at the last trump. We are changed and being changed. Learning to see spiritual gifts as from God is a learning curve.

The disciples of Jesus are an example of growth. Progress was made in their lives.
It is rather easily seen that they were not perfect. Gifted? Absolutely. Perfect? I will let you decide.

Mississippi redneck
eddif
 
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Want2care said:
I totally agree with you
Click to expand...
Then he'll know nothing of a solution.
When Jesus ministered to His people, He went straight to the cause of their maladies and sickness and issues. He went to the 'heart' of the matter.
That is true counsel in the Lord.
When Solomon dealt with the two mother's it wasn't enough for him to hear, "She stole my baby!"
He inquired as to what happen.
As a result, he was able to find the true mother and restore her child to her.
I find your interference in this person seeking counsel trobling and unwise. At least you should have waited until the outcome before you judge.
Solomon did.
This individual is free to message me for privacy. Either way, we are either trustworthy with such a question that goes to 'heart' of our faith in Christ, or we are all fakes and have no real counsel to offer at all.
Sincerity is needed in order to address the cause and offer solution.
 
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Testing said:
Hi all. I've been out of fellowship for the best part of 20 years but have recently been regularly going to a new church for about 4 months now.

The church is theologically sound, the pastor is energetic and passionate, the church has community programs plus youth group, children's ministry etc.

When I first started fellowship, the senior pastor introduced himself to me and we spoke a little bit. He seemed genuine and interested in me as a person. After that, I noticed he never engaged with me anymore. A couple of times I've said hello and he's said hello and how are you? in return with no further conversation. His wife I have never spoken to at all.

I had a nice conversation in the beginning with the youth pastor. And same thing. No more conversations afterwards. I tried to engage with him recently and he just mumbled a few words and then walked away. I could clearly see by his facial expressions he was not interested in any dialogue with me. Ditto for the senior pastor. Whenever I say hello I see he's not interested in conversing with me and he just is being polite.

I am greatly discouraged and disheartened. The church is solid in every way but I have no engagement whatsoever with the pastors. Even worse I feel ignored. This is the first Sunday coming up that I want to have a break and not attend. I don't feel I'm of any value and am now considering trying another church fellowship. There is no way I consider these pastors shepherds to me in any way as I have no interactions with them. There are pastors to their church, but not a shepherd or influence to me personally.

I was hoping to get other people's thoughts and opinions. Thank you.
Click to expand...
Welcome aboard

Now we sure have opinions. You may have to decide when it is Gods opinion peeking through.? Learning to discern spirituals is sometimes needed. In fact, looking for all the spiritual gifts of 1 Corinthians 12 is a good project.

20 years. Now you can have conversations at 3AM. That may help you redeem some time.

Mississippi redneck
eddif
 
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Testing said:
There is no way I'm inviting the pastor and his wife to dinner when they don't speak to me. Surely, when you're the pastor of a church, the onus is on you to introduce yourself and engage with your community. I'm not saying the pastor can never come over to my home. But the pastor should be the first to initiate.
Click to expand...
With all due respect, as I've been reading through your posts, it seems that you are more focused on what others do and less on you. I'm hearing anger and frustration in your writing. The only person that you can work on is yourself. What others do or how others respond to you is not something you can control. My suggestion is to rise above all of that and be the best Christian person you can be and stop worrying about how others act. Shower them with love.

21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
22 For so you will heap coals of fire on his head,
And the Lord will reward you.
Proverbs 25:21-22 NKJV

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
John 15:12 NKJV

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Matthew 7:12 NKJV

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:29-32 NKJV
 
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People can get burned by churches church people. I don’t get it but it seems surprisingly common. Not trying to dig into it just saying that it’s not as if this sort of thing is unheard of in the established church ⛪️.

I’d personally want to try a different church ⛪️. Not that one should be buddy buddy with the leadership but if they’re that closed off and unwilling to even go through standard niceties then I’d go elsewhere. But that’s me and I’m not in church ⛪️.
 
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