Am I Reprobate?

[Bryony]

I have a complicated history. I don't need a pity party and I put my feelings and past in a box so it can't hurt me anymore. there's been times I've cried but felt God was disgusted by this and quite frankly I am tired, depressed and weary.
I live in a low security mental hospital and have been in hospital for 11 years straight with only 3 months in supported accommodation but this broke down.
I met a guy who became my secret partner for 9 months at a mental health rehab and I thought I was in love with him but due to my childhood I find giving and receiving love quite challenging.
I believe there's more to technology and the spiritual realms that even most seasoned Christians are aware of and I've had some heavy attacks.
this guy who I can't say the name of introduced me to Jesus when I was still into new age. I believed I was right and death was the end unless you transcend to the 5th dimension through trials and forsaking certain bodily experiences. after a while I was more convinced of Jesus but growing up on an isolated farm, home educated by a contrary and abusive mother and having Satanism apart of the mix I had glimpses of Jesus and was interested but my past was against me.
I've had many struggles with the Lord and after watching pastor Charles Lawson I don't believe I am saved. several salvation prayers later something hit me over a month ago thats infected my mind. I would walk around the park getting intrusive thoughts about hating everything.
it was so disturbing I would zone out but still felt God was giving me peace in my heart. now its got so bad its all I hear. even having lewd dreams or on waking. hearing everyone deserves to be killed. being mean to people in my head. short tempered but isolated and lonely and not knowing how to socialise. I don't feel like going out into the world and sinning. without Jesus I am nothing. sometimes I say I hate God or swear at him in my head. but a week ago it wasn't like this. its grown like a poison. I want to be in fellowship with Christ but because I had an experience of true repentance back in January where I thought I was saved by a prayer back in December the month before and God showed me different, I met God and spoke to him directly. spirit to spirit and heart to heart. I craved and longed for that back so much I never knew he was putting me through a salvation experience so I tried to earn it or re enact it. when God told me amazing things he eventually at 7 that morning told me.to open the Bible on the gospel of the resurrection and I became anxious and failed to believe.
since that time the Holy Spirit still convicted me for a while and I was very loving. I miss it all and fear I am a goat and reprobate and will never be forgiven. all I have is negativity in my head I even said proverbs were nonsense. everyday it gets worse . I go to church in the hope of something changing. I never want to hear the word hate ever again. I'm tired. I want to leave this world and society has nothing to offer me. all my old sins are arriving in my head and I feel so far from God all I can do is cry and look up at the clouds and say you hate my guts don't you. I feel undeserving of church and the members kindness and really im going mostly to help my partner who is struggling with demonization. he has a big heart and loves everyone and Jesus and I dont. deep down all I want is salvation. all I want is to be free. but a new condemnation comes up daily that drags me down into a spiral of unworthiness. the medication im on makes me detached so I have no idea how to talk to people like an ordinary person. my partners tears don't move me. I care about him but that's it. I wish I knew what I know now. I wish I could start all over again. tell the Holy Spirit I don't want to blaspheme him and back in January to God that I love him and thank you for accepting me instead of still fearing him. the voices I heard were tech and God never denied this. but I was able to forgive them instantly and everyone in my life. I miss this so bad when I hear the amen at the end of total praise by Richard Smallwood I cry. I feel so far from God I imagine if I prayed to him he'd pour his wrath on me. please help

 

[dwb001]

you might be sorry to say.. but i am hear to tell you i am not a reprobate ------period. i am born again my past is my past i been justified sanctified and glorified along with the new creation in Christ
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

20 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.

21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.
if you consider your self a reprobate you need to be saved born again . my goodness One who is predestined to damnation. a born again blood bpught child of the king IS NOT A REPROBATE.
look at the passage of scripture
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

if your a reprobate then you fall under the category of the above listed . when turned over to a reprobate mind / it is at the point of no return . one heart is hardened like pharaohs was/ his end was death twice physical and spiritual point of no return

Isaiah 35:8
And an highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called The way of holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it; but it shall be for those: the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err therein.

how do we make sure we are on this highway. 1 john 1:7 walk in the light 1 john 1:9 confess our sins.

Matthew 4:16-18​

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King James Version​

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16 The people which sat in darkness saw great light; and to them which sat in the region and shadow of death light is sprung up.
17 From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
18 And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers.
please go back and restudy .because no Child of God is a reprobate

So you HAVE conquered your flesh and no longer sin in any way.
Good for you little man.
I am sure that God will be put to shame by your goodness. Or will He not?
Hmmmm.

You never have a thought that goes against the will of the Almighty. Never a stray thought, glance, action or word out of place. The alternative is that you are unprincipled in your mind and therefore, by definition, a reprobate.

But that is just my understanding of the English language.

 

[jerry63935]

So you HAVE conquered your flesh and no longer sin in any way.
Good for you little man.
I am sure that God will be put to shame by your goodness. Or will He not?
Hmmmm.

You never have a thought that goes against the will of the Almighty. Never a stray thought, glance, action or word out of place. The alternative is that you are unprincipled in your mind and therefore, by definition, a reprobate.

But that is just my understanding of the English language.

you have about the worst case of itchy ears i have seen in a long time. let me try with this one last scripture .

.we have a advocate 1 john 2:1

My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: i can approach the throne of grace with Boldness 24/7. a person WILL SIN but with the advocate we can repent turn from start all over again. if one fails to repent chances are they are not saved/ born again. so if you see your self as a reprobate you have no confidence in what the Bible says about Grace

 

[dwb001]

you have about the worst case of itchy ears i have seen in a long time. let me try with this one last scripture .

.we have a advocate 1 john 2:1

My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: i can approach the throne of grace with Boldness 24/7. a person WILL SIN but with the advocate we can repent turn from start all over again. if one fails to repent chances are they are not saved/ born again. so if you see your self as a reprobate you have no confidence in what the Bible says about Grace

What is the itchy ears line about?
You say a person "WILL SIN"... therefore proving my point.
Grace doesn't remove a unprincipled mind, but covers it.

 

[jerry63935]

What is the itchy ears line about?
You say a person "WILL SIN"... therefore proving my point.
Grace doesn't remove a unprincipled mind, but covers it.

you keep holding on there is a difference is will sin and purposely sin with no repentance i am through

 

[dwb001]

you keep holding on there is a difference is will sin and purposely sin with no repentance i am through

Because that is the correct way to view it.
Bye.

 

[Tenchi]

something hit me over a month ago thats infected my mind. I would walk around the park getting intrusive thoughts about hating everything.
it was so disturbing I would zone out but still felt God was giving me peace in my heart. now its got so bad its all I hear. even having lewd dreams or on waking. hearing everyone deserves to be killed. being mean to people in my head.

This is straight-up demonic attack. Sudden, intrusive thoughts that are dark, and hate-filled, and destructive are never from God but from the devil. The right response to these attacks is spelled out in God's word, the Bible:

James 4:7
4 Submit yourself, therefore, unto God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Any resistance one might make to the attack of the devil HAS to begin with submitting to God. When one is not submitted to God, one is in rebellion to Him; these are the only these two basic conditions in which one can live. The person who is living in rebellion to God is easy prey for the devil because that person is cut-off from God's power by their rebellion and, until they humbly submit themselves to His will and way, is actually opposed by God. It's a sure bet that a person facing demonic attack while at the same time being opposed by God is going to fail in their resistance to the devil. And so, God says that those who want to fight off the attack of the devil must FIRST submit to Him. God will not give His help to a rebel.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh,
4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.
5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,

Spiritual warfare is not accomplished by physical deeds. We don't fight the devil "according to the flesh," with swords, or guns, or bombs. Instead, the devil is battled with divine power that works on the believer's behalf as they cast down in their thinking any and every thought that lifts itself up above and against God and refuse to be disobedient to Christ in allowing such thoughts any room in their mind. We are to "give no place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:27) and this begins in the realm of what we think.

How does a person know to cast down any particular thought as bad, in rebellion toward God, and perhaps even demonic? Well, by testing every thought against the truth and light of God's word, the Bible. Any thought that departs from God's truth, that contradicts His word, is to be rejected and the truth of God embraced instead.

Ephesians 6:10-13
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.
11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

It's only in the power of the Lord that a person can stand against the "roaring lion," who is the devil. And His might is at work only in those who are, by faith, trusting in His word and living in constant submission to Him. It is in God's truth and His power that the Christian is to stand. To "put on the full armor of God" is to "put on Christ" (Romans 13:14) that is, to be born-again from above, to be saved. In Christ, a person is clothed in the armor of God. Christ is our salvation (John 1:1-10; 1 John 5:11-12); Christ is the Truth (John 14:6); Christ is the believer's righteousness (1 Corinthians 1:30; 2 Corinthians 5:21); Christ is the heart of the Gospel (Acts 4:12); in Christ we ultimately place our faith (Romans 10:9-10; John 3:16), and so on.

Christ is "put on" by faith in him as one's Savior and submission to him as one's Lord. In response to our faith and submission, the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Christ (Romans 8:9), comes to dwell within, giving to the new child of God everything they need to live in holy fellowship with God. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20; Philippians 1:6; Philippians 2:13; Philippians 3:16; Ephesians 3:16; Romans 8:13; 2 Corinthians 3:18, etc.)

 

[Tenchi]

I don't feel like going out into the world and sinning. without Jesus I am nothing. sometimes I say I hate God or swear at him in my head. but a week ago it wasn't like this. its grown like a poison. I want to be in fellowship with Christ but because I had an experience of true repentance back in January where I thought I was saved by a prayer back in December the month before and God showed me different, I met God and spoke to him directly. spirit to spirit and heart to heart. I craved and longed for that back so much I never knew he was putting me through a salvation experience so I tried to earn it or re enact it. when God told me amazing things he eventually at 7 that morning told me.to open the Bible on the gospel of the resurrection and I became anxious and failed to believe.

If you don't weed out evil thoughts as they come to your mind, they will set down roots and grow. The battleground for spiritual warfare is always first and foremost in your mind. Guard it carefully with the truth of God's word which is your spiritual "sword."

You aren't saved because you feel you are, or because you had some remarkable experience. The only basis upon which God saves a person is their faith in Christ as Savior and Lord. That's it. And God knows our faith waxes and wanes and so He doesn't save us on the basis of the strength of our belief but only on it's sincerity. A very small faith can also be a true, genuine faith.

You didn't meet God; not face-to-face, anyway. "No man has seen God (the Father) at any time," the apostle John wrote (1 John 4:12). This is because God is Spirit; He is immaterial, invisible, and so He can't be seen.

The problem with a "special experience" of God is that we desire it - the experience, how it made us feel - rather than God Himself. But God is determined that we desire Him, not an experience, however wonderful it was, commanding us to "walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7; Hebrews 11:6) with Him.

 

[Tenchi]

deep down all I want is salvation. all I want is to be free.

This is where we all start. God will move you from this desire into better, deeper ones that are centered on Him.

 

[for_his_glory]

Sorry to say... but yes you are. The Bible would tend to disagree with your interpretation.
Or have you completly conquoured your flesh?

Gen 8:21 ...for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth...
Prov 28:26 He that trusts in his own heart is a fool: but whoever walks wisely, he shall be delivered.
Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Matt 15:8 This people draws near to me with their mouth, and honours me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.

All those scriptures you gave are those who are not in Christ as they have rejected Him and God has turned them over to a reprobate mind and heart. Those who are in Christ and He in them have crucified this flesh for we are dead, and our life is hid with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-4.

Are we perfect, no, but being perfected daily as we rid ourselves from the lust of the flesh as we now walk in the Spirit of God.

 

[D-D-W]

Incorrect.
Reprobate is an English word.
Please don't dive into Greek and Hebrew to define a word in another language.
This is the path to poor interpretation and isegesis.

If we are talking biblical terms (and reprobate IS a biblical term) we should NEVER use a translation to find out what anything means. It HAS to be Hebrew and Greek.

 

[for_his_glory]

What is the itchy ears line about?
You say a person "WILL SIN"... therefore proving my point.
Grace doesn't remove a unprincipled mind, but covers it.

Col 3:1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
Col 3:2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.
Col 3:3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
Col 3:4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.
Col 3:5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:
Col 3:6 For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:
Col 3:7 In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them.
Col 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
Col 3:9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;
Col 3:10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:

Those who are in Christ and He in them do not willingly sin, but yet as jerry63935 said, we have an advocate before the Father who forgives our sin when we humble ourselves before Him and ask for forgiveness. Grace does not give us a license to sin, but when we do mess up at times we know God will forgive us. Just because thoughts come into our mind no one can control that, but we can control the actions we take within those thoughts to act or not act on them. We are not yet incorruptible or immortal, but that day will come.

 

[WIP]

I want to remind everyone here this Question and Answers forum is not a debate forum. Please direct your responses to the questions presented by the original poster (OP) and avoid debating or arguing points made. If you want to do that, please start a new discussion in the appropriate forum.

Thank you,

WIP

 

[jerry63935]

make sure all answers are correct with scriptura

 

[dwb001]

If we are talking biblical terms (and reprobate IS a biblical term) we should NEVER use a translation to find out what anything means. It HAS to be Hebrew and Greek.

That was not the origin of the question.
The question was an English one. So Greek and Hebrew are not needed.

 

[WIP]

Second reminder: Please get back to addressing the OP's questions and avoid debating amongst yourselves. If you wish to discuss other things, please start a new discussion thread in the appropriate forum.

 

[Bryony]

I have a complicated history. I don't need a pity party and I put my feelings and past in a box so it can't hurt me anymore. there's been times I've cried but felt God was disgusted by this and quite frankly I am tired, depressed and weary.
I live in a low security mental hospital and have been in hospital for 11 years straight with only 3 months in supported accommodation but this broke down.
I met a guy who became my secret partner for 9 months at a mental health rehab and I thought I was in love with him but due to my childhood I find giving and receiving love quite challenging.
I believe there's more to technology and the spiritual realms that even most seasoned Christians are aware of and I've had some heavy attacks.
this guy who I can't say the name of introduced me to Jesus when I was still into new age. I believed I was right and death was the end unless you transcend to the 5th dimension through trials and forsaking certain bodily experiences. after a while I was more convinced of Jesus but growing up on an isolated farm, home educated by a contrary and abusive mother and having Satanism apart of the mix I had glimpses of Jesus and was interested but my past was against me.
I've had many struggles with the Lord and after watching pastor Charles Lawson I don't believe I am saved. several salvation prayers later something hit me over a month ago thats infected my mind. I would walk around the park getting intrusive thoughts about hating everything.
it was so disturbing I would zone out but still felt God was giving me peace in my heart. now its got so bad its all I hear. even having lewd dreams or on waking. hearing everyone deserves to be killed. being mean to people in my head. short tempered but isolated and lonely and not knowing how to socialise. I don't feel like going out into the world and sinning. without Jesus I am nothing. sometimes I say I hate God or swear at him in my head. but a week ago it wasn't like this. its grown like a poison. I want to be in fellowship with Christ but because I had an experience of true repentance back in January where I thought I was saved by a prayer back in December the month before and God showed me different, I met God and spoke to him directly. spirit to spirit and heart to heart. I craved and longed for that back so much I never knew he was putting me through a salvation experience so I tried to earn it or re enact it. when God told me amazing things he eventually at 7 that morning told me.to open the Bible on the gospel of the resurrection and I became anxious and failed to believe.
since that time the Holy Spirit still convicted me for a while and I was very loving. I miss it all and fear I am a goat and reprobate and will never be forgiven. all I have is negativity in my head I even said proverbs were nonsense. everyday it gets worse . I go to church in the hope of something changing. I never want to hear the word hate ever again. I'm tired. I want to leave this world and society has nothing to offer me. all my old sins are arriving in my head and I feel so far from God all I can do is cry and look up at the clouds and say you hate my guts don't you. I feel undeserving of church and the members kindness and really im going mostly to help my partner who is struggling with demonization. he has a big heart and loves everyone and Jesus and I dont. deep down all I want is salvation. all I want is to be free. but a new condemnation comes up daily that drags me down into a spiral of unworthiness. the medication im on makes me detached so I have no idea how to talk to people like an ordinary person. my partners tears don't move me. I care about him but that's it. I wish I knew what I know now. I wish I could start all over again. tell the Holy Spirit I don't want to blaspheme him and back in January to God that I love him and thank you for accepting me instead of still fearing him. the voices I heard were tech and God never denied this. but I was able to forgive them instantly and everyone in my life. I miss this so bad when I hear the amen at the end of total praise by Richard Smallwood I cry. I feel so far from God I imagine if I prayed to him he'd pour his wrath on me. please help

https://cprc.co.uk/articles/doesgoddesire/ tell me what you think

 

[for_his_glory]

Bryony that website is Calvinistic in what has been written and comes against scripture.

The Gospel is only hidden from those who even after hearing it preached to them they turn a deaf ear to the word of God. A reprobate mind is someone who has hardened their heart towards the Lord and wants nothing to do with him as they are lovers of self and follow after the lust of the world. You do not have a reprobate heart or else you would not be here.

Pro 3:1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:
Pro 3:2 For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
Pro 3:3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:
Pro 3:4 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Pro 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

You mentioned you put all your past in a box so now burn that box and begin your new Spiritual life in Christ. Read and study His word praying and asking the Holy Spirit to teach you as apart from the Holy Spirit man can teach us nothing. Get involved with Bible studies as there is a Biblical Growth and Study here in the forums with many good teachings. If there is anything you do not understand then there is also the Question and Answer form where you can ask us anything and we will try to help you the best we can. Keep moving forward in the Lord and never look back.

 

[Anaphora]

No one is judging you, Jesus is the judge. Second Corinthians 13:4. For though He was crucified through weakness, yet He lives by the power of God. For we are also weak in Him, but we shall live with Him by the power of God toward you. Power in Greek means =DUNAMIS. First off, Jesus gave us power over satan and evil spirits, when Christian uses Jesus name to order it away. Don't put up with devil or evil spirits. Be as mean as junk yard dog, and send evil spirits back to hell. Jesus did refer to Greek at times. Power was translated from Greek. Only a ignorant person would say different. 13:5. Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus christ is in you, except YE be reprobates. ADOKIMOS in Greek means = reprobates. These group of people won't repent and obey God. Pharaoh was heathen, and had no clue to how to please God. Psalm 34:12. What man is he that desires life, and loves many days, that he may see good? 34:13. Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. 34:15. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Christian people don't gossip, and plot evil. Heathen people are under influence of satan, and theirs list of vices that are demonic, galatians chapter 5, and romans chapter 1:28. . Heretics and false preachers are under satan's sphere of influence. Teaching traditions of men and false doctrine. DOPHIY in Hebrew means = stumbling block. Fake shepherds are blind leaders leading the blind. Its real sad, after 30 years the congregation should be scholar of God's word. False doctrine poisons your mind. You do need STRONGS CONCORDANCE, it has Hebrew and Greek . You have to be able to go back to the original language. And the king James companion bible, which has Hebrew and Greek. Only a ignorant person would say, you don't need the Greek or Hebrew. 34:22. The Lord redeems the soul of His servants; and none of them that trust in Him shall be desolate. Here we go again. REDEEMETH, by power, in Hebrew means = PADAH . See the qualifier, its trust in God. The reprobates don't trust in God, and won't repent. God can be your protection or your judge. Don't listen to ignorant people. God also has spirit of stupor on some people, they have sleeping sickness.

 

[Mujrosh]

I have a complicated history. I don't need a pity party and I put my feelings and past in a box so it can't hurt me anymore. there's been times I've cried but felt God was disgusted by this and quite frankly I am tired, depressed and weary.
I live in a low security mental hospital and have been in hospital for 11 years straight with only 3 months in supported accommodation but this broke down.
I met a guy who became my secret partner for 9 months at a mental health rehab and I thought I was in love with him but due to my childhood I find giving and receiving love quite challenging.
I believe there's more to technology and the spiritual realms that even most seasoned Christians are aware of and I've had some heavy attacks.
this guy who I can't say the name of introduced me to Jesus when I was still into new age. I believed I was right and death was the end unless you transcend to the 5th dimension through trials and forsaking certain bodily experiences. after a while I was more convinced of Jesus but growing up on an isolated farm, home educated by a contrary and abusive mother and having Satanism apart of the mix I had glimpses of Jesus and was interested but my past was against me.
I've had many struggles with the Lord and after watching pastor Charles Lawson I don't believe I am saved. several salvation prayers later something hit me over a month ago thats infected my mind. I would walk around the park getting intrusive thoughts about hating everything.
it was so disturbing I would zone out but still felt God was giving me peace in my heart. now its got so bad its all I hear. even having lewd dreams or on waking. hearing everyone deserves to be killed. being mean to people in my head. short tempered but isolated and lonely and not knowing how to socialise. I don't feel like going out into the world and sinning. without Jesus I am nothing. sometimes I say I hate God or swear at him in my head. but a week ago it wasn't like this. its grown like a poison. I want to be in fellowship with Christ but because I had an experience of true repentance back in January where I thought I was saved by a prayer back in December the month before and God showed me different, I met God and spoke to him directly. spirit to spirit and heart to heart. I craved and longed for that back so much I never knew he was putting me through a salvation experience so I tried to earn it or re enact it. when God told me amazing things he eventually at 7 that morning told me.to open the Bible on the gospel of the resurrection and I became anxious and failed to believe.
since that time the Holy Spirit still convicted me for a while and I was very loving. I miss it all and fear I am a goat and reprobate and will never be forgiven. all I have is negativity in my head I even said proverbs were nonsense. everyday it gets worse . I go to church in the hope of something changing. I never want to hear the word hate ever again. I'm tired. I want to leave this world and society has nothing to offer me. all my old sins are arriving in my head and I feel so far from God all I can do is cry and look up at the clouds and say you hate my guts don't you. I feel undeserving of church and the members kindness and really im going mostly to help my partner who is struggling with demonization. he has a big heart and loves everyone and Jesus and I dont. deep down all I want is salvation. all I want is to be free. but a new condemnation comes up daily that drags me down into a spiral of unworthiness. the medication im on makes me detached so I have no idea how to talk to people like an ordinary person. my partners tears don't move me. I care about him but that's it. I wish I knew what I know now. I wish I could start all over again. tell the Holy Spirit I don't want to blaspheme him and back in January to God that I love him and thank you for accepting me instead of still fearing him. the voices I heard were tech and God never denied this. but I was able to forgive them instantly and everyone in my life. I miss this so bad when I hear the amen at the end of total praise by Richard Smallwood I cry. I feel so far from God I imagine if I prayed to him he'd pour his wrath on me. please help

Hi hello, roshni here from india. Love is the most beautiful thing. Hear the gospel of dj Khaled and Eminem. It will show you struggle of people. "Use this gospel" is the song. I was raped, I took painkillers, and that person is out there laughing now.

 

[electedbyHim]

The bad news is you are a sinner on your way to hell and damnation.

Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gracious gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

But there is the good news

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 10:9-10 that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, leading to righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, leading to salvation.

Romans 10:13 for “WHOEVER CALLS ON THE NAME OF THE LORD WILL BE SAVED.”

I suggest you get on your knees and submit to the Lord Jesus Christ and pour out your heart, ask Him to forgive you for your sins.

Ask him to give you the faith to believe in Him.

If you truly mean this in your heart He will forgive you.

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

Grace and peace to you.