Christ_empowered
Member
Yes, its true; now and then, I post about good+positive things, lol.
Seriously, though...my parents are out of town. Now, I'll soon be 32, so...this really shouldn't be a big deal. Problem is, I have "severe mental illness" (some flavor Bipolar I in my case) and I'm highly stigmatized in a small, southern town. As those of you who read my (many) posts on all this know, people around here in general, especially in this neighborhood, like to yell at me and fun stuff like that. Plus, more than once, I've heard people talking/yelling late at night...and it sounded very close, like they were in the yard (my bedroom is on the 1st floor). My favorite was when some dude with a deep voice and a creepy sounding southern drawl said "he's got 6 months to live!" outside my room at 1ish in the AM. Fun times, lol. That was a couple years ago...
God is good. I'm not freaking out. I --do-- listen to music thru my phone when I'm outside. I just...I don't wanna hear what these people have to say. I've been forced to listen to it for too long already, in my opinion. I'd much rather listen to Nina Simone than deal with neighborhood bullies. Having said that...
...yeah, I'm not freaking out. As usual, I mind my own business. I water the plants, check the mail, get the paper, walk the little house dogs 2x per day, make sure the outdoor cats don't die...no big thing. God has been, and is being, good to me. A big reason I don't freak out is because my parents seem to have forgiven me (despite...everything...), because of Christ's work in my life. That's another topic, but...living as an unforgiven offspring is rough. I get where my parents were coming from, but...it takes a toll. Now that they've forgiven me and we're moving forward, my "mental state" has improved a whole lot, too.
Lucidity helps, too. Gotta say this for The Miracle Meds...they get the job done. I still deal with some voices, but I can tolerate it better. That's whats so interesting about tranquilizers/antipsychotics...for me, at least, Abilify has cut down a lot of the more severe problems, and the ones that remain are easier to handle...because I'm not agitated, severely depressed, etc. etc. etc. Plus, tranquilizers seem to make it easier to spot things coming from my mind and then think "well, why do I have these thoughts coming out as voices?," and that actually sparks some productive prayer and reflection.
Before I Christ blessed me with recovery...lucidity...and sufficient intelligence to pursue my goals...I was an easy target. Even without all the labels and stigma, I was an easy target. I'm labeled as "Schizophrenic" in the community, which apparently means I'm supposed to be living a certain way (not the way I'm living now, it seems), blah blah blah...I'm getting to the point, by God's grace, that I can brush it off. That's how this community works, I guess...small southern towns have their outcasts, and I'm the #1 pariah 'round here. Nothing personal, I suppose.
Now, its...interesting...I'm still stigmatized and low status, but my now "genteel" people take good care of me. That's one thing that bothers me...how in The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep") social class seems to be a bigger issue than in other places. My parents were middle-middle class, now they're somewhere higher on the totem pole, and that's apparently a huge deal around here. I'm happy for them, and they've blessed me with their resources and such, so...that's good...but it bothers me how class conscious southerners are, compared to people in some other parts of the country (and world, I would assume+hope). Around here, it seems to work like this: back in the day, my people were "respectable," so I came from a "nice family." Now, they're somewhere above respectable, and I now hail from a "good family." I'm blessed...and my people are blessed that their years upon years of hard work have been rewarded...but still: the social class (more like a caste) system in The South is apparently a huge deal, and I was oblivious all these years, until...now, basically. Ugh.
I've rambled, per usual. Point is...God has been, and is being, quite kind to me (and my family). His work in my life--and I only got genuinely, truly saved 3 1/2 years ago-- has meant family reconciliation, recovery from my mental problems, and now...I'm learning to lean on The Lord more. He has blessed my parents' hard work with higher status and more compensation, which, these days...seems to be guaranteed no one. In terms of leaning on The Lord...well, I finally got the point where I realized I was mostly in the flesh and a lot of what I wanted was to patch up the flesh, not stand on and live out that I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. So, I prayed about it (I pray a lot), and lately...I think God has been working in my life (and mind, thank goodness) in a big way.
So, yeah...a Praise Report (a long one, of course). I'm getting less and less fearful+timid as Christ works in me. I'm actually beginning to appreciate my life and the good things The Lord has given me instead of ruminating as much on the past (oddly enough...now that I'm in recovery, I'm beginning to realize how much of my past was blasted away by shock) and getting tied up in paranoia, agitation, etc. etc. Miracle meds are a big part of the recovery, but...you can throw all the Rx pills you can at a miserable, unrepentant wretch, and they'll stay miserable, unrepentant, and wretched. Thanks to Jesus, I'm no longer unrepentant, miserable, or wretched. The meds actually work (quite well), and I don't seem to have any major side effects, which is a major blessing (even the newer, overpiced psych meds can cause major problems in a lot of people...).
OK. I'm far less afraid, much less paranoid and agitated, and...at times...I'm genuinely happy, especially when I take time to appreciate my life in Christ.
Seriously, though...my parents are out of town. Now, I'll soon be 32, so...this really shouldn't be a big deal. Problem is, I have "severe mental illness" (some flavor Bipolar I in my case) and I'm highly stigmatized in a small, southern town. As those of you who read my (many) posts on all this know, people around here in general, especially in this neighborhood, like to yell at me and fun stuff like that. Plus, more than once, I've heard people talking/yelling late at night...and it sounded very close, like they were in the yard (my bedroom is on the 1st floor). My favorite was when some dude with a deep voice and a creepy sounding southern drawl said "he's got 6 months to live!" outside my room at 1ish in the AM. Fun times, lol. That was a couple years ago...
God is good. I'm not freaking out. I --do-- listen to music thru my phone when I'm outside. I just...I don't wanna hear what these people have to say. I've been forced to listen to it for too long already, in my opinion. I'd much rather listen to Nina Simone than deal with neighborhood bullies. Having said that...
...yeah, I'm not freaking out. As usual, I mind my own business. I water the plants, check the mail, get the paper, walk the little house dogs 2x per day, make sure the outdoor cats don't die...no big thing. God has been, and is being, good to me. A big reason I don't freak out is because my parents seem to have forgiven me (despite...everything...), because of Christ's work in my life. That's another topic, but...living as an unforgiven offspring is rough. I get where my parents were coming from, but...it takes a toll. Now that they've forgiven me and we're moving forward, my "mental state" has improved a whole lot, too.
Lucidity helps, too. Gotta say this for The Miracle Meds...they get the job done. I still deal with some voices, but I can tolerate it better. That's whats so interesting about tranquilizers/antipsychotics...for me, at least, Abilify has cut down a lot of the more severe problems, and the ones that remain are easier to handle...because I'm not agitated, severely depressed, etc. etc. etc. Plus, tranquilizers seem to make it easier to spot things coming from my mind and then think "well, why do I have these thoughts coming out as voices?," and that actually sparks some productive prayer and reflection.
Before I Christ blessed me with recovery...lucidity...and sufficient intelligence to pursue my goals...I was an easy target. Even without all the labels and stigma, I was an easy target. I'm labeled as "Schizophrenic" in the community, which apparently means I'm supposed to be living a certain way (not the way I'm living now, it seems), blah blah blah...I'm getting to the point, by God's grace, that I can brush it off. That's how this community works, I guess...small southern towns have their outcasts, and I'm the #1 pariah 'round here. Nothing personal, I suppose.
Now, its...interesting...I'm still stigmatized and low status, but my now "genteel" people take good care of me. That's one thing that bothers me...how in The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep") social class seems to be a bigger issue than in other places. My parents were middle-middle class, now they're somewhere higher on the totem pole, and that's apparently a huge deal around here. I'm happy for them, and they've blessed me with their resources and such, so...that's good...but it bothers me how class conscious southerners are, compared to people in some other parts of the country (and world, I would assume+hope). Around here, it seems to work like this: back in the day, my people were "respectable," so I came from a "nice family." Now, they're somewhere above respectable, and I now hail from a "good family." I'm blessed...and my people are blessed that their years upon years of hard work have been rewarded...but still: the social class (more like a caste) system in The South is apparently a huge deal, and I was oblivious all these years, until...now, basically. Ugh.
I've rambled, per usual. Point is...God has been, and is being, quite kind to me (and my family). His work in my life--and I only got genuinely, truly saved 3 1/2 years ago-- has meant family reconciliation, recovery from my mental problems, and now...I'm learning to lean on The Lord more. He has blessed my parents' hard work with higher status and more compensation, which, these days...seems to be guaranteed no one. In terms of leaning on The Lord...well, I finally got the point where I realized I was mostly in the flesh and a lot of what I wanted was to patch up the flesh, not stand on and live out that I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. So, I prayed about it (I pray a lot), and lately...I think God has been working in my life (and mind, thank goodness) in a big way.
So, yeah...a Praise Report (a long one, of course). I'm getting less and less fearful+timid as Christ works in me. I'm actually beginning to appreciate my life and the good things The Lord has given me instead of ruminating as much on the past (oddly enough...now that I'm in recovery, I'm beginning to realize how much of my past was blasted away by shock) and getting tied up in paranoia, agitation, etc. etc. Miracle meds are a big part of the recovery, but...you can throw all the Rx pills you can at a miserable, unrepentant wretch, and they'll stay miserable, unrepentant, and wretched. Thanks to Jesus, I'm no longer unrepentant, miserable, or wretched. The meds actually work (quite well), and I don't seem to have any major side effects, which is a major blessing (even the newer, overpiced psych meds can cause major problems in a lot of people...).
OK. I'm far less afraid, much less paranoid and agitated, and...at times...I'm genuinely happy, especially when I take time to appreciate my life in Christ.
