[__ Prayer __] another PRAISE REPORT...

[Christ_empowered]

...this one from the beach!

I recently turned 33 years old. I was fully expected to be dead --by-- 23. I am now: healthy, smart, bright eyed, more masculine, remarkably...normal. Whole, even. I got saved, by a Miracle, 4 1/2 years ago.

I'm on a lil vacay with my parents. They're in such good spirits! The Lord's work in my life is touching them, I can tell. They took me out to lunch today. Nothin too fancy or whatever (my cuban was awesome, though...), but...I handled being in a public area, surrounded by people very well. I do have a diagnosis of some kinda severe mental "affliction..." either Bipolar I w/ a psychotic component or some kind of "high functioning" Schizophrenia w/ a mood component. Is there a difference between the two? I dunno. At a certain point, I think...madness is madness. You do with it what you can, you know? Most days, I just take 1 Abilify, and that's about it. Keep in mind that when the diagnosis was "severe narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)," I was addicted to prescription uppers and downers, sleeping pills, etc. I was...miserable, wretched, prematurely aged, etc. etc. etc.

Now? OK. I may have the dreaded "Schizophrenia..." or not. I'm not living in darkness and unrepentant sin, doing all kinds of horrible, awful, no good, very bad things and then blaming everyone else for...everything, really. Don't get me wrong; I --do-- think that all people, until Jesus intervenes, are pretty much defined by a combination of: sin, satan, self, death, and the world. Boom. I learned that lil tib bit from the Pentecostals, and its stuck with me ever since.

My parents are so much happier now. The Lord has blessed their financial situation. Mama was able to retire, at long last, from a high pressure job she'd been tired of for a while. Dad's still going strong in his high pressure job, and I think he'll stay until he's good and ready to call it a day. Maybe they'll move away, then? I dunno. We shall see...

But, yeah: God is good! I see now...there was no hope for me, not by worldly means. What hope there might have been for me wasn't offered me because, well..."working class losers," NARCISSISTS," etc. don't matter to the world at large, psychiatrists in particular. Its how the world works, how mental health, inc. deals with troubled people. I get it now, I didn't before.

Yup yup. Another praise report, this one from a lovely beach, on a vacation 10 years after my expected expiration date, with the parents who now love me for who I am now, in Christ Jesus.

PRAISE GOD FOR HIS GOODNESS!!!!

 

[AirDancer]

Amen, Christ_empowered ...amen!

Enjoy your vacation!

 

[Eugene]

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In Jesus you have been made alive from death, you're recognizing it and beginning to live. Praise God!!!

 

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again. i really do appreciate y'all reading these, responding, praying for my family+me (and Verna, too, of course...).

My life now is...remarkably peaceful, even serene, at times. Today, I woke up a bit later than I would have liked (8:00 AM). As usual, there was some still-hot coffee for me, and my parents stocked me up on flavored creamer (laugh all you want to; I have a sweet tooth, and I love caffeine, lol). The Terminix man came by, sprayed outside and inside. Mama's retired now, so she's chilling, de-compressing after working way too long in a high pressure job. The little house dogs ("perma-puppies," as I sometimes call them...) are very happy that she's home 24/7 now. And...

...well, I was fully expected to be dead --by-- 23. As I posted earlier, I recently turned 33, by The Grace of God (!!!). I'm a work-able height now, healthy, smart, and...whole, and becoming more and more who I really am in Christ Jesus as The Lord continues working in my life.

The neighbors are still going at it. I think there's social class issues here. My parents have lived in this place for over 20 years. When they first moved in, the house was a fixer upper like no other (they had to shell out $$$ just to bring it up to code, lol). My parents had just entered the lower rungs of the middle class then. They were (and are) well-educated, white-collar, etc., but...$$$ was an issue.

Now...mama's retired, dad's going strong in his high pressure job. They're not rich, but they're not middle-class, either. God has blessed their decades of hardwork and dedication to each other+their jobs, that's for sure. I'm thankful. Thing is, this is a more lower middle class/working class (but respectable) part of a small, southern town. My parents' house is one of the older houses in this town...1840s, decent yard (big for this part of town, it seems...), etc. I see now that the neighbors who used to laugh about my "rinky dink middle-class family" and call me a "trailer park f@ggot," etc. aren't all that pleased with The Lord's work in reconciling me to my family and raising their social status a bit.

I'm rambling, reflecting, venting....piecing things together, yet again. Thanks for bearing with me. Its interesting. I was diagnosed as "severely narcissistic (NPD)," but...Scripture says nothing about "narcissism." The concept is borrowed from Freud, who clearly developed the idea based on Greco-Roman mythology (the story of Narcissus, the beautiful youth who wasted away, starting at his reflection in the water...).

The Bible --does-- speak a good bit about pride, self-love, haughtiness, arrogance, etc. Thing is...in Scripture, these aren't "disorders," they are sins, bad ones at that.

The Lord has seen fit to spared me throughout, save me, and transform me. I realize now that I am blessed beyond measure, and I am increasingly thankful. As I've mentioned far too many times before, I was given 2x rounds of heavy, involuntary shock "treatments," age 20 and again at age 23. Wiped out most of my life, my personality, my intelligence, my...everything, really.

Now...Scripture says "it is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me," and The Lord has moved in my heart and life in such a way that I am beginning to truly absorb and believe what He says. The Bible also says one must die to be born again. Who I was, what my "issues" were, etc...The Lord spared me when I was who I was, He loved me enough to get me to pray for forigiveness, to be washed and made clean, and...He wasted 0 time in going about making me a new creation in Christ Jesus.

The Lord has willed to return some memories to me. Its interesting. I was ridiculously, obviously wretched, that's for sure...and, like many low-status, stigmatized, wretched human beings, I was met with ridicule, contempt, victimization, and condemnation everywhere I went. I see now that the "professionals" of Mental Health, Inc. are some of the worst offenders when it comes to destroying "weaklings," in the name of "treatment" (and...power, profit, and control, of course...).

These days, I am most definitely --not-- a weakling. I still struggle with pride, self-love, etc., but I'm not warped and deviant, marred and scarred by sin, satan, self, death, and the world. As I've posted about too many times before, I am now labeled "Schizophrenic" in the community, although I think the official label may still be some sort of Bipolar I. Is there a difference? Does it matter? I dunno. My problem with the label of "Schizophrenia" is that its used as a tool to control and invalidate people, more so than the label of "Bipolar I" or most other DSM labels. It isn't just me, and it isn't even just American society, either. Look back at the old USSR. Dissidents, intellectuals, misfits...they were all routinely labeled with various forms of "Schizophrenia," and then kept in long term hospitals against their will for "treatment."

Ugh. Madness...is real. What's odd to me is that when I was out of control, agitated, psychotic, wasting away...I was labeled as a "narcissist," and a "victim of poor life choices," etc. Now, I receive disability (I am --so-- thankful for that, btw...my situation here is such that I doubt anyone will hire me...), but The Lord has willed to make me remarkably normal, and...I'm now considered a "mental patient."

Again, social class issues factor in here, big time. My dad's the payee on disability. I think the SSA saw a "well-to-do" family supporting a dude with a horrible psych history, and figured...alright, fine. Save the people some $$$, put him on disability. Fair enough. The "professionals" at the clinic I go to are more professional towards me, more compassionate, more hands off than any "professionals" of Mental Health, Inc. I've ever dealt with, and I see now...my "genteel" parents are clearly supporting+protecting me, so I am now seeing a different face of the psychiatric establishment than I ever did before.

OK. I've rambled. At the end of the day...ALL good things come from The Lord. His work in my life and my parents' lives is such that...well, I am living with my parents, in peace+safety. They're not angry at me or scared of me, or bitter and frustrated by the very sight of me. I've finally come to the point where I pray to God that He will use His work in my life to facilitate The Lord's work in their lives, too.

I think it's 'bout time to wrap this bad boy up, lol. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the replies, support, encouragement, and prayers.

 

[DavidC]

That's cool. God is good!