Gordon
Member
Yhea I guess since I asked for this to be a main forum I should put my testimony here. Thanks Nick.
I became a Christian as a boy and I don't think my faith was ever stronger than when I was 5 or 6. I used to pray and imagine God making me a warrior angel. Some kids want to be a fireman I wanted to be a warrior angel. Things didn't continue so well between me and God or my parents. We fought and I became very disobedient. I guess mainly I didn't feel loved. I swore at them and they said some horrible stuff to me which led me to feel very alone. I think this contributed to me developing social anxiety. So I kind of turned into a loner didn't go to church, didn't pray, wasn't spiritual at all. Had a few friends not many. I never heard about God in my daily life anymore and I guess I came to feel I didn't need him. I figured yhea religion, that would be a good thing to think about when I am old like my parents.
I started dating very late in life because of my social anxiety. I dated a girl and dumped her then I dated a girl very briefly and fell in love with her. I worked with her and she basically broke my heart and left me devestated. She treated me horrible dated and slept with other people but we never went all the way when we were together. I felt horrible and hated and loved her. I was very messed up. So I decided my revenge would be sleeping with as many women as I can. I found an online community that taught men how to have sex with women very quickly. It was just horrible at first but I was learning. Then after rejection after rejection it started working. I was becoming "cool" in my head. I did stuff I am still slightly impressed with today unfortunately. So I go back to the job she is still at and now that I am cool she is nice to me. It looks like she wants to get back together with me. So I tell her I came back because I love her which is a lie. So she goes through this giant guilt trip over all she has done then I just quit.
In order to get over the anxiety and accomplish all this I got into meditation and New age. I was contacting my spirit guide (demons) and applying the law of attraction and New age ideas to my life. Unfortunately all the brain washing and hypnosis I did to myself to overcome my fears and phobias has upset the chemical balance in my brain and now I have a mental illness. I don't realize this and am not getting treatment.
So in a downward spiral of casual sex, mental illness, and complete isolation I am falling apart. I start to lose my grip on reality and feel everyone is against me even my parents. I quit my good job I worked very hard to get and start traveling the country with no one but God who never forsook me. I get in and out of a mental illness clinic after an arrest. Meanwhile my family who has no idea where I am is having everyone they can pray from me. As a miracle no harm came to me despite my irrational behavior toward other people. Suddenly I have clarity of thought I should go home. I really believe this thought came from God as it made no sense to me. I pull out my phone and call home and my mom distraught answers. Where are you? Oklahoma. Come home. Yhea I think I will.
After getting treatment and medication I am starting over and focusing my life on the most important relationship I completely forgot about. In everything I did I found no meaning until I focused on God and what he has done for me. Despite how offensive what I was doing was he never forsook me. There is no one in the world that can measure up to Christ. I could be a dead new age "player" and that would have been it. Instead I was lost and was found again and angels in heaven celebrated.
I became a Christian as a boy and I don't think my faith was ever stronger than when I was 5 or 6. I used to pray and imagine God making me a warrior angel. Some kids want to be a fireman I wanted to be a warrior angel. Things didn't continue so well between me and God or my parents. We fought and I became very disobedient. I guess mainly I didn't feel loved. I swore at them and they said some horrible stuff to me which led me to feel very alone. I think this contributed to me developing social anxiety. So I kind of turned into a loner didn't go to church, didn't pray, wasn't spiritual at all. Had a few friends not many. I never heard about God in my daily life anymore and I guess I came to feel I didn't need him. I figured yhea religion, that would be a good thing to think about when I am old like my parents.
I started dating very late in life because of my social anxiety. I dated a girl and dumped her then I dated a girl very briefly and fell in love with her. I worked with her and she basically broke my heart and left me devestated. She treated me horrible dated and slept with other people but we never went all the way when we were together. I felt horrible and hated and loved her. I was very messed up. So I decided my revenge would be sleeping with as many women as I can. I found an online community that taught men how to have sex with women very quickly. It was just horrible at first but I was learning. Then after rejection after rejection it started working. I was becoming "cool" in my head. I did stuff I am still slightly impressed with today unfortunately. So I go back to the job she is still at and now that I am cool she is nice to me. It looks like she wants to get back together with me. So I tell her I came back because I love her which is a lie. So she goes through this giant guilt trip over all she has done then I just quit.
In order to get over the anxiety and accomplish all this I got into meditation and New age. I was contacting my spirit guide (demons) and applying the law of attraction and New age ideas to my life. Unfortunately all the brain washing and hypnosis I did to myself to overcome my fears and phobias has upset the chemical balance in my brain and now I have a mental illness. I don't realize this and am not getting treatment.
So in a downward spiral of casual sex, mental illness, and complete isolation I am falling apart. I start to lose my grip on reality and feel everyone is against me even my parents. I quit my good job I worked very hard to get and start traveling the country with no one but God who never forsook me. I get in and out of a mental illness clinic after an arrest. Meanwhile my family who has no idea where I am is having everyone they can pray from me. As a miracle no harm came to me despite my irrational behavior toward other people. Suddenly I have clarity of thought I should go home. I really believe this thought came from God as it made no sense to me. I pull out my phone and call home and my mom distraught answers. Where are you? Oklahoma. Come home. Yhea I think I will.
After getting treatment and medication I am starting over and focusing my life on the most important relationship I completely forgot about. In everything I did I found no meaning until I focused on God and what he has done for me. Despite how offensive what I was doing was he never forsook me. There is no one in the world that can measure up to Christ. I could be a dead new age "player" and that would have been it. Instead I was lost and was found again and angels in heaven celebrated.
