[__ Praise __] apparently, my dreams came true

[Christ_empowered]

i say 'apparently,' because...wow. 2 rounds of involuntary shock 'treatment,' some sort of involuntary brain operation (no, really), years in barely buffered poverty (may God bless my long suffering parents, btw), and...and...

well, I got truly saved 8 years ago. I still think it was more Jesus dealing with me than me "making a decision for Christ," which kind of reinforces all the Calvinist material I was inundated with, earlier. maybe not. that's neither here nor there...

at age 36, I have been made: healthy! bright eyed! surprisingly smart! and...wait for it, wait for it...-normal- enough to be in society, not a group home or what's left of the state hospital. and...

my long suffering, loving parents seem to have at least reconciled with me, Praise God (!). Forgiveness? I dunno. I really...don't know. I'm actually welcome at their home...I have my own key, actually...and they have seen to it that I can have as normal a life as possible, despite how wretched and ridiculous I was, pre-Jesus, and honestly...

-sigh- till fairly recently. ugh. lots of people...need miracles. I don't know if The Lord's work in my life and my parents' life meets the criteria for "miracles" (whose criteria? The Magisterium? RC Sproul?), but...extreme divine intervention, yes. yes, yes, yes. And I am increasingly grateful, amen.

I know I write about how I have a "high IQ (estimate)" now. It isn't pride, per se. my 145-150 IQ estimate is not a mark of superiority or anything, its just...well, its apparently the numbers in my (I imagine extensive) psych file, now. God is Love. God is Good. That I'd have a "high IQ (estimate)" after being destroyed by my own sins and "the way the world works" (yes, that includes mental health, inc.) speaks volumes about the loving, merciful, gracious God we serve...

what does it say about me? -shrug- I started out with a 120 (yes, I know this...long story...), and, honestly; I often wanted to be a genius, to have a high IQ at least. true story. now, I have the "high IQ (estimate)" and...

my writing is better, my social skills are adequate, my conversational skills are good...and I (seem to) understand the world around me better, well enough, anyway...

despite my psych labels (right now, its "schizoaffective, bipolar type") and my horror movie worthy 'treatment,' and my own sins, and...and...

oh, I'm no longer homely. I wouldn't say I'm a sexxxy beast, but...I'm healthy, apparently I look noticeably younger than my age, I'm average height, and I'm not homely. this is much, much better than being a sickly, rapidly aging, short, flamboyantly gay and homely individual, amen.

I entitled this praise report "apparently, my dreams came true" because...honestly, this didn't happen over night, some of it happened before I came to -truly- know Jesus (hair somehow grew back, got taller), and...and...

-sigh- All Good things come from The Lord. Glory to God, amen.

for those of you here who keep up with my (many, many, many) posts, this is sort of a rehash, I know. And, honestly, it is...it is a rehash, because I need to rehash His work in my life, because...

-sigh- taunting, bullying continues. Today, I stopped by my parents' place. on the way in, per usual, some of their neighbors out back yelled out "how we -feel about you- ," and today it was: "you're nothing -special- ," etc. see...with a diagnosis of HIV+, a history of drug abuse (mine were actually prescribed by 'well respected' psychiatrists, but...its never the shrink's fault, always the patient's fault...), and years spent in poverty, unable to work and never given treatment for the HIV+, etc., plus run ins with the law, and...and...

blah blah blah. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves you, too. I never really was a member of any community, just some flamer who was supposed to go to juvenile detention (didn't happen, thank God), supposed to be put in prison, now I"m apparently "supposed to be in the state hospital," and so...

I thank The Lord for His mercy and Love. I don't -enjoy- the put downs, the ridicule, but...I'm learning to lean on Him and bear up under it, better than before. helps that I've "recovered," according to the mental health people (From...what, exactly? LOL). more like...

By His grace, my senses have been restored unto me. God is Good. God is Love.

 

[Tessa]

I knew someone who had a very bad accident. He was in hospital a long while and they put him on strong painkillers. When he returned home his doctor prescribed the same medication and he became addicted to them. After that he suffered with deep depression and people were telling h to 'climb out of it.' The worse thing you can do. Sometimes a person can be so badly affected that it is impossible to do it without somebody helping you out.
Whether it is depression or anything else.
The biggest help you had CE was from The Lord. As if He bent down stretched His hand out for yours and pulled you out.
Praise to The Lord indeed. He loves you very much.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks yet again, Tessa . what a kind soul.

1st thanks is to The Lord. A not at all distant 2nd is to my loving, long suffering parents. truth? I don't 'live large' (LOL) or anything, but...I couldn't handle poverty. it wasn't just lack of -stuff- , it was...the social aspect, I think, too. More than lack of material things...

and, with all the stigma added on, it was the vulnerability of low status, very little stuff and resources, plus...pressure. oh my goodness, what poor people go thru in The South. -eek-

so, now, I don't have hardly anything of my own...

but I live a decent, modest lifestyle. And the thing is...if it wasn't for my parents drawing closer to me, reconciling with me, etc., someone would probably beat me up. I know this because people yell about it, and I hear it (because they apparently really -need- me to know what they'd do to me, ;if it wasn't for his family,' blah blah blah).

i dunno. I'm labeled with psych junk, which...??? what to make of it? especially since no one really asks my opinion on the situation? lol. not complaining. The Lord has made good of it for me, kinda like Romans 8:28 , and...

yeah. yeah. sometimes, I'd like to move, but...nah, not so much. I'd need to be near family, and none of my extended family has the least bit of interest in me, honestly. I mean...I think my dad may have decided to forgive me, so that helps, but...only so much. 'wherever you go, there you are.' wise words.

when I got truly saved, things were looking -bleak- , as in...get ready for a felony - level bleak. -sigh- ended up with a reduced charge, probation...

7 years after sentencing, my life is vastly improved, Praise God. I dunno. I don't really see a j-o-b in my future, not because I don't want to work, but because I doubt anyone will hire me, if I did get hired I'd also be let go at the drop of a hat, and...and...

? so, what? 'some people don't work' -- that's what a lady who'd lived in poverty her whole life told me. Its sinking in, now. be thankful, right? I am, increasingly thankful.

 

[Truthfrees]

amen - rejoicing with you

 

[Marianne333]

i say 'apparently,' because...wow. 2 rounds of involuntary shock 'treatment,' some sort of involuntary brain operation (no, really), years in barely buffered poverty (may God bless my long suffering parents, btw), and...and...

well, I got truly saved 8 years ago. I still think it was more Jesus dealing with me than me "making a decision for Christ," which kind of reinforces all the Calvinist material I was inundated with, earlier. maybe not. that's neither here nor there...

at age 36, I have been made: healthy! bright eyed! surprisingly smart! and...wait for it, wait for it...-normal- enough to be in society, not a group home or what's left of the state hospital. and...

my long suffering, loving parents seem to have at least reconciled with me, Praise God (!). Forgiveness? I dunno. I really...don't know. I'm actually welcome at their home...I have my own key, actually...and they have seen to it that I can have as normal a life as possible, despite how wretched and ridiculous I was, pre-Jesus, and honestly...

-sigh- till fairly recently. ugh. lots of people...need miracles. I don't know if The Lord's work in my life and my parents' life meets the criteria for "miracles" (whose criteria? The Magisterium? RC Sproul?), but...extreme divine intervention, yes. yes, yes, yes. And I am increasingly grateful, amen.

I know I write about how I have a "high IQ (estimate)" now. It isn't pride, per se. my 145-150 IQ estimate is not a mark of superiority or anything, its just...well, its apparently the numbers in my (I imagine extensive) psych file, now. God is Love. God is Good. That I'd have a "high IQ (estimate)" after being destroyed by my own sins and "the way the world works" (yes, that includes mental health, inc.) speaks volumes about the loving, merciful, gracious God we serve...

what does it say about me? -shrug- I started out with a 120 (yes, I know this...long story...), and, honestly; I often wanted to be a genius, to have a high IQ at least. true story. now, I have the "high IQ (estimate)" and...

my writing is better, my social skills are adequate, my conversational skills are good...and I (seem to) understand the world around me better, well enough, anyway...

despite my psych labels (right now, its "schizoaffective, bipolar type") and my horror movie worthy 'treatment,' and my own sins, and...and...

oh, I'm no longer homely. I wouldn't say I'm a sexxxy beast, but...I'm healthy, apparently I look noticeably younger than my age, I'm average height, and I'm not homely. this is much, much better than being a sickly, rapidly aging, short, flamboyantly gay and homely individual, amen.

I entitled this praise report "apparently, my dreams came true" because...honestly, this didn't happen over night, some of it happened before I came to -truly- know Jesus (hair somehow grew back, got taller), and...and...

-sigh- All Good things come from The Lord. Glory to God, amen.

for those of you here who keep up with my (many, many, many) posts, this is sort of a rehash, I know. And, honestly, it is...it is a rehash, because I need to rehash His work in my life, because...

-sigh- taunting, bullying continues. Today, I stopped by my parents' place. on the way in, per usual, some of their neighbors out back yelled out "how we -feel about you- ," and today it was: "you're nothing -special- ," etc. see...with a diagnosis of HIV+, a history of drug abuse (mine were actually prescribed by 'well respected' psychiatrists, but...its never the shrink's fault, always the patient's fault...), and years spent in poverty, unable to work and never given treatment for the HIV+, etc., plus run ins with the law, and...and...

blah blah blah. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves you, too. I never really was a member of any community, just some flamer who was supposed to go to juvenile detention (didn't happen, thank God), supposed to be put in prison, now I"m apparently "supposed to be in the state hospital," and so...

I thank The Lord for His mercy and Love. I don't -enjoy- the put downs, the ridicule, but...I'm learning to lean on Him and bear up under it, better than before. helps that I've "recovered," according to the mental health people (From...what, exactly? LOL). more like...

By His grace, my senses have been restored unto me. God is Good. God is Love.

Glad to hear you are doing so well. Praise the Lord. It is uplifting to read your testimony. Let Him keep the good works in you