I know physical attraction is a big topic. It is something I def wonder about at times in terms of its importance. Personally I would like my mate to be pretty initially but I have met women who were not that attractive to me and they began to look better as I got to know them. Has anyone ever had the experience of dating a super hot person that caused some problems with you that probably wouldn't have happened with someone who just looked average? Is there a balance that needs to be found between physical beauty and inner beauty?
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Can having a mate that is too attractive be unhealthy?
- Thread starter carbin14
- Start date
handy
Member
I dated a 'super hottie' at one point in time. Glossy black hair that shone almost blue in the sunlight, sky blue eyes, olive complexion, white teeth, broad shoulders, six-pack abs...
Outside of my husband, he was the guy who treated me (cute as a button but not exactly Cindy Crawford) the best. He had the utmost respect for me, was fun, romantic...everything a girl could want. Also, girls did not hit on him as we were out...something that did happen with other boyfriends...heck, women hit on my husband even. But not him. Could be they were just too intimidated by his looks.
He was also the one who was by far the most mature in his spiritual walk.
Really, out of all the guys I dated, including the one I was actually engaged to prior to meeting my husband, he was the one who would have been the best husband. But, I moved back home all the way across country (he in NC, me in CA) and we just couldn't make the relationship work long distance.
He's probably chubby, gray and all wrinkly by now...after all it's been almost 25 years ago...but, I bet his spiritual walk is stronger than ever and he a true man of God. Whomever he married, I'm sure she is blessed beyond measure.
Outside of my husband, he was the guy who treated me (cute as a button but not exactly Cindy Crawford) the best. He had the utmost respect for me, was fun, romantic...everything a girl could want. Also, girls did not hit on him as we were out...something that did happen with other boyfriends...heck, women hit on my husband even. But not him. Could be they were just too intimidated by his looks.
He was also the one who was by far the most mature in his spiritual walk.
Really, out of all the guys I dated, including the one I was actually engaged to prior to meeting my husband, he was the one who would have been the best husband. But, I moved back home all the way across country (he in NC, me in CA) and we just couldn't make the relationship work long distance.
He's probably chubby, gray and all wrinkly by now...after all it's been almost 25 years ago...but, I bet his spiritual walk is stronger than ever and he a true man of God. Whomever he married, I'm sure she is blessed beyond measure.
Thanks for your input Dora. He sounded like a real winner. Maybe it is just the way I am built but I haven't found a situation like that which was healthy for me. Having a very attractive woman and having a completely healthy relationship has always been hard for me. Usually I felt like she will cheat on me or I couldn't be myself. I know it is something the Lord must work on me with. But I also find a balance seems to be struck when I don't date someone as attractive.
handy
Member
Sounds as if you do have some self image issues...something the Lord needs to work on indeed.
It's one thing to see anyone's "inner beauty" and not make physical beauty top of the list ... it's another to take relationship advice from Jimmy Soul* because you automatically think a pretty woman would cheat on you.
The best advice of all is to simply develop your walk with God, and as you grow in His grace, you'll also grow to see what the Lord sees in a potential mate.
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk
It's one thing to see anyone's "inner beauty" and not make physical beauty top of the list ... it's another to take relationship advice from Jimmy Soul* because you automatically think a pretty woman would cheat on you.
The best advice of all is to simply develop your walk with God, and as you grow in His grace, you'll also grow to see what the Lord sees in a potential mate.
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk
HisSheep
Member
...Ever heard the classic 1963 Jimmy Soul song "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life"? It's an early example of a "brainworm".
Here's a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKzacHbsBJM&feature=related
Here are the lyrics:
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Spoken:
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!
Honestly Bro, seek first the Kingdom and marry the woman that God gives you to be your helpmate. That way, you're sure to do well. Trust me; if God intends to give you a wife, she will practically fall into your lap from His hand. Don't be like Samson in Judges 14:3! He ended up treading grain with his eyes gouged out. Learn from his mistake!
-HisSheep
Here's a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKzacHbsBJM&feature=related
Here are the lyrics:
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Spoken:
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!
Honestly Bro, seek first the Kingdom and marry the woman that God gives you to be your helpmate. That way, you're sure to do well. Trust me; if God intends to give you a wife, she will practically fall into your lap from His hand. Don't be like Samson in Judges 14:3! He ended up treading grain with his eyes gouged out. Learn from his mistake!
-HisSheep
Mike
Member
I remember the feeling of #1 being over my head, and #2 always wondering how often she would be getting hit on whether I was there or not.
Even when my wife of now 20 years, I thought nearly every day - why is she with me?
But women aren't less Godly as they are more beautiful (from society's perspective), and it doesn't get automatically get easier when they aren't. They're all messing with our heads!
Seriously, if she's drawn to Christ, and you find that she's drawn to you, she's just a child of God. There's nothing better for a Godly woman to do than commit herself to her man, and nothing better for a Godly man to do for his woman.
If her heart belongs to Christ and she shares it with you, just love her and give thanks to the Lord.
Welcome, by the way!
Even when my wife of now 20 years, I thought nearly every day - why is she with me?
But women aren't less Godly as they are more beautiful (from society's perspective), and it doesn't get automatically get easier when they aren't. They're all messing with our heads!
Seriously, if she's drawn to Christ, and you find that she's drawn to you, she's just a child of God. There's nothing better for a Godly woman to do than commit herself to her man, and nothing better for a Godly man to do for his woman.If her heart belongs to Christ and she shares it with you, just love her and give thanks to the Lord.
Welcome, by the way!
handy
Member
Classik
Member
Oooooooh Myyyyyy God!
I dated a physically beautiful girl once,
I loved it when a guy came up and was hitting on her, and she turned to look at me, and we just smiled.
Sadly, identical twins and I met the other first...the married one. Nothing like feeling like your cheating when your kissing the face of a married woman.
If you feel like the other person is doing you a favor or making you feel like you should bow to them daily for staying with you, the relationship can't last.
Or the reverse, that the better looking is a saint for staying.
No matter how good either looks, there has to be respect for each other and even more, respect for oneself.
Jealousy should be Zealousy, zeal for lousy. There is no relationship based on jealousy. Once you don't trust them, the relationships over. No DNA test, no detective following the person, the trust is gone, the relationship is over. Who ever put the distrust there is at fault.
The most beautiful girl in the world has a weakness or fault, something a mate can support, protect, reinforce. No person on earth is perfect by themselves.
I loved it when a guy came up and was hitting on her, and she turned to look at me, and we just smiled.
Sadly, identical twins and I met the other first...the married one. Nothing like feeling like your cheating when your kissing the face of a married woman.
If you feel like the other person is doing you a favor or making you feel like you should bow to them daily for staying with you, the relationship can't last.
Or the reverse, that the better looking is a saint for staying.
No matter how good either looks, there has to be respect for each other and even more, respect for oneself.
Jealousy should be Zealousy, zeal for lousy. There is no relationship based on jealousy. Once you don't trust them, the relationships over. No DNA test, no detective following the person, the trust is gone, the relationship is over. Who ever put the distrust there is at fault.
The most beautiful girl in the world has a weakness or fault, something a mate can support, protect, reinforce. No person on earth is perfect by themselves.
Annointed1980
Member
I had sort of a reverse issue with my ex-wife.
She was gorgeous, and a popular local musician, on the hip-hop (secular) scene. There were always rooms full of guys hitting on her and she played the typical public figure role, smiled, accepted their kindnesses, she hugged many, little pecks on the cheek here and there, but nothing that ever had me threatened. I made it through perfectly comfortable.
About halfway through our marriage, she began to think I was cheating on her. I was working as a school bus driver at the time. She accused me affairs both straight and homosexual. It drove her so up the wall that she began to compile "evidence" (of deeds undone). She was digging so deep, that her compiled evidence would convince me if I was on a jury that I myself was cheating. She was wrong however, and after a one year separation, in which she moved away, she finally got a new boyfriend.
We were divorced for a full year before I ever even removed my ring. She and I had been best friends for 9 years.
MY POINT: There is no stereotype that fits anything, at all, ever. Every situation is as unique as the people involved in it. Considering no two people are the same, no two relationships situations will ever be the same.
She was gorgeous, and a popular local musician, on the hip-hop (secular) scene. There were always rooms full of guys hitting on her and she played the typical public figure role, smiled, accepted their kindnesses, she hugged many, little pecks on the cheek here and there, but nothing that ever had me threatened. I made it through perfectly comfortable.
About halfway through our marriage, she began to think I was cheating on her. I was working as a school bus driver at the time. She accused me affairs both straight and homosexual. It drove her so up the wall that she began to compile "evidence" (of deeds undone). She was digging so deep, that her compiled evidence would convince me if I was on a jury that I myself was cheating. She was wrong however, and after a one year separation, in which she moved away, she finally got a new boyfriend.
We were divorced for a full year before I ever even removed my ring. She and I had been best friends for 9 years.
MY POINT: There is no stereotype that fits anything, at all, ever. Every situation is as unique as the people involved in it. Considering no two people are the same, no two relationships situations will ever be the same.
JohnEboy1983
Member
Im a little late on the topic but I just want to say that even a couple men in the bible had this problem. Ask Abraham and Isaac who feared for their life that they would say their wife was their sister....haha, although Abraham did have a little truth in that statement. Anyways, they had beautiful wives and God still looked out over them. In other scenarios you have a man like Uriah with the beautiful Bathsheba and he did lose his life over her beauty because it caused David to do what he did. I suppose what it comes down to is whether you are very beautiful or good looking or not so good looking....i wouldnt let that be something that would scare me off from marrying somebody if they loved you just as much. I do believe the temptations for the one receiving so much attention could be greater in some circumstances though. And to Annointed1980, Sorry to hear that brother. Sounds like a very painful experience to be confronted when you were innocent and to have your marriage ruined over it.
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